To find working from home lonely, isolating & demotivating

[Laughingstock91]

Currently at home full time as work at a Uni and really really fed up of it.

I find the lack of boundaries between home and work really depressing. I am busy so literally in front of a screen all day. It’s lonely and I miss the fact that work was a distraction from other things going on in my life. I miss the social interaction and the office chat. I am just utterly sick of it. It’s really affecting my mental health already and it’s only January 10th.

Aibu? I feel like there is nothing to look forward to at the moment

I agree and I don’t even feel that a return to the office is something to look forward to either. I went in over the summer and honestly it was just dead. So I could either sit on my own at home or sit on my own in the office. I haven’t seen a single colleague face to face for over two years.

Our office is now closed and I do struggle. I feel as though I’ve got the closed horizons of a retired person but I’m still only middle aged! All I see are my kitchen walls. No separate space here. There isn’t time to meet a friend for lunch: you can’t fit that into an hour and enjoy it really, can you? Although I walk for the fresh air it’s the same route and very boring. It’s hard - and life for me now.

Yanbu for feeling that way, working from home can feel lonely at times.
You do need to switch off and separate your working life from your home life, once I'm logged off that's it, I don't check emails.

I personally am relieved not having to deal with the small talk and petty office politics as much, but I'm an introvert and my coworkers aren't the most chatty types either. Also glad I don't have to commute as I don't drive.

My friend has worked from home for 2 years now and absolutely hates it. It's not just the WFH, it's the daily interactions with colleagues, the routine of getting up and leaving the house, that she misses the most.

Sympathies, OP, I have no advice.

A lot of my friends who work at Universities are struggling; I’m a student and if we went back fully remote, I don’t know if I’d cope.

@ThoseFestiveLights yes! That’s exactly how I feel too- like my world has shrunk! I am ‘only’ 48 but feel like the walls have closed in! God knows how younger people in their 20’s feel

I feel the same. It is at least nice to know I'm not completely alone, as my colleagues seem to think I'm utterly mental wanting to go back in. I'm fully WFH now but used to do 1 day a week before they shut the office again. That one day saved my sanity and made me feel like life was somewhat normal again. The other people that also went in (about 4 of us) felt the same and like another poster said we formed a really nice bond and would spend time catching up as they lived by themselves in the city so would have no one every day. Just even getting dressed nicely and having a reason to do my hair and makeup made me feel human again, as dumb as that sounds.

I find that people who don't mind WFH likely have a good workplace that has adapted. My workplace have no understanding of what good WFH is- I'll go weeks without a team call. WEEKS. I tried being proactive and suggesting one but my team said they didn't want one (my colleagues, I'm not the manager). I then asked if they wanted to do a video call for Christmas. They said that would cause too much anxiety for them to turn their cameras on, so I just gave up after that.

My husband will have a video call daily for 10 minutes to check in, and then they will update each other through the day. My team hasn't had a single video call during the whole pandemic. It's lonely and isolating. When issues occur I feel like I'm a single person adrift in an ocean of crap, whereas previously in person we were a team that supported each other. I feel like I'm missing out on so much not being in the office- skills, networking, informal coffee breaks filling each other in about work etc. etc. I'm even lucky I have a good setup, I don't know how some people have lasted this long without one.

Sorry to hear so many people are feeling the same, I get it. I'm currently re-training to get into another job, so hopefully not much more of this.

I’m lucky in that I have been in work throughout. I can’t WFH other than the occasional day here and there, and I hate those days. I need separation between work and home.

Hi OP
Have you looked at shared working spaces? We changed our office set up early last year (gave up our office building and went into shared working spaces) so we have a couple of offices but access to loads of shared working space. It’s like working on a coffee shop but better as there are loads of different types of spaces to use. It’s £150pm I think if you just want the shared working spaces. I would definitely recommend. Most people have one close by that they can walk to so no need for public transport!

I hate it too and I feel such sympathy for the poster who said they haven’t had one video call at all. That’s the only thing which makes it bearable for me is that all meetings are video calls with screens on so I do see people and I have hours of them a day. I just miss the office chat and banter and the general working together

I am really struggling with this at the moment too. I am at home all day alone and have very few phone calls, a few exchanges on chat, a 2 Teams meeting with my team a month - one with all my Team and one just with my manager. We are snowed under and have tight deadlines, so in reality, no one has time for much more. I do have a separate room for my desk and equipment, but it is in the middle of the house so always there in the background even when the door is shut. Even though I try to get out every day walking/running, do some exercise classes, and meet up with friends/family (mostly not local) at least once a week, it's not really helping. We seem to have been working towards hybrid working forever - but so far I have only had 2 days in the office in almost 2 years. It is probably a bit of the January blues, and it will (hopefully!) pass, but I totally sympathise.

Completely agree. Luckily I can go in once a week and that helps - do your work allow people to go in if they are struggling with home working? Maybe worth speaking to your boss. Jan & Feb are difficult months

I’ve been tasked by a client to take on a sort of staff wellness health and well-being role. I understand in principle why he wants to support his staff who are all working from home, but I don’t feel simply sending messages to employees to encourage them to “take a break” “go for a walk at lunchtime whilst you phone a friend” is really helpful or indeed enough. Do any of you have an advice for what has genuinely helped you as you navigate the loneliness and isolation of WFH?

I'm a sociable extrovert and detest being forced to talk to a laptop screen 9h a day often no toilet drink or punch breaks in my own lounge

Why can’t you go to the toilet??

