To find working from home lonely, isolating & demotivating

[Laughingstock91]

Currently at home full time as work at a Uni and really really fed up of it.

I find the lack of boundaries between home and work really depressing. I am busy so literally in front of a screen all day. It’s lonely and I miss the fact that work was a distraction from other things going on in my life. I miss the social interaction and the office chat. I am just utterly sick of it. It’s really affecting my mental health already and it’s only January 10th.

Aibu? I feel like there is nothing to look forward to at the moment

Weird first reply saying you should have got used to it. It's got worse obviously ! I hate it more now as time goes on.

I worked in the media very busy office full if stimulating creative chat and interesting people. Lively atmosphere and niche work so I find it difficult replicating the conversation anywhere else.

Miss it SO MUCH. actually cry sometimes I miss it so much

Re. Co working hubs. I have tried several and wish so much it worked for me. But what I miss are my industry colleagues and the lovely accidental learning and joy of collaboration

Working with headphones in a crowded room with strangers doing totally unrelated work just does not replace what I have lost

The worst thing is, those awful “just get over it, here’s a Buzzfeed article” people sound exactly like most HR departments…

@waterrat - that's it 100% - accidental learning and joy of collaboration. You've put it so well.

I totally sympathise.
Prior to the pandemic I worked from home 2 days a week, which was fine. In the office with the rest of my team for 3 days.
Now, change of function, my team is mostly based in a different country and I am stuck at home 5 days a week, whereas before I would have been away for work anyway.
It is not fun.

I really feel for everyone posting on her who are struggling with their mental health. My husband and I have always worked in offices/schools all our working lives and loved all the buzz and interactions with colleagues (and pupils). We now witness what our daughter and son-in-law have gone through with wfh. My son-in-law (banking compliance) thrives at home and loves home working, although he is going into the office once a week at the moment. My lovely daughter (in insurance) has really struggled with wfh. The end result has been that she is at present being prescribed setraline to help her anxiety and depression. Her wellbeing has been improved by the fact that she now goes into the office twice a week. It's not normal for us humans to be shut away from each other and in my opinion there is a mental health timebomb coming down the road. This is extremely concerning since mental health services are very underfunded and of low priority in this country.

Regarding comments about retirement, it is completely different from homeworking. We have autonomy - to stay in, go out, see friends, joint voluntary organisations, etc. etc. and as I said above we've had the benefit of our working lives in offices/schools. My husband said how much he missed it when I retired from school, as every day he'd hear some hilarious anecdote about that particular day's happenings!!!!

I hope things improve - but suspect wfh will be here to stay due to cost savings. Having said that, I know, certainly in my daughter's area of work there are masses of different job opportunities out there. Huge sympathies with those sad and suffering at the moment.

YANBU but there are things you can do. Decide what will create boundaries and put them in place. Find yourself other social outlets. Make sure you take your permitted breaks....maybe have before work and after work routines to put your head in the right place.

I also work at uni which can be a bit isolating at the best of time. My impression is that if you are an extrovert - WFH can be hard work. I definitely feel much better when I can go to the office a few times a week. However, even then I am now mainly just seeing students because the rest of our meetings are all online.

It's lonely and if you havent go used to it after two years then it might just not be for you. I know it isnt for me. I guess if you work in a uni, then you should be able to go back once Boris lifts the WFH directive. I am hoping that non-academic staff should be able to work in our building soon enough.

I'm the same OP. I have hated it from the start, I haven't "got used to it" and am now working towards a career change. Hugs to you and good wishes to everyone else in this rather shitty boat.

I think whether you are an extrovert an introvert, working from home can be tough. DH absolutely loathes having to do it full time - quite likes a couple of days a week, but he misses the office camaraderie, the distinct separation between home and work, the ability to sort out a minor issue easily and naturally via a quick chat at the coffee machine rather than having to laboriously schedule another bloody zoom call.

I work in a school office so have had to be in school throughout the pandemic and God, I am so relieved and so grateful that I’ve had to do that. I’m so much happier leaving the house, going to work, coming home. Had one week where I had to isolate and wfh and I felt miserable, lonely and demotivated.

You have my total sympathy OP.

Wfh might be great for many people but there are many many others who find it a rotten experience.

I think for anyone who is more of an introvert would prefer working at home .

I love WFH as the office chit chat drives me nuts. I've had to mute the group WhatsApp too.

However DH also WFH a lot so we watch Bargain Hunt together, Ddog sits at my feet and i have met colleagues for coffee occasionally when permitted.

@Sunset999

I think for anyone who is more of an introvert would prefer working at home .

I hate these introvert/extrovert comments and comparisons as you will no doubt get someone come on (as has happened on other threads) and says “well now extroverts know how us introverts feel when we have had to go into the office for years”

I am a 100% introvert and would go back to the office tomorrow if I was allowed but it’s currently closed. Much more productive in the office as you can turn round and ask someone something and you hear what’s going on which for my job is vital. And funnily enough for this introvert I do actually like speaking to people at times

It comes and goes. I always had the option of WFH, and prior to covid, did do once a week to focus on particular tasks without interruption. My team is spread across different offices in different countries, so we have done video calls for years anyway. Even local colleagues are spread across a fairly widespread area around the office so meeting for a quick coffee isn't an option.

Covid has meant I've got to know some of my more distant colleagues better, but I think that's mostly coincidental as we had a departmental reorganisation a few months before, which has meant working on projects where we had to collaborate more.

