To find working from home lonely, isolating & demotivating

[Laughingstock91]

Currently at home full time as work at a Uni and really really fed up of it.

I find the lack of boundaries between home and work really depressing. I am busy so literally in front of a screen all day. It’s lonely and I miss the fact that work was a distraction from other things going on in my life. I miss the social interaction and the office chat. I am just utterly sick of it. It’s really affecting my mental health already and it’s only January 10th.

Aibu? I feel like there is nothing to look forward to at the moment

Perhaps there are some kinds of human unhappiness that can’t be fixed by a “Ten Top Tips!!” article written by some underpaid freelancer in twenty minutes?

Yes, imagine 😆

100% yes, this post could have been written by me.
I bloody hate working from home and am essentially a team of one so very limited contact with colleagues. I was going into the office a couple of times a week until Christmas but not any longer due to omicron, I loved my office days and it broke the week up for me.

I feel the same. WFH really did a number on my mental health last year and I developed really bad anxiety. I’ve done a lot of work on this and feel better now but it’s still a struggle.

I loved the social aspect of being in the office and find sitting alone all day so lonely and isolating. I used to love buying clothes for work and getting dressed up to go into the office, now it all seems so pointless just to sit on Teams calls. I also miss the fun I used to have with my work colleagues. I had no commute, my office is 10 mins walk from my house so I’m not saving money, in fact it’s costing me as work won’t contribute towards our heating /electricity costs.

Still feel grateful to have a job and all that but just don’t like wfh.

I also miss the other bits like travel (train), occasionally staying at hotels and going out for dinner with colleagues. Bake sales, Christmas jumper days and Christmas lunches. Nothing extravagant, just a bit of fun.

So now you see that most people (your coworkers) where "dragged" to the office out of necessity and felt miserable inside. I remember sunday evenings with suicidal ideations just because monday is coming. Not everyone had such radical feelings, of course, but is this realy the "cheer and banter" you want to fill your days with? Unhappy coworkers with their politely smiling masks on? Co-working space is a good idea, because you will be togeather with people who realy want to be there. Alternatively you could stop giving colleagues such a meaningful place in your mind. You could find hobbies (team sports, choir, classes etc.) or volunteer. Maybe become keyworker. (Next on would be fight for WFH rights - resources to equip your home office, that would be fair)

@Leftbutcameback

I also miss the other bits like travel (train), occasionally staying at hotels and going out for dinner with colleagues. Bake sales, Christmas jumper days and Christmas lunches. Nothing extravagant, just a bit of fun.

Exactly! But remember this is Mumsnet where people are not allowed to have fun at work. Fun (and friends) is only permissible with people outside of work

Also to add to that there is a whole industry of pubs/restaurants/cafes etc - and not just Pret - that have closed or are seriously on their knees because they rely on people being in city centres and socialising during the week

Sorry you're feeling down OP. Try to get outside regularly, and take vit D supplements.

I adore working from home - it has benefited me in every way, but everyone's circumstances are different. I hated office working and commuting and hope and pray never to have to return to it.

I know what you mean, but I also enjoy being warm, cosy and with a kettle to hand. I make sure I go for a walk each day, talk to friends and have a couple of social events a week.

Df worked from home from before I was born. Tradesman so people came to him but one thing he did was join a community organisation or two. One met weekly some met monthly. They would take on projects etc so he would have something to do occasionally after work or on weekends. He had some terrific fun and is still mates with the ones still alive today.

I’m not in the Uk but is that an avenues open to you? Do you have Zonta or anything like that? An evening WI?

but is this realy the "cheer and banter" you want to fill your days with? Unhappy coworkers with their politely smiling masks on?

Oh fgs quit the dramatics. Plenty of people quite enjoy being in their office. And for those who hate it as much as you imply, one wonders why they signed contracts with the office as their primary working space.

Well OP has “got used to it “ as a op said she just doesn’t like it and I can’t blame her !

I have a very physical job so can’t work from home luckily because I would also hate it !

You’ve had some other helpful suggestions op so I hope maybe some of them will help a little

Pp_*

@Theredjellybean

It's not about just going for a walk or messages.. I do that evety day, it's the going out of the house to work. It's the impromptu chats or laughing at something spontaneous in the office. Its the very real face to face connection you get. Its home being home not work "got used to wfh"... Ffs... I am. Used to it, doesn't mean I or the OP are happy about.

This is how I feel. I would never do this by choice and I think it could have quite serious effects on some people's mental health.

I've been WFH since March 2019 and it's a permanent situation. I can't change jobs so have to live with it now.

I hear you @Laughingstock91 .

I would go in, if that's an option.

You might not be sat with colleagues you know, but if you make an effort to talk to them, they will no doubt be happy to chat as they will be there for the same reasons as you.

I've been going in since August 2020 and have made new friends as none of my colleagues have wanted to go in until forced to in Sept 21.

I do 2-3 days at home and what helps is - walk / run before work every day. Lunch break with fresh air every day, run / walk / walk and coffee with a friend. Phoning colleagues for a chat rather than just emailing. Trying to make sure I have meetings on my days at home to break up the day.

