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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to not agree with parents who still don't take Covid seriously enough

328 replies

HipsterMum · 11/01/2022 21:27

Alright here it goes another Covid related post. My husband and I lost 3 relatives due to Covid so we take it quite seriously. We have 2 kids and at the very start of pandemic we made a decision to have them stay at home with us and not in nurseries for a good year but obviously since our oldest has started school that was no longer possible. We both however still work from home.
We do socialize with people but take all the precautions we can (vaccinated/ meet outdoors with others/ masks at all times even outside / ldfs). I do however struggle to understand how even after all this time people do not follow those simple instructions (both vaccinated and unvaccinated).

So a recent incident that changed my relationship with another mum from my sons class (we were really friendly before). Lets call her Mandy. She is not Mandy 🙂Nothing against Mandys though. Anyway... So I was told that she had tested positive for covid 8 days ago over holiday period by her ex partner who dropped off her son. He told me that they've not had much contact with her since then so were not certain if she was feeling better and was gonna do a pick up (they take it in turns). I was invited with my youngest and my son for a cup of tea at hers after school by this other mum whose son my kid is also friends with. As I mentioned earlier we really try to take any precautions we can and I only said yes assuming it was just going to be for an hour or so and just us. I also only just gotten my booster jab a day earlier so really it wouldn't have had any effect yet in terms of giving me protection. So long story short at the pick up I see Mandy from the distance not wearing a mask and just chatting away with everyone. She mentions that its been 8 days now since first symptoms and that she didn't have it too bad just like a simple cold. Anyways.. we get going and happened to all be going together in the same direction. Kids being annoying little kids start saying that they were going to each others houses ... Mandys boy has a fit saying ' I want to go to his house too right now can we, can we '. And really in a very childish way Mandy goes 'aw darling you see you weren't invited this time'. I mean needless to say her boy starts being hysterical instantly . (What parent says things like that????) My other mum friend then goes ' well you can of course come too if you want' and then asks me if I wouldn't mind of course. I hate being put in this position but I had to be honest. I said that I ' ve only just gotten my booster jab and considering that its not been full 10 days since she had tested positive I don't think it would be wise. I apologised and said not to take it personally. I felt horrible that very instance. Her kid started crying , she was giving me really awful looks, my kid kept on asking me if we were going or not, my other friend felt awkward.

Guys I am honestly not a paranoid person but we all have different situations. I would have never thought of going out for the first time ( well 8 days after) and straight to other peoples houses without a mask. I mean how can you be certain if you are not contagious still?? We are having old friends coming over from Italy for a few days and my friend is 6 months pregnant. They are isolating before and asked us to be careful too. I cannot put her at risk . And regardless we all have our situations and sometimes as a result of Covid we just can't meet up with the same amount of people that we want. Needless to say that Mandy got very offended with me. Said I made a big deal over nothing because she was probably no longer contagious. That I made her son really upset. Ignores me during pick ups and drop offs. I feel so guilty although I was just being honest.

OP posts:
HipsterMum · 13/01/2022 06:53

@Flowersandjellybeans

I don’t understand how you still only meet people outside, wearing masks all the time but were going to this other mum’s house? Were you going to stand in the garden wearing masks?

This policing of other people’s behaviour is one of the worst things COVID has brought about.

There are some people who choose to wear masks outdoors and when they are in other peoples houses yes. What is so insane about that? I have friends who are on chemo and are wearing double masks at all times yet they are human beings who are going through stressful times and yes do sometimes take risks like going to a cafe for a cheer up coffee or having a quick catch up with a friend in the garden otherwise they would struggle mentally. Of course before they ask if there is nobody with active symptoms in the house, etc. What is funny? Basically to sum up the thread. It is more important not to be rude to random people even if they ask to be invited indoors on day 8 of their isolation and you are taking precautions for someone vulnerable. Otherwise they might take offense and think of you as paranoid and weird which is a much more greater sin than Covid.
OP posts:
HipsterMum · 13/01/2022 07:13

@Alliswells

I like Mandy
Mandy who rolls her eyes and gets offended every time someone doesn't invite her son over? Of course you all do. And then you post on mumsnet
OP posts:
Flowersandjellybeans · 13/01/2022 07:15

Why even start this thread? You clearly weren’t genuinely asking for opinions, you just wanted people to tell you you’re right.

