To be pissed off with hotels always asking if we'd prefer a twin?!

[PunchyMojitos]

Hi,

DW and I go away for the odd night in a hotel. Once every 2 or 3 months I'd say. It's our litte treat and we relish the child free time 🥳 and we get to re connect a bit. Like any other couple...

Anyway, that enjoyment is usually tainted right at the beginning, 9 times out of 10 times, by being asked if we'd prefer a twin room on check in. We're not the stereotypical looking same sex couple I suppose, but still clearly a couple I would say. It's so irritating and actually quite offensive. If we wanted a twin, we'd have booked a twin.

It has even then sometimes led to staff actually asking questions like "so are you guys just friends then?" Or "are you sisters?" We look NOTHING like each other! This last time we were asked, even after we had just declined another twin, if we'd prefer separate bedding! Straight couples just get checked in. Nobody would assume they might actually just be friends or brother and sister and so offer them a twin! They would just give them the key to their room, no questions asked.

I don't think it's usually coming from a place of hate or real homophobia, but this really shouldn't be happening in 2022. We're not that unusual!

Just venting really.

@Sparklingbrook

often people book the wrong type

How though? It's not difficult to tick the one you want, how can you get it wrong?

It's quite complicated as mentioned above. Different hotels call different rooms different things. In quite a few hotels, if you wanted a twin, you'd have to book a family room with one person on a camp bed. As I said, lots of 'single' rooms actually have double beds. The expression 'twin room' isn't understood by everyone either if English is not their first language.

It's precisely because they're not being homophobic that they are asking the question! They're not looking at you and just assuming you're a homosexual couple. The fact that you didn't used to be asked this question when you were part of a heterosexual couple is irrelevant. Times have changed dramatically, only a few years ago homosexuality was still frowned upon and couples were discriminated against. They didn't ask you the question a few years ago because the assumption was you were a couple because you were a man and a woman. That's the homophobia right there! Now they see a couple and don't assume that they are in a relationship. That's the opposite of homophobia.

It's quite complicated as mentioned above.

It's really not that complicated. People need to read what they are signing up for. They should ring the hotel direct if they are finding it that complicated, or they find themselves repeatedly booking the wrong room configuration.

@MorningStarling

It's precisely because they're not being homophobic that they are asking the question! They're not looking at you and just assuming you're a homosexual couple. The fact that you didn't used to be asked this question when you were part of a heterosexual couple is irrelevant. Times have changed dramatically, only a few years ago homosexuality was still frowned upon and couples were discriminated against. They didn't ask you the question a few years ago because the assumption was you were a couple because you were a man and a woman. That's the homophobia right there! Now they see a couple and don't assume that they are in a relationship. That's the opposite of homophobia.

Huh?

@PunchyMojitos

Wow, I'm slightly depressed how many people think this is ok.

I already said, I don't think they're being malicious, but that doesn't mean that it's ok or that they shouldn't educate themselves. The numbers/stats don't matter, but actually, as a pp has already said, same sex relationships are really not particularly unusual anymore. As other have said, a simple "I have you in a double, is that right?" would be perfectly acceptable.

The poster who compared this to a vegetarian being offered meat, really doesn't have a clue.

I’d be surprised if those who think it’s no big deal have experienced any kind of marginalisation/othering.

As you said, it’s probably not coming from a bad place but the effect on you cannot be denied. I’m not surprised you feel it taints your special time.

I was going to be one of the people who said I often stay places with female friends and some sites allocate doubles as a default and on checking in sometimes they've checked and sometimes we've changed, sometimes not and I've never had any sense of it being an issue / having anyone judge. (Once awkwardly staying in a honeymoon type adults only resort with a friend who really likes her personal space and would have actually preferred own room and I've booked us a double and nothing else was available!) BUT that is just my experience. YANBU confirming, fine, that should be end of it. If you do have any sense that they push more, if you've got the energy I would question it "I hope you're not implying some sort of discrimination?"

