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Original poster

Weird message sent from boyfriend's phone

581 replies

Mikeythecat · 11/01/2022 16:48

I don't know what the heck is going on here.

I don't live with my BF.

This morning I got a message saying: "Good morning, good luck, have fun, night night".

So I sent: "?" in reply.

These are all things he would probably text me throughout the day. I thought at first that he was being grumpy with me. I've not had a lot of time recently and this tends to be the pattern of his messages. We say morning, I say how busy I am, he says good luck, we have a chat in the evening, he says have fun (if watching a TV series or going somewhere with DD) and then we say night. I tend to only see him at the weekends. So, I thought he was being a bit sarcastic (as in sending the day's messages all in one go and maybe being a bit grumpy - as in - "this is all we ever say to each other" iyswim.

An hour later, I get this message: "POF Username39". The username was his email name. The 39 is the area we live (not in UK).

My next message was: "What are you trying to say? Are you on POF?"

I've had no response.

What the hell is going on? I know you don't have the answers, but I could do with a bit of support. I think he's about to tell me he's cheating or dumping me, or maybe the woman he's with got hold of his phone and it was her way of telling me. I tried to ring him, but he didn't answer.

I have a load of work to do tonight. I missed a deadline today because of this. I've been so upset.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
FriendshipsAreHardForMe · 11/01/2022 20:02

[quote Mikeythecat]@Pumperthepumper

I can't think of another explanation. I've asked him outright why he sent "pof username39" to me. He said it was because he was "very sad".

That doesn't seem right to me. Why send that to someone if you're very sad? he could have just told me he was very sad!

I think he's sent it to me by mistake. It was meant for another woman. He was telling her whose number it was.

Does this make sense to anyone else? Maybe I'm not explaining it properly.

This kind of scenario:

Hi!

Who is this? I don't have your number in my phone?

POF Username39

Then he realises he's sent it to me by mistake. He ignores me all day, won't pick up the phone, sends cryptic messages and now, to get out of it, is using his MH issues to try to wriggle out of it.[/quote]
This makes sense to me and I suspect, like you, that that's what has happened 💐

Darbs76 · 11/01/2022 20:04

It sounds like how you’ve suggested - he’s messaged someone and they’ve asked who it is. Sorry OP, he could at least be honest with you

fedup078 · 11/01/2022 20:04

Oh he's really messed up hasn't he!
Dickhead
Now he's refusing to answer your calls and is pulling the mh card out of embarrassment and panic
I'm so sorry op
There are better fish out there , throw him back

Pat123dev · 11/01/2022 20:06

If you don't trust him- which clearly you don't, as you'd not be bothered if you did, why waste your time on him!

IWasFunBeforeMum · 11/01/2022 20:06

Surely both messages were meant for another woman? Sorry but I don't think most men would send something cryptic, they're not smart enough. I think he's cheating but I genuinely hope I'm wrong for you.

Original poster
Mikeythecat · 11/01/2022 20:06

No, it's not the same username. At least, I don't think so. It's different because he's moved area. It's hard to explain... but I don't remember it being that.

I don't know what I'm going to do about it. Writing on here has helped.

I feel like my chest is tight and I'm in shock. I'll never sleep tonight.

If he's on POF, I can't go back to him. And it looks like he's on it.

OP posts:
JedEye · 11/01/2022 20:06

I would NOT be calling him. I think you need to get the balance of power back, you are currently doing all the chasing. Ignore him for a few days. Sit on your hands 🙌

If he wants you he’ll soon cone running. He really will.

Bloomers58 · 11/01/2022 20:06

I think him saying he is sad and lonely could be him laying the groundwork for his argument as to why he has been seeing other women, now you've caught up about it. Just decide before you see him again if you're going to accept that as an excuse and continue to be with him, or if you are going to send him back on POF full time...

ClaireEclair · 11/01/2022 20:07

I think he wants attention and this is his way of telling you which is incredibly childish. He’s sent you all those messages at once and then his “username” to let you know he’ll be looking for someone else if things don’t change.

I would tell him that unless he wants to have an adult conversation and explain himself then he should stop sending messages at all. I hate cryptic messages. Just talk you annoying man!

Maybe the POF things is an anniversary of when you first met on the site?

SmellyOldOwls · 11/01/2022 20:08

What kind of way is that to treat your partner of seven years? Mental health problems don't excuse this kind of behaviour. Being a cheating dick is one thing but the riddles and mind games is something else. It's like a form of torture keeping you hanging wondering what's going on. If I were you I'd turn my phone off and get on with my work.

steff13 · 11/01/2022 20:08

@KurtWilde

Sounds like he thinks you're on POF tbh
Yeah, I agree it sounds like he thinks you've done something wrong and he's mad. Granted, he's not handling it like an adult and I would be rethinking the relationship regardless.
Ohmygodyesthatsit · 11/01/2022 20:09

But wouldnt you just hit reply how would he reply to (fictional/possible other women) and send it to you. That only maybe happens if doing two conversations at the same time. But if im in whatsapp i see a message and i reply directly underneath why would he come out and go into a different chat???