Quartz2208 · 13/01/2022 07:23

The problem is OP this thread is like the Covid guidance chops and changes so many times with so many different and new pieces of information sometimes directly at odds with each other. Mandy has gone from ignoring you to being your friend to you apologising again
You ignore advice and questions (for example I have said a couple of times that this sounds like playground politics and are you new to the school run) which based on your two month comment you are.
My advice chalk this up to one of those things. Learn that most follow just the guidance and whilst people should respect your right to go further you need to respect their reasons as well.

HipsterMum · 13/01/2022 07:52

@Quartz2208

The problem is OP this thread is like the Covid guidance chops and changes so many times with so many different and new pieces of information sometimes directly at odds with each other. Mandy has gone from ignoring you to being your friend to you apologising again You ignore advice and questions (for example I have said a couple of times that this sounds like playground politics and are you new to the school run) which based on your two month comment you are. My advice chalk this up to one of those things. Learn that most follow just the guidance and whilst people should respect your right to go further you need to respect their reasons as well.
It was my first try to eve post on mumsnet and is definitely the last one. People adding up comment to call you paranoid and feeling sorry for your kids because you put this 'anxiety' onto them for just saying no to someone once. Everyone pretending not to ever judge anyone in their life. Saying 'you judge someone this is just wroooong'. Saying something to someone's face politely and explaining yourself straight away and being ''rude'' for a second is considered worser than just going along with everyone and everything in a fear of being rude . Mandy can do what she wants at all times nobody was policing her on anything. It was my personal situation I respect both herself and my enough to leave it behind and simply move on. Mumsnet on the other hand cannot.
OP posts:
Alliswells · 13/01/2022 08:29

Look at the end of the day none of us were there so we are only getting a smidgen of the situation. Mumsnet is not the place f you are looking validation and reassurance because ... Well because we're all a bunch of strangers just typing replies and putting our two bit in for the sake of it.

I can see you're upset and that this thread has wound you up more and I am sorry about my flippant comment about liking Mandy. I thought it was funny and light-hearted and didn't mean to offend or annoy you. I think we all type stuff out forgetting there is an actual real person who is clearly getting upset at the other side of our screen.

You said several pages ago you weren't going to post anymore but you keep getting drawn in and it's all a bit combative and that's probably why posters are ripping into you. All this Covid shit brings out the worst in people a lot of the time hence the pile on.

If I was you I'd walk away from this thread .... 12 pages fgs!

CuntyMcBollocks · 13/01/2022 09:07

Why should everyone wear masks ALL of the time just because you dictate that they should @HipsterMum? If people want to in public spaces or wherever, then that's their choice. I bet you're one of those who wears a mask in their own car. It's pointless to wear one outside if you aren't even near anybody. Should we all wear one to go in our own gardens? Hmm

TheKeatingFive · 13/01/2022 09:20

It was my first try to eve post on mumsnet and is definitely the last one.

You quite clearly posted in the hope that everyone would tell you that you were 100% right. Well you came to the wrong place, because that isn't how AIBU generally rolls.

You also seem to be utterly incapable of expressing the situation clearly, judging by the many, many clarifications and different slants you've put forward throughout this thread.

If you want 100% affirmation, try a different forum. I believe Netmums are more in this vein.

HipsterMum · 13/01/2022 09:51

@Alliswells

Look at the end of the day none of us were there so we are only getting a smidgen of the situation. Mumsnet is not the place f you are looking validation and reassurance because ... Well because we're all a bunch of strangers just typing replies and putting our two bit in for the sake of it.

I can see you're upset and that this thread has wound you up more and I am sorry about my flippant comment about liking Mandy. I thought it was funny and light-hearted and didn't mean to offend or annoy you. I think we all type stuff out forgetting there is an actual real person who is clearly getting upset at the other side of our screen.

