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Original poster

To cringe at use of "partner"?

168 replies

Baggingarea · 09/01/2022 14:48

Obviously not if you have kids or a house with someone.

But I always deep cringe when someone prematurely refers to their boyfriend as a "partner". It's normally young people trying to feel grown up I guess?

I am prepared to hear I'm being judgemental but I physically cringe - not much I can do about that!

Inspired by another thread!

OP posts:
RedCandyApple · 09/01/2022 15:22

I think when you get to a certain age saying boyfriends is much more cringey, I’m in my early 30s I wouldn’t want to use the term “boyfriends” sounds too teenage

Lamont77 · 09/01/2022 15:26

I've been with my partner over 7 years now, he is now my 'fiance' but that makes me cringe and we marry next year but I don't think I'll get used to 'husband' for a while and 'boyfriend' seems silly because we live together and have done for years and share everything we own etc.

So, I just call him by his name mostly and hope people pick up that I mean my partner/fiance/hubby2be whatever. I really don't care what people refer to theirs as though.

Lamont77 · 09/01/2022 15:27

Wait we marry this year Blush

SummaLuvin · 09/01/2022 15:29

I can just about tolerate it these days for single-sex couples, but find it twee and confusing for heterosexual couples.

I think the general consensus in LGBT+ groups is that they like that many so heterosexual couples use the term 'partner' as it means they can use it without it being like a flashing light saying "I am gay". They can avoid 'outing' themselves in potential unsafe or discriminatory situations by using a general neutral term widely used outside of the gay community.

Doggydoodah123 · 09/01/2022 15:31

I agree this makes me cringe when youngsters do it. I think its more suited to those older as I think calling someone a boyfriend or girlfriend after a certain age sounds daft. To me if you're over 50 partner, under 50 boyfriend/girlfriend.

TimBoothseyes · 09/01/2022 15:31

Well DP and me have had a civil partnership so he's my partner, not my husband, boyfriend or fiance. We're not a single-sex couple btw.

TeachesOfPeaches · 09/01/2022 15:32

Partner makes me think it's a gay or lesbian relationship or they're referring to a business partner.

52andblue · 09/01/2022 15:34

I know a 72 year old man.
He is married and lives with his Wife (W)
He has a Partner (P) left wife, lived with P for 20 years, left her for W)
He also has a Girlfriend (G)

its like some crazy Maths / Harem equation - Envy

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 09/01/2022 15:36

@SummaLuvin

Calling someone a partner you've been seeing for less than a year (my imposed minimum Grin) and living with.. Is a boyfriend.

I know two couples who got engaged after 10 months and are now happily married. But by your 'rules' they wouldn't have yet reached the appropriate point to call each other 'partners' until 2 months into engagement?

DH and I got engaged after 5 months, we've been married 20 years. He was my boyfriend until he was my husband because 'partner' is awful and 'fiancé' just makes me feel the ick somehow
StrychnineInTheSandwiches · 09/01/2022 15:37

When I am 70+ I will have a boyfriend or a lover. Even if I'm married to them. Husband sounds too suburban.

Original poster
Baggingarea · 09/01/2022 15:38

@Simonjt obviously that is completely different

OP posts:
FangsForTheMemory · 09/01/2022 15:40

'Designated fuck' is much better.

OneTimeThrowAway · 09/01/2022 15:42

Been with oh for 25 years, we're not married and calling her my girlfriend seems a bit weird a quarter of a century in Grin

SarahAndQuack · 09/01/2022 15:44

TBH, I think this is basically snobbery about marriage. I refer to DP as my partner, and we do live together and have a child. I still periodically find on MN people are eager to tell me I am 'just' a girlfriend because we're not married. Like a PP, I find 'partner' the sensible gender-neutral option.

Original poster
Baggingarea · 09/01/2022 15:44

@FangsForTheMemory lol

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 09/01/2022 15:45

@Baggingarea

Obviously not if you have kids or a house with someone.

But I always deep cringe when someone prematurely refers to their boyfriend as a "partner". It's normally young people trying to feel grown up I guess?

I am prepared to hear I'm being judgemental but I physically cringe - not much I can do about that!

Inspired by another thread!

I know what you mean.

When you've been dating for 5 minutes they are not your partner.

Franklyfrost · 09/01/2022 15:45

So what do you call the person you’re settled with long term but have no intention of marrying? Especially once you’ve got kids and house and all that. Living in sin? Grin

RagzReturnedUnwrapped · 09/01/2022 15:49

@Simonjt

Some people don’t have the luxury of being able to use the words boyfriend/girlfriend and being treated fairly at work etc, some people can’t remain safe if they use those words rather than partner.
This. I was working with someone recently who used the term partner a few times. When I later referred to his boyfriend, he said he is actually his husband. I thought it was sad he hadn't just said husband to begin with, but he must just be so used to being unsure of how people will react.
Lampyshady · 09/01/2022 15:51

It’s cringe when it’s a new relationship. But nothing is more cringy than “hubby” or “hubs/hubster”. Or other half/better half are pretty bad too. And “my man” is bad too! I find fiancé a bit unnecessary too, it feels like people are just shoehorning the fact they are engaged into the conversation. Partner is probably one of the better words-boyfriend does sound a bit young/not serious. Maybe we could use “lover”or “squeeze” more.

RagzReturnedUnwrapped · 09/01/2022 15:52

I did, however, cringe when DS1 used the term partner to refer to his GF who at the time was non-binary. It just sounded wierd from a 14 year old, but there isn't another non-gendered term.

Broads93 · 09/01/2022 15:55

"Partner" is a very good gender neutral noun. I use it when I don't want people to know I'm gay etc.

GreenWhiteViolet · 09/01/2022 15:55

I think boyfriend/girlfriend sounds strange and immature past a certain age. You wouldn't call them a boy or girl!

daisyjgrey · 09/01/2022 15:58

We're engaged but I feel like a right twat saying fiancé and I feel as though I'm about 10 years too old to say boyfriends.

So partner it is.

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 09/01/2022 15:59

I think was quite a common greeting amongst cowboys..."Howdy Partner"

thewhatsit · 09/01/2022 15:59

I get what you’re saying. To me, partner implies a high level of commitment. I’m always a bit Hmm on threads where people talk about their DP and then it turns out that they mean someone they’ve been with for a few weeks or months and barely know.
I felt like when Dh and I started using the word “partner” to refer to each other it really meant something quite serious about our relationship.