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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

People that don't like people

326 replies

toopeopley · 10/01/2022 14:45

AIBU to ask what that is about?

It's too peopley out there

Not going out because I don't like people

Various memes and quotes about not liking people.

What does this mean, why don't you like people?

Is there an element of actually wanting that connection with people but not knowing how to go about it so pushing it away?

OP posts:
CaveWoman1 · 10/01/2022 15:53

I’m someone who doesn’t particularly wish to be around other people more than I can help it. That’s very different to not liking other people. I’m an introvert & prefer to be in my head, in my own space, sometimes with close friends & family. I find other people draining, because they sap my energy & focus, & I have to engage engage engage all the time. That’s not to say I don’t like them, I just prefer not to have to be around them

lurker69 · 10/01/2022 15:53

I'm really socially awkward, i struggle to interact with people and 'chat' unless i know the person really well, but generally i find what people chat about really boring (I'm sure they feel the same about me) and I'm not very good at hiding it. I cant stand being in places where there's lots of people either i get really stressed out and end up getting really grumpy. I like to be at home with my husband and kids, occasionally selected members of my wider family but i have to be in the mood. I think I might just be a horrible person Blush

vixeyann · 10/01/2022 15:54

I like a close circle of people - I don't feel the need to be surrounded by loads of people or noise. I wasn't always like this but, as I have got older, I only have a limited amount of patience for faff and people I don't like. I just want my own space and peace and quiet.

awesomekilick · 10/01/2022 15:57

"People who
Don't like people
Are the happiest people
In the world ..."

DiddyHeck · 10/01/2022 15:57

@HardbackWriter

This will go down badly because MN is absolutely full of people like this but:

People who declare (often on SM) their dislike of 'people' are attention-seeking, and trying to demonstrate their own superiority. It's the same with people who go on about how they can't stand small talk - they often seem to think that other people are just desperate to talk to them and that they're being very generous to enter into conversation that's so far below them. They also seem to think that 'not liking small talk' is a rare and interesting trait, rather than being an absolutely bog-standard, pretty dull in itself, outlook.

There are people who just quietly go about being quiet and withdrawn and that's totally different. Anyone who needs to make a fuss about hating people, or who tries to turn it into a personality, is actually very much looking for the validation of others.

I agree completely. Many people who go on about everyone else being dickheads and how introverted they are and how they get drained so easily etc are in fact the most attention seeking people I know.
Serendipity79 · 10/01/2022 15:59

I'm an introvert - I really don't like crowds, or meeting new people as I get really bad nerves. Thongs like corporate away days used to exhaust me and I'm so relieved we haven't had any for the past couple of years!

Due to many years of being part of a toxic family and having an abusive ex, I have quite low self esteem and I either end up bending over backwards for people who dont appreciate me, or I dont engage much with people and I'm constantly worried that people find me boring, dull or just not worth speaking to.

There are a couple of school parents who've exacerbated this recently because I dared to have a different opinion to them about a teacher and his methods so rumour has it they're encouraging everyone to believe I'm standoffish and uppity. This reminds me again why I dont like people....

Blossom64265 · 10/01/2022 15:59

Most people are exhausting to be around. It’s the rare person that I really connect with and enjoy.

Momicrone · 10/01/2022 16:04

It's not you it's them

MedusasBadHairDay · 10/01/2022 16:06

@Whatayear81

I don’t relate to most on this thread in thinking that most people are actually pretty decent. Obviously my friends and family I’d think that about but actually I think the majority of people in general are pretty decent

Probably why I’m generally a pretty happy and optimistic person. Must be shit to think most people are arseholes

This.

I'm an introvert, I find socialising difficult and tiring, I much prefer my own company.

But I think that most people are good, there are people who are unpleasant but few of them are thoroughly unpleasant, some are just having a bad day or something. I worked retail and customer services long enough to see some pretty appalling behaviour, but I've also seen the opposite, it's just the bad trends to stick in your memory more.

I chose not to view the world through such a depressing lens.

unlikelytobe · 10/01/2022 16:06

I'm good at small talk (I think) but this wrongfoots people sometimes as it's a passing social nicety; it doesn't mean I want to speak to them at length or get to know them better! All of this just depends on context, mood etc doesn't it? I don't glory in it but it amuses me in that 'revenge of the nerds' way.

Has it become trendy to be a misanthropic anti-social grump? Finally, I'm in with the in crowd!!Grin

Momicrone · 10/01/2022 16:07

Daimbar, Bill hicks and Charlie Brooker may be funny, doesn't mean they're right, also both arrogant. Imagine being mrs brooker

CaveWoman1 · 10/01/2022 16:08

@thaegumathteth

ultimately there's nothing better than when you have plans to go out to some social event which is cancelled and you can stay home.

Absolutely. The relief. I find particularly in relation to work do’s, my boss tried to organise some huge social gathering in a pub just before Christmas & then had to cancel a week before. I was delighted.

So much effort to get ready/put a face on, do my hair, as I’m not particularly good looking so I do have to engage in the smoke & mirrors thing. Then conversation with a load of colleagues I don’t know, can’t have a drink because it’s a long bloomin’ drive home. And the problem is my boss is an extroverted type so genuinely enjoys all these mass gatherings.