It's a minefield. Lots of hotels don't have single rooms, but they still have a single occupancy price for a room with a double bed that may be smaller than a double room with a double bed.
I've even stayed in a room that was a twin, but with two double sized beds. What would you call that?
I would imagine it happens quite often that people needing a twin get put in a double

Most hotels in large cities have their prices on twin share occupancy. Whether is you on your own or with someone else, doesn't matter.

Single rooms are few, like family rooms are few. If the hotel has single rooms and it's available you pay an extra but the price is always lower than a twin share room. Just as a family room with 3 beds is always higher than the twin.

I've just asked my OH, who is the General Manager of a Premier Inn. He says the amount of people, usually lads, who book a double by mistake instead of a twin is ridiculous. Countless times he's had to leave dinner service to go and make up a twin for those who've checked in and got it wrong. It's just easier to change the room on check in when they still have twin beds left.

God some of the relies on this thread are quite depressing. Insisting the OP has misread the situation or shouldn't let it bother her

My DH and I (pre covid) used to stay at hotels fairly frequently and we have NEVER been asked this question.

The OP has been clear that at check it is NOT a check (I.e 'you're booked into a double for two nights including breakfast, is that right?'), but it is automatically assumed it must be wrong and they are apologetically offered a twin instead...often with intrusive follow up questions.

If the OP and her DW have been doing this every few months for a long time then I'd suggest it's prevalent enough to be a pattern.

And for those arguing that the 'majority' are probably friends so she shouldn't get offended, this means we should assume everyone is a White British Christian male and treated as such as they are the 'majority' in the UK?

Actually I think there might now be more women than men but either way, my point stands.

@MorningStarling, that makes absolutely no sense at all. I'm sorry, but what a load of nonsense. Homophobia and discrimination existed a few years ago?! It still very much exists today! It's not over and probably never will be.

I say this as someone who has been verbally and physically attacked for holding my DPs hand, so believe me, it hasn't gone anywhere.

What a ridiculous post.

@babouchette

I genuinely cannot understand how being asked a simple question could "taint your enjoyment" of a night away. It's like being a vegetarian and getting offended every time someone offers you a sausage roll. Not a big deal, you graciously but firmly say "no thanks" and move on with your life.

Me either. I've often shared a room with friends and family, booking a twin room. And yes, I've occasionally been allocated a double bed!

@Stroopwaffle5000, which is precisely why you confirm their booking is correct! Not offer a different room in case they're mistaken!

Why aren't people grasping the difference?

[quote PunchyMojitos]@MorningStarling, that makes absolutely no sense at all. I'm sorry, but what a load of nonsense. Homophobia and discrimination existed a few years ago?! It still very much exists today! It's not over and probably never will be.

I say this as someone who has been verbally and physically attacked for holding my DPs hand, so believe me, it hasn't gone anywhere.

What a ridiculous post.[/quote]
Can I ask what type of hotel are you booking and if the hotel is in a small community?

Actually @PunchyMojitos I'm sorry I think my experiences with female friends are totally irrelevant. I think you are experiencing discrimination, its ridiculous and offensive. If you can be bothered I'd suggest politely calling it out. Maybe you will get something nice as an apology

@Alondra what on earth does that matter. I can see where your brain is going with this but it's just more mental gymnastics to excuse bad behaviour

I used to be a hotel receptionist and I would say (to everyone) something like "so that's a double room for two nights?". This was because all of our reservations had to be put in manually (including online ones) so mistakes were common. How the question is asked is important and you're not unreasonable to be upset at people making assumptions or asking rudely.

I do remember one time I didn't check and a horrible woman came back down yelling at me "do you think I'm a lesbian?!" because I'd given her and her friend a double room. That was an interesting evening...

