To be pissed off with hotels always asking if we'd prefer a twin?!

[PunchyMojitos]

Hi,

DW and I go away for the odd night in a hotel. Once every 2 or 3 months I'd say. It's our litte treat and we relish the child free time 🥳 and we get to re connect a bit. Like any other couple...

Anyway, that enjoyment is usually tainted right at the beginning, 9 times out of 10 times, by being asked if we'd prefer a twin room on check in. We're not the stereotypical looking same sex couple I suppose, but still clearly a couple I would say. It's so irritating and actually quite offensive. If we wanted a twin, we'd have booked a twin.

It has even then sometimes led to staff actually asking questions like "so are you guys just friends then?" Or "are you sisters?" We look NOTHING like each other! This last time we were asked, even after we had just declined another twin, if we'd prefer separate bedding! Straight couples just get checked in. Nobody would assume they might actually just be friends or brother and sister and so offer them a twin! They would just give them the key to their room, no questions asked.

I don't think it's usually coming from a place of hate or real homophobia, but this really shouldn't be happening in 2022. We're not that unusual!

Just venting really.

[quote IamGusFring]@SarahAndQuack " If no one sees you are a couple then you are invisible" ?
I thought that was the point of equal treatment ? I can assure you that no one points out to me the fact that I am married in a heterosexual relationship every day or any day ! Am I therefore invisible ? This is the thing that intrigues some people - a lesbian couple want to be recognised but at the same time want to just blend into normal life . It seems at times that the rest of the world can't win . Thank you for engaging in this and not calling out my "heterosexual privilege that I have and don't recognise". I agree the hotel scenario was wrong and I'm sorry you had that hospital experience .[/quote]
I don't think you're engaging honestly, TBH, so I'm not going to waste more energy here.

@Sparklingbrook

many of the general public are pretty stupid

Actually that is true, maybe they should include 'booking the correct hotel room' into the school curriculum. It would be a very quick lesson!

@Gwenhwyfar

I mean I actually work in customer service in bars/restaurants and events so have never dealt specifically with hotel bookings.

But I can tell you the number of people showing up at 7:30 insisting they booked for 7:30 and then I show then on the system that actually they booked for 7. Tables are typically held for 15 minutes after booking and after that assumed at no shows. Then they get all arsey when you can't seat them immidiately (or sometimes at all if its a really busy night) 'because we booked'. They then demand to speak to someone higher up to complain, and then when told the same thing take to tripadvisor to trash the restaurant. It's the reason why, when you book a restaurant on the phone, you'll often find they confirm the date and time 2 or 3 times. You may think 'why do they ask so many times, thats what i said, im not stupid' but because some people are, and their stupidity creates problems, we have to cover ourselves.

I can imagine the situation of not being clear on the details of a booking translates across to hotels. And the problem is even if the people who make mistakes are a minority, and then get arsy about it are an even smaller group, these people who make complaints, trash places online, and abuse staff create massive problems for businesses. So we have to act on the assumption most people are going to act badly, because the well mannered ones don't mind being double checked with, but if you don't double check with the complainers they'll find any excuse to blame you.

Many couple prefer twin beds. Myself and my husband do not. So I always specify a double and put in a specific request for a double. Sometimes hotels consider a twin is a double if the twin beds are together. I've learnt to live with it.

Its irrelevant if heterosexual couples "don't mind" being asked about their relationship status or if some groups of women have not had to do the bill dance in a restaurant. Its basic customer service to do better than this constant low level questioning of the validity of your relationship and it is a symptom of a homophobic society.

This is in the same vein as white people "not having a problem" with the "but where are you really from" question put to anyone who isn't white.

"I can almost guarantee they have, at some point, had 2 (most likely homophobic) women book a room for 2, be given a double rather than a twin, and then given staff abuse, made all kind of complaints, and cause massive problems because 'how dare you assume we're gay, we're better than that '. "

Or maybe they've just had many instances of two women with a mistaken booking who demanded it be changed.
I think you'd want to avoid abuse and yelling now matter how much you were paid though.

"Sometimes hotels consider a twin is a double if the twin beds are together. I've learnt to live with it."

Equally, you can book a twin room and find the beds right up to each other and cannot be moved, which is awkward.

I get asked that when I go with my husband too. It's standard. You could just be with a friend instead of a partner. Of which I have been away many times with both sexes and definitely would want singles Not everything is a battle

Its irrelevant if heterosexual couples "don't mind" being asked about their relationship status or if some groups of women have not had to do the bill dance in a restaurant. Its basic customer service to do better than this constant low level questioning of the validity of your relationship and it is a symptom of a homophobic society.

And that's why, and if you'd read my first post you'd know, i said:

The better option to be would to ask everyone who comes in 'I see you've booked X room, we do however have Y room available for the same price if you'd prefer?' And then take their answer at face value (no 'are you sure?' or anything like that).

This way it becomes a standard check in question for all guests, like confirming how many nights the booking is for, as OP's problem is right about being treated differently and the fact that hetrosexual couples aren't asked. And as many people have pointed out on this thread many hetrosexual couples or brother/sister combos would prefer a twin. So the best customer service practice is for everyone to be asked as standard so that everyone gets the choice and the room they prefer. (Good customer service practice also includes not undermining the guest by asking 'are you sure?' which the OP is right to complain about)

I've always been asked this regardless of who I'm booking in with - husband, sister, kids...🤷‍♀️

I used to get this years ago but haven't been asked this for ages. Do you weekend in a particular region or have you experienced this nationwide

" It's the reason why, when you book a restaurant on the phone, you'll often find they confirm the date and time 2 or 3 times. You may think 'why do they ask so many times, thats what i said, im not stupid'"

That's why I always do it in writing, but things still go wrong because of misunderstandings.
I remember turning up at one place to find the door locked with a code. I rang the 'emergency' mobile no. to have no answer. It turned out the phone had been hidden by the person's grandparents and she had emailed me to ask me to pay in advance to get the code to go in. I had missed this email as I didn't know to expect it. It was quite a stressful encounter and I was about to move to a different hotel when the woman finally answered the phone.
Whose fault was this? Yes, I should have seen the email, but on the other hand I had no reason to look out for it.

