To be pissed off with hotels always asking if we'd prefer a twin?!

[PunchyMojitos]

Hi,

DW and I go away for the odd night in a hotel. Once every 2 or 3 months I'd say. It's our litte treat and we relish the child free time 🥳 and we get to re connect a bit. Like any other couple...

Anyway, that enjoyment is usually tainted right at the beginning, 9 times out of 10 times, by being asked if we'd prefer a twin room on check in. We're not the stereotypical looking same sex couple I suppose, but still clearly a couple I would say. It's so irritating and actually quite offensive. If we wanted a twin, we'd have booked a twin.

It has even then sometimes led to staff actually asking questions like "so are you guys just friends then?" Or "are you sisters?" We look NOTHING like each other! This last time we were asked, even after we had just declined another twin, if we'd prefer separate bedding! Straight couples just get checked in. Nobody would assume they might actually just be friends or brother and sister and so offer them a twin! They would just give them the key to their room, no questions asked.

I don't think it's usually coming from a place of hate or real homophobia, but this really shouldn't be happening in 2022. We're not that unusual!

Just venting really.

My best friend and I often share a hotel
Room (me, straight female, him: gay man) and I always book a twin. We often get offered (or just given) a double. I love him enough to share a room: but prefer not to share a bed

I'm heterosexual and DP and I always get asked the 'we have you in a double for x nights with breakfast' bit on check in, which seems sensible to confirm there's been no mistake. At no time has anyone ever said 'are you sure you don't want a twin' and I'd be if we were. And that pushy instrusive crap as described in the OP, how the hell is that not homophobia?!

As a woman who has had the fun of having men lecture me patronisingly that the sexism and misogny I/other women have experienced is just me/us 'overreacting' and being 'oversensitive' I find reading some of the responses on here give me the rage on OP's behalf.....

In future always enter the lobby like these guys!

I've had this loads of times when travelling with my partner (opposite sex). I think it's because they are just trying to get rid of the twins as they aren't as popular as the doubles.

Where possible, perhaps the hotels should just ask 'would you prefer a double or twin' where both are available.

There are a lot of people that will just nod/not have the guts to say anything if the hotel just give a verbal confirmation, but equally they shouldn't be trying to persuade people, or asking intrusive questions.

[quote PunchyMojitos]@Alondra, it really shouldn't matter, but all sorts. From trendy, London hotels, to out in the sticks, country hotels. Honestly, there hasn't really been a pattern in terms of where this happens more. City hotels less likely, as reception is usually more busy, so suspect they just want to get the customer booked in as quickly as possible.[/quote]
I'm so sorry you are living in such homophobic country. It just blows my mind away this is happening to you. I can assure you is not everywhere the same.

I can appreciate how annoying this must be. It's not the same but if it helps, whenever I went away with male colleagues (used to have to do this a lot in my old job) they'd always assume we were a couple despite booking separate rooms, and often having a big age difference. Awkward.

It's stupid because hotels of all places should be used to every and all combinations of guests, and neither mixed sex groups travelling for work, nor gay couples are in the slightest bit unusual but for some reason there seems to be an automatic blinder with what people think of as the default overriding what what evidence in front of their eyes is actually saying!

Yes not sure I have ever been asked when checking in as a make/female couple

And when I have shared with non romantic partners (my dad is about it) we make it clear on check in to confirm we are getting a twin, surely a brother/sister combo would also do this. Save going back to reception later to get switched.

@Shamoo

This has never ever happened to me, despite staying in a lot of hotels with my DW. We also don’t look stereotypically gay particularly. I wonder why it hasn’t? I’m trying to think if there is anything we do: I am always very clear on booking that I’m booking a double room, and perhaps only one of us goes to the front desk to check in.

Would piss me off if it happened all the time OP.

Like it annoys me when people ask about my husband when I’m booking things/ordering things. Had a classic with BA recently where the customer service woman asked me if I had made a mistake on booking and wanted to change my partner’s title to Mr. I said “actually she’s a Dr but there’s no need to change it” - to try and help her out. “So should I change it to Mr?” “No she’s a woman.” “Oh, so how can I help”. I hadn’t even mentioned her on the call. I don’t know what possessed the woman to keep on!

People get weirdly flustered, don't they?! I had to do the 'she's a woman' bit last week and the person I was talking to managed to tell me that was fine about three times. Like, 'oh, that's fine, that's fine, yes, that's fine'. I know it was pure foot-in-mouth panic but what do you say? 'Yes, it is indeed fine, glad to know you approve?'

