People that don't like people

[toopeopley]

AIBU to ask what that is about?

It's too peopley out there

Not going out because I don't like people

Various memes and quotes about not liking people.

What does this mean, why don't you like people?

Is there an element of actually wanting that connection with people but not knowing how to go about it so pushing it away?

Also can I ask what you do if you want to go to the theatre, holidays, meals, concerts etc? Do you do a lot of things on your own or with the close circle that you keep?

I don't like people, but I do like my friends and (most) of my family.

I am happy with my own company and have done lots of things on my own including holidays! Equally, I have done lots of things with friends and family...

Nothing strange about either way. Having the choice/ ability to do things on your own is always a plus in my eyes. The experience is completely different you should try it one day!

Well if you're all doing fine despite disliking people then you clearly aren't being discriminated against. Which makes me even more puzzled as to why you are demanding the introvert revolution or whatever.

@toopeopley

Also can I ask what you do if you want to go to the theatre, holidays, meals, concerts etc? Do you do a lot of things on your own or with the close circle that you keep?

I’ve spent just over 3 decades working & dealing with the general public.

People are arseholes. I fucking hate people. The change, over the last 20 years especially, is awful. Rude, entitled twats.

Those that shout the loudest & get management involved always get what they want (not necessarily what they should get!), meaning they treat people like shit over and over again. I’d happily not leave the house again some days.

If I do want to go out it will be with a couple of friends I’ve known for 15 years or my family.

What pisses me off of when basic kindnesses/gestures/manners are not returned because it inconveniences the precious introvert. I too find it great to be left alone, I just find this incessant trendy misanthropy thoroughly depressing.

Bad manners is different. I'm extremely polite and courteous, and can be sociable when required, despite being a hardcore introvert. I also enjoy the company of people I like (albeit in smallish doses).

People with bad manners are either socially defective or just arseholes. People glued to screens all day has also not helped general social skills.

@toopeopley

I also think this style of living has come to light from working at home.

Yes some people don't want to go to the office due to the commute or other reasons, however, many many people don't seem to want to go back because other people are there and they don't like people, don't want to mix with them and would much much rather their own company every day at home.

This is me, but not because I don't like people, but because I find sitting around other people for 8 hours a day exhausting. Especially if there's a lot of noise and distraction.

I don't like people. I don't see the point of them really.

I have a family & they're my only concern.

Time is too precious to spend talking about the weather with people you don't care about or have any alliegance to.

I used to care deeply what people thought of me when I was a teen, now as a 40 yr old I really couldn't care less.

The vast majority of people are merely pretending to get along anyway I feel.

Society is very fake in general.

If you don't like people do you do a job where you can actively avoid people?

These jobs are rare, at least ones that pay reasonably well.

The job market for a long time has catered overwhelmingly for extroverts, or for the people person. Call centres, customer service jobs, open plan office jobs, the service economy, hospitality, retail, many factory type jobs, any customer facing role.

WFH has started to offer a genuine alternative to shy/introverted people who prefer solitude. I've had to quit customer service roles in the past because I found it far too overwhelming. I've settled in admin work but still find being around people for 8 hours a day difficult, especially with all the team meetings etc thrown in.

WFH has been such a godsend on a personal level. i don't mind being in the office some of the time, in fact it does me good, like all socialising for me, it's about small doses.

I love other people, I consider "talking to strangers" a hobby. I've got very many friends and good friendships. I can talk the hind legs off a donkey but a lot of interesting and meaningful conversation in there too. Am I now considered to be the weirdo?

If you are then I'm a weirdo too! I quite like crowds (when it's happy crowds, like at a Summer fair or something) and get a buzz from being among happy people. I talk to everyone, and have had some very interesting chats with all sorts of strangers. The best thing about that is that it makes you reassess your own prejudices and preconceptions, which we all have, based on irrelevant factors such as age. This week I have had really interesting conversations with a man half my age and a woman twice my age, and both added something to my life.
Of course some people can be awful, but in my experience you often get what you expect.

I actually don't get it. I struggle to understand it. I understand aspects of it, like needing space. The difference between extroverts and introverts, ambiverts etc. But to not have friends, not engage with people, which isn't natural human behaviour - I find it hard to understand that. Because they've been so hurt and abused in childhood?

@Oblomov22

I actually don't get it. I struggle to understand it. I understand aspects of it, like needing space. The difference between extroverts and introverts, ambiverts etc. But to not have friends, not engage with people, which isn't natural human behaviour - I find it hard to understand that. Because they've been so hurt and abused in childhood?

In most cases it won't be because they don't want to have friends but because they find them hard to come by because they struggle socially, or struggle to bond with people.

Most introverts will have their own social circle, they're just reserved around people they don't know well enough to bond with.

@Oblomov22

I actually don't get it. I struggle to understand it. I understand aspects of it, like needing space. The difference between extroverts and introverts, ambiverts etc. But to not have friends, not engage with people, which isn't natural human behaviour - I find it hard to understand that. Because they've been so hurt and abused in childhood?