Another example of miscommunication, I rang a pub to ask if children were allowed. They said yes. I asked if there were any exceptions, they said, 'no exceptions, children are allowed'. When we arrived, we were told children couldn't be there after 8pm. I was fuming, but the staff member wouldn't admit to having given me the wrong information.

Another example - I've mentioned above how I booked a hotel in X south rather than X centre. I'd gone to the website for X centre, but somehow must have ended up on the other one and booked a hotel far away from town. This is hardly uncommon and doesn't mean I'm stupid!

Hotels also play with words to make themselves seem a bit better. I've gone to some who advertised they had a hairdryer or an iron whereas in fact they have one or two for the whole hotel that you cannot borrow overnight so have to go down in your PJs to fetch it. Technically they were right, yes, they have A hairdryer.

And that's why, and if you'd read my first post you'd know, i said[...

I've no idea why, on a thread with many participants you assume I'm speaking to you individually when I've not quoted a single word from your posts.

If you read my first post I said:

"Some hotels instead confirm back the booking at reception, giving you the opportunity to query it. Some wait staff ask how the customers would like the bill presented giving everyone the opportunity to speciy. If some can do it, all can (assuming English as the medium here)"

Some also confirm the booking and ask if you have any requests for changes IME.

Its perfectly possible to satisfy a requirement to check details without questioning their basic ask. You may will consider most customers to be "stupid" but its piss poor customer service to make that obvious at the point of service.

I love how we have entered into an alternate reality where hotel receptionist and waiting staff are akin to detectives - searching for clues on which rooms people would like and how they want to settle the bill 🤔
OP I just want to ask: most of the time does the receptionist just ask to confirm the room type? Eg. "I have you booked into a double, is that correct?" If this is the case, I personally don't find it offensive. HOWEVER, if you are consistently being asked whether you want to switch to a twin and (even worse) being quizzed about your relationship/ sleeping arrangements that is different and plainly wrong. The latter hasn't really happened to me, thankfully

I can see why this would be irritating OP. I am in a mixed race relationship, and when I check into hotel, the hotel usually assumes I and DH are checking in separately. This is also common when queuing in shops etc. In the greater scheme of things though, unless you really think there is an intent to be rude (I have had this), then I would treat it as a relatively minor issue.

XH and I were always asked if we wanted a twin as well and we looked like a very hetero couple.

I don't think it's specific to being a gay couple that they ask, just in case.

I do get where you are coming from but sometimes I and others have gone away with a female friend and booked a double by mistake, or a double has been the only room left available so have had to book that and then swapped to a twin if the option is available on check in. These things happen so I don’t blame the receptionists for checking. They shouldn’t be asking if you’re sisters or friends though, it’s nothing to do with them what your relationship is.

However I once went to a hotel with a male friend and we did book a twin, and we were given a double!

We were shocked because we'd clearly booked a twin.

So I'd never once questioned them asking XH and I. In hindsight I'd rather not have shared a bed to sleep in with him.

I think you are looking for prejudice where it isn't always there. It's not homophobia to check the right room configuration. I wouldn't get wound up by it, but I see you already have done.

We aren't living in the 50s. LGBTQ+ people are ten a penny and organisations teach staff to deal accordingly.

If it really bothers you so much just say that you are booking in for "my wife and I" to make it clear.

Personally I can't get worried about what hotel staff think of me.

actually that would annoy me to be honest

@Gwenhwyfar

"“Don’t be so precious. It’s just that there are more able bodied people than disabled people.”

If somebody was complaining about having to confirm their special needs when they reach the hotel, then this would be an appropriate reply. If the disabled person was complaining that the hotel had no appropriate rooms for them, then it's different.

"Besides, it’s good business practice not to piss your customers off with clumsy assumptions."

Yes, but if you presume every two people of the same sex want a double room you will annoy people who don't.

The key is not presume anything different to what’s on the booking.

Don't worry, as a heterosexual couple we also got asked this at the weekend, and last year when we were away, as did my daughters who were sharing in another room.

That's not to say there is never any homophobia at the heart of it in your case but I do think it's a common question for hotels to ask.

I would imagine it's a question that they ask all same sex couples.
You're looking to be offended when no offence has been committed.

@Clumsyvolcano

I do get where you are coming from but sometimes I and others have gone away with a female friend and booked a double by mistake, or a double has been the only room left available so have had to book that and then swapped to a twin if the option is available on check in. These things happen so I don’t blame the receptionists for checking. They shouldn’t be asking if you’re sisters or friends though, it’s nothing to do with them what your relationship is.

Yes that's happened to me as well, I've ended up sharing a double with a friend in the past. So it isn't unreasonable of the hotel receptionist to double check with you on arrival.

It was unreasonable, though, to ask questions about your relationship. That was plain rude and, yes, does sound homophobic.

I used to work in a hotel reception and as standard I just confirmed room type. Guest would give the name the booking was under and I'd just confirm "lovely, I've got you booked into one of our doubles/twins/family rooms on the ground/first/second etc floor" this is more than enough for a person to then say if there is a problem with the room type or being on an upper floor.

I don't think I'd ever be arrogant enough to assume I knew who were groups of friends/family and who were couples.

Couples are definitely not restricted to a similarly aged man and woman.

I suspect its receptionists experience if they don't ask, people come trooping back to reception to say we wanted a twin.