Weird message sent from boyfriend's phone

[Mikeythecat]

I don't know what the heck is going on here.

I don't live with my BF.

This morning I got a message saying: "Good morning, good luck, have fun, night night".

So I sent: "?" in reply.

These are all things he would probably text me throughout the day. I thought at first that he was being grumpy with me. I've not had a lot of time recently and this tends to be the pattern of his messages. We say morning, I say how busy I am, he says good luck, we have a chat in the evening, he says have fun (if watching a TV series or going somewhere with DD) and then we say night. I tend to only see him at the weekends. So, I thought he was being a bit sarcastic (as in sending the day's messages all in one go and maybe being a bit grumpy - as in - "this is all we ever say to each other" iyswim.

An hour later, I get this message: "POF Username39". The username was his email name. The 39 is the area we live (not in UK).

My next message was: "What are you trying to say? Are you on POF?"

I've had no response.

What the hell is going on? I know you don't have the answers, but I could do with a bit of support. I think he's about to tell me he's cheating or dumping me, or maybe the woman he's with got hold of his phone and it was her way of telling me. I tried to ring him, but he didn't answer.

I have a load of work to do tonight. I missed a deadline today because of this. I've been so upset.

@TyrannosaurusRegina

You are behaving no better than the men you claim are all shits really though. Making massive generalisations and then:

"Pipe down love"

indeed...

They aren't all shits OP, it just isn't always that easy to sort out which ones are and which ones aren't.

You are stronger than you think OP, you already raise and care for your dc alone and work, you say you can’t cope with not having someone that loves you and you would like to be more of a feminist? But you already manage to run a household without a man?

What ever happen in the coming days remember all things you do already do without the help of a man.

Hopefully he can explain his action when you speak to him but I’m sure if he does have something to hide he will continue to try and hide it. His messages were weird and vague, the POF thing was weird so he needs to explain what those messages actually mean. It could have been a message meant for someone else or it could have been him sulking because he feels you don't spend enough time with him?

Attractive, intelligent, wonderful women get cheated on all the time. I have a friend who is unbelievably hot and such a lovely person. She puts up with so much shit from men I can never understand why they treat her so badly when she is by far the best partner they could ever hope to get.
If he is cheating on you it’s his fault and nothing to do with you. The only thing you can do is decide if you are willing to put up with it.

I imagine he’s been on various sites for some time. He has plenty of time in the evenings to chat online.

@Mikeythecat you are far too good for this loser. FYI I am fat, forty…something, and a pain in the hole and my other half has never behaved in this way. Good and bad behaviour on the part of men is not about you, it’s about them. There is someone out there who is worthy of everything you have to offer.

I am glad you have a project to work on and keep your mind busy. That is the best thing to do when you are going through sh*t like this.

You sound like a very down to earth and level headed person, and I agree that you should both meet face to face and talk so you can establish what the hell is going on. Hopefully regardless of how it ends, you can get some answers.

Your plan to get out of this relationship makes lots of sense to me.

I can feel your loveliness through the screen OP. What you don’t need in your life is a middle aged creepy immature weirdo — some people are in your life for a specific time, it’s not a waste, and are not intended to be forever people for you— you can do much better you know and better to be alone than wondering what this idiot is up to behind your back

Honestly @Mikeythecat - the examples of the messages he’s been sending sound really odd! They don’t sound like they’re actually written by a human! Unless he’s always messaged like this they just sound bizarrely fake to me.

He sounds like he's having a mental health crisis - try to check in on him in person today. I would be worried.

I should point out that English is his second language. We speak in his language, but we've always texted in English. So, there's that. But he still knows exactly what he's doing. We're both bilingual.

@Gonnagetgoing It's a cat sanctuary shop! :-)

@Mikeythecat

I should point out that English is his second language. We speak in his language, but we've always texted in English. So, there's that. But he still knows exactly what he's doing. We're both bilingual.

@Gonnagetgoing It's a cat sanctuary shop! :-)

Doesn't excuse cheating, so I'm not sure why that's relevant. He's acting sad because he knows he's caught out. Please get rid of him, you're worth so much more than this.

You don't sound immature - he certainly does though.

And boring. And silly and insincere and neurotic.

And probably a cheat.

Your project on the other hand sounds fab.

I'd ditch him and concentrate on that!!

Well, an animal charity shop, but 99% cats.

If anyone is on here who knows me, they're going to know it's me. I suppose it doesn't really matter.

OP you sound lovely. You’ll be fine. Don’t bother trying to stay friends. Put your energy into your charity plans (really wish you well with that) and your family, and people that deserve your friendship. And may you come across a really lovely man in the future when you’re back on your feet.

@DropYourSword

Honestly *@Mikeythecat* - the examples of the messages he’s been sending sound really odd! They don’t sound like they’re actually written by a human! Unless he’s always messaged like this they just sound bizarrely fake to me.

That's what makes me think you need to actually speak to him. They do sound like bots/autoreplies to me. I do take on board that English is his second language. But they still don't ring true.

