People that don't like people

[toopeopley]

AIBU to ask what that is about?

It's too peopley out there

Not going out because I don't like people

Various memes and quotes about not liking people.

What does this mean, why don't you like people?

Is there an element of actually wanting that connection with people but not knowing how to go about it so pushing it away?

I don’t really like people. I have a very small group of people who I do like and socialise with - but I have less than zero interest in extending my circle any further, and I’d rather stick pins in my eyes than attend any kind of social event with more than 3 people, especially if it involves making small talk with strangers - borrrringggg

I believe that most people are genuinely nice and good-natured. I've worked in quite a few places and there has virtually always been one person who's been rude, unkind, unpleasant towards me and who I've often left the job over.. however there were many lovely people.
I've dated some awfully abusive and selfish men but fortunately I'm dating a nice man now.

The thing that I don't like about people is when they gossip about you or others behind your/their back. I can understand them saying 'Oh so and so was really rude to me earlier, what shall I do?' which I have done myself.
But laughing at them or things like 'X isn't very pretty/is boring/wears awful clothes etc' is just rude yet I've seen it so much.

I also struggle with social interaction and do better in small groups. I hate having to make conversation in noisy pubs and clubs, also struggle to block out background noise and chatter when I'm speaking to somebody.

I get nervous meeting and talking to new people and always worry about being judged negatively or that I am coming across as awkward. Have always been shy and quiet, I have a couple of friends but I've stopped trying to meet new people really

I'm not a people person, I find socialising in any respect hard work, the thought of meeting up with people (friends/extended family) tedious and stressful I could happily go on the rest of my days without socialising bar saying thankyou to the cashier. Its just pointless to me.

@Iamclearlyamug

I don’t really like people. I have a very small group of people who I do like and socialise with - but I have less than zero interest in extending my circle any further, and I’d rather stick pins in my eyes than attend any kind of social event with more than 3 people, especially if it involves making small talk with strangers - borrrringggg

Making small talk and how boring it is to have general chit chat has come up a lot on here.

Does that mean that you dive straight into deep insightful conversations?

@Pesimistic

I'm not a people person, I find socialising in any respect hard work, the thought of meeting up with people (friends/extended family) tedious and stressful I could happily go on the rest of my days without socialising bar saying thankyou to the cashier. Its just pointless to me.

Don't you miss human connection? A sense of community?

I would be happy to be alone about 90% of the time, and I'd prefer the remaining 10% was spent with the approx 5 people I feel OK with. I find social interactions stressful because I struggle with understanding social rules.

Sadly I have a job so I have to put up with people.

I almost posted on this thread yesterday then didn't - today I have been out of the house for an hour which reminded me why I don't like people!

Woman walking her dog at our local fields, taking no notice of other dogs / walkers, zigzagging all over the place so you couldn't avoid them, allowing her dog to run all over the place and approach other dogs, both of them just generally getting in everyone's way. Everyone else put their dogs on leads and was trying to keep out of her way / stop her dog from bothering theirs, but she couldn't care less. One other woman only stayed 5 minutes, I ended up leaving much sooner than I would have, and a chap who has 2 reactive staffies was clearly vexed with the situation

Driving home, I get cut up by a twat on the dual carriageway who was driving really dangerously, doing way over the speed limit, undertaking, slamming his brakes on and basically treating the road as a racetrack

And I come home to my lovely neighbour putting a new fence up because he's so fed up of inconsiderate wankers using his garden as a short cut

This is a short summary of why I do not like the general public (today!). Whatever the location / activity, I generally find that there is one person, or a small minority, acting in a way that ruins other people's enjoyment, or safety, or peace of mind. And unfortunately, it's those people that tend to make an impact on your day, rather than the other 95% of nice normal people you encounter in a day.

@Momicrone

I also can't get my head around the logic of it, if you all believe only your husband, kid, dog are nice, then surely there are lots of nice people out there all living in separate bubbles, but hating on each other. It's bizarre

It's not that I don't believe other people are nice, and I certainly don't hate them.

It's that I find other people exhausting and overwhelming to be around, so I don't feel the need to approach them and become their friend. I'm happy with my husband and the few friends I already have - I don't feel like I need anyone else.

