Husband Says He can't afford a gift?

[Grumpy1818]

So, its my birthday in two weeks time. My husband asked me about my birthday and asked what I wanted to do I said I would be happy just getting a take away from our favourite resturant. He replied I can't afford that. Its around £35 I would say max. id been hinting about some earrings which are around £25 so I asked if he was getting me anything to which he replies 'a card' I can't afford anything with it being just Christmas which is laughable as we buy them out of the joint account and I purposely save thought the year to pay for xmas he hasn't had to use any of his own money or savings.

We have the SAME argument every year for the past 8 years. I tell him he knows when my birthday is its always fear xmas previous years I have even suggested he puts money in an envelope every month say £5/£10 to be able to do something nice.

For context we have a good household income probably a little more than average. we don't live an extravagant lifestyle. we save money every month and by no means hard up we have plenty of joint savings.

But he's saying he a bit tight on cash this month (which may be the case as we did more social events in December)but this is the same story every birthday we have had together. we have joint saving and our own separate savings. we are not rich but we are by no means poor.

AIBU To think my Husband after 8 years should be Able to save or take out of savings £60 and put it back next month etc?

YAnbu he sounds awful

Yanbu. I'd say to same to him when it's his birthday and use the money to treat yourself to something nice instead

I hope you don't get gim anything for his.

YANBU, he sounds selfish and uncaring. You haven’t asked for much at all, I’d just buy the earrings and takeaway for yourself personally.

Also agree with PP’s on not getting him anything for his.

YANBU. It's not as if your birthday is a surprise. It's on the same date every year. If your income is higher than average and Xmas presents come out of the joint account, what is he spend this money on? Do you buy him birthday gifts? What about Christmas presents - do both of your presents come out of the joint account? Does he buy you a Christmas present? His excuse sounds terrible to me.

Oh yes, def get yourself a birthday take away from the joint account, but only for you!

He sounds a miserly shit. When it comes round to his next birthday tell him you can’t afford a present for him either. Assuming you haven’t dumped the bugger by then.

There's no excuse for this! He should do exactly as you suggested and put money aside each month so this isn't an issue ever again. He's clearly indicating that your birthday isn't a priority. Does he like receiving gifts on his birthday OP?

Say then that you'll book the restaurant but delay it slightly so it's in three weeks, or whenever is just after he gets paid. I get that January can be a tricky month financially but that shouldn't get him off the hook ajtmgdtgjp.

What is he like otherwise? because he sounds shit

YANBU but he sounds very like my partner who needed it explaining to him how much it means to me to be treated every now and then, but particularly on birthdays and Christmas. I don’t ask for very much, like you, just a nice meal or a little token gift or flowers and a nice card to show that he’s thought of me. The problem is, some men don’t care themselves and the importance is lost on them. Have you ever actually told him that it’s important to you? Mine needed it spelling out and this Christmas he excelled himself!

YADNBU. My birthday is also in 2 weeks, and inconveniently enough 3 days before DH is paid (after being paid a week early in December to boot), and yet he's always managed to buy me gifts and take me out for dinner.

If this is the same every year, please don't say you always buy him a gift and make a fuss on his birthday. If you do, stop. He's rubbish so see how he likes it

How open are your finances? £25 for a present when you are a decent earner who can save monthly etc shouldn't be a big deal, the date of your birthday doesn't change, unless there was some massive issue costing money (e.g. car unexpectedly has issues etc).

Did you get a decent Xmas present?

Next year don't buy him a Christmas gift and when he asks why tell him that you were helping him by helping reduce household outgoings around Christmas so there's more money available for your birthday.

After 8 years of this I’d have long since stopped bothering. Credit to your optimism.

I hope you don’t get him anything for his birthday. Please say no?

Even if he were stony broke, he could do your most-loathed chore all by himself for the next six months!

I mean really. If, "I love my wife and don't want her to leave me, how should I behave?" is the question,
"Be sure not to get her anything for her birthday" is not going to be the answer, is it!!

Honestly! What is wrong with some people.

YABU for putting up with this for 8 years. You deserve to be appreciated. You deserve those £25 earrings and the £35 takeaway and a whole lot more. If your own husband can't even make an effort to show he cares at special occasions like birthdays then it's time to give up. He's taking you for granted.

Maybe treat yourself to something nice and have the takeaway with your friends instead. He'll hopefully learn to make more of an effort for next year then.

Given that you've said that you both earn more than average, what exactly does your partner spend all his money on that means that he can only afford a card?

I bet he can always find the cash for the pub with his mates though

I would be asking what he spending his individual money and savings on if he can't afford £25.

What are his hobbies/activities?

How much has he got in savings?

YANBU

I have a January birthday and utterly sick of the "no money" rubbish. Last year, I let it go and bought myself a present for him birthday and nothing for him. It did not go down well but I think made my point.