To be pissed off with hotels always asking if we'd prefer a twin?!

[PunchyMojitos]

Hi,

DW and I go away for the odd night in a hotel. Once every 2 or 3 months I'd say. It's our litte treat and we relish the child free time 🥳 and we get to re connect a bit. Like any other couple...

Anyway, that enjoyment is usually tainted right at the beginning, 9 times out of 10 times, by being asked if we'd prefer a twin room on check in. We're not the stereotypical looking same sex couple I suppose, but still clearly a couple I would say. It's so irritating and actually quite offensive. If we wanted a twin, we'd have booked a twin.

It has even then sometimes led to staff actually asking questions like "so are you guys just friends then?" Or "are you sisters?" We look NOTHING like each other! This last time we were asked, even after we had just declined another twin, if we'd prefer separate bedding! Straight couples just get checked in. Nobody would assume they might actually just be friends or brother and sister and so offer them a twin! They would just give them the key to their room, no questions asked.

I don't think it's usually coming from a place of hate or real homophobia, but this really shouldn't be happening in 2022. We're not that unusual!

Just venting really.

I find the reception team tend to repeat the booking when we book in...'that's one double room', or 'that's one twin room'. Its happened so often I just assumed it was standard to confirm the booking at check in? Would solve it all if they did.

Crikey, the homophobia on this thread is horrendous!

Just trust that an adult who can book a hotel room, has managed to book the correct room type and let them get on with it!

@SarahAndQuack

So every two people should be assumed to be a couple?

Why do people need to make any assumption at all? Surely if the OP's confirmed it's her booking for a double room, there is no need to say anything else at all.

But she's complaining about having to confirm she wants a double room.

I think this could be easily sorted if hotels started a policy of asking everyone checking in "would you like a double bed or twin beds?" (assuming both are available). Sounds bonkers but it turns out people are crap at booking the right rooms and it would clarify it for everyone. It's the beds they're talking about after all.

I agree that for those who don't book hotels often it is confusing to know what the different kinds of rooms/beds mean (let alone the "small double deluxe" v "superior executive double" and other rubbish that some hotels use).

Obviously OP and @SarahAndQuack and others YANBU - if people consistently assumed my husband and I were brother and sister (which as you point out, doesn't happen) it would start to annoy me after a while and even wonder why they think we can't possibly be in a relationship.

Also I think there's still an underlying societal homophobia which leads some people to ask "are you sisters/friends?" rather than "is that your partner?" as they think the sisters/friends option is BETTER even if they think the partnership is more likely. In other words it's seen as more "polite" to assume someone is a friend and get it wrong than ask if someone is your partner and risk "offending" you by implying the Dreaded Lesbianism where there is none.

"“Don’t be so precious. It’s just that there are more able bodied people than disabled people.”

If somebody was complaining about having to confirm their special needs when they reach the hotel, then this would be an appropriate reply. If the disabled person was complaining that the hotel had no appropriate rooms for them, then it's different.

"Besides, it’s good business practice not to piss your customers off with clumsy assumptions."

Yes, but if you presume every two people of the same sex want a double room you will annoy people who don't.

@SarahAndQuack so then you are expecting someone to somehow gauge your lesbian status in a cafe dependent on who you are with ?

How does this make you "invisible" if you don't get a bill in a certain way? I don't expect anyone to gauge my status in this way. I don't feel invisible if I am asked that or not asked .As I said before I thought rights were all about not standing out and having equal treatment ?

I'm genuinely confused about this . As yet I still have not had the invisible status explained to me .

But she's complaining about having to confirm she wants a double room.

No, she isn't. She's explained quite clearly that she is complaining about being pestered to change to a twin room, and getting intrusive comments about what her relationship with her partner is. That's very different.

@Mummatron3000

Where did I say that?

Well you say that the hotel should recognise the OP and her partner as a couple, but the hotel doesn't know they are a couple, does it? So you seem to be saying they should assume any two people are in a couple.

That does sound really annoying... I guess they're worried there might be some 'awkwardness' if they've accidentally booked two women into a double room but honestly guys, it's the 21st century, assume two women wanting a double are either couple or happy to share a bed!

@SarahAndQuack

But she's complaining about having to confirm she wants a double room.

No, she isn't. She's explained quite clearly that she is complaining about being pestered to change to a twin room, and getting intrusive comments about what her relationship with her partner is. That's very different.

There was one example where the hotel changed the room to a twin, but the other complaints seemed to be about having the reservation checked on reception and being asked to confirm she wanted a double. She was complaining about having to answer this question every time.

It is pretty funny/horrific those on the thread implying that gay/bi people are a recent invention/not from the real world/are vanishingly rare. Believe me there are plenty living near you unless you are on a tiny island or desert oasis, it's just that how many are "out to you" may depend on the politics of where you live or how they feel you might react to them.

[quote IamGusFring]@SarahAndQuack so then you are expecting someone to somehow gauge your lesbian status in a cafe dependent on who you are with ?

How does this make you "invisible" if you don't get a bill in a certain way? I don't expect anyone to gauge my status in this way. I don't feel invisible if I am asked that or not asked .As I said before I thought rights were all about not standing out and having equal treatment ?

I'm genuinely confused about this . As yet I still have not had the invisible status explained to me .[/quote]
Well, surely, if no one can see you are a couple, your relationship is invisible?

Sometimes, of course, that is fine - if you're walking down the street no one needs to know your personal business.

