[quote HobgoblinGold]@limitedperiodonly
I was talking to MIL over the Christmas period and she was talking about how private her son is (DH brother). I find mum and dad will say things like this to avoid talking about the real issues. Such as the fact that DH brother is inconsiderate. I find their complete lack of insight and ability to look through rose tinted glasses annoying and frustrating.[/quote]
Hi Hobgoblin. My parents grew up in a time and place where to be poor or of dubious moral character was enough reason for authorities, usually church-based, to step in and forcibly take children away from families for what was considered to be for their own good and put them in orphanages or with right-minded members of society sometimes on the other side of the world. Shocking, isn't it?
As you can imagine this created a deal of misery not to say abuse. It persisted in some parts of Britain and Ireland until the 1970s. Therefore my parents were wary about revealing family details to authority figures from Church, schools, health, local authority etc. That extended to us even though that was unlikely to happen. I still remember my mother saying to me every day before I went to school "None of my business." This was in the 1970s.
If you are interested there have been plenty of books and documentaries started by a wonderful woman called Margaret Humphries who I met after she founded The Child Migrants' Trust It wasn't the only example of state-sponsored child snatching here but the most organised and highly respected. It makes people taking photos of random children in the park pale into insignificance.
Those were special circumstances like coming from a country with State sponsored surveillance. Happily most of us do not have a background like that. I don't mind that people such as @PrivatePrivatePrivate sneer that my life is boring and of no interest. It's nice - not the fact that my life is boring but that the authorities are not interested in it.
I doubt your in-laws have the same motivation for secrecy as my parents. I think you are right in guessing that they don't want to talk about inconvenient things like the fact that your BIL is inconsiderate.
It's annoying. I find people who talk about their privacy to be irritating in the same way as people who say they don't like confrontation. Hardly anyone enjoys confrontation but sometimes it has to endured otherwise situations fester and everyone suffers.
It's normal to have things we'd prefer to keep to ourselves. That's not the same as dodging the issue which appears to be happening here.
I can't offer any answer. They can't be forced to confront things. But please don't go along with people who insist that they are "private" people as if they are somehow more special than you. My life is an open book until I decide to close it. That is how it should be with everyone.