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Original poster

Weird message sent from boyfriend's phone

581 replies

Mikeythecat · 11/01/2022 16:48

I don't know what the heck is going on here.

I don't live with my BF.

This morning I got a message saying: "Good morning, good luck, have fun, night night".

So I sent: "?" in reply.

These are all things he would probably text me throughout the day. I thought at first that he was being grumpy with me. I've not had a lot of time recently and this tends to be the pattern of his messages. We say morning, I say how busy I am, he says good luck, we have a chat in the evening, he says have fun (if watching a TV series or going somewhere with DD) and then we say night. I tend to only see him at the weekends. So, I thought he was being a bit sarcastic (as in sending the day's messages all in one go and maybe being a bit grumpy - as in - "this is all we ever say to each other" iyswim.

An hour later, I get this message: "POF Username39". The username was his email name. The 39 is the area we live (not in UK).

My next message was: "What are you trying to say? Are you on POF?"

I've had no response.

What the hell is going on? I know you don't have the answers, but I could do with a bit of support. I think he's about to tell me he's cheating or dumping me, or maybe the woman he's with got hold of his phone and it was her way of telling me. I tried to ring him, but he didn't answer.

I have a load of work to do tonight. I missed a deadline today because of this. I've been so upset.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
HunkyPunk · 11/01/2022 19:40

Why don’t you ask him directly about the pofusername30 message? You both seem to be referring only to the original message. Ask him if he’s been on pof, and if not why he sent you a message referring to the site.

Pumperthepumper · 11/01/2022 19:41

[quote Mikeythecat]@OneTimeThrowAway

I reckon he's telling her who it is. They haven't told each other their real names yet, but swapped numbers. He's said "hi", she's said I don't recognise this number", he's said "pof username30". He's telling her who he is.[/quote]
Why would you think that?

ZeroFuchsGiven · 11/01/2022 19:45

I have RTFT and I don't believe for one minute that after being with someone for 7 years that after receiving messages like that you would not bloody call.I wouldn't stop calling if it was me and if there was no answer Id be round there not posting here for the auntie support.

Its absolute bollocks.

user1481840227 · 11/01/2022 19:45

Why did you think he wouldn't be a good boyfriend?
Surely that should explain why he has acted like this.

user1481840227 · 11/01/2022 19:45

sorry wrong thread!!

LosingTheWill2 · 11/01/2022 19:46

@Mikeythecat I can’t access pof on certain servers as it is an over 18’s only site. At one time my phone would only let me access over 18 sites after midnight. Maybe you can’t access it because of your phone or WiFi security settings.
It doesn’t sound good though.

Do you have an irl relationship? How often do you see him?

Original poster
Mikeythecat · 11/01/2022 19:47

@Pumperthepumper

I can't think of another explanation. I've asked him outright why he sent "pof username39" to me. He said it was because he was "very sad".

That doesn't seem right to me. Why send that to someone if you're very sad? he could have just told me he was very sad!

I think he's sent it to me by mistake. It was meant for another woman. He was telling her whose number it was.

Does this make sense to anyone else? Maybe I'm not explaining it properly.

This kind of scenario:

Hi!

Who is this? I don't have your number in my phone?

POF Username39

Then he realises he's sent it to me by mistake. He ignores me all day, won't pick up the phone, sends cryptic messages and now, to get out of it, is using his MH issues to try to wriggle out of it.

OP posts:
user1481840227 · 11/01/2022 19:49

*I can't think of another explanation. I've asked him outright why he sent "pof username39" to me. He said it was because he was "very sad".

That doesn't seem right to me. Why send that to someone if you're very sad? he could have just told me he was very sad!*

Blatantly lying and trying to give as little detail as possible so that you won't question it.
I 100% believe he meant to send it to someone else like you described and now to add further insult to you he's treating you like you're an idiot who would swallow a brick!

Pumperthepumper · 11/01/2022 19:50

[quote Mikeythecat]@Pumperthepumper

I can't think of another explanation. I've asked him outright why he sent "pof username39" to me. He said it was because he was "very sad".

That doesn't seem right to me. Why send that to someone if you're very sad? he could have just told me he was very sad!

I think he's sent it to me by mistake. It was meant for another woman. He was telling her whose number it was.

Does this make sense to anyone else? Maybe I'm not explaining it properly.

This kind of scenario:

Hi!

Who is this? I don't have your number in my phone?

POF Username39

Then he realises he's sent it to me by mistake. He ignores me all day, won't pick up the phone, sends cryptic messages and now, to get out of it, is using his MH issues to try to wriggle out of it.[/quote]
Out of the blue? After seven years?

Original poster
Mikeythecat · 11/01/2022 19:50

@ZeroFuchsGiven

I have called.

I can't go over there.

We all live different lives, you know? We can't all do it just like you would. I have kids, parents, work. He's 45 mins away. I've already extended my deadline because I've been pissing about trying to get through to him all day.

And I like the auntie advice.