I'm perfectly fine chatting to people I meet, say, while walking the dog, but equally I don't feel the need to pursue new friendships or to go out of my way to socialise with other people. I spend my down time mostly alone and I'm more than happy with that :)

@Gwenhwyfar

"No, it doesn't hurt to be nice"

It can do if your niceness is rejected. Think of a scenario when you see someone in the street and you get ready to stop and talk whereas they just nod and carry on walking. Someone told me it was easy to spot who was going to stop and who was going to walk by, but I never got that. I hate feeling that I've been made a fool of.
I live in a city now so bumping into people is rare and I sometimes hide if I see an acquaintance and I'm not sure what to do.

But... sorry if this sounds clunky... but isn't that just normal? This happens to everyone. If someone carries on walking past you its not personal.

"but isn't that just normal? This happens to everyone. If someone carries on walking past you its not personal."

Well, apparently it doesn't happen to the person who told me she can tell as the person approaches whether that person is going to stop.
In any case, even if it happens to everyone it was a response to 'niceness doesn't hurt' to explain that yes, it can, because you open yourself up to rejection and some people would rather avoid that.

@Gwenhwyfar

OK, but someone who fails to spot you waving at them or approaching them and walks past isn't "rejection" really is it? It's obviously someone not spotting you.

No one would deliberately blunder past you. I can't imagine living in a world where you would take that as a sleight...

I am in a job that deals with the public all day. I don't hate people per se, but there is a good proportion of the type I deal with that are unpleasant. It's nice to go home and just be with my family and not have that pressure to "perform" as someone I'm not.

I am an introvert but not autistic, have suffered social anxiety in the past, and find most social interactions quite exhausting. I struggle to hold interesting conversations with people. I have to think very quickly about what to say for small talk. Common things are the weather but you can only go so far with that. If I go out, I listen a lot to people but don't say much. (It's the quiet ones you have to watch!) Some people think I am rude, but it's not my intention, it's just I'm internally trying to find a common interest or thing to talk about, and sometimes the inspiration comes too late!

Yes small talk can be 'booorrrriiing', but it's often the way people meet and first connect, be it your close circle of friends or partner

@Momicrone

Yes small talk can be 'booorrrriiing', but it's often the way people meet and first connect, be it your close circle of friends or partner

It wasn't for me. I met my few friends and spouse through work or a common interest/hobby. There's not a single person I'd say I was friends with who I randomly met and clicked via small talk in a social setting, the street, or a pub/shop.

I met my OH through voluntary work and it was a very slow burn for us to get to know each other, in fact, several months before our first date. Neither of us jump into new friendships on a whim, we are both very reticent and take time to slowly integrate ourselves (both suffered bullying and abuse in earlier life so put up barriers to protect ourselves).

As for other friends, again, common interests/hobbies, again, slow burn to get to know people and build up trust/confidence.

The thing is that by taking time to make friends, they're more likely to be long term friends as we know we've got lots in common, trust/respect eachother, etc.

I contrast that with my sister, who basically played with anyone as a child, talks to anyone, has a huge circle of "friends", has had loads of boyfriends, etc., but she has no long term friends at all - and her life has been one drama after another of people taking advantage of her, broken relationships, "friends" snubbing her by not inviting her to parties, weddings, etc. Basically, none of her "friends" were real friends at all, just temporary acquaintances.

@Momicrone

Yes small talk can be 'booorrrriiing', but it's often the way people meet and first connect, be it your close circle of friends or partner

But not everyone wants to meet or connect with new people. While I am happy enough to engage in superficial small talk when necessary, I don't actually want it to go any further than that.

So sometimes it's easier to avoid the small talk as then people inevitably start inviting you to socialise and get hurt when you turn them down or try and (politely) make it clear you're not interested in pursuing any new friendships.

[quote thepeopleversuswork]@Gwenhwyfar

OK, but someone who fails to spot you waving at them or approaching them and walks past isn't "rejection" really is it? It's obviously someone not spotting you.

No one would deliberately blunder past you. I can't imagine living in a world where you would take that as a sleight...[/quote]
It used to happen to me all the time that I would stop to talk when they were obviously planning to just say hello and move on. Of course people do that. It's not that they don't see me, it's that they plan to nod/acknowledge me and then carry on walking and I can't tell who will do that and who will stop to talk.

