People that don't like people

[toopeopley]

AIBU to ask what that is about?

It's too peopley out there

Not going out because I don't like people

Various memes and quotes about not liking people.

What does this mean, why don't you like people?

Is there an element of actually wanting that connection with people but not knowing how to go about it so pushing it away?

@ABitOfAShitShow

I think some of us aren’t naturally curious about others so meeting new people or interacting with people who aren’t in our inner circle requires a lot of effort. While that’s sometimes worth it, it can be exhausting. Obviously, it’s different with our close friends as - although we might not want to see them all the time - it’s easy when we do.

Holding down a senior job with severe ADHD, on top of health issues and with all the other life ‘stuff’ to deal with, also means that I’m frequently overwhelmed. I definitely don’t want to interact with people when I’m in that headspace.

It’s not necessarily about not liking people though - just not wanting to be around them so much.

But what I don't about this mindset: how do you think you've ever made friends in the first place if you refuse to engage with people?

I remember having a conversation with an old friend once who said she didn't want to do something because "I have enough friends already". That struck me as such a silly attitude. I can't fault her for not going to this event (whatever it was). But the idea that you acquire a set number of people in your life and then just close the doors to anyone above the limit, like you're running a nightclub, seems so pointlessly self-limiting.

@thepeopleversuswork I dont ‘refuse to engage with people’. Some things happen organically. My two best friends are from work (different places and I don’t work with either now) as are a few of my more casual friends. And they totally accepted my social weirdness from day 1, despite both being very social themselves, which just made me love them more.

Also - I don’t look to make friends. It happens, of course, but I don’t look for it because I can’t even understand why I would. It’s not how I’m programmed. 🤷🏼‍♀️

The irony of writing off most of the human race as 'fake and judgmental'

@ABitOfAShitShow

Also - I don’t look to make friends. It happens, of course, but I don’t look for it because I can’t even understand why I would. It’s not how I’m programmed. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Fine, but this sort of inherent suspicion of any activities designed to facilitate friendship by others seems so punitive and mean-minded.

I'm not talking about you particularly btw but this whole narrative you get on the anti-extrovert threads which goes roughly: "God aren't these extrovert people sad, empty vessels when they go to social events to meet new friends? How desperate can you get"

The implication often is that wanting to meet other people in a social setting is narcissistic or attention seeking. It's really quite unpleasant sometimes.

People always want to ditch their shit on you or brag about how awesome their life is 🤷‍♀️ I'll sit home cuddling my kids and fur babies instead thanks!

I am not a big fan of people generally. I find most animals are better.

I hate crowded spaces and actively avoid them. I probably have sociopathic tendencies...

Working retail in college is what made me hate people. The ridiculous amount of very rude people speaking to you like dirt because they perceive you as 'below' them on some made up self-importance scale. Or yelling at you just because they knew you couldn't say anything back, on some very weird power trip.

I lost a lot of faith in humanity there. I've always been introverted, but that was something else. Now I have a small group of friends I love, and no inclination to spend time with other random people.

Animals don't argue back

@thepeopleversuswork that isn't how I view people who engage well with others socially.
It is foreign to me, but its something that I wish I could do sometimes to not feel so odd.

Apparently I am good at conversation in real life and people can't tell that I'm struggling, but I really really am.

I feel like I am viewed as the sad empty vessel since I dont really have any friends and prefer to spend my time alone in my house.

Are all these people haters breeding and creating more people

@secreteatingteen

I am an extroverted introvert (or introverted extrovert - you choose!) and so I like the people I like, but I'm not that big on new people, big gatherings or small talk type situations. I need plenty of time alone too. I don't want to go out and make new friends. I can do these things but I don't want to!

This has got 'worse' as I've got older. I just don't really care about being all chatty and super friendly anymore. I'm a grumpy old woman now! I quite like it.

Yeah, it becomes more pronounced the older you get I find, you try more to fit in when you're younger.

I like my friends but hate being in situations where i'm around people for prolonged periods that i'm not friends with (i.e. sat in an open plan office all day - WFH has been a godsend).

I don't hate people (technical term is misanthropy) but I don't relate well to most people. I find people in general exhausting to be around.

I like maybe 10 people at most. Could easily do without the rest...
I do like children though. Children are ok!

@MaybeHeIsMyCat

I've worked 10 years for emergency services 2 years in retail 14 in a contact centre I don't know how many in hospitality

That's why I don't like people. Plus I take up to 200 calls a day so the last thing I want to do when I'm not working is speak

I couldn't work with the general public in those jobs. I'd rather be destitute and jobless.