But when it happens all the time, it is quite depressing, and in some situations it can even be dangerous.

Of course gay rights are about having equal treatment. If straight people's relationships are automatically recognised and accepted, and gay people's aren't, of course that isn't equal treatment.

@Gwenhwyfar, no I wasn't! I have made the point several times that I was fine with the confirmation, 1, in case someone has made a genuine booking error and 2, because they would ask anyone that question.

There is no need to offer a different room to the one I booked, very likely, correctly!

[quote Sunbird24]@Wanderingowl even better if they can cater to everyone and just confirm the booking details in front of them to allow the guest to correct them if there’s an issue, rather than arbitrarily offering a change which may be unwanted. If they’re saying “we have both doubles and twins available, which would you prefer?” and they’re asking everyone the same question, that’s fine, but unfortunately that doesn’t sound like OP’s experience[/quote]
Just describing the booking wouldn't encompass the incredibly common scenario of two women who would prefer a twin, booking a double because it was all that was available at the time of booking. But a twin having become available at the time of check in. And the simple fact that women, as a whole, will not ask on check in if a twin has become available as women are very strongly socialised to not be a bother.

I have actually had the opposite and been assumed to be in a couple when away with a number of different female friends at different points in my life. I'm honestly not sure why, I don't tend to be even remotely physically intimate in my friendships because I always worry a bit about giving off the wrong signals.

In other words it's seen as more "polite" to assume someone is a friend and get it wrong than ask if someone is your partner and risk "offending" you by implying the Dreaded Lesbianism where there is none.

That made me giggle. People really do think the very word 'lesbian' is rude, don't they? I know someone who was actually shocked my DD knew the word, as if it was somehow inappropriate for a four year old to be able to say.

Yanbu

All they should do if they're not sure I'd ask to run through the booking details to confirm everything

Name ...
Number of nights ...
Breakfast included ...
Double room ...

Etc etc

Outright asking if you've booked incorrectly is rude!

Just trust that an adult who can book a hotel room, has managed to book the correct room type and let them get on with it!

The problem is that anyone who works in customer service can tell you that many of the general public are pretty stupid and don't manage to book things correctly. And a large portion of these people are the types who will yell at the staff for their mistake (think 'they should've checked' or 'why didn't they ask').

The better option to be would to ask everyone who comes in 'I see you've booked X room, we do however have Y room available for the same price if you'd prefer?' And then take their answer at face value (no 'are you sure?' or anything like that).

But I can't blame the hotel staff for asking because I can almost guarantee they have, at some point, had 2 (most likely homophobic) women book a room for 2, be given a double rather than a twin, and then given staff abuse, made all kind of complaints, and cause massive problems because 'how dare you assume we're gay, we're better than that '. And staff in hotel are on minimum wage and just want to avoid this abuse and yelling again.

"The problem is that anyone who works in customer service can tell you that many of the general public are pretty stupid and don't manage to book things correctly."

And anyone who books hotels regularly can tell you that the process is not always clear (apart from one poster above who thinks nobody ever makes mistakes).

@SarahAndQuack " If no one sees you are a couple then you are invisible" ?
I thought that was the point of equal treatment ? I can assure you that no one points out to me the fact that I am married in a heterosexual relationship every day or any day ! Am I therefore invisible ? This is the thing that intrigues some people - a lesbian couple want to be recognised but at the same time want to just blend into normal life . It seems at times that the rest of the world can't win . Thank you for engaging in this and not calling out my "heterosexual privilege that I have and don't recognise". I agree the hotel scenario was wrong and I'm sorry you had that hospital experience .

Wow this is a fast-moving thread!
@IamGusFring

The fact you are asked as a group of friends whether you want to split the bill is the point. The staff read you as friends so they guess you aren't sharing the bill. The question is - if you're straight and you're with your husband, do they ask you to split the bill? If not, that's because they assume you are a couple. When we are repeatedly asked if we want to split the bill, the staff show they don't see us as a couple or a family. They assume that we are friends, like when you go out for a meal as a couple. They are assuming that two women must just be friends. That's because lesbian couples are invisible.

many of the general public are pretty stupid

Actually that is true, maybe they should include 'booking the correct hotel room' into the school curriculum. It would be a very quick lesson!

@Sparklingbrook

many of the general public are pretty stupid

Actually that is true, maybe they should include 'booking the correct hotel room' into the school curriculum. It would be a very quick lesson!

But sometimes you choose say a twin room on the booking site and they still allocate a double at the hotel, and vice versa.

Sometimes there's simply no type of your choice of room available on the day, sometimes the back office staff doing the room allocations on the morning of arrival get it wrong.

It's certainly NOT as simple as blaming the guest for choosing the wrong room type on the online booking form. Sometimes the reception staff don't have access to the actual booking form/application - on their screen, all they see is the room allocating to you.

If somebody was complaining about having to confirm their special needs when they reach the hotel, then this would be an appropriate reply.

Yeah, we have to do that every single time.

[quote PunchyMojitos]**@Gwenhwyfar, no I wasn't! I have made the point several times that I was fine with the confirmation, 1, in case someone has made a genuine booking error and 2, because they would ask anyone that question.

There is no need to offer a different room to the one I booked, very likely, correctly![/quote]
If there is a history of whoever doing the room allocations getting it wrong at a particular hotel, then it's highly likely that the receptionists will get into the habit of double checking when guests are booking in.

I would have thought those working in hotels would have seen a lot from the public and very little would surprise them.