"But not everyone wants to meet or connect with new people. "

Interesting. I'm desperate to make new friends, but hate meeting new people. I find the stranger stage really difficult.

@Gwenhwyfar

"But not everyone wants to meet or connect with new people. "

Interesting. I'm desperate to make new friends, but hate meeting new people. I find the stranger stage really difficult.

It is interesting but also really difficult as how do you know which are the people that don't like people as some hide it so well and you could be wasting your new friend making efforts on a lost cause.

@EvilPea

I’m one of those people who say that. I think what I probably mean is there’s too many arseholes out there. Some people are nice, some people are twats, some are down right scum. I hold doors for people, give people space, say thank you when they give way to me. I plant for wildlife and treat all life with the same respect I would like given to me.

So when I don’t get a thank you for giving way to someone or watch someone encourage their kids to chase birds. Or on the other scale you read of animal or vulnerable person abuse you realise there’s actually a lot of scum bags out there.

Agree totally with this. I'm the same cxx

I don’t understand people who say ‘I don’t like small talk’. Do you assume lots of people do??? I don’t like small talk and can’t imagine anyone does really, but if you’re meeting the new starter in the office, or you’re meeting your brother’s new girlfriend then it’s the nice thing to do, and I think it’s pretty mean not to. Am I missing something? I think self declared misanthropes should still be civil, or do you not thank the person serving you at the till, or glower at the paramedics who’ve come to help your family member?? I’m not an extrovert, and spend most of my time alone, which I prefer, but I don’t hate people and I do accept that some advantages of society come by being civil to people and not thinking the worst of everyone I come across.

@Persephoned

I don’t understand people who say ‘I don’t like small talk’. Do you assume lots of people do??? I don’t like small talk and can’t imagine anyone does really, but if you’re meeting the new starter in the office, or you’re meeting your brother’s new girlfriend then it’s the nice thing to do, and I think it’s pretty mean not to. Am I missing something? I think self declared misanthropes should still be civil, or do you not thank the person serving you at the till, or glower at the paramedics who’ve come to help your family member?? I’m not an extrovert, and spend most of my time alone, which I prefer, but I don’t hate people and I do accept that some advantages of society come by being civil to people and not thinking the worst of everyone I come across.

But you can hate small talk and still partake in it and be polite. I can't stand small talk but that doesn't mean I'm rude enough to ignore people who speak to me. Saying that, I'm very unlikely to ever be the one to start a conversation with a stranger. It's just not who I am and I wish that was respected more - not everyone needs to speak to you and greet you.

And as far as I can see, nobody on here has said they 'glower at paramedics" or "refuse to thank people serving them"

Very few (if any) posters have actually said they think the worst of people - but many people struggle do hugely, for a whole variety of reasons - childhood trauma, severe shyness/introversion, autism and more, and as a result, they don't want to make small-talk and just want to be left alone.

I both like and dislike small talk. I like it because I enjoy the wee natter, I dont like how it makes me feel. Questioning in my head whether I'm saying and doing the right things, and a whole load of other tripe. I dont like how it replays in my head over and over again for hours after the interaction has taken place.

In order to avoid the mental torment I just try to avoid the small talk now.

Fairylights - plenty of posters have said they think the worst of people - 'utter bastards' is just one phrase that springs to mind

@Momicrone

Fairylights - plenty of posters have said they think the worst of people - 'utter bastards' is just one phrase that springs to mind

It's important to remember that the title of this thread means that it will attract people who like to say how much they hate everyone, so the answers are going to be hugely skewed in one direction.

But people who genuinely hate people make up a pretty small percentage of the population overall, so I really wouldn't waste time getting so upset about it.

I would consider myself introverted and need lots of downtime but I like people! Even strangers -you never know who you may connect with.

I work with people though and that fulfils my need for human connection. I have to be good at putting strangers at ease and reassuring potentially distressed young children at work.

Having young children has also meant between my job and kids, that i feel the need to recharge alone more. If I WFH and had no kids if be desparate to talk to people and socialise more.

My DH and 1 of my DC are def 'too peoplely' type people though. I can see It drains them and puts them on edge being around people.