I don't know, but I see it a lot on here and it makes me sad

Stuff like people moving to a new area or school and not being welcomed, and the replies are 'get over yourself/maybe they don't like you/maybe they have enough friends.'

@Momicrone

Are all these people haters breeding and creating more people

In the case of Charlie Brooker, yes. I din't believe a word of his diatribe as he flipping added more people to the world.

Maybe he was just trying to be funny.

Working in hospitality for about 10 years and having to be nice to people being an absolute arsehole to me, or to completely unreasonable people, or even abusive people has given me a very different view on people in general, than I used to.
Especially since the pandemic started.

I'm autistic and find other people very overwhelming and even intimidating in large numbers.

I struggle with sensory overload and can't cope with lots of noise, large crowds, people being too nearby, loud breathing or inane small talk about the weather.

It's not personal.

I was bullied in school, bullied in work, I'm introverted and find people tiring.

I don't hate other people, but find interacting with them a struggle. Work events are somewhat easier than the purely social as I'm performing a role and can hide behind that - offer tea, make polite chit chat, move on to the next person. Doing actual socialising though is exhausting. COVID has exacerbated this.

Happy with my sons, my dog,my parents and the amazing young people I work with whom have severe LD and autism.
I'm ok with them.

I can only really answer for me. To be honest you wouldn't know I avoid people unless you had got quite close to my nuclear family, I fully agree that those announcing it every 3 seconds on social media are attention seeking. In my case mostly people I work with assume I have a reasonable social life because professionally I am paid to put on a persona. I don't lie but people assume it mostly.

In truth there are several reasons. I grew up in a neuro divergent home , I have a neuro divergent son and I'm probably on the list somewhere. The "world" doesn't like people like us and after you've seen a few sneers you start to back away (although still working hard that DS doesn't need to retreat ). I also spent 20 years in a career that specifically showed me the worst of human behaviour. The nature of what I did for a long time specifically put me in those situations. It taught me that people ar enot in fact on the whole good.

Ironically it was usually the arrogant self involved and self appointed savers and helpers that hindered the professionals rather than the service users themselves. It taught me quickly to never trust certain groups of people.

I just learnt to trust very few and the older I get I see little point in pretending for the sake of it.

The key is partly in your post, I abhore people who think that I need to be pushed or encouraged to see others. The people who witter on that I really do want relationships with others and its ok not to be scared and any version of faux concern and "help" to get out there. I'm an adult I know what I want. I am not covering an internal need for other humans. I have my humans. I am done. I find it irritating to have twittery bluebirds squawking that I couldn't possibly be happy and that deep down I need interaction.

No. I . Don't. Frankly if you had met the people I had over the years you'd learn to be a bit more discerning about the people you spend time with as well.

Honestly , take two seconds to search MN threads. It clarifies that you will be judged on what you look like, whether you have bath mats, what shoes you wear, how you eat, how you parent, whether you use specific words, how quickly you reply to text messages, whether you send cards, whether you are educated , whether you earn a little or a lot, examples without even touching the surface. Yes, completely shocking not to trust people isn't it?

I don't mind people. I live in London and work in retail, so I've dealt with a lot of people over the 35 years I've been doing it. Do I like people? No, I can't stand most people because the majority of them are phenomenally dull without any spark or interesting thoughts. You only have to read threads on MN to see just how many catastrophically boring tiny minded people are out there in the wild.

When you speak to enough people you realise just how few you genuinely want to spend time with. I'm not of the mind that everyone has a story to tell- so many of the stories are exactly the same and very dull. It's not that I don't give people a chance, I just don't beat myself round the head socialising with people whose company I don't enjoy once I've realised they're not my type.

I have a small group of friends who adore each other and a wonderful husband. I have more than enough people in my life. Some of my family are great, I tolerate the rest.

I'm absolutely sure I fulfill the same function for other people and they can't stand me either. Suits me just fine.

Some people I like, some people I don't. Crowds get on my nerves after a while, though. We are overpopulated and it's unnatural

I’m an only child, was a loner at school for years because I was bullied.

My parents don’t have any friends or family they are close to.

I love my DH completely and my DD. I also love my my parents and care about his family. He values and respects his family so I also do because they are a part of him and I love him.

But in general, I spent years of my childhood isolated and alone. I had a terribly lonely experience and I don’t value people much no. Apart from my parents no one has ever been truly there for me except for DH. I’m so thankful for him. As my only other long-term boyfriend was a drug addict, serial cheater manipulator who controlled me and clawed his way back into my life every time I tried to leave....