Statistically they probably have an awful lot more situations where two female friends/relatives have been stuck with a double room than they have female couples staying at the hotel. The former could happen numerous times a week. The latter, numerous times a year. So when two women come to book into a double room and are offered a twin, the usual reaction is probably happy relief as the female friends can tolerate sharing a bed, so have booked the room, but would prefer not to and are really happy to have their own space to sleep. And I know we can say that the women could ask if a twin was available if that is their preference but we all know that women are socialised to be no trouble.

It sucks when you actually want to share the bed but in terms of customer service, it's probably just reality that offering a twin to two women almost always yields happier customers.

This has never ever happened to me, despite staying in a lot of hotels with my DW. We also don’t look stereotypically gay particularly. I wonder why it hasn’t? I’m trying to think if there is anything we do: I am always very clear on booking that I’m booking a double room, and perhaps only one of us goes to the front desk to check in.

Would piss me off if it happened all the time OP.

Like it annoys me when people ask about my husband when I’m booking things/ordering things. Had a classic with BA recently where the customer service woman asked me if I had made a mistake on booking and wanted to change my partner’s title to Mr. I said “actually she’s a Dr but there’s no need to change it” - to try and help her out. “So should I change it to Mr?” “No she’s a woman.” “Oh, so how can I help”. I hadn’t even mentioned her on the call. I don’t know what possessed the woman to keep on!

Former hotel worker here.

We would state the type of room booked when checking the guest in (ie a twin room or a double bed) because the amount of same sex friends who would book and KICK OFF when given a double (which they had booked) because they thought a double meant a room for 2 people not a bed for 2, was far too high.

I was threated for "trying to turn someone gay" when I gave them a double.

I would never ask, if they had booked a double, if they had meant to book a twin.

It's crap customer service. It is perfectly possible to run a booking past a customer and check all is as required without making any assumptions at all. 'Hello customer, thank you for using our company, we have the such and such with the this and that booked, is this correct?'... Wonderful, then all is ready, let's show you to your room.
Doddle.
No need for 'are you sure you wouldn't prefer a twin room? '

But personally I've stayed in SO many hotels, for work, and crap customer service is SO common I'm not remotely surprised and also find it really really annoying.

This is bullshit and I think you need to make a complaint every time. I am straight and have never been asked this when booking in with DH.

If someone wanted a twin they would book or request one. The hotel should not be questioning guests when checking in

@Alondra, it really shouldn't matter, but all sorts. From trendy, London hotels, to out in the sticks, country hotels. Honestly, there hasn't really been a pattern in terms of where this happens more. City hotels less likely, as reception is usually more busy, so suspect they just want to get the customer booked in as quickly as possible.

[quote PunchyMojitos]@MorningStarling, that makes absolutely no sense at all. I'm sorry, but what a load of nonsense. Homophobia and discrimination existed a few years ago?! It still very much exists today! It's not over and probably never will be.

I say this as someone who has been verbally and physically attacked for holding my DPs hand, so believe me, it hasn't gone anywhere.

What a ridiculous post.[/quote]
I'm so sorry you've had that experience. It's rotten.

(I wish MN had a more active lesbian section where we could all chat and be supportive, btw.)

Embarrased by the ignorant replies on here. People love to explain away micro-aggressions and pretend they don't exist. You see it all the time on race related posts too. Accept that people are marginalised, discrimination still happens every day, whether it's full on harassment and attacks or just these little 'harmless' comments.

[quote TheWickedStepmum88]@Alondra what on earth does that matter. I can see where your brain is going with this but it's just more mental gymnastics to excuse bad behaviour[/quote]
It's not mental gymnastics, it's actually trying to understand why the OP is having such big problems booking a hotel room with his male partner.

Last time I was in London to visit my nephew I booked the hotel online from Australia. My husband was behind me when I checked in and he remained behind me the whole time until I got my key. Noone asked a single question about him, reception didn't even know he was there.

This is what I'm trying to understand from OP posts. I have no doubt homophobia exists and it happens every single day....but rarely in city hotels where reception only checks the name of the booking, the ID and the credit card.