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Original poster

Weird message sent from boyfriend's phone

581 replies

Mikeythecat · 11/01/2022 16:48

I don't know what the heck is going on here.

I don't live with my BF.

This morning I got a message saying: "Good morning, good luck, have fun, night night".

So I sent: "?" in reply.

These are all things he would probably text me throughout the day. I thought at first that he was being grumpy with me. I've not had a lot of time recently and this tends to be the pattern of his messages. We say morning, I say how busy I am, he says good luck, we have a chat in the evening, he says have fun (if watching a TV series or going somewhere with DD) and then we say night. I tend to only see him at the weekends. So, I thought he was being a bit sarcastic (as in sending the day's messages all in one go and maybe being a bit grumpy - as in - "this is all we ever say to each other" iyswim.

An hour later, I get this message: "POF Username39". The username was his email name. The 39 is the area we live (not in UK).

My next message was: "What are you trying to say? Are you on POF?"

I've had no response.

What the hell is going on? I know you don't have the answers, but I could do with a bit of support. I think he's about to tell me he's cheating or dumping me, or maybe the woman he's with got hold of his phone and it was her way of telling me. I tried to ring him, but he didn't answer.

I have a load of work to do tonight. I missed a deadline today because of this. I've been so upset.

OP posts:
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6
BigMoan · 12/01/2022 07:24

@Mikeythecat you come across so well on here, you sound amazing - you’re working and caring for people. And it broke my heart a bit to hear you put yourself down.

The guy sounds like an utter knob, and whatever he is playing at, you deserve FAR better than all this cryptic nonsense. I think he either a) was searching and sent you that message by mistake - or b) was pissed off with you (for no reason at all) - and was trying to make you ‘jealous’ by inferring that he was back in POF.
The fact that you’ve now seen his user name on hook up sites screams shady to me, you don’t need to look further - and I think ending would absolutely be the right choice.

You’ve made brilliant suggestions to help you heal - but please, please banish any negative thoughts about yourself. This is not a ‘nice’ guy and there is NOTHING wrong with you. You deserve far better.

shouldistop · 12/01/2022 07:25

I hope you're feeling ok this morning

WakeUpLockie · 12/01/2022 07:42

I can't think of another explanation. I've asked him outright why he sent "pof username39" to me. He said it was because he was "very sad".

Eurgh that is skin-crawling. How manipulative. Vague and irritating and evasive.

Opus17 · 12/01/2022 07:57

Hope you managed to get some sleep, op. It's going to be a shit time but you will definitely pull through this and after his behaviour yesterday, quite clearly better off in the long run. The fact he went back to "normal" in the evening tells you everything. He's trying to brush over it and make out like it never happened. He got caught and turned it around to make you feel sorry for him, then tried to brush it over with his last text, ignoring you, and thinking you're either not gonna put two and two together or happy to let him change the topic. That's manipulate behaviour. It won't feel like it now, but you really are better off. Especially if he has multiple accounts across hook up websites...

Omicrone · 12/01/2022 08:01

Sorry this is happening to you OP.

The messages are very weird and dodgy. Given you have been together for 7 years, I'm not sure you will just be able to say 'right I'm not replying, I need to keep my dignity' though. You are going to need to have a proper hash out to find out what the fuck is going on.

Eleganz · 12/01/2022 08:12

You need to find some time to have a face to face chat about this to give him his once chance to actually explain himself. He is messing you about and being suspicious.

My advice is that it is much better to be alone than be with a cheating scumbag, so bear that in mind when he finally gets round to explaining himself or in the event that he refuses.

FireworkParrot · 12/01/2022 08:18

Him texting "hope you're well" last night would be the final straw for me. You're clearly NOT OK you've told him that and you've asked him questions that he hasn't answered. He sounds like he's got the emotional maturity of a dishcloth.

Chattycatty · 12/01/2022 08:27

Mikey you sound lovely and honestly being single isn't something to be scared of once you feel better you'll find yourself and have strength in yourself (cheesey I know) it quite honestly is amazing to know you can rely on yourself alone and then if someone comes into your life they are an extra not a requirement.

MrsPerfect12 · 12/01/2022 08:29

I hope you managed to get a decent sleep. You know what you know, your woman's instinct is confirming it. Don't ignore it. Flowers

Original poster
Mikeythecat · 12/01/2022 08:29

Good morning everyone. I got to sleep at 4.30. :-( A bit headachey this morning, but I have to sort out the kids, animals etc. in the morning, so I've not had time to think about it.

Last night was hard though. My mind was racing and I was very weepy. I just kept imagining him with other women. Awful.

I think I'm quite immature in the ways of romance. Two long-term relationships. I've never really been on the dating scene or had casual sex. I believe in love. Or want to. I do need to get a grip somewhere along the line.