Oh fgs quit the dramatics. Plenty of people quite enjoy being in their office. And for those who hate it as much as you imply, one wonders why they signed contracts with the office as their primary working space.*

This.

I've done roles based in offices for my entire working life, therefore an entirely reasonable expectation that I would spend a big chunk of my time in the office. This has been the status quo forever really- and yes whilst things change, there are many good reasons why working from home doesn't work as well.

Honestly I feel so depressed and demotivated. I've never got over the initial anxieties of joining over zoom, never really getting any proper training or support, particularly since a new promotion. My anxiety is awful because of it. WFH is awful if you're a new starter, I'd say for the majority of people.

@Oneforthemoneytwo

I hate it too and I feel such sympathy for the poster who said they haven’t had one video call at all. That’s the only thing which makes it bearable for me is that all meetings are video calls with screens on so I do see people and I have hours of them a day. I just miss the office chat and banter and the general working together

Thank you, that was me. I just wanted to say you're comment meant a lot to me, I've been really struggling lately and generally having such a rough time at work so it was nice to read. People at work treat me like I'm a nutter for wanting human contact so it's nice to "talk" (type lol?) to people that get it.

I hate it too. I no longer have an office to return to as it has been closed to save money. Instead I take over a chunk of a room in my home with a massive desktop computer, whilst the managers with laptops say "you can meet colleagues in Costa, but it's your choice and we've no money so don't claim for a coffee or petrol."
I work school hours with a 30 min lunch break so no chance of a walk, unless I extend my days and try working whilst the dc are at home.
I miss people, I miss the banter about programmes, making someone else a coffee or even having someone to roll your eyes at. It's a lonely existence.
Don't get me wrong, I am grateful to have a job, but I liked my colleagues and I miss them

To all the people that say I am being patronising - I am being the reverse. I am not talking down and saying ‘there, there, poor you’. I am literally advocating taking steps to own your own mental health and outlook.

Working from home is not the worse thing to happen to mankind. In fact, for most of human history it’s been the default option. Offices are not a right.

I do sympathise with people being unhappy but this WFH thing isn’t new. So try to reframe it - enjoy being near the kettle/biscuits or able to fart or go for a walk or whatever. Or don’t. Again, you are in control.

YANBU, I worked from home, hated it, luckily I was in a position to retire so did, I had my job to provide variety in my life and go out to work, see different people etc. I didn't get any of that stuck in the spare room so I left.

I am literally advocating taking steps to own your own mental health and outlook.

Totally ineffectual and badly thought through steps. So, y'know, thanks but no thanks. 🙄

I think people need to be much more forthright with their management about how they want to work and to vote with their feet if their needs aren't being met. Plenty of workplaces have not enforced wfh. If you can, move.

I do plenty outside of working hours. I walk the dog twice a day, sometimes with friends, I go for runs, I volunteer at the vaccine centre, I run around after my son, I meet friends socially. I can meet DH in the kitchen to make lunch or a cup of tea any time I like.

But it's the work part of my life that's lonely and isolating. I like my colleagues and enjoyed their company. I had more idea of what was going on in the business because it was going on all around me, now I have to rely on watching a monthly streamed corporate update or Teams calls. I would never have applied for this job if it was advertised the way it is now.

But it's the work part of my life that's lonely and isolating

Exactly. I'm not sure what's so difficult to understand about that. And given that it's 8 hours a day, yes that's going to have a significant impact.

I have always worked from home, from graduating, even without covid - for almost 10 years now. It is difficult, and there are challenges (particularly if you're used to not working from home) but you can overcome them.

A specific work area and desk is a must, then you can 'leave work' at the end of the day. Preferably in a room you don't chill out in, but I appreciate that's not always possible.

Set strict times for when you do and don't work.

Get out every day for a walk, to do some shopping - anything. I find even a walk round the block clears my head a little.

Make sure you're socialising - so meet a friend/family member for a walk/coffee, or go and visit someone. If you have friends who you'd normally work with, keep in touch with them if you can.

It's not easy, particularly for those not used to it, but there are definitely ways to make it better.

Also, this is THE worst time of year to work from home. It's much better in the summer when you can set up outside, for example - so if you're still WFH when the weather improves, definitely try to do this!

I love working from home, I find the office environment really tiring due to my autism.

But I can understand how you feel. I think what is needed is for employers to treat staff as individuals, rather than apply blanket policies. I think forcing everyone to WFH is just as bad as saying everyone needs to be in/ presenteeism.

Working from home is not the worse thing to happen to mankind. In fact, for most of human history it’s been the default option. Offices are not a right.

What an odd comment. Who suggested they were a right? Just a highly normal way of working for many, many people. It's irrelevant that WFH has been the default for most of human history (is that even true?!).
My DM in her 60s spent her entire working life in offices. My dad has never had a job that requires working from home. I was born in the late 80s- always worked in offices and until the pandemic knew few people who WFH, unless they had their own businesses.

There are huge disadvantages to working from home, particularly around training, communication and productivity. Mental health as well for a high number of people.