To find working from home lonely, isolating & demotivating

[Laughingstock91]

Currently at home full time as work at a Uni and really really fed up of it.

I find the lack of boundaries between home and work really depressing. I am busy so literally in front of a screen all day. It’s lonely and I miss the fact that work was a distraction from other things going on in my life. I miss the social interaction and the office chat. I am just utterly sick of it. It’s really affecting my mental health already and it’s only January 10th.

Aibu? I feel like there is nothing to look forward to at the moment

Years ago I spent 2 years training for my job with the expectation that once qualified I’d get my own office or share with max 1 other person. In reality that only lasted a couple of years before they made everything open plan. I absolutely detested it but I’d spent that time training, working my way up etc and I’d got into that career late to begin with. So starting over wasn’t really an option. I didn’t “sign up” for open plan but I had to just get on with it. Things change.

I didn’t have an issue with my colleagues, I like them. But I couldn’t bear the noise and constant interruptions and feeling “watched” all the time. Not having my own little space. I did eventually find a wfh job (pre covid) and have been so happy since. Ultimately changes at work do happen and you then have to make the choice to put up with it or go elsewhere.

I do sympathise. Working in an open plan office destroyed my mental health and wasn’t what I initially signed up for. So while I am the other side of the coin, I do understand hating your work environment. That being said, if there’s no way to make it work, you have to look for something else.

Particularly when universities should be open anyway! I imagine that makes it all the more frustrating.

I totally understand that you miss the interaction provided by the office environment. This can't be addressed by going for yet another bloody walk.

I agree about not knowing what's happening at work. There are new people joining the department I've never heard of, and no idea for example when people are about to go off on mat leave (I didn't know they were expecting). Makes me feel out of the loop. Work gets done quicker, as no travelling or other distractions. Whether the work is as good is a different matter. Quick a few times I've found I've missed a key decision and wasted my time.

I always try to talk to colleagues about non work stuff, but they are often in between meetings so very little time.

I do agree about reframing things though. My cat has been very poorly for the last three months and I'm grateful to be at home for him. I try and remind myself of that.

What will all the people who need to go to a place of work do in retirement?

OP, I saw a therapist last year who talked about the lack of 'accidental learning' due to WFH. That made a massive impression on me. We don't overhear people discussing a film or book, or get asked to try a sample of something someone else is eating or has brought back from holiday. We don;t see life on the street. I remember once pulling into Clapham Junction on a train and a ticket inspector woman started dancing. A platform guard came up to her and took her hand and they moved into a patch of sunlight and danced together for a few moments, chuckling away. It was such spontaneous joy. That's the stuff I miss. We are increasingly disconnected from the physical and social world. It is very bad indeed for us.

The pressure to always be "seen at your desk" has impacted me hugely, I show away if I'm gone for 5 mins.

I'm juggling childcare, school runs, unexpected child collections when a Covid bomb hits the school or creche. This all happens in "normal" life and doesn't bother me as much because I've been seen in the office, colleagues have seen me work and don't think I'm ripping the piss being with my kids or cleaning the apartment. I know I shouldn't care what people think but tensions run high when there's one colleague who is constantly showing Away because we had one of them and everyone resented them.

People also need to give a thought to those who live alone and who will never "get used to wfh". One of my team was on her own for 5 months last year aside from phone calls to home and limited shop runs. She didn't speak to anyone f2f and that's not normal and not something to get used to either.

It suits some it doesn't suit others, our company now has the hybrid approach for when things go back to unrestricted and everyone is happy.

I wonder if that's why a lot of people struggle with retirement? My parent volunteers for a couple of groups, is a councillor, and travels a lot. I'm pretty sure they enjoy the "office politics" of the council too.

What will all the people who need to go to a place of work do in retirement?

They'll fill their days with whatever suits them.

It's the interaction with nothing but screens for 8 hours a day and a lack of any meaningful interaction with colleagues that's the problem and once again, I don't know why that's so difficult to understand.

@daimbarsatemydogsbone

What will all the people who need to go to a place of work do in retirement?

You're going to know that's coming and prepare. This wasn't expected nor chosen

The point about planning / expectation is a good one. I left the office over a month before everyone else for minor surgery, and never went back. I feel like I didn't get to say goodbye to my team.

