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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find working from home lonely, isolating & demotivating

130 replies

Laughingstock91 · 10/01/2022 07:38

Currently at home full time as work at a Uni and really really fed up of it.

I find the lack of boundaries between home and work really depressing. I am busy so literally in front of a screen all day. It’s lonely and I miss the fact that work was a distraction from other things going on in my life. I miss the social interaction and the office chat. I am just utterly sick of it. It’s really affecting my mental health already and it’s only January 10th.

Aibu? I feel like there is nothing to look forward to at the moment

OP posts:
PersonaNonGarter · 10/01/2022 07:41

Sympathies, but this sounds a bit January blues and you have had some time to get used to WFH by now.

You can organise lunch with a friend or go for a walk or message colleagues. You need to be a bit more pro-active (which is annoying I agree) but you need to rescue yourself here.

Theredjellybean · 10/01/2022 07:43

I feel same. My company is super strict about following govt guidance. My job used to be external, now not allowed to go out to meetings. Haven't seen my whole team in person for two yrs. Its so miserable.

crankysaurus · 10/01/2022 07:44

Do you definitely have to work from home or do you have the option of working at work for you mental health (which is what I do)?

NightLight2 · 10/01/2022 07:45

I work at a uni too, and have been working from home for most of the past almost two years. I love it though, not keen on going back into the office at all.

But I do have my work stuff in an office, and I don’t check email after I’ve finished for the day, so there’s separation. Plus there are always others at home, I actually get excited on the odd days when it’s just me, the cat and dog.

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 10/01/2022 07:46

Me too. It’s driving me mad. Before Omicron I’d been going into the office once a week for a couple of months and it really helped. Now we are WFH completley again. It’s driving me slightly mad.

I’m also limiting mine and the DC’s social activities as DM was diagnosed with a lymphoma at Christmas, and is now having chemo and I have become the carer to someone who is CEV.

I’m nit complaining, but I hate this situation.

Theredjellybean · 10/01/2022 07:46

It's not about just going for a walk or messages.. I do that evety day, it's the going out of the house to work. It's the impromptu chats or laughing at something spontaneous in the office.
Its the very real face to face connection you get.
Its home being home not work
"got used to wfh"... Ffs... I am. Used to it, doesn't mean I or the OP are happy about.

Crepuscularshadows · 10/01/2022 07:48

I've been doing it for nearly two years now and man, I'm so bored with it.

Some stuff that has worked (a bit) for me: leave the house before work for a walk even if it's only ten minutes - it really makes a difference to my mood; book in a coffee/tea break with a colleague - no it's not as good as a real life one but it means you have that casual chat thing but it's still work; elongate your lunch hour so that you actually do something with it - go outside, make something good to eat, read a book etc - I work a bit later to make up the time - it means I see daylight in the Scottish winter!

But the big one for me is being able to put all of my work stuff away at the end of the day so that I don't have to look at it all the time when I'm not working.

Sorry that you're having a hard time.

MelonTits · 10/01/2022 07:49

YANBU. The benefits of being at home more (being able to hang out an extra wash load occasionally?) are outweighed by the loneliness and listlessness.

I loved my commute. Exercise and time to listen to music and podcasts. I can understand why people crammed onto a packed train or stuck in traffic hated commuting, but mine was awesome.

MadeOfStarStuff · 10/01/2022 07:50

YADNBU

I was fine working from home in the beginning but by the end of 2020 I felt awful, desperately lonely (I live alone and have no local family) and was really struggling. I know it affected my productivity at work.

I’ve been back in the office full time for the last year and I feel so much better for it. I can still wfh if I want or need to, most of my colleagues are still fully wfh.

Mental health and well being is a valid reason to go out to work even if you physically could wfh, so its worth speaking to your manager to see if it’s an option for you to go in, even if it’s not everyday. It’s tricky if your employer has closed your normal workplace though.

Fairyliz · 10/01/2022 07:50

Blimey @PersonaNonGarter that was far from sympathetic.
Perhaps the op can’t arrange lunch with friends because they work 10 miles away so couldn’t drive to her and have lunch and drive back in 30 minutes?
When you work in an office you generally have regularly small interactions with people throughout the day so you mix and chat with various people. These interactions are simply not the same via phone zoom etc.
I have two DDs both stuck wfh in small flats and they both hate it. Just hoping that lockdown ends soon so they can get back to the office.

ikeptgoing · 10/01/2022 07:51

Yes, totally understand you. Sometimes I feel like this

Our work will let people work in office/ team room few times a week if they start feeling isolated at home and mental health requires it. And we have skeleton staff in on set days.

Can you ask your managers and explain it's for your mental well-being ?

Original poster
Laughingstock91 · 10/01/2022 07:51

@Theredjellybean exactly that! I was in a couple days a week before Xmas for the autumn term and it really lifted my spirits. I could probably go in the office but I would be on my own there too in a big empty office space so equally as depressing. It might be a bit January blues too but I am just work out by it

OP posts:
Pugroll · 10/01/2022 07:52

Yes wfh sucks, hate it. A balanced working week would be alright maybe- say 3 days in office but as the whole team won't be in together anyway even that seems pointless.

