To cringe at use of "partner"?

[Baggingarea]

Obviously not if you have kids or a house with someone.

But I always deep cringe when someone prematurely refers to their boyfriend as a "partner". It's normally young people trying to feel grown up I guess?

I am prepared to hear I'm being judgemental but I physically cringe - not much I can do about that!

Inspired by another thread!

My partner says I'm his misses. I say partner, I feel like a child playing grown up but I am mid 30s. He cringes when I say it, saying the person I am speaking to will either assume I am gay or am talking about a business partner. I have always called him my partner, as from the beginning it was more serious than just a bf of which there were many previous who were called boyfriend.

For clarification, we have been together 15 years with children, dogs and shared mortgages.

@Baggingarea

I feel like a lot of people might have missed the point (or just like being victims). As PP has said I mean when people are together a matter of weeks.

I take the word partner very seriously - it's akin to husband or wife in my books. I don't think it's something people should be flippant about. Obviously if you are civil partners or together for 22 years this is included in deserving the term partner. However someone who refers to dp and they've been dating all of a month is rely weird no?

But who are you to decide that?

I, personally, don't think I would get married to someone I'd know for a month. But it happens.

My father (long-dead) used to call the man I was living with when I was in my late twenties/early thirties, and whom I had no intention of marrying, my "paramour".

But as I said that's just how I feel. Who are you to decide otherwise @SarahAndQuack ?

@Baggingarea

But as I said that's just how I feel. Who are you to decide otherwise *@SarahAndQuack* ?

I'm ... not deciding otherwise? You feel how you feel. Other people are entitled to point out how that comes across.

(I just re-read - when I asked who were you to decide, I was responding to you saying people had missed the point. I don't think you get to dictate what the point of a thread is after you start it. We all get to have opinions - otherwise why post?!)

@Baggingarea

What do people use if they are in 40s/50s and have just started seeing someone? Partner to me sounds way too official.

Can you not just say 'person I am dating'.

Yeah but when does the person you are dating become partner? As I said up thread my sister and her partner have been together a couple of years she's nearly 50 he's 56 they both own their own home ,he has adult daughters she has teen son's ,I don't think they feel ready to move in together ,but it's more serious than they are just dating and they are to old to refer to each other as boyfriend and girlfriend .

I'm in a relationship with someone 13 years older than me, we've been together for just over a year, he's in his 40's, we're not engaged or living together, I call him my partner as boyfriend seems so.......childish at this age

I take the word partner very seriously - it's akin to husband or wife in my books. I don't think it's something people should be flippant about. Obviously if you are civil partners or together for 22 years this is included in deserving the term partner. However someone who refers to dp and they've been dating all of a month is rely weird no?

That's so funny.
Partnerships can exist in many ways, business, romantic, old friends, partners in crime, comedy duos, singing duos, policing management systems, dental and medical practices.

Why does the use of the term partner offend so much? If two people have been dating for a week and decide to call each other a partner, I really don't see how that affects other people.

I don't like the word 'partner' in this context. I'm not a law firm associate. I don't mind if you want to use it, but I don't like to use it myself.

Funny enough I cringe at the word partner when used in any romantic relationship, its so clinical, ergh.

Why does it matter. I think once you get beyond the casually dating phase you can call them what you feel comfortable with. We are way too old for boy and girl! Partner seems more appropriate when you are over 30/40

I only say partner because boyfriend sounds so juvenile. We've been together 15 years. 2 kids. Looking forward to calling him my husband.

I don't like saying it, really. But I understand it's a useful word for people in my situation, (together for a long time, but not married) and same sex relationships. But I agree that it's cringey when it's not a long standing relationship. The woman that trained me at my current job, referred to her 'partner', when I discovered they'd been together less than six months I was

So, in conclusion, it's fine (even though I don't like it, personally) unless you've barely been together five minutes, then it's weird

Just fyi I have fertility issues

My quote didn't work but basically I'd never want to offend anyone who is going through that.

I find myself saying "partner" to avoid the awkward stuff when I say "my wife", same sex marriage. I get so many comments, I just can't be bothered because it feels like I'm coming out for decades. "Wife" is fine with friends but work people seem to feel they have to comment 🤦‍♀️

I don’t care at all about the phrase. I think it’s a good neutral description, and can (but doesn’t have to) indicate stronger ties than just sleeping together (sharing finances, children or business etc).
Also I like that it means strangers don’t automatically know my sexual orientation. And I say that as a straight person!

Not sure the dig about 'victims' was necessary. The discussion has broadened from your original op and I was expressing an additional 'issue' that some people have with the word that has impacted me and others in the recent past. Telling someone they are being a 'victim' for explaining how they have been negatively affected by something is fairly unpleasant.

I call mine my bit of fluff. He loves it

Honestly, what's wrong - for people who are not yet in long-term relationships - with 'my friend'? Parter is fine for something more established. If you have no wish ever to get married, then 'life-partner' (as in some European countries) is fine also.

I don't see anything wrong with using the term partner. It sounds better than hearing grown adults say 'my boyfriend' when they are in a relationship/dating a full grown man and not a boy. To me boyfriend sounds like something teens would say.

I mean I think the bottom line is that most ways of describing the person you are romantically involved with unless you're actually married are fraught with difficulty and subject to other people's judgement.

I don't love "partner" -- I find it a bit Californian and naff and I agree that its over-used. But there's a huge gulf between "girlfriend/boyfriend" and "husband/wife" and many many shades in the middle from casual hookups to someone you've been committed to to decades but don't live with.

It's probably the least offensive and least ambiguous way to describe someone who you are in a serious relationship with but not married to, so I can't get too het up about it.

And I do find people's prurience about the way other people describe their relationships very odd. The example of the girl in this particular post which the OP was talking about was at the extreme end of the scale and that was cringeworthy, but in most situations its a fairly straightforward situation where two people are together and not married.

I really don't understand why this dull but inoffensive word is subject to so much scrutiny and judgement.

@scottishnames

Honestly, what's wrong - for people who are not yet in long-term relationships - with 'my friend'? Parter is fine for something more established. If you have no wish ever to get married, then 'life-partner' (as in some European countries) is fine also.

You shag your friends?!

I think if you are in that sort of relationship and everyone knows, fine. But for those boring old sods amongst us who still like monogamy, I think we really do need a term that differentiates!

I’m with you op. I don’t like the phrase! Dh was always db before.

Especially hate it when people use it for someone they’ve been ‘seeing’ for a few weeks / months …!

Ps - not moaning at people in long term relationships who use it. It’s just not for me!