But I live alone, and at the height of lockdown, with no swimming pool, yoga class or evening classes, the height of my weekly face-to-face interaction was something like, "that's £47.52, please, card only." It's not so bad now, as I can go to the pool and yoga and evening classes are back on, and we can go to the pub. But it's not the same as catching up with people in the kitchen area, the passing interactions with people you don't directly work with, where information and connections are shared informally. And although I can and do chat with colleagues on Slack, it's not the same as bring able to lean over and say, "did I hear you are working on a problem with X? I had a similar thing last week and A told me to do this, " and that sort of incidental sharing/learning. I know colleagues in shared houses and in busy family homes have also been desperate to get back to the office from time to time. We all have different situations and needs, but my employer does recognise that there's value in incidental social interactions in shared working spaces, and that while some people are very happy to WFH permanently (and some were on permanent home-based contracts for a long time before covid,) it doesn't work so well for others, so the office isn't totally closed, and you can go in if you have permission- and once the current WFH guidance is gone again, will be expected in at least once a week. However, when I had been in before Christmas, it wasn't the same - far fewer people, and no one I directly work with most of the time, and our desks have all gone to hot-desking. Things will shake down in time, and managers see value in face-to-face meetings once in a while (including with overseas colleagues,) but it's never going to be quite the same, which has positive and negative aspects. And because we don't yet know just how or when it will be the new normal, it makes it harder to adjust and prepare for it.

It’s unfortunate that you are finding it difficult. Many of us find it absolutely wonderful. I’ve been doing it for over a decade and find it completely freeing.

There are some concrete tips that are supposed to help. The biggest is that you need to physically put your computer away at the end of the work day. If you have a home office that is easy. Close the door and don’t renter the room until morning. My company actually recommends people shut down their laptops and out them in a cabinet or a bag at the end of the day if they don’t have a home office. It’s a really important psychological break.

Some people also find taking a walk before work and after work useful. I personally don’t need that, but I understand why some people do it.

I know I would be fine if i were still in my old role, but we finished the project, so everyone left (including me). I think the issue is working in a totally new area and team without having met any of them in person.
My team is in London, I am in Europe, so I cannot see us meeting in the near future, which is a shame. On the plus side, we all seem to get on well, so there is no "angst" around personality clashes :-)

I feel exactly the same, we are not allowed back into the office at all, I suspect I could go in on mental health grounds but I would be sat in an office on my own all day with a mask on. At least at home I have my dogs for company. It's hard to get used to something you really don't like.

As much as I love my job and my team, and the company I work for, I have started to look for something else where I can be around people again.

Anyone got any day to day tips?
Don't have time for people
Lunch to meet others as would take 2h drive there and back
Kids do a lot of sports so often home on own in evening as well while husband takes them places

Crying today as so lonely and got 4h teams calls I'm meant to lead this afternoon

So lonely

@bringiton2022 no real advice but just some solidarity.

I'm struggling badly today as well and am seriously questioning what to do with myself and my job. I can't afford to leave this one though. It's just the isolation and lack of support, it's affecting me badly.

@bringiton2022 solidarity too. I cried yesterday -it’s so shit! I found a teams call to colleagues did cheer me up. It’s rubbish though

Yeah I feel the same. I switched jobs from one wfh to another wfh role halfway through the pandemic, so I haven't really got to "know" my new colleagues well enough to ring on teams for a chat. My previous job had loads of meetings and did let us go into the office once or twice a week for mental health reasons so was much better, but this one I have one 20 minute meeting a week and that's it, I don't speak to anyone else. I live alone too, and don't really have local friends to go for a walk or anything with- I see people on the weekend but it's a long stretch of boredom and isolation in the week.

I'm another Uni worker who misses the buzz of campus, interaction with students, and colleagues. I also find the lack of separation of home and work hard - and fell into bad ways of working 12 hour days every day, as it was too easy to just keep working, as what else was there?
I suffered quite serious burnout and depression this year, and had to have 6 months off work sick. My manager refuses to accept the part work played in this (but that's a whole other 'terrible manager' story...)
I think that, unless you've sent almost two years, almost completely alone, you can't imagine it. I have every sympathy with those at the other end of the scale too.

Since September 2021, I'm now working two days per week on campus, as we're student facing, and although I don't enjoy being back to having a 6:00 alarm, it's drastically improved my mental health.

I'm allowed in on mental health grounds 3 days a week where I sit alone in a huge empty building. Today is a wfh day. Am in the kitchen. Washing machine on. DS been in and out,DH now home on his pc and reading out pointless trivia from social media, whistling and sniffing. Mother appeared for a coffee and a chat " seeing as you're at home". It's impossible to work like this!

@thevassal

Yeah I feel the same. I switched jobs from one wfh to another wfh role halfway through the pandemic, so I haven't really got to "know" my new colleagues well enough to ring on teams for a chat. My previous job had loads of meetings and did let us go into the office once or twice a week for mental health reasons so was much better, but this one I have one 20 minute meeting a week and that's it, I don't speak to anyone else. I live alone too, and don't really have local friends to go for a walk or anything with- I see people on the weekend but it's a long stretch of boredom and isolation in the week.

That sounds really tough and isolating @thevassal.

Can you organise some activities in the evenings near where you live? A yoga class, a book club, choir or netball team/running group etc. Just so you get some human interaction each day. Can you have lunch a couple of times a week in a cafe so you get a chance to see the world go by or take your laptop to a library or cafe and work from there a bit?

I've been OK with working from home but since going back last week I do feel I've hit a bit of a wall and want to start a regular day or two a week when that's feasible, which I guess probably March or thereabouts. Was talking to my manager and she feels the same way too. Happy to be at home 2-3 days a week ongoing but I would like to go back - I don't chat to people that much during the day in the office, and I don't have any issues separating work from home time (I basically can't function workwise without a lunch break, and before about 8.30am or after 6pm anyway).

My team was only ever all in 2-3 days a week (I always wfhed on Mondays or more often in holidays) so it won't feel that different if we come back similarly at the office.