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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to not agree with parents who still don't take Covid seriously enough

328 replies

HipsterMum · 11/01/2022 21:27

Alright here it goes another Covid related post. My husband and I lost 3 relatives due to Covid so we take it quite seriously. We have 2 kids and at the very start of pandemic we made a decision to have them stay at home with us and not in nurseries for a good year but obviously since our oldest has started school that was no longer possible. We both however still work from home.
We do socialize with people but take all the precautions we can (vaccinated/ meet outdoors with others/ masks at all times even outside / ldfs). I do however struggle to understand how even after all this time people do not follow those simple instructions (both vaccinated and unvaccinated).

So a recent incident that changed my relationship with another mum from my sons class (we were really friendly before). Lets call her Mandy. She is not Mandy 🙂Nothing against Mandys though. Anyway... So I was told that she had tested positive for covid 8 days ago over holiday period by her ex partner who dropped off her son. He told me that they've not had much contact with her since then so were not certain if she was feeling better and was gonna do a pick up (they take it in turns). I was invited with my youngest and my son for a cup of tea at hers after school by this other mum whose son my kid is also friends with. As I mentioned earlier we really try to take any precautions we can and I only said yes assuming it was just going to be for an hour or so and just us. I also only just gotten my booster jab a day earlier so really it wouldn't have had any effect yet in terms of giving me protection. So long story short at the pick up I see Mandy from the distance not wearing a mask and just chatting away with everyone. She mentions that its been 8 days now since first symptoms and that she didn't have it too bad just like a simple cold. Anyways.. we get going and happened to all be going together in the same direction. Kids being annoying little kids start saying that they were going to each others houses ... Mandys boy has a fit saying ' I want to go to his house too right now can we, can we '. And really in a very childish way Mandy goes 'aw darling you see you weren't invited this time'. I mean needless to say her boy starts being hysterical instantly . (What parent says things like that????) My other mum friend then goes ' well you can of course come too if you want' and then asks me if I wouldn't mind of course. I hate being put in this position but I had to be honest. I said that I ' ve only just gotten my booster jab and considering that its not been full 10 days since she had tested positive I don't think it would be wise. I apologised and said not to take it personally. I felt horrible that very instance. Her kid started crying , she was giving me really awful looks, my kid kept on asking me if we were going or not, my other friend felt awkward.

Guys I am honestly not a paranoid person but we all have different situations. I would have never thought of going out for the first time ( well 8 days after) and straight to other peoples houses without a mask. I mean how can you be certain if you are not contagious still?? We are having old friends coming over from Italy for a few days and my friend is 6 months pregnant. They are isolating before and asked us to be careful too. I cannot put her at risk . And regardless we all have our situations and sometimes as a result of Covid we just can't meet up with the same amount of people that we want. Needless to say that Mandy got very offended with me. Said I made a big deal over nothing because she was probably no longer contagious. That I made her son really upset. Ignores me during pick ups and drop offs. I feel so guilty although I was just being honest.

OP posts:
Tiredmum100 · 12/01/2022 21:04

I don't think you like Mandy very much.

HipsterMum · 12/01/2022 21:07

@EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall

You are the one who said you don't want to risk it because of your friend

"Or you believe is is more likely to pass on Covid because she is simply a foreigner?"

Oh do behave yourself 🙄

So????? I didn't take the risk being in a closed space with someone who just came out of isolation and 'probably were no longer contagious'. This is becoming a broken phone sort of comedy. What my friend coming from Italy, airport full of people has got to do with that. You have no idea how many tests people have to do to get on the plane these days not knowing if the rules would change as soon as they land or if they would need to isolate in special hotels and pay thousands for that. People who travel these days do it mostly out of necessity. Mandy on the other hand is not bothered about taking an lfd test because she is 'probably no longer contagious anyway' and wants to be invited to every single indoor gathering and then if you dare to refuse she will hate you forever and make a big deal. Complete insanity
OP posts:
HipsterMum · 12/01/2022 21:10

