People that don't like people

[toopeopley]

AIBU to ask what that is about?

It's too peopley out there

Not going out because I don't like people

Various memes and quotes about not liking people.

What does this mean, why don't you like people?

Is there an element of actually wanting that connection with people but not knowing how to go about it so pushing it away?

@daimbarsatemydogsbone

Totally agree. I'm really tired of people who seem to think that their inability or unwillingness to deal with basic social interaction is a badge of honour. It doesn't make you special, it certainly doesn't make you more interesting and most of us struggle with it at times, we just hide it better than you. Get over it. What a nasty intolerant attitude.

Why is this intolerant, though? Seriously....

We're talking about memes being circulated saying "I don't like people". It's hard to imagine anything more intolerant than saying you don't like your own species.

No one is saying everyone should be a standing-on-the-table extrovert or that they don't understand that its sometimes difficult for those who struggle with social interaction. It's just the way that being an introvert is now often posited as some sort of badge of depth or intelligence which the ordinary common folk who are common enough that they can smile at one another in queues don't have.

It's patronising and irritating to think that only stupid people can do small talk, or that wanting to spend your entire life at home with your husband and dog makes you superior. It doesn't.

The reality is that the vast majority of people have to have some interaction with people they haven't chosen as part of their day to day life. Some manage it better than others. But thinking that opting out of it makes you better is misguided and misanthropic.

People are generally nicer if you're nice to them. And yes, sometimes that means a bit of smalltalk to oil the wheels.

Too much pissing around doing bullshit quizzes about made up personality types (Myers Briggs I'm looking at you with your introvert/extravert nonsense.)
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The internet
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Such memes.

Also memes about empaths.

Not quite the same as 'Just me and the kids no more bullshit hun' but getting there.

@toopeopley

Would you rather just not be invited to the socials that you don't want to go to anyway?

Most of my friends are the un-peopley type and I never know whether to continue to ask them to things or just leave them be.

I know that sometimes it's just nice to be asked even if you have no intention of going, but at the same time it's not great to keep asking and getting knocked back.

So to continue to invite or no?

I like people in very small doses, I can't stand busy or crowded places. I find so many people are too loud, are too tall and have no concept of personal space, and far too many people wear too much perfume/aftershave etc and the smell is so overwhelming it makes me sick. I have dodgy hearing too and if there is too much background noise or more than one person talking I just can't hear anything properly, it all just becomes one awful meaningless noise.

It's all just too stressful, I'd far rather just stay at home in the quiet where nobody is barging into me or being rude.

It's just the way that being an introvert is now often posited as some sort of badge of depth or intelligence which the ordinary common folk who are common enough that they can smile at one another in queues don't have.
I think you are engaging in the exact form of projecting assumptions about other people's motivations that you seek to criticise.
OK so maybe it's become trendy, but after years of having to listen to rah rah shouty extroverts in charge of everything maybe a few of us are at last finding we're not alone.

@Picklypickles

I like people in very small doses, I can't stand busy or crowded places. I find so many people are too loud, are too tall and have no concept of personal space, and far too many people wear too much perfume/aftershave etc and the smell is so overwhelming it makes me sick. I have dodgy hearing too and if there is too much background noise or more than one person talking I just can't hear anything properly, it all just becomes one awful meaningless noise.

It's all just too stressful, I'd far rather just stay at home in the quiet where nobody is barging into me or being rude.

I agree about stupidly strong scents - and that is far from rare.

It’s nice to be invited to things, but also nice to feel able to say no and know (hope!) that the inviter won’t be offended and that nobody is going to nag or try to persuade.

I like a lot of people but I also think there are an awful lot of cunts about and seeing and hearing them makes me feel depressed so I try to limit my contact with strangers. Dogs are, on the whole, much much nicer than humans.

@toopeopley

Would you rather just not be invited to the socials that you don't want to go to anyway?

Most of my friends are the un-peopley type and I never know whether to continue to ask them to things or just leave them be.

I know that sometimes it's just nice to be asked even if you have no intention of going, but at the same time it's not great to keep asking and getting knocked back.

I think the only way round this is to ask them

When you said "too peopley" I thought you might mean crowded spaces. But if you mean social gatherings, that's a bit different.

I find that those who say "people are arseholes / scum" are usually very difficult people themselves

I dont feel like I relate to many people. Kids and animals I feel much more comfortable around because they're 100% honest. Most adults are just fake or judgemental, or both fake and judgemental.

There are just far too many humans for my liking when I leave my house. I need a cabin in the woods.

I've been told many times I would make a perfect hermit.

I am completely asocial. I find people noisy and intrusive and I have nothing in common with most of them. I avoid crowds as much as I possibly can and will actively avoid acquaintances if I accidentally see them when I'm out to avoid having to make polite conversation.

I try, I really do. I'm polite on the surface and might even be mistaken as being friendly. I can make an effort and keep it up for a while but it never lasts long and then I have to retreat.