I am the same. I don’t think I could ever go into an office 100% but would like the option of going into an office. Our office is fully closed, it reopened in September for hybrid working and we had our contracts changed to reflect. I was only guaranteed a desk 1 day a week though and it was a hot desk situation.

I go days without seeing people, live semi rural and my office was a motorway drive away, so don’t really have many people I can just have lunch with / go for a walk with during the week. I go days without physically seeing another person and I am starting to get anxiety about being in loud busy places, I jump out of my skin at unexpected noise - I am guessing a side effect of being in my house for nearly two years.

It’s the little social human nature things you miss the most.

Don’t expect mumsnet to have much sympathy though, apparently home workers are lazy and killing the economy.

I feel exactly the same.

I started a new job in September 2019 and the team is just me and my boss, so no friends to chat to when I had always been in sociable roles before. In the office, we used to sit alongside another team who had nothing to do with our role, but I was getting to know them and we'd have a chat. We went to wfh full-time in March 2020 and now most days I have zero interaction at all.

My office has 'reopened' but you have to book a random desk so no way of sitting with someone you know, wear a mask whenever you're moving around, the canteen is closed....being there is worse than being at home.

Luckily I have friends and family locally who I spend time with during the week, but it's not the same as having daily interactions at work. I feel like my work life completely dissolved when COVID hit.

@PersonaNonGarter

Sympathies, but this sounds a bit January blues and you have had some time to get used to WFH by now.

You can organise lunch with a friend or go for a walk or message colleagues. You need to be a bit more pro-active (which is annoying I agree) but you need to rescue yourself here.

Could you be more patronising? I saw your follow up message and it’s even worse. I really hope you don’t manage people and if you do I feel for them dealing with a manager with a lack of empathy

Doesn’t matter if it’s January or July if you are now in a situation where your daily interactions have dropped to practically zero compared to office life then it is easy to feel lonely

On many of these threads on wfh we have people come in and say well I have done it for 10 years and it’s amazing. That’s great for you but for many of us we have been forced into this situation, live alone, are balancing a laptop in our knee because we live in a tiny flat with no room for an office or desk. And before people say well it’s been a long time just move to a bigger house - that is out side the reach of many people in low paying jobs

I am not saying this is my exact experience it is a composite of many people I know

So OP I get you, it’s shit and I hear you. Don’t have much more to offer than what has already been said but don’t think you are alone in feeling like this

@Womencanlift excellent post, agree with all of it.

@PersonaNonGarter it's incredibly dismissive to say 'you've had time to get used to home working', 'sounds like January blues'. I would never have chosen the kind of job I do had I known I'd have ended up working from home for so long. I hate it. But I can't just magic up another job or the skills to do it and earn what I currently earn. Trying to learn my current job as a new starter during the pandemic has had awful effects on my confidence and mental health.

You say about 'being in control'- most people who feel like this just want to be able to work in the way they have done and had reasonable expectations to always be doing before. It's not within our control in a lot of circumstances.

At this stage, enough How to Help WFH Mental Health articles have been written. Take the advice or don’t.

Gosh, you're as tone deaf as they come, aren't you?

All the advice and articles in the world aren't going to help people who struggle with wfh. What would help would be access to their own office.

OP, talk to your management and if they aren't interested in accommodating your needs, look for a new job. My office has been open for anyone who wants it since June 2020 and thank fuck for that. My mental health would be in the toilet if I had had to carry on wfh any longer.

[quote LumosSolem]@Womencanlift excellent post, agree with all of it.

@PersonaNonGarter it's incredibly dismissive to say 'you've had time to get used to home working', 'sounds like January blues'. I would never have chosen the kind of job I do had I known I'd have ended up working from home for so long. I hate it. But I can't just magic up another job or the skills to do it and earn what I currently earn. Trying to learn my current job as a new starter during the pandemic has had awful effects on my confidence and mental health.

You say about 'being in control'- most people who feel like this just want to be able to work in the way they have done and had reasonable expectations to always be doing before. It's not within our control in a lot of circumstances. [/quote]
Sounds tough and I hope it changes soon

I’m getting used to it I think if you don’t want it it can get worse over time not better as resources are depleted

Totally agree. Resent having to use half my house as an office as well. Both of us WFH full time and our home has become our work place. I don’t like it! Lucky to have a job and all that jazz but it’s been too long now!

I went from being an extrovert to an introvert. Or maybe I was always an introvert just putting on a brave face. I loved to talk to people and now I just want to be left alone. I've been into the office twice since Feb 2020.

Now, if you asked me if I wanted to return to office work I'd say no. But that's because I may have collected quite a few pets during lockdown and I'm happy sat in my oodie at my desk with dogs at my feet and a cat on my keyboard.

I am lonely but I think I might be okay with that. Then again I did start antidepressants a few months after lockdown!

I agree Op. Absolutely hate it for all the reasons you mentioned

Do any of you have an advice for what has genuinely helped you as you navigate the loneliness and isolation of WFH?
Sounds basic but of the most useful things my work has done is actually ask how people are feeling and what they would like the organisation to do. That way even if they can’t fix it, there’s a sense that they’ll do some things people actually want, and that they’re listening. Not all parts of the organisation do this though and so we still get “here’s a link to our wellbeing tips!” stuff in emails from the management, which just feels naggy and tone-deaf.

Laughing at ‘enough How to Help WFH Mental Health articles have been written’ upthread. Perhaps there are some kinds of human unhappiness that can’t be fixed by a “Ten Top Tips!!” article written by some underpaid freelancer in twenty minutes?

100% feel the same. I could go into the office occasionally but as no one else is there there’s no point. I’m sad that I’ve lost that, and it won’t ever be back to the way it is before.