Thinking of hiding my phone from myself today. I'll ask if he wants to meet up and talk about it at the weekend (maybe), but I want out of the romantic side of this relationship now. I can envisage maybe being friends in the future because I don't wish him ill or anything. I know he has MH issues. I'm close with his family. He's close with mine. But if I forgive this, it would just give him carte blanche to carry on, but be more careful. It's done.

Right, I'm having baguette toast now.

My exciting project is underway this month! It involves lots of other people, so I'll be surrounded by friends. We're renovating a big building and turning it into a charity shop. This is probably very outing if anyone on here knows me, but nevermind! Got a lot to do! I'll throw myself into that.

You've made me cry a bit this morning with your kindness. Thank you. :-)

OP posts:
TyrannosaurusRegina · 12/01/2022 08:30

@Mikeythecat

Jesus. Are they all just absolute shits? I really thought he loved me.
Yes. Yes they are all absolute shits. Even the ones that you thought were the good ones.
heelforheelandtoefortoe · 12/01/2022 08:37

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

LessTime · 12/01/2022 08:37

Hope today is a better day for you OP

Honeyroar · 12/01/2022 08:38

No they’re not all absolute shits @TyrannosaurusRegina what bitter crap!

Enjoy your baguette OP. Your charity project sounds amazing and will help fill your mind. I hope the talk goes well. He doesn’t particularly sound like he’ll be open and honest though.

girlmom21 · 12/01/2022 08:38

OP you sound bloody lovely.
I'm sorry you're dealing with this knobhead.

IntermittentParps · 12/01/2022 08:43

Have you actually SPOKEN to him? rather than messaging? Surely you need to do that before you can decide anything?

Thhhhheeeeelong · 12/01/2022 08:51

You sound like a really cool person by the way Smile

NatashaBedwouldbenice · 12/01/2022 09:00

Do you meditate? It will really help with that racing mind experience.

From a 30 year old woman who suddenly finds herself over-weight and in her 40s - take care of yourself.

Opalfeet · 12/01/2022 09:07

You sound like a lovely person, I hope you can get nice and distracted with all your forthcoming plans

DoTheyKnowItsLemonJuice · 12/01/2022 09:16

They aren’t all absolute shits!! Some are lovely.

But a LOT of them are shits FlowersBrew

DoTheyKnowItsLemonJuice · 12/01/2022 09:18

Also — you don’t owe him friendship OP. That is a lot to ask of yourself, staying friendly with a man who treated you so poorly, on the basis that he is too fragile for a complete break.

It is okay to prioritise yourself. Truly.

2022IamHavingYa · 12/01/2022 09:28

@Mikeythecat you sound absolutely incredible!

Honestly, you will be absolutely fine as you have your head screwed on.

Some positives, which you may not appreciate just yet, is your independence, both financial and physically.

Your project sounds awesome! You go smash that!

TyrannosaurusRegina · 12/01/2022 09:29

@Honeyroar

No they’re not all absolute shits *@TyrannosaurusRegina* what bitter crap!

Enjoy your baguette OP. Your charity project sounds amazing and will help fill your mind. I hope the talk goes well. He doesn’t particularly sound like he’ll be open and honest though.

Oh pipe down love.
Interrobanger · 12/01/2022 09:34

I can envisage maybe being friends in the future because I don't wish him ill or anything

No. No no no no. He has not been a good friend to you. Do not give this person any more of yourself.

And stop buying into the idea of romance and love and ‘the one’. That’s all hillocks invented by men so that they can treat us like he’s treating you.

Love is built on equality and mutual respect, as well as respect for oneself.

Gonnagetgoing · 12/01/2022 09:41

@Mikeythecat

The thing is... all this doesn't do my self-esteem much good. I was in a shitty relationship for 13 years. I'm fat. In my 40s. I live with my parents. I'm a single parent. I can't even imagine ever wanting to meet anyone else. I thought we had an ok little set-up to be honest. My life is fairly atypical. My job... my work... where I live. None of it lends itself to meeting new people. I can't even imagine it. And I have to hold it all together and look like I know what I'm doing all the time. And now I'm thinking "if I was prettier, thinner, had more time... he wouldn't have done this". I feel weak. And like I just want him to tell me it's all a big joke.
@Mikeythecat - a few years ago after a bad relationship breakup and work also going not great either - I was in my 30s living with my parents (whilst I saved a deposit for a flat), I also didn't have a huge amount of interests either so I started working for a cat sanctuary in my spare time (weekends mostly). It really helped me meet new people as I'd lost touch with a few friends or they were settled with kids.

Nothing wrong with being fat, single parent or in your 40s! I would suggest hiding your phone today. And good luck with your new charity project - now that is awesome! This man would do this even if you had your own place, and were pretty and super slim and younger.