People that don't like people

[toopeopley]

AIBU to ask what that is about?

It's too peopley out there

Not going out because I don't like people

Various memes and quotes about not liking people.

What does this mean, why don't you like people?

Is there an element of actually wanting that connection with people but not knowing how to go about it so pushing it away?

I’d choose to spend time by myself or with my family any day. I know lots of lovely people but it takes a lot of energy working myself up to go and socialise although I’d joy it when I’m out and I’m nice enough so get requests for hanging out.
I have to think up excuses to not meet up and that in itself it exhausting as I don’t want to lie either.

@HikingforScenery

I’d choose to spend time by myself or with my family any day. I know lots of lovely people but it takes a lot of energy working myself up to go and socialise although I’d joy it when I’m out and I’m nice enough so get requests for hanging out. I have to think up excuses to not meet up and that in itself it exhausting as I don’t want to lie either.

People who know me would be very surprised to find out this is how I feel. I appear very friendly and approachable, etc. Think talking with a smile on my face all the time ( apart from when angry, of course). That might be part of the ‘problem’

IMO it's missing two words.

I don't like people by default.

I like plenty of people. A specific hundred or so amongst the seven billion available. I'm nice enough to the rest, but I'm not recruiting more.

And from a philosophical perspective, I don't see humans as more important than any other life on earth.

@User135644 I missed out I've been a carer too
It's not that I dislike people as such. Just that after a weeks work I'm done and want to spend the weekend in peace. I like socialising with people I like but the general public.. no

I am quite perceptive but also have high standards and am quite critical (also about myself though, it's not selective! ). People's flaws just seem to jump out at me.

And also, I'm an introvert so whilst I do need some socialisation, I also need alone time. (Also have an extrovert child who does not like alone time!).

@thepeopleversuswork Read your message back. Despite me saying exactly none of those things, you’ve taken the exact same tone you claim to hate - but in the opposite direction. Saying it’s not aimed at me ‘particularly’ still suggests I’m included in your target group.

I explained why I’m the way I am. I wasn’t nasty about anyone else in the process. I make no apologies for being myself, neurodivergence and all. Why should I tailor myself to be more palatable for people who are different to me?

Even as a young child, I would get stressed and want to go home if there were more than 3 people in the room. I'm an introvert, genuinely. People wouldn't necessarily know it. I appear friendly and outgoing.

I am lucky that I have a natural curiosity about life and I've worked out that people like talking about themselves/their interests, on the whole, so I've carefully crafted the art of asking people about themselves and avoiding having to share too much about me.

I hate small talk. I don't understand it tbh. But I learned it because I was a nurse. I understand it matters to lots of people, so I decided to get good at it.

Generally, I am happy with my own company. However, if you become my friend, I'll do anything for you.

People exhaust me and yep, way too many arseholes out there.

Hell is other people (Sartre).

Socialising with tinkling laughter and faux interest/concern/topics of convo are totally overrated and forgotten in a few minutes, after all that hard work being nice.

One dear friend and my family/OH is all I need. Much prefer to do things quietly and privately. The thoughts of being by a swimming pool or mingling with guests on holiday fills me with dread, so I never do that type of holiday. Weddings are very hard for me. I love the people getting married (immediate family only invites accepted!), but am exhausted by all the smiling, being nice, and trying to keep a conversation going for hours.

I know I am not alone. Others may think it is odd, but for me and many like me it is totally normal to be like this. Bear in mind I am never rude and will do things with others, but prefer my own company by a country mile. OH understands and he is a little like me anyway so it works fine.

I have had a bad year with people. When a close family member died traumatically it really showed up who was willing to put someone elses needs before their own for a while and offer me support. Not that I was asking much but a text, quick phone call, any kind of reaching out. It really undermined my belief that people are good and nice and caring. I am increasingly isolated because of so many friends disappearing. And now the dust has settled and they are popping back up, I dont think I can be bothered with them. It has really made me mistrust people. I know everyone is having a hard time at the moment, but it was so awful.

Not sure sartre's a terribly good role model

It's not about superiority at all, just about self-respect, acceptance and equality. For long introverts where viewed as defective people, less than. Now "the introvert revolution" has happened. :) We can keep our head up high and be open about our preferred way of life. We are not superior just happy and content with ourselves. Seems that some of you would wish to see us with low self-esteem again, admiting the undeniable superiority of our extroverted overlords. 😀 Good old days.

@Momicrone

Not sure sartre's a terribly good role model

Why's that then?

But are you sensitive to the fact that the strangers may not actually want to be talked to? I've lost count of the number of people who try to strike up a conversation when I'm out walking the dogs or sitting alone in a cafe with a book. Some take the hint when met with a blank stare but far too many just rabbit away regardless.
Yes, I think I am and I think I have a good radar. Others may disagree!

I say this sort of thing occasionally. I’m definitely NOT a people pleaser anyway. What I mean is that I can’t be arsed with small talk - pointless effort, I get annoyed easily by the behaviour of some people and would rather not interact, like being alone a good deal. On the other hand I do have friends and enjoy good quality conversation. I’m certain other people may think badly of me (or be indifferent to me) so I’m sure it’s not just me who feels like this.

@user1478172746

It's not about superiority at all, just about self-respect, acceptance and equality. For long introverts where viewed as defective people, less than. Now "the introvert revolution" has happened. :) We can keep our head up high and be open about our preferred way of life. We are not superior just happy and content with ourselves. Seems that some of you would wish to see us with low self-esteem again, admiting the undeniable superiority of our extroverted overlords. 😀 Good old days.