@notyouagainn

I think your fine to do that and other people should understand. If she's being funny about it she is being unreasonable. If the other friend hadn't checked with you then you probably would have had to bow out but as she did you were right to say how you feel.
I offered to re arrange for another time with my friend straightaway. I would have made zero deal about it nor used my son to make everyone feel shit about it.
OP posts:
HipsterMum · 12/01/2022 21:11

@Tiredmum100

I don't think you like Mandy very much.
Nah Mandy is alright.
OP posts:
EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 12/01/2022 21:21

I am perfectly aware what tests people have to take and from italy to Scotland it's not many at all. Unless unvaccinated

I'm also perfectly aware that no one knows if the rules will change at any minute. It's something I have to concider every time my dc go to visit their dad

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 12/01/2022 21:21

But you don't know that she didn't do lfts?!

YANBU in being totally OTT about covid, that is you choice to make, but YABU to judge others for following government guidelines and setting your own benchmark on what you think is taking it seriously enough.

TakeMe2Insanity · 12/01/2022 21:23

@Hospedia

If she's out of isolation after eight days rather than ten it means she tested negative on both day 6 and day 7 of her isolation, in which case she's no longer considered contagious so is fine to be out of isolation and no more of a risk to you than the friend that you did go for a cup of tea with (in fact Mandy is probably less of a risk now that she's immune for a while).
It could even be 5 days under whatever are the latest regulations HOWEVER a person could be still be testing positive. The person wouldn’t know unless they tested to check.

YANBU.

HipsterMum · 12/01/2022 21:29

@Hellodarknessmyoldpal

But you don't know that she didn't do lfts?!

YANBU in being totally OTT about covid, that is you choice to make, but YABU to judge others for following government guidelines and setting your own benchmark on what you think is taking it seriously enough.

Government guidance is to avoid close contact with other households until full 10 days have passed. Yes that's even after being out of isolation on day 7 you are still strongly encouraged to use common sense. How do I know about her not taking an lfd test? Well here i was already told that it is ridiculous to expect someone to share their medical history and examinations with me. Mandy said she couldn't find any lfd tests and there were really none in the area for weeks now. But the thread is about me being rude to mandy I've known for 2 months and being and overly paranoid person apparently so you are not keeping up with the times 😀
OP posts:
HipsterMum · 12/01/2022 21:33

*lfts even my phone is tired of this thread already 😀

OP posts:
HipsterMum · 12/01/2022 21:34

@EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall

I am perfectly aware what tests people have to take and from italy to Scotland it's not many at all. Unless unvaccinated

I'm also perfectly aware that no one knows if the rules will change at any minute. It's something I have to concider every time my dc go to visit their dad

OK....... what that has got to do with a school drama over not getting a playdate invite?
OP posts:
Theluggage15 · 12/01/2022 21:35

You know there’s a covid board where you can carry on this nonsense with fellow covid obsessives. So fucking tedious

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 12/01/2022 21:39

I've tried to keep up but the last couple of updates have been a bit confusing to be honest. Your OP and early updates don't mention she said she couldn't find any lfts, this quite important piece of information has only appeared now. That aside you don't need to ask her if she's done them, we all to some extend need to trust that others are following guidance and doing the right thing which in her case would be doing lfts on days 6&7. Your other friend may have been asymptomatic and not doing lfts. You can't be sure, you have to assume everyone is taking responsibility for themselves and you can then decide the amount of risk you are willing to take.
In the situation you describe I think i would have said 'you two go ahead and ill catch you another time once my friend's visit is out the way' as noone else seemed to feel uncomfortable with the suggestion.

Bouncer500 · 12/01/2022 21:40

I think you should have gone home yourself not dictated who could go to your friend's house.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 12/01/2022 21:43

Fuck all, don't know why you brought it up.