Or because they have disorders like autism which mean they struggle to bond with people. I have autism and I find other people incredibly overwhelming and stressful to be around.

I'm fine in small doses - one or two people for a couple of hours, but anymore than that and I get really overwhelmed and actually quite upset.

You don't have to understand it. I mean, I don't understand extroversion and why anyone would want to spend all their time surrounded by others, lol. It's my worst nightmare.

@WorstXmasEver

I don't like people. I don't see the point of them really.

I have a family & they're my only concern.

Time is too precious to spend talking about the weather with people you don't care about or have any alliegance to.

I used to care deeply what people thought of me when I was a teen, now as a 40 yr old I really couldn't care less.

The vast majority of people are merely pretending to get along anyway I feel.

Society is very fake in general.

You "don't see the point of people"? And people think introverts are being picked on....

You really believe your time is sufficiently "precious" that you can rise above just being passingly pleasant to other people... and, God preserve us, having to talk about the weather... so people who can bring themselves to make chit chat are intrinsically less valuable?

This is exactly what some of us find really hard to deal with. You look down on ordinary people going about their lives trying to get by doing normal things to oil the wheels of social harmony in tiny, meaningless ways and yet you believe you're some persecuted minority?

@toopeopley

Also can I ask what you do if you want to go to the theatre, holidays, meals, concerts etc? Do you do a lot of things on your own or with the close circle that you keep?

I go to theatre/cinema/holidays on my own as well as with my close circle.

I like my own company. I have never felt lonely in my life (have lived alone for a number of years)

She hasn’t actually said any of that..

@toopeopley

If you don't like people do you do a job where you can actively avoid people?

Or are you in a position where you are required to interact, chair meetings and/or present to people? If so, how do you find that?

I don't dislike people but I have autism and find being around large groups for extended periods of time very overwhelming and stressful.

I run my own business and have minimal contact with other people. I'm a dog walker - aside from my initial meet and greet with clients, I pretty much never see them except for maybe for a minute at pick up/drop off. I have some clients I've never seen since I started walking their dogs two years ago.

All our communication is done by text or social media, with the very occasional phone call in emergencies.

I say things like this sometimes. I most definitely am not a 'people person'. There are only certain individuals that I can spend more than a couple of hours with. Others I can only cope with in small doses. Not really sure why I'm like this,the only way I can describe it is my brain feels overloaded if I have to socially interact a lot.

My daughter (16) is quite happy in her own company and has often said the problem with the world is too many people! She has friends, enjoys going out to do some things (eating out, films, skating and so on) and is fine commuting in to London for school daily, but her preference would be to have minimal contact with them. She's not interested in having anyone like her and doesn't like most people she meets.
She is complete contrast to my son who craves company, is high energy and happier when busy and active. He can talk to anyone of any age or circumstance. He never meets anyone that isn't potentially a friend.

I prefer cats.

@violetbunny

I prefer cats.

Absolutely 😊

@toopeopley

If you don't like people do you do a job where you can actively avoid people?

Or are you in a position where you are required to interact, chair meetings and/or present to people? If so, how do you find that?

I work with kids. Overall they are great and I don't get any of the issues with them I have with adults. If I have a bad day at work , 9/10 is because of having to interact with adults.

@thepeopleversuswork Yes, weather chat is totally pointless. I never reply to the generic "how are you today?" from shop staff either.

I am not looking down on people who chit-chat, but I realise such conversations may as well have ever happened & are best unsaid.

I didn't say I was a "persecuted minority" & I wouldn't class myself as an introvert at all.

Time is the most precious thing.

I'm agoraphobic. I don't do people and a very close friend is coming to my house for the first time ever on Friday. I'm freaking out already.

I'm neurodiverse and I totally get 'I don't like people'.

I don't dislike ALL people, in fact, I don't actively dislike many people at all, I just prefer MY people - who I see eye to eye with, who I can have a meaningful conversation with, who energise me rather than drain me.

I dislike crowds of people in city centres walking too slowly, people talking loudly on their mobile phones in public interrupting my train of thought, strangers making pointless small talk with me. That's what 'too peopley' means to me. As in: Get out of my headspace!

I dislike crowds of people in city centres walking too slowly, people talking loudly on their mobile phones in public interrupting my train of thought, strangers making pointless small talk with me. That's what 'too peopley' means to me. As in: Get out of my headspace!

But this is just normal. I'm neurotypical and kind of in the middle of the introvert-extrovert spectrum. No anxiety about this sort of thing.

I can't stand the above. But I would never post memes congratulating myself for not liking people....

These small exchanges about the weather or 'how are you' are just part of the lubrication of society, just being generally warmer and friendly to people can make people feel better. It reminds me of a couple of scenes in films like 'about time', and 'it's a wonderful life', it doesn't hurt to be nice.