You said several pages ago you weren't going to post anymore but you keep getting drawn in and it's all a bit combative and that's probably why posters are ripping into you. All this Covid shit brings out the worst in people a lot of the time hence the pile on.

If I was you I'd walk away from this thread .... 12 pages fgs!

Thank you for this lovely post at the end of the thread. I definitely didn't start this thread just hoping to hear I was right. There is no right and wrong in life that is what I am all about. But just a number of people have actually acknowledged that in this situation if I was polite and my friend asked me if that would be OK with me (she invited me a few days before so it was pre arranged) then thats ok. A vast majority believes I caused someone a deep offense, called me paranoid and carried on adding irrelevant comments making assumptions about my levels of mental anxiety, my kids being affected by my paranoia, my friend who dares to travel all this way from abroad. Anyways thank you for an impartial comment acknowledging real people with feelings behind OP posts. Have a lovely day!
OP posts:
WorkEvent · 13/01/2022 09:56

@Getyourjinglebellsinarow

She's done what she's required to do hasn't she? And actually I think telling child they weren't invited this time is pretty good. You can't just invite yourself places you weren't invited, it's a good lesson to teach him. I think you're being a bit judgey and sanctimonious (if that's the right word, think it's what I meant.)
This.

I understand that you’re anxious having lost relatives but we can’t all hide in holes for the rest of our lives, can we? Omicron is probably the best thing that could’ve happened to covid. It’s very contagious but relatively mild. Most people will have had contact with it by now.

HipsterMum · 13/01/2022 09:59

@CuntyMcBollocks

Why should everyone wear masks ALL of the time just because you dictate that they should *@HipsterMum*? If people want to in public spaces or wherever, then that's their choice. I bet you're one of those who wears a mask in their own car. It's pointless to wear one outside if you aren't even near anybody. Should we all wear one to go in our own gardens? Hmm
What that has got to do with my thread??? So its my choice to wear a mask. It is Mandys choice not to wear one and I am ok with it completely but I wasn't OK being with her indoors in a small flat considering she's just come out of isolation on day 8 without a negative test. I didn't dictate to wear masks to anyone. I suggested for Mandy to go ahead and for me to come round another time. Completely the opposite people here are insisting that I am the one with problem for wearing one inside other people houses and outdoors and I should have just taken Mandys word that 'she was probably no longer contagious'. Insane.
OP posts:
HipsterMum · 13/01/2022 10:04

She wasn't telling her son this privately as an adult as a reflection on the situation . She was repeatedly saying this to him next to us and our kids whilst he was hysterical and whilst looking at us. Then attacked me for having upset her son the other day. As someone who worked as an early childhood practitioner I would strongly disagree that it was the best possible way to teach your child anything especially in front of others.

OP posts:
TheKeatingFive · 13/01/2022 10:05

I definitely didn't start this thread just hoping to hear I was right.

I suggest you read through your many, many responses again.

HikingforScenery · 13/01/2022 10:06

Of course Yanbu

MrsPotatoHead22 · 13/01/2022 10:09

Am I the only one thinking that Mandy is Amanda from Motherland Sitcom Grin

Quartz2208 · 13/01/2022 10:52

@HipsterMum

She wasn't telling her son this privately as an adult as a reflection on the situation . She was repeatedly saying this to him next to us and our kids whilst he was hysterical and whilst looking at us. Then attacked me for having upset her son the other day. As someone who worked as an early childhood practitioner I would strongly disagree that it was the best possible way to teach your child anything especially in front of others.
Yes exactly OP it wasnt. But this isnt a COVID issue at all. My point is and always has been that you are dealing with the above and are going to have to continue dealing with the above pretty much all throughout the time your children are at school together.

You cannot change her - only the way that you interact with her sadly.