Bloomers58 · 11/01/2022 20:09

You're bound to be in shock and that's ok. Focus on the things under your nose that you love, really really hard. Your children, your parents. Soak up their love and come back to this when you're calmer.

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 11/01/2022 20:11

[quote Mikeythecat]@Pumperthepumper

I can't think of another explanation. I've asked him outright why he sent "pof username39" to me. He said it was because he was "very sad".

That doesn't seem right to me. Why send that to someone if you're very sad? he could have just told me he was very sad!

I think he's sent it to me by mistake. It was meant for another woman. He was telling her whose number it was.

Does this make sense to anyone else? Maybe I'm not explaining it properly.

This kind of scenario:

Hi!

Who is this? I don't have your number in my phone?

POF Username39

Then he realises he's sent it to me by mistake. He ignores me all day, won't pick up the phone, sends cryptic messages and now, to get out of it, is using his MH issues to try to wriggle out of it.[/quote]
I think this is the most likely explanation.

He sent you a shitty message this morning because he’s feeling neglected and then went on POF to try and get some attention from someone else.

You’re well rid of this. You sound like you have a lot on your plate. You don’t need another child. A partner should enhance your life. Not drain the life out of you.

Xx

ClaireEclair · 11/01/2022 20:14

@SmellyOldOwls

What kind of way is that to treat your partner of seven years? Mental health problems don't excuse this kind of behaviour. Being a cheating dick is one thing but the riddles and mind games is something else. It's like a form of torture keeping you hanging wondering what's going on. If I were you I'd turn my phone off and get on with my work.
Totally agree. I’m infuriated with him and I don’t even know him! What a little pr*!

OP, I hope you’re okay. I remember wasting my time with a man child like this one and I truly regret meeting him. I had two great relationships after and one is now my DH who says what he means and never messes with my head. There’s better than this out there .

Lucycantdance · 11/01/2022 20:16

OP what a cock he is! I am so sorry :(

IHateCoronavirus · 11/01/2022 20:16

Focus on yourself for the moment op. Let him do the legwork regarding clarifying his messages.

Original poster
Mikeythecat · 11/01/2022 20:16

The thing is... all this doesn't do my self-esteem much good. I was in a shitty relationship for 13 years. I'm fat. In my 40s. I live with my parents. I'm a single parent. I can't even imagine ever wanting to meet anyone else. I thought we had an ok little set-up to be honest. My life is fairly atypical. My job... my work... where I live. None of it lends itself to meeting new people. I can't even imagine it. And I have to hold it all together and look like I know what I'm doing all the time. And now I'm thinking "if I was prettier, thinner, had more time... he wouldn't have done this". I feel weak. And like I just want him to tell me it's all a big joke.

OP posts:
PurpleFlower1983 · 11/01/2022 20:21

I reckon he’s pissed off and dealing with it in a really childish way.

UserError012345 · 11/01/2022 20:22

This is all normal stuff you are feeling post break up. It will not define you. Yes it's gonna hurt for a while but you can, will, must come back stronger. 💪🏻

PearlD · 11/01/2022 20:22

From what you've said about him it doesn't sound like you think he's that much catch, and whatever is going in, it's weird enough for you to call it quits without knowing any more. Free up your weekends for something more than this.

TheVolturi · 11/01/2022 20:22

Whatever the reasons for this behaviour today op, he's being very cruel to you FlowersFlowers

grapewine · 11/01/2022 20:22

Those messages from him sound so, so weird. "What can I do for you?" is weirdly clinical. And I agree, that message with the username is him telling some woman who he is.

If he won't pick up the phone and have a conversation about cryptic messages, I agree with this

You’re well rid of this. You sound like you have a lot on your plate. You don’t need another child. A partner should enhance your life. Not drain the life out of you.

Sorry, OP.

mumshouse · 11/01/2022 20:23

I bet he was snarky with you earlier in the day to then justify to himself that he could go on the dating site.

Then he had contact with someone, and messaged you accidentally.

And he's gone full denial weirdo to try and distract you or put you off from questioning him.

Drop everything and go over there?! Why, to help him look at some more profiles? I think you've wasted more than enough time on him...

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 11/01/2022 20:32

I reckon hes been messaging others, cocked up by sending you a message meant for someone else and is now trying to figure out what to do