As to the invite question - please don't keep inviting me if I keep declining. There are only so many excuses I can come up with and if you keep insisting then I'll just have a migraine that day.

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

Other people usually require of you to be smiley/chatty/interested. The alternative is then these people think that you are rude.

So for a lot of people it's too much effort to have to put on a show of niceties where none is genuine. Me included.

That is how I feel too.

That is why I prefer to WFH. I don't have to feign interest in Harry's garden plans or Tim's band when really I want them to shut up and let me get on with my work.

@TheChip

I dont feel like I relate to many people. Kids and animals I feel much more comfortable around because they're 100% honest. Most adults are just fake or judgemental, or both fake and judgemental.

There are just far too many humans for my liking when I leave my house. I need a cabin in the woods.

This is pretty much how I feel.

I love other people, I consider "talking to strangers" a hobby. I've got very many friends and good friendships. I can talk the hind legs off a donkey but a lot of interesting and meaningful conversation in there too. Am I now considered to be the weirdo?
I also like being at home, not talking constantly, reading, watching telly, stroking the cat etc

Would you rather just not be invited to the socials that you don't want to go to anyway?

With friends, yes. In an office, no.

Hell is other people

@Davros

I love other people, I consider "talking to strangers" a hobby. I've got very many friends and good friendships. I can talk the hind legs off a donkey but a lot of interesting and meaningful conversation in there too. Am I now considered to be the weirdo? I also like being at home, not talking constantly, reading, watching telly, stroking the cat etc

I think you sound fabulous! I'm a total introvert but I love being friends with extroverts because they're good talkers and I love listening! Works out well for both of us!

I consider "talking to strangers" a hobby

But are you sensitive to the fact that the strangers may not actually want to be talked to? I've lost count of the number of people who try to strike up a conversation when I'm out walking the dogs or sitting alone in a cafe with a book. Some take the hint when met with a blank stare but far too many just rabbit away regardless.

For places I'd consider as too peopley it means there are too many people there and in the way which prevents me doing the thing I want to do freely and quickly.

@CaptaNoctem

I consider "talking to strangers" a hobby

But are you sensitive to the fact that the strangers may not actually want to be talked to? I've lost count of the number of people who try to strike up a conversation when I'm out walking the dogs or sitting alone in a cafe with a book. Some take the hint when met with a blank stare but far too many just rabbit away regardless.

Oh god - yes this!

I still remember with horror a flight to London from LA. I was well and truly trapped in the window seat!

It's patronising and irritating to think that only stupid people can do small talk, or that wanting to spend your entire life at home with your husband and dog makes you superior. It doesn't.

Absolutely agree.

Wanting to spend your entire life at home with your husband and your dog sounds absolutely dire. So dire, in fact, that it can’t possibly be true. You might as well be dead - existing from day to day in some sort of insular, closeted greyness.

I have to admit that I don’t love ‘people’ in the sense of crowds of random strangers in town or the supermarket. Most of them are annoying and stupid.

But I love ‘people’ in the sense of my friends and family - people I like, and who I choose to spend time with and have fun with. I adore them, and try to spend as much time with them as possible, because it’s enjoyable and we laugh a lot, and I look forward to every interaction.

As opposed to the dull ‘existers’ who only live for their DH and their dog and relentlessly eschew any sort of merriment.

@NutCheeseBag

Hell is other people

Hell is people who think hating other people makes them superior.

I think some of us aren’t naturally curious about others so meeting new people or interacting with people who aren’t in our inner circle requires a lot of effort. While that’s sometimes worth it, it can be exhausting. Obviously, it’s different with our close friends as - although we might not want to see them all the time - it’s easy when we do.

Holding down a senior job with severe ADHD, on top of health issues and with all the other life ‘stuff’ to deal with, also means that I’m frequently overwhelmed. I definitely don’t want to interact with people when I’m in that headspace.

It’s not necessarily about not liking people though - just not wanting to be around them so much.

I'm the extrovert type. And you probably wouldn't realise if you got to know me now rather that 20 years ago, but I am actually very socially unsure of myself.

If you are a friend of mine and you post a meme of the "I hate people" variety, I will take it personally and presume you mean me.

I will be devasted that our friendship wasn't what I thought it was.

If you do actually mean you hate me, fair enough, but if you have people you do like and want to keep as friends, please don't say you hate/dislike/don't want to be around them.

@toopeopley

Would you rather just not be invited to the socials that you don't want to go to anyway?

Most of my friends are the un-peopley type and I never know whether to continue to ask them to things or just leave them be.

I know that sometimes it's just nice to be asked even if you have no intention of going, but at the same time it's not great to keep asking and getting knocked back.

I'd rather just not be invited especially if it's a series of declines one after another, if I want to do something with someone I'll ask them myself. I'm glad you asked this as many people just ignore it and continue the pressure and it's stressful and causes a bit of a meltdown coming up with excuses all the time.