Hear, hear. Where has this notion come from that not being a people person is out of a sense of superiority, as if it's actually deliberate? You don't choose to be like this, you just are.

@user1478172746

It's not about superiority at all, just about self-respect, acceptance and equality. For long introverts where viewed as defective people, less than. Now "the introvert revolution" has happened. :) We can keep our head up high and be open about our preferred way of life. We are not superior just happy and content with ourselves. Seems that some of you would wish to see us with low self-esteem again, admiting the undeniable superiority of our extroverted overlords. 😀 Good old days.

I agree with this. Of course it's not about superiority! I used to feel I must be deficient because I wasn't a social butterfly like everyone else seemed to be. Then I just accepted myself as I am. I'm quite happy with that.

I’m a loner and always have been. Wanted and tried to make friends at school but quickly learnt that people are not nice.

Now I have 4(ish) friends but I trust nobody and still prefer my own company (and that of animals)

God some of you are such miserable bastards I just despair.

I like people
Most people are fundamentally decent
There are plenty twats in the world but they can largely be avoided or just mentally dismissed.

I’m an introvert in some ways: my kids go to a school where all the parent Bob around animatedly as though they’re at a pissing cocktail party. I smile and good and hang out with other outliers. But they’re nice people, just different from me. It’s not my thing.

While in shit in a group, I am really welcoming and hospitable to visitors, generous with time and gifts and I know that I am considerate and interested in other people. It’s just making an effort to fellow humans. What pisses me off of when basic kindnesses/gestures/manners are not returned because it inconveniences the precious introvert. I too find it great to be left alone, I just find this incessant trendy misanthropy thoroughly depressing.

And it’s great being an optimist and not hating people on sight. I get animated and happy around people I’m fond of then when they leave.... I feel animated and happy because I’m alone. 😂

Most people end up disappointing or hurting me in some way. I have some close friends and family but that is it. Cannot be arsed with it anymore

I like a small group of people - close friends and some members of my family. I used to be very much a people person as a teenager and in my early twenties. I was eager for people to like me and would always put in so much effort to be likeable - even if I didn't much like them.

Now I've got my 'people' for life, I no longer feel the need to make an effort and be likeable. I just don't have the energy. I have had so many conversations in my life that has been like pulling teeth and asking all about their life and them knowing nothing about mine. I find people very unpredictable as well, some days they are very friendly and the next day they don't even say hello. I just don't really care for any more people than I already have.

It's a nice feeling to be honest, I feel very content. To be honest, even including my close friends and family - I much prefer my own company and my daughters company over anything else.

Totally agree and said so on another thread where it all kicked off.

It's just rude, unnecessary and bloody miserable to bang on relentlessly about how much you hate other people. Yes, some are awful. Most really aren't.

It's also ironic to do it on a social site like this which is surely about connecting with others to a degree. If you can't bear interacting with any of us, kindly just take the magic elsewhere.

I'd also be fascinated to know how the geographical split lies here. You would really struggle to be this antisocial where I'm originally from - people talk to you in the street and in shop queues whether you like it or not. The miseries are viewed as a challenge.

@thepeopleversuswork

A fair bit of this is this militant introvertism which seems to have crept into modern life. I'm really over it.

I totally get that modern life can be a bit much if you're not a big fan of socialising. But I can't deal with the "I'm an introvert and I'm special" syndrome.

We know you find it draining, some of us who are further towards the extrovert/ambivert end of the scale find it draining too. Not many people really enjoy sales conferences or public speaking or marching up to strangers to ask for their phone number.

Fine to retreat from it sometimes but to some extent being able to interact in a civil fashion is the price of modern life. Sometimes its a bore and sometimes it will improve your life. Just crack on with it and then go and recharge your batteries in peace but stop with the superior "I hate people" memes. It doesn't make you more special or more intelligent its a bit of a PITA.

This

@RussiasGreatestLoveMachine

It's patronising and irritating to think that only stupid people can do small talk, or that wanting to spend your entire life at home with your husband and dog makes you superior. It doesn't.

Absolutely agree.

Wanting to spend your entire life at home with your husband and your dog sounds absolutely dire. So dire, in fact, that it can’t possibly be true. You might as well be dead - existing from day to day in some sort of insular, closeted greyness.

I have to admit that I don’t love ‘people’ in the sense of crowds of random strangers in town or the supermarket. Most of them are annoying and stupid.

But I love ‘people’ in the sense of my friends and family - people I like, and who I choose to spend time with and have fun with. I adore them, and try to spend as much time with them as possible, because it’s enjoyable and we laugh a lot, and I look forward to every interaction.

As opposed to the dull ‘existers’ who only live for their DH and their dog and relentlessly eschew any sort of merriment.

Almost all the great art in the world, the great scientific discoveries, philosophy, mysticism, etc etc, was created and developed by more introverted people in rooms or spaces whilst on their own.

Hardly the 'insular, closeted greyness' you imagine.

It's just rude, unnecessary and bloody miserable to bang on relentlessly about how much you hate other people.

Nobody does this, though. The OP asked.

It's also ironic to do it on a social site like this which is surely about connecting with others to a degree.

There's nothing social about it, we're talking to each other's usernames in writing.