Because in the real world outside of news and social media, gay people are still a minority and rarely noticed unless as you said they look stereotypical.

What you have received is just standard customer service. You can’t expect the hotel industry to assume everyone is a gay couple and work backwards from that with bed arrangements.

@Alondra, the OP isn't booking anything with 'his' male partner!

Any post on this website that is not made by a conventional mum in a conventional relationship setup always gets hijacked by holier-than-thou people who have never experienced anything in life but have an overwhelming need to voice their opinions anyway.

@Shamoo, but it's "just statistics" so you shouldn't be annoyed

Bizarrely, I have had this almost exact experience! Dr seems to confuse them even more! It's a sort of double discrimination, as they're also making the assumption that someone with the title Dr is automatically a man.

I understand, it's annoying. But you showed yourself in your first post that people aren't always aware of things don't affect ( or effect?) them or that they don't have any personal experience of. . It can be hard to put yourself in someone else's shoes. You said that the reception staff should realise that you aren't sisters as you look very different. Well you know some sisters aren't even biologically related! It can get quite upsetting to have to explain this to people as well .

A hotel receptionist should go through the details of the booking to ensure all details are correct. Thus ensuring any incorrect room allocations are picked up without upsetting or discriminating against anyone. We all need to check our default settings a bit, not everyone is straight and it is really rude to assume so. I hope your experience becomes the exception and not the norm on your future get aways with your wife/partner.

Wow @Broads93 - how rude. I am not arrogant, I just choose not to get offended by every little thing that comes my way. Life must be incredibly draining for people, like you, who do.

[quote SarahAndQuack]@Alondra, the OP isn't booking anything with 'his' male partner![/quote]
Apologies, her partner.

@Nenemum, I am part of the "real world", thanks. I accept that we are in a minority group, but that doesn't mean we just keep our mouths shut and accept that everyone will assume you're straight until proven otherwise. It's not bloody difficult to use a bit of tact....is it?

Your post reeks of homophobia actually.

This is why I tend to telephone my booking so we can get the bed configuration we want. In our case DH is very tall, and some smaller places have double beds rather than king sized, so I end up requesting a twin room if it is only a double bed.

I agree that it could be worded better, by just confirming your request rather than asking if you are sure.

@SarahAndQuack the reason people get so flustered is because of threads like this and the knowledge that whatever a straight person does is held up for analysis .

@Alondra I am so confused by your post. Are you responding to the OP's lived experience of homophobia by describing a situation in your heterosexual relationship? Or are you male?

Try asking them to check out the Equality Act in a louder voice... It is illegal to ask that if they do not ask every couple the same question. Easy to check... Hang about reception to see if they do. If not, you can tell them you are going to take an action under the Equality Act for their discrimination. Should get the message...

I know a couple who have all that written down as a just in case measure after it happened a couple of times. Putting it down on the desk when checking in now stops it happening...

@Mirw

Try asking them to check out the Equality Act in a louder voice... It is illegal to ask that if they do not ask every couple the same question. Easy to check... Hang about reception to see if they do. If not, you can tell them you are going to take an action under the Equality Act for their discrimination. Should get the message...

I know a couple who have all that written down as a just in case measure after it happened a couple of times. Putting it down on the desk when checking in now stops it happening...

OMG the perfect way to just live your life 🙄

@Sparklingbrook

It's quite complicated as mentioned above.

It's really not that complicated. People need to read what they are signing up for. They should ring the hotel direct if they are finding it that complicated, or they find themselves repeatedly booking the wrong room configuration.

"It's really not that complicated. People need to read what they are signing up for."

Yes, OK, everything is simple for you, but it's not for everyone else.
I booked the wrong hotel a few weeks ago. It had a name of the town and then 'south' instead of centre and it turned out it was in the suburbs. Wasn't obvious to me on the website or in the email confirmation. Things happen.
And as I've said, hotels call different types of rooms different things. The last single room I booked had a double bed, the one before had a single bed. Were they double or single rooms?

This happened to us recently in a really small hotel- it had absolutely no effect on our experience or the rest of our trip. I explained that we are married and that was it.
We don't get away very often so maybe we just don't let things ruin our time away that easily 🤷‍♀️
If someone continued to ask questions/ smirk/ treated us differently after we explained that would be different.
I don't necessarily agree that the hotel staff should have changed your sleeping arrangements whilst you were in the bar, but if you hadn't been a couple you might now be recalling that the hotel did an excellent job of resolving a problem