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Original poster

To be pissed off with hotels always asking if we'd prefer a twin?!

430 replies

PunchyMojitos · 10/01/2022 09:31

Hi,

DW and I go away for the odd night in a hotel. Once every 2 or 3 months I'd say. It's our litte treat and we relish the child free time 🥳 and we get to re connect a bit. Like any other couple...

Anyway, that enjoyment is usually tainted right at the beginning, 9 times out of 10 times, by being asked if we'd prefer a twin room on check in. We're not the stereotypical looking same sex couple I suppose, but still clearly a couple I would say. It's so irritating and actually quite offensive. If we wanted a twin, we'd have booked a twin.

It has even then sometimes led to staff actually asking questions like "so are you guys just friends then?" Or "are you sisters?" We look NOTHING like each other! This last time we were asked, even after we had just declined another twin, if we'd prefer separate bedding! Straight couples just get checked in. Nobody would assume they might actually just be friends or brother and sister and so offer them a twin! They would just give them the key to their room, no questions asked.

I don't think it's usually coming from a place of hate or real homophobia, but this really shouldn't be happening in 2022. We're not that unusual!

Just venting really.

OP posts:
IamGusFring · 10/01/2022 13:09

[quote SarahAndQuack]@IamGusFring, which question? Confused

Or do you mean you want me to speak for someone else and answer the question you put to her?[/quote]
Well you butted in on it when it wasn't your question to start with - why are you dong that ?

SarahAndQuack · 10/01/2022 13:10

But as others have said, statistically two people of the same sex are more likely to want a twin room than two people of the opposite sex so I see why they ask two women if they want a twin (and conversely might ask a man and woman travelling as friends/colleagues whether they want a double).

Is this a fact, though? Confused It's been suggested, but I don't know if we know?

IamGusFring · 10/01/2022 13:10

[quote Sunbird24]@IamGusFring can’t decide if you’re being deliberately obtuse…
If a heterosexual couple aren’t repeatedly asked if they wouldn’t prefer a twin room instead, a homosexual couple shouldn’t be either. Assuming they are sisters or friends is making them invisible as a couple, and not treating them the same as ‘everyone else’. If someone can’t entertain the concept that the two women standing in front of them with a booking for a double room might just be together, they probably shouldn’t be working in the hospitality industry…[/quote]
I was specifically answering a point about a female couple in a cafe not being recognised as a couple because they were asked if they wanted to share the bill .

WhatInFreshHell · 10/01/2022 13:10

This happens to my girlfriend and I all the time! Yes, we want a double bed...I love her and want to sleep next to her!

Mischance · 10/01/2022 13:10

It really isn't early days! Homosexuality was decriminalised in 1968 and civil partnerships became law 20 years ago!

It IS early days - social change is a slow process and things are moving steadily in the right direction. We should be happy about that.

I think it is important that we all live our lives not taking offence where none is intended. A simple "We would like a double bed please" suffices. That receptionist will have learned something that he/she can apply to the next time the situation arises. Thus we chip away bit by bit towards acceptance.

fairycakes1234 · 10/01/2022 13:11

@MattHancocksSexTape

Use this to your advantage. Every time you are asked, ask to speak to the manager regarding the request. Kick up a fuss and you’ll get a free upgrade!
@MattHancocksSexTape Give over
IamGusFring · 10/01/2022 13:11

In fact it said "invisible "

SarahAndQuack · 10/01/2022 13:12

@IamGusFring, I 'butted in' as you put it, because you posted on a public forum, and I pointed out how your question came across.

But I can't say what the other poster would answer because I'm not her!

From my point of view, wanting to be treated like everyone else extends to not being smirked at or pestered about wanting to share a bed with your partner. That's all the OP has said she wants. She'd have been fine if the hotel had simply asked her to confirm she'd booked a double room, but that's not what happened.

ToManySnacks · 10/01/2022 13:12

The staff have no right asking you questions about your relationship or otherwise

BUT

They are asking you if you want a twin, incase you booked a double

I dont really get the problem

A simple, no thank you, we booked the double and off you go, dont even think about it once youve walked away from the desk
Dwelling on it helps noone

If the staff have asked questions been out of order tell them so, and even complain to the manager / HO requesting that the staff need additional training on keeping there nose out of adults business

IamGusFring · 10/01/2022 13:13

[quote SarahAndQuack]@IamGusFring, I 'butted in' as you put it, because you posted on a public forum, and I pointed out how your question came across.

But I can't say what the other poster would answer because I'm not her!

From my point of view, wanting to be treated like everyone else extends to not being smirked at or pestered about wanting to share a bed with your partner. That's all the OP has said she wants. She'd have been fine if the hotel had simply asked her to confirm she'd booked a double room, but that's not what happened.[/quote]
Yes but you have reverted to the hotel scenario when in actual fact the thread had moved onto a female couple being made to feel invisible because they were asked to share a bill in a cafe . My comment ws related to that .

SarahAndQuack · 10/01/2022 13:15

I think you might have mixed me up with another poster, then? That was my post about the cafe, and then you asked @LesbianonFWR about invisibility.

I made the point that, when my DD is calling two women 'mummy' we are not at all !stealthlesbians. It would therefore be nice if people wouldn't always assume we'll want to split the bill.