OP posts:
Skiptheheartsandflowers · 11/01/2022 19:51

Time to get angry. You're being too understanding. I would reply that you're sick of this now, that you've been worried about him all day but now you're just cross that he won't give you a straight answer, and you thought better of him than that. Tell him to get in touch when he can have a normal adult conversation again. And then put your phone down and resolve not to do anything else about it until at least this time tomorrow, when you've had a chance to get some sleep and finish your work.

BorderlineHappy · 11/01/2022 19:52

Can i clarify a few things.@Mikeythecat
What ages are you both
Are any of the kids his,and if not what ages are they.
And did he want to move the relationship forward ie moving in together and you didnt want that.

user1481840227 · 11/01/2022 19:53

Tell him to get in touch when he can have a normal adult conversation again.

I wouldn't say that, that's just giving him time to think of something and maybe the OP will miss him and be grateful when he gets back in touch.

I'd tell him you want an explanation now, not a riddle, or that's it!

Original poster
Mikeythecat · 11/01/2022 19:54

@LosingTheWill2 Yes, we have an irl relationship. Holidays, weekends away, Christmas with each other's families. He's my boyfriend. I made it clear from the beginning that I would never share finances with another person as long as I lived. I have my own everything (after past relationship). I want to keep my own house, and control over my own kids because they're mine. That's why we have this living arrangement.

OP posts:
WonderfulYou · 11/01/2022 19:54

Unfortunately I can’t see any situation where this is not that bad.

The absolute best case scenario would be if he done it to annoy you and hasn’t actually been meeting up with other women - but that would probably piss me off more than if he had been on it meeting other women.

I wouldn’t bother trying to ring or text him anymore just leave him to it.
He’ll probably come up with a few different lies so be prepared but just don’t reply until he cracks and he admits what he’s done.

Blackisblackisblack · 11/01/2022 19:56

It sounds like he's saying 'thank you and good night' for the perceived lack of attention from you.

The username is telling you that he's now moved on; is dating.

I think he's playing games, though. Looking for a reaction.

Original poster
Mikeythecat · 11/01/2022 19:56

@BorderlineHappy

Early forties.

Teenage kids. Mine.

He has no kids.

Parents live with me.

I've always made it clear I could never live with someone again. There was talk at one point of buying a flat by the sea together for weekends and holidays. He couldn't live with anyone either. He never has.

OP posts:
Pumperthepumper · 11/01/2022 19:57

Surely the mental health issues are a more logical explanation for these kind of messages?

LondonSouth28 · 11/01/2022 19:58

[quote Mikeythecat]@Pumperthepumper

I can't think of another explanation. I've asked him outright why he sent "pof username39" to me. He said it was because he was "very sad".

That doesn't seem right to me. Why send that to someone if you're very sad? he could have just told me he was very sad!

I think he's sent it to me by mistake. It was meant for another woman. He was telling her whose number it was.

Does this make sense to anyone else? Maybe I'm not explaining it properly.

This kind of scenario:

Hi!

Who is this? I don't have your number in my phone?

POF Username39

Then he realises he's sent it to me by mistake. He ignores me all day, won't pick up the phone, sends cryptic messages and now, to get out of it, is using his MH issues to try to wriggle out of it.[/quote]
This exactly. He's not answering his phone because he knows he has messed up and he is processing how he can get out this and the best path is to say as little as possible. And the whole I'm sad thing is so you focus your efforts on whether or not he is ok. Deceitful, very deceitful...

WhoAre · 11/01/2022 19:59

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Bloomers58 · 11/01/2022 19:59

[quote Mikeythecat]@Pumperthepumper

I can't think of another explanation. I've asked him outright why he sent "pof username39" to me. He said it was because he was "very sad".

That doesn't seem right to me. Why send that to someone if you're very sad? he could have just told me he was very sad!

I think he's sent it to me by mistake. It was meant for another woman. He was telling her whose number it was.

Does this make sense to anyone else? Maybe I'm not explaining it properly.

This kind of scenario:

Hi!

Who is this? I don't have your number in my phone?

POF Username39

Then he realises he's sent it to me by mistake. He ignores me all day, won't pick up the phone, sends cryptic messages and now, to get out of it, is using his MH issues to try to wriggle out of it.[/quote]
I think you're spot on OP. Assuming this is the case, what are you going to do about it?

Bloomers58 · 11/01/2022 20:00

Also, do you have the numbers for any of his neighbours. Just to be safe, I'd call one and ask them to check on him. Say you think something is seriously wrong, you've been getting cryptic messages all day and he has mental health issues.

HelloNope · 11/01/2022 20:01

Tell him to call you instead of texting you.
He's not making sense and it's not fair.

Was that his username on POG when you both started talking? It could be that he misses those days of first messages / meeting etc that excitement. But actually I agree with you that it's weird as fuck.

HelloNope · 11/01/2022 20:01

POF

Bloomers58 · 11/01/2022 20:01

If nothing else, they might catch him up to no good for you.