I really have to put my game face on

Footprintsinthegrass · 10/01/2022 16:09

I'm an introvert, hate meeting new people. I don't like crowds and noise. I've a small circle of friends who I love dearly and love spending time with. I have hobbies which mainly involve me chilling at home crafting by myself or hiking where hopefully I don't bump into too many people

I worked in a supermarket for 5 years which certainly influenced my opinion on the masses

Lavender24 · 10/01/2022 16:18

It's the same with people who go on about how they can't stand small talk - they often seem to think that other people are just desperate to talk to them and that they're being very generous to enter into conversation that's so far below them. They also seem to think that 'not liking small talk' is a rare and interesting trait, rather than being an absolutely bog-standard, pretty dull in itself, outlook.

I don't think this at all - I'm well aware that the other person doesn't care what I did at the weekend. That's why I think it's so pointless. I'm not saying we should all be rude to each other, I just wish there weren't so many social fillers.

Lavender24 · 10/01/2022 16:21

@Whatayear81 Yeah, it is. I actually wish I wasn't like this.

DaisyWaldron · 10/01/2022 16:29

I do actually like people, but I'm introverted and find it very tiring to be sociable for more than a short period of time. For me, other people are like alcohol, in that small quantities are lovely and fun and make me happy, but too much and I feel absolutely dreadful afterwards and have to steer clear for a while afterwards.

DaisyWaldron · 10/01/2022 16:31

So if you catch me after I've been doing sociable things and ask me about people, I'd respond in much the same way as I would to the mention of booze if I had a killer hangover.

thepeopleversuswork · 10/01/2022 16:33

@HardbackWriter

This will go down badly because MN is absolutely full of people like this but:

People who declare (often on SM) their dislike of 'people' are attention-seeking, and trying to demonstrate their own superiority. It's the same with people who go on about how they can't stand small talk - they often seem to think that other people are just desperate to talk to them and that they're being very generous to enter into conversation that's so far below them. They also seem to think that 'not liking small talk' is a rare and interesting trait, rather than being an absolutely bog-standard, pretty dull in itself, outlook.

There are people who just quietly go about being quiet and withdrawn and that's totally different. Anyone who needs to make a fuss about hating people, or who tries to turn it into a personality, is actually very much looking for the validation of others.

Totally agree. I'm really tired of people who seem to think that their inability or unwillingness to deal with basic social interaction is a badge of honour. It doesn't make you special, it certainly doesn't make you more interesting and most of us struggle with it at times, we just hide it better than you. Get over it.
NeverDropYourMoonCup · 10/01/2022 16:37

@HardbackWriter

This will go down badly because MN is absolutely full of people like this but:

People who declare (often on SM) their dislike of 'people' are attention-seeking, and trying to demonstrate their own superiority. It's the same with people who go on about how they can't stand small talk - they often seem to think that other people are just desperate to talk to them and that they're being very generous to enter into conversation that's so far below them. They also seem to think that 'not liking small talk' is a rare and interesting trait, rather than being an absolutely bog-standard, pretty dull in itself, outlook.

There are people who just quietly go about being quiet and withdrawn and that's totally different. Anyone who needs to make a fuss about hating people, or who tries to turn it into a personality, is actually very much looking for the validation of others.

Well, I don't usually do it on social media, but I don't want attention because I detest crowd dynamics, don't want to get jostled, shoved, smell their BO or hear their shout mobile conversations and generally lose sight of a quick exit route so I can breathe properly.

Small talk? Ugh. You really want to hear me stammering, peering at you to try and work out what you've just said or give up because tinnitus outweighs social conventions when crowds are just so bloody noisy?

Quite frankly, people are crap. At least animals don't judge you for wanting space or nonverbal communication.

Original poster
toopeopley · 10/01/2022 16:52

Would you rather just not be invited to the socials that you don't want to go to anyway?

Most of my friends are the un-peopley type and I never know whether to continue to ask them to things or just leave them be.

I know that sometimes it's just nice to be asked even if you have no intention of going, but at the same time it's not great to keep asking and getting knocked back.

OP posts:
Gwenhwyfar · 10/01/2022 16:54

I don't like crowds and I don't like strangers.
I have chosen to live in a city though.

daimbarsatemydogsbone · 10/01/2022 17:03

Totally agree. I'm really tired of people who seem to think that their inability or unwillingness to deal with basic social interaction is a badge of honour. It doesn't make you special, it certainly doesn't make you more interesting and most of us struggle with it at times, we just hide it better than you. Get over it.
What a nasty intolerant attitude.

BeyondMyWits · 10/01/2022 17:13

Daimbar, Bill hicks and Charlie Brooker may be funny, doesn't mean they're right, also both arrogant. Imagine being mrs brooker

"We’re constantly laughing - that’s the brilliant thing about our relationship, it’s so much fun." Mrs Charlie Brooker aka Konnie Huq ... I think she's fine.

BeyondMyWits · 10/01/2022 17:16

I get my fill of "people" at work. I work in a community pharmacy behind the counter. I'm basically paid to chat to people all day. It is fun. But I've had enough chat by the end of the work day.

MrsToothyBitch · 10/01/2022 17:19

When I worked in retail "I hate people" definitely meant the 95%. I just got chatted out and as a manager I got wheeled out to deal with problem people. Overall, I don't dislike people at all socially, but I definitely have my limit, then I need some down time! DP is the same but more severely so- people exhaust him. He'll be lovely and friendly but bombs out with a headache when we're home. He's very shy and has ptsd. New people or being stuck in a thronging crowd are real stressors for him.

Neither of us can abide are crowds. Aimless, mooching crowds getting in our fucking way and stumbling about like inconsiderate, dazzled sheep. Wearing their noisy shoes and bloody following us to the point of practically treading on us. The heat and noise of them. We both find it too much. They truly are "too peopley".

I loved the emptiness of the streets in lockdown! I will try v hard to be really nice but I definitely have a limit for crowds & queues etc.