Original poster
Laughingstock91 · 10/01/2022 07:53

I do walk with friends etc too at lunchtime once a week or so but it’s not the same!

OP posts:
Original poster
Laughingstock91 · 10/01/2022 07:58

@IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads that sounds extra tough Flowers

OP posts:
crankysaurus · 10/01/2022 08:02

Tbh, I've worked on the office completely on my own in the past, with music on to fill the silence between calls. It's given me that separation between work and home and even though it's not ideal it's been better than wfh full time for me. We now have about a dozen assorted people from different teams working in the office, all for the same reason, and have become quite supportive between ourselves. It might be worth trying.

Robostripes · 10/01/2022 08:02

Yup, I hate it for all the same reasons. I nearly went insane during the Jan-Mar 2021 lockdown, I was miserable. Luckily my work is quite laid back and since April 2020 I have been into the office between 1 and 3 days a week. Even just 1 day a week at the beginning made such a difference to my mental health. Since the current guidance, they’ve said do what you want basically - most people are wfh full time again but I and a fair few others are continuing to go into the office a couple of days a week. Have you asked your work if this is a possibility?

crankysaurus · 10/01/2022 08:02

Tbh, I've worked on the office completely on my own in the past, with music on to fill the silence between calls. It's given me that separation between work and home and even though it's not ideal it's been better than wfh full time for me. We now have about a dozen assorted people from different teams working in the office, all for the same reason, and have become quite supportive between ourselves. It might be worth trying.

LubaLuca · 10/01/2022 08:03

I understand completely. I've been working at home for 5 months now (new role, went out to work every day previously) and I HATE it, for all the same reasons. I'm feeling quite down, which isn't like me at all, and I know my standard of work isn't where it could be. January doesn't help of course, but I've worked loads of them before and never felt this low.

crankysaurus · 10/01/2022 08:03

Blooming phone posting twice.

Teesdale2622 · 10/01/2022 08:03

Absolutely agree. I have no family nearby, I do walks with friends at lunchtime but it’s not the same. Before Christmas I was going in one day per week, but in a massive office I was lucky to see once person I knew! I’ve also put on loads of weight wfh, it’s the boredom.

On the plus side I am saving a fortune; fares are about £12 day, the coffees, lunches. We have really noticed the difference in our money.

PippinAndMerry · 10/01/2022 08:04

I am exactly the same, since March 2020 I have only been in the office 4 times, and that was the beginning of December and then omnicron hit.

I also live alone and I hate it. I have quite a big set up, desk laptop and 2 additional screens so it sits right in my living area, so there's no putting it away at the end of the night.

This year I am going to make much more of an effort to try to do things at lunchtime, a walk, an online Pilates or yoga class, just anything to break up the day. It tough, I can really sympathise. I think for me it seems worse as the glimmer of hope from December has been snatched away and realistically we're probably looking at March time before we can get back in.

Claretmum · 10/01/2022 08:10

@Laughingstock91

I also work for a University. I'm in the same situation as yourself and the biggest thing I miss is the the buzz around campus. The environment was one of then main things that attracted me to the job.

Loved going in one day a week in Semester One until the WFH guidance came back.

No real advice as I feel the same as you Flowers

bringiton2022 · 10/01/2022 08:16

Me too absolutely despise it

Work for major U.K. bank who've forced us to wfh literally every opp, not given any money for electricity or internet either

I'm a sociable extrovert and detest being forced to talk to a laptop screen 9h a day often no toilet drink or punch breaks in my own lounge

Had a variety of detrimental effects none positive for me at all - put on weight, now have to organise my own socialising meaning generally only see one ofhef person f2f in week, feel lonely and anxious, most people can't meet daytime so end up drinking more as ifs dark and cold so end olio going for a drink

Second time moves role internally and again started new job remotely. Can't read anyones body language it's very stressful. Then can't sleep ag night as no switch off and anxious

Just hate it.

PersonaNonGarter · 10/01/2022 08:17

@Fairyliz

Blimey *@PersonaNonGarter* that was far from sympathetic. Perhaps the op can’t arrange lunch with friends because they work 10 miles away so couldn’t drive to her and have lunch and drive back in 30 minutes? When you work in an office you generally have regularly small interactions with people throughout the day so you mix and chat with various people. These interactions are simply not the same via phone zoom etc. I have two DDs both stuck wfh in small flats and they both hate it. Just hoping that lockdown ends soon so they can get back to the office.
I am sympathetic. But also… it’s January. And people get the blues. (Again, sympathies).

The only solution is to be pro-active. Try to sort out some things to ease it. Or don’t. At this stage, enough How to Help WFH Mental Health articles have been written. Take the advice or don’t. You’re in control.