Gwenhwyfar · 10/01/2022 13:17

"Is this a fact, though? confused It's been suggested, but I don't know if we know"

Is it a fact that there are more straight people than gay people? Yes, according to the information we have now.

IamGusFring · 10/01/2022 13:19

Apologies for who posted what - however as a genuine question I am still curious about why being asked if you want to split the bill makes the OP feel invisible ?

I see a child has now been added into the thread . Are you saying therefore that without the child's presence then the scenario was Ok ? You were expecting the waitress to notice your child calling both of you Mummy and to make a decision about the bill based on that ?

SarahAndQuack · 10/01/2022 13:20

@Gwenhwyfar

"Is this a fact, though? confused It's been suggested, but I don't know if we know"

Is it a fact that there are more straight people than gay people? Yes, according to the information we have now.

Oh, sure! I meant about the room sharing.

I know most women aren't gay, but most women I know wouldn't routinely share rooms with female friends. I think some people on this thread have a different experience and I was interested that an employer would suggest people share. But I just wonder if it's all that common. Presumably most hotel bookings aren't two adults sharing, there must be way more couples/singles?

Gwenhwyfar · 10/01/2022 13:21

"And as I've said, hotels call different types of rooms different things. The last single room I booked had a double bed, the one before had a single bed. Were they double or single rooms?

They really don't. They've given you a bigger room but it would never happen the other way around. What holds more holds less."

No, I'm not sure they did give me a bigger room. I think they may have a single room that is smaller than a double room, but has a double bed.
Also, some hotels don't have singles at all, but you can still book a single or double because the 'single' room will be a double room at single occupancy price.

Mummatron3000 · 10/01/2022 13:22

YANBU, OP, you’re trying to enjoy a break with your wife, you want to be recognised as a couple, not have to regularly explain that no, you’re not sisters, you’re not just friends, you are wife & wife! As you say, it’s not being done maliciously by hotel staff, but they are making assumptions which might seem harmless, but they’re not, as it is wearing for you having to address so often.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 10/01/2022 13:22

We (M&F couple) have the opposite problem - we want a twin and we get given a double - or we are told 'oh, sorry it's a twin'.

SarahAndQuack · 10/01/2022 13:23

@IamGusFring

Apologies for who posted what - however as a genuine question I am still curious about why being asked if you want to split the bill makes the OP feel invisible ?

I see a child has now been added into the thread . Are you saying therefore that without the child's presence then the scenario was Ok ? You were expecting the waitress to notice your child calling both of you Mummy and to make a decision about the bill based on that ?

Huh? A child has been added to which thread?

Being asked to split the bill is an example of something that, I've found, didn't happen when I was married to a man, and does now I'm with DP who's female.

I would think, yes, that a child calling two women mummy might be a tiny clue as to the nature of their relationship! Of course busy waiting staff don't always notice things, sure. But I would expect that, if anything, DD being there would make it more likely people would clock us two adults as a couple, compared with me and my ex-husband who had no children around to cue people in to the fact we were married.

Gwenhwyfar · 10/01/2022 13:25

"most women I know wouldn't routinely share rooms with female friends. "

I don't like doing it, but have shared with female friends MANY times and know people who do it very often. I'd personally prefer a cheap hotel and my own room, but I know people who prefer the other way around.

Work travel, I've only worked in one place where the employer asked colleagues to share. I thought this was wrong and I always refused so I don't think it's normal at work at all, but groups of friends, yes, definitely. If you go on a hen weekend or a weekend in a holiday home then it's usually shared rooms and there is quite often a misunderstanding with double and twins.

Gwenhwyfar · 10/01/2022 13:28

@Mummatron3000

YANBU, OP, you’re trying to enjoy a break with your wife, you want to be recognised as a couple, not have to regularly explain that no, you’re not sisters, you’re not just friends, you are wife & wife! As you say, it’s not being done maliciously by hotel staff, but they are making assumptions which might seem harmless, but they’re not, as it is wearing for you having to address so often.
So every two people should be assumed to be a couple?
SarahAndQuack · 10/01/2022 13:28

True, hen parties I'd expect to share a room.

I am just idly interested in this, btw, not trying to suggest I know something very detailed about hotel bookings! I know nothing at all. But it seems quite plausible to me there might not be vastly different numbers of bookings going to either group (same sex couples or friends sharing).

SarahAndQuack · 10/01/2022 13:29

So every two people should be assumed to be a couple?

Why do people need to make any assumption at all? Surely if the OP's confirmed it's her booking for a double room, there is no need to say anything else at all.

Mummatron3000 · 10/01/2022 13:30

Where did I say that? Hmm

Mummatron3000 · 10/01/2022 13:31

@Gwenhwyfar

Thoosa · 10/01/2022 13:32

@Bus293

I guess they have more same sex friends than same sex couples. It’s just statistics. Don’t be so precious.
TBF, you can use that logic to silence any minority who object to being overlooked or othered on some way.

“Don’t be so precious. It’s just that there are more able bodied people than disabled people.”

“Don’t be so precious. It’s just that there are more sighted people than vision-impaired people.”

“Don’t be so precious. It’s just that there are more white than brown people.” (That one was used about representation in advertising for an embarrassingly long time.)

Besides, it’s good business practice not to piss your customers off with clumsy assumptions.

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