@daimbarsatemydogsbone

What will all the people who need to go to a place of work do in retirement?

I'm semi retired. I have lots of enjoyable things I can do on my days off. The working days are quite another thing; stuck on the corner of the kitchen table, not speaking to a soul all day, all the stress of work without the compensation aspects of advice and support, laughs and chats, a coffee at lunch time.

Im retiring earlier than anticipated as I just can't stand the isolation of WFH any longer.

Personally I LOVE working at home and dread my one day in the office once a week. January blues may be playing a part too as I feel a bit down, always do in Jan and Feb .

@daimbarsatemydogsbone

What will all the people who need to go to a place of work do in retirement?

I posted above that I retired because I hated wfh, retirement is nothing the same, I can do what I want when I want, not stuck in the spare room

I get it OP. I'm definitely far less motivated when working from home than I am when I'm in the office. I'm now going into the office one day per week and it does help even though it's very, very quiet in there. I just like the change of scenery, the drive into work listening to the radio, getting up and dressed, makeup on etc. There are a handful of people doing the same and it's nice to see other faces and a different set of four walls so may be something you could try?

The other thing that's helped is my team has a 30 minute daily meeting over Zoom every morning to discuss work but also have a chat. I know other teams that book in 15 minute daily virtual coffee breaks over Zoom. Anything to help keep that connection with your colleagues and not feel so lonely.

Teaching at my uni starts next week and we're expected on campus. Are you?

@hivemindneeded

OP, I saw a therapist last year who talked about the lack of 'accidental learning' due to WFH. That made a massive impression on me. We don't overhear people discussing a film or book, or get asked to try a sample of something someone else is eating or has brought back from holiday. We don;t see life on the street. I remember once pulling into Clapham Junction on a train and a ticket inspector woman started dancing. A platform guard came up to her and took her hand and they moved into a patch of sunlight and danced together for a few moments, chuckling away. It was such spontaneous joy. That's the stuff I miss. We are increasingly disconnected from the physical and social world. It is very bad indeed for us.

I so agree!

I also agree that this is the hardest time of year, whether wfh or not, and this year and last it's exacerbated by the pandemic. I think if we can all just get through January that's a massive win.

@Username7521

Hi OP Have you looked at shared working spaces? We changed our office set up early last year (gave up our office building and went into shared working spaces) so we have a couple of offices but access to loads of shared working space. It’s like working on a coffee shop but better as there are loads of different types of spaces to use. It’s £150pm I think if you just want the shared working spaces. I would definitely recommend. Most people have one close by that they can walk to so no need for public transport!

I was going to suggest this too. WFH does not mean you have to stay at home like in the first lockdown, it just means not going into the office every day. The co-working hubs tend to be very airy and spacious and so low risk.

And many are much cheaper than £150 a month! You can go once a week for between £10 and £20.

@hivemindneeded that just made me cry. But also what a beautiful moment.

I don’t work from home but my daughter does. She feels exactly the same as you. We’ve even had tears on occasion.
Until ornicrom she was going in to the office once or twice a week and felt much better in herself doing this. Now back to totally home working.
My suggestions of meeting colleagues and working in Costa or somewhere for a morning have fell on deaf ears though.

@PinkiOcelot

I don’t work from home but my daughter does. She feels exactly the same as you. We’ve even had tears on occasion. Until ornicrom she was going in to the office once or twice a week and felt much better in herself doing this. Now back to totally home working. My suggestions of meeting colleagues and working in Costa or somewhere for a morning have fell on deaf ears though.

It’s really hard if people have permanently been moved to wfh but I think with omicron plan b will be lifted this month (possibly / hopefully) so not too long and she’ll get those days back.

I'm a teacher and hated working from home. It learnt that whatever my job was I wouldn't want to work from home ever again. As you say a lack of boundaries, I missed interacting with people.

One of our local coffee shops is considering a co working area, which is bookable and good price. I really hope they do it (even at the expense of my waistline)

The other thing I do which does help is that if I have a listen only call, I'll turn my camera off and go for a walk during the call. Helps me concentrate on it, and a change of scenery. Appreciate not everyone can do that.