But I will say I dont see you have been judged in quite the way that you seem to think and that may also reflect on how you are perceiving Mandy

Quartz2208 · 13/01/2022 11:00

because @HipsterMum if you took out all of the COVID stuff and said

AIBU for saying that I didnt want someone else to come to a playdate that was prearranged and I felt that the Mums handling of it (insert the bits in) and the fact that she is now ignoring me ridiculous

You would have had very different responses. But coming in from the initial Covid approach of how she wasnt taking it seriously etc didnt help

HipsterMum · 13/01/2022 11:16

@Quartz2208

because *@HipsterMum* if you took out all of the COVID stuff and said

AIBU for saying that I didnt want someone else to come to a playdate that was prearranged and I felt that the Mums handling of it (insert the bits in) and the fact that she is now ignoring me ridiculous

You would have had very different responses. But coming in from the initial Covid approach of how she wasnt taking it seriously etc didnt help

So you are saying.... out of covid times I am going to a pre arranged playdate with my friend then another mum from the class is walking the same way (she is not on her day 8 out of isolation) , her son asks if he could come too and I say 'No because I do not want anyone else at this playdate' (considering I am an adult woman). So this would have gotten more understanding on Mumsnet than me not wanting to take chances with Covid? 🙈🙈 now I am properly confused indeed.
OP posts:
HipsterMum · 13/01/2022 11:17

@MrsPotatoHead22

Am I the only one thinking that Mandy is Amanda from Motherland Sitcom Grin
Motherland is fantastic! I will probably re watch it just to prepare for different kind of scenarios at the school gate just in case hahaha
OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 13/01/2022 11:49

Why confused? Because Mandy’s son crying because he wasn’t invited and her lack of handling it is a problem. The issue is the only thing that would make him happy is being invited and that shouldn’t happen.

As I have said taking a 2 child play date (and siblings don’t count) into 3 (particularly given your assertions that said child cries and is sensitive) and that you may want to discuss things is fine or for numerous other reasons. None of which are I as an adult don’t want you there.

Because actually you shouldn’t have been put in this situation. I have been Mandy and a simple sorry this time we aren’t invited I’m sure we can arrange something solves it. The fact may well be you actually did say that though didn’t you that as an adult women I don’t want you there.

That is how you handled it!

You all seem very dramatic and over the top with all your reactions to it.

I give up though OP because you are determined to see all of this through a small window. Are you new to school runs because this is going to go on everyday this week DS and his best friend have asked to go round each other’s houses and everyday his mum and I (who are good friends) have handled it without any drama!

Lilifer · 13/01/2022 12:21

@HipsterMum

Omg mumsnet is weird. You guys it wasn't a birthday party I ruined with my obsessive compulsive behaviour. I might have been rude yes fair enough but I offered to leave and to meet up another time after my vulnerable pregnant friend (who also lives with a 70 year old mother) leaves. Wouldn't have taken any offense and would still say hello to everyone at the gate
Slightly off topic but I'm amused how you keep referring to your "pregnant vulnerable friend" yet said p v friend is not so vulnerable that she can't travel over to uk from Italy with all the attendant risks that travel brings with it 🤔
Lilifer · 13/01/2022 12:25

@HipsterMum

Do you all people understand what UK stands for? Why did you all assume England? If England knows best why cases are so high then.
😂😂😂 and cases aren't sky high in Scotland too??
TheKeatingFive · 13/01/2022 12:28

I'm amused how you keep referring to your "pregnant vulnerable friend" yet said p v friend is not so vulnerable that she can't travel over to uk from Italy with all the attendant risks that travel brings with it

Yes me too.

Pregnant friend was exposed to hundreds of people in the airport / plane, whose covid status was entirely unknown, yet Mandy was deemed the biggest risk to her.

That's before we even get into what 'coming over from Italy' means to the OP. 😵‍💫

Lilifer · 13/01/2022 12:29

@HipsterMum

Omg this person thought I was being rude I should go hang myself. I found it rude to go inside other peoples houses the very first day you come out of your isolation and still refuse to wear a mask.
You sound unhinged
GabriellaMontez · 13/01/2022 12:46

You think mandy is "insane". This probably comes across to her. She probably thinks the same of you too. Who cares if she ignores you? Could this be a good outcome for you both?