Are you in Jura? (just curious!).

You sound lovely, he sounds like a bellend who's cheating on you (or rather, looking to cheat on you).

I hope you're ok. When I first read your post, I read it like he was accusing you. So ifyou flip it on its head, the "I'm sad" and POF references could be saying to you that he thinks you're up to no good. As a pp said, like his words are being said through gritted teeth. I know it's not hugely likely, but just don't jump to conclusions unless you know deep down that he's up to something. It's worth discussing, and don't shut him down if he seems reluctant to, keeping in mind he could be thinking you're the one in the wrong. Which merits a discussion.

Hi OP,

I'm a bit late to the thread so I apologise if I'm repeating what others have already said, but a few things stuck out to me from your posts.

The first message sounds to me like he is upset that you don't seem to have enough time for him (from his perspective) and he feels like a bit of an afterthought or a spare part. You mentioned that you're always busy and you obviously have a lot on your plate as well as caring responsibilities for several people, but his subsequent messages seem to confirm that he feels as though he's always asking questions like "what are you doing today?", "how are you spending your evening?" etc, and you reply to him in a rush, stress how busy you are, and don't ask many questions about him and his life. That could completely not be the case, but from what you've both written that's how it seems to me as an outsider.

The POF message could have been intended for someone else, or could be another snide dig at you in an attempt to get you thinking about the situation. Either way, it's not great because he's either considering cheating to get his needs met elsewhere or he's very immature when it comes to communicating his emotions. The Google results when you searched for his username are also very worrying and maybe confirm the first possibility but even without those, clear and open communication is so important in a relationship and that appears to be lacking here. No one should have to play 20 Questions to try to understand what their partner is thinking!

Ultimately, it seems like you've made your mind up about this relationship already, but I am concerned by some of the things you've written about your experience of relationships and your views about men. In time, it would probably be very helpful for you to reflect on why you feel you need the approval of a man to validate you (even a man you describe as an 'oddball'), and to tackle the root of your insecurities so you don't have to experience the manic spiral of negative thoughts about yourself when you have relationship difficulties in the future. You'll feel so much stronger and more peaceful when your happiness is no longer dictated by the moods or behaviour of another person. for you - take care and be gentle with yourself.

@Mikeythecat

Me: Hi, why aren't you replying to me? Do you want to talk to me or not? Him: Hi, how are you? What can I do for you? Me: I'm not so good. Why have you been sending me unusual messages? What's going on? Him: I'm not good either. Sorry for the messages. Have a good evening! Me: Can you tell me what's happening, please?

Then nothing. That's it. His messages are so weird!

I'm not sodding begging him. I thought that maybe my profile is still on there or something and he's found it and that's why I can't get onto it? Because my email address is already registered or something? I thought I'd cancelled it, but maybe not. It was years ago. But say it is, it means he's been back on and seen me. I haven't been on it. I can't even get on it.

I don't know what to do next. I've got so much work to do and I'm moving and I just want to cry and cry.

I'm so sorry OP, I think you said youv been together 7 years? In that case this text exchange is so so so bizarre! He is playing games and it is so unfair on you and no how someone who loves you and youv been with 7 years should treat you! I promise they aren't all shits though!

I’d be worried if my boyfriend of 7 years started texting me weird robotic nonsensical messages. Aren’t you?

@Mikeythecat

Well, an animal charity shop, but 99% cats.

If anyone is on here who knows me, they're going to know it's me. I suppose it doesn't really matter.

You’ve nothing to be embarrassed about. Don’t worry about people recognising you. You’ve shown yourself to be caring, strong and resilient

I wouldn't pay any attention to his username showing up on adult sites via google search. Mine does the same and I'm definitely not on them. Those are weird spammy sites that scrape other webpages and link usernames to them. You can check a whole bunch of usernames and find the same thing. Does not mean he is on adult websites.

You've been with him for 7 years so you do need to force the conversation in person with him about what is going on. Otherwise what is the point of a long term relationship, if you can't even have a reasonable conversation at the end, or give the benefit of the doubt. Yes, it makes sense that he is on PoF but also, maybe he isn't. And there's something else going on. Unless you have other information that has confirmed this for you, you should want answers from him. You shouldn't need to fill in the blanks on why and how 7 years of your life just changed with 1 one-word text message.

Ending it may be the best option for you, but also, make the effort to go see him and talk to him in person, and get your answers. Stuff like this should never be done on the phone. Otherwise, you'll just carry the distrust and avoidance into future relationships.

@DropYourSword

Honestly *@Mikeythecat* - the examples of the messages he’s been sending sound really odd! They don’t sound like they’re actually written by a human! Unless he’s always messaged like this they just sound bizarrely fake to me.

I thought that - they are like what a badly programmed bot would produce

@betwixtlives

I’d be worried if my boyfriend of 7 years started texting me weird robotic nonsensical messages. Aren’t you?

My thoughts exactly.