Although it's not about a school drama play date, it's about you judging mandy, who obviously isn't that close to you if you only found out this morning from her ex that she had covid

Seeing as he didn't know how she was doing I doubt you really do , or if she took lfds

LettertoHermoine · 12/01/2022 21:45

Ridiculous, rude and a little bit sad.

HipsterMum · 12/01/2022 21:48

@Bouncer500

I think you should have gone home yourself not dictated who could go to your friend's house.
I was originally the one invited by my friend who we are close with. As it was pre arranged I brought my baby along too. Mandy was just walking in the same direction and started to play along that 'her son wasn't invited'. This was utterly ridiculous. I am tired of repeating the same thing. I expressed my concern and suggested to rearrange. My friend insisted on me coming and agreeing something with mandy another time . Thats the last time I am going to repeat that. I will crawl tomorrow on my knees and apologize to Mandy for the 10th time having so deeply offended her.
OP posts:
HipsterMum · 12/01/2022 21:54

@EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall

Fuck all, don't know why you brought it up.

Although it's not about a school drama play date, it's about you judging mandy, who obviously isn't that close to you if you only found out this morning from her ex that she had covid

Seeing as he didn't know how she was doing I doubt you really do , or if she took lfds

I simply said that I wasn't comfortable being in a closed space just yet with her because of my OWN personal situation. I said it honestly, not behind her back like most of your probably would, explained my reasons, apologised and carried on being friendly every time I saw her since. She is the one who made a ridiculously big deal.
OP posts:
HipsterMum · 12/01/2022 21:54

@LettertoHermoine

Ridiculous, rude and a little bit sad.
Agree 😀
OP posts:
Ofcourse91 · 12/01/2022 22:10

"But they do know they have no grandparents left because of covid"

then....

"Same way as I had to make a decision not to take my son to a birthday party just before Christmas because his vulnerable grandfather was coming over a few days later and I thought that was a reasonable thing to do."

Confused
Whitegrenache · 12/01/2022 22:16

@RocketSurgeon

Hummus???

In my part of the UK all the hipsters have moved on to Fattoush.

Shock

🤣🤣🤣
SantaClawsServiette · 12/01/2022 22:29

In a lot of places the isolation time is moving to 5 days now, without any test required.

I expect Mandy was fine.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 12/01/2022 23:18

So how many days is she on now if she's been ignoring you in the playground? Chances are at 8 days she wasn't infectious and if she was her son could catch it and pass it on to your dc through school.

If you aren't going out and wfh then your dc being in school is the main risk factor .

Personally I didnt visit family members who are cv while there were cases in school or if I'd been in contact with people I knew had covid . That included staying away from my dil while she was pregnant. my friend had covid in Oct 2020 and the baby had to be delivered early and they were both extremely ill though.

Right now it's everywhere , so not easy to avoid. I've just had it for the 2nd time, I caught it off ds1 who most likely got it when he had minor surgery in hospital .

It's far better to stay away from people who are at risk if you can when you have dc at school. Saying that I've had it twice and didn't pass it on to my dc ds3 had it and we didn't catch it, ds2 had it and again we didn't get it from him so it's all totally random.

I was double vacc the first time I got it and double vacc plus booster this time

Alliswells · 13/01/2022 00:06

I like Mandy

notyouagainn · 13/01/2022 06:00

@HipsterMum i can't believe all the negative posts. We all have to follow the law but if some people want to be extra careful surely that's their right. Why are people taking offence! The other friend ask you what you felt and you said. Good for you for being honest, yes there's regulations in place but beyond that it's about being sensible. The child missed out on some afternoon play that he wasn't even invited to! It's hardly the end of the world. I do think it would have been easier on you if the friend had said no, she could have said "sorry you can definitely come another time" which would have saved you having to say anything. If Mandy is that easily riled it doesn't sound like you will miss her friendship.

Flowersandjellybeans · 13/01/2022 06:27

I don’t understand how you still only meet people outside, wearing masks all the time but were going to this other mum’s house? Were you going to stand in the garden wearing masks?

This policing of other people’s behaviour is one of the worst things COVID has brought about.