To want dd to tell me where she is getting this money from

[Curato]

Dd is in her second year at university and for Christmas she bought ds a laptop. I thought this was a lot to have spent so I looked it up and it must’ve cost her around £600. I asked her about it and she said she could afford it and loves her brother etc so I accepted it.

It was ds 16th birthday on Friday and for that she bought him a new IPhone and Apple Watch.

I spoke to her and said I noticed she had spent a lot of money on ds for Christmas and his birthday as she is a student with a part time job in retail.

She then said she has a little extra thing on the side which is going really well. When I asked what this was she refused to tell me.

I spoke to DH who said she is an adult and doesn’t have to justify herself to me anymore and I should respect her decision. I am really worried though that she has become embroiled in something though.

AIBU to speak to her again and insist she tells me what she is doing to generate this money or do I need to cut the apron strings.

Maybe she learned to code?
Maybe she's freelance writing? Maybe she designs websites? Maybe she has a YouTube channel? Maybe she sells courses? Trades Forex? Futures? Bitcoin? Founded an SaaS startup? Publishes? Social media manager? Affiliate marketing

And why would she not want to tell her dm if it was any of the above?

@Plumbuddle Guiffre detailed numerous incident where she attempted to leave the private island she was staying on, even attempting to swim away and she was returned.

Giuffre was also not a prostitute, she was groomed and although given gifts this term should not be used.

Only fans does not reward people for referral so it cannot be considered a pyramid scheme.

Im sticking with my point that you are wrong to compare only fans with the grooming and facilitating of sexual abuse of minors.

I agree with MsAgnesDiPesto too. I'd be concerned but tread carefully. How you react could have an impact on your relationship. In my experience, girls are more stubborn than boys and will dig their heels in if you interfere. Perhaps let her know you're concerned and that you're there if she needs you. That may be all the guidance she needs at the moment; hopefully it will pass and she'll figure it out on her own.

lottery?

[quote ElizabethBoland]@Plumbuddle Guiffre detailed numerous incident where she attempted to leave the private island she was staying on, even attempting to swim away and she was returned.

Giuffre was also not a prostitute, she was groomed and although given gifts this term should not be used.

Only fans does not reward people for referral so it cannot be considered a pyramid scheme.

Im sticking with my point that you are wrong to compare only fans with the grooming and facilitating of sexual abuse of minors.[/quote]
Oh sorry I am not an expert on Giuffre, I just read the Times article on her and the way she runs her case over the weekend. She described returning again and again for money and ultimately breaking out of the pyramid when she was sent to Thailand to procure a girl for Epstein, on this trip she met her husband to be and extracted herself from the agreement to bear a child for Epstein and Maxwell according to her. When I say that the girls that Epstein used returned again and again for money I am not distinguishing whether they were prostitutes or sexually abused. To me these girls were all sexually abused albeit they wanted the cash. Onlyfans may not reward people for referral but girls refer each other to it I'm assuming, from what I read on this thread. To me personally all of prostitution and pornography is a pyramid scheme and I personally regard the punters as sexually abusing the providers because the consent is never genuine and is usually given under financial pressure, but that's just my take.

TBH it's unusual for someone to make vast amounts of money via OnlyFans or sex work unless they are very good-looking and put in a lot of hours. People often assume that remote sex work (camming, phone sex, OF etc) is 'easy money' but it tends not to be as easy or as much as their fevered imaginations suggest. This is even more true at the moment because so many more people are desperate for an additional income stream so the markets are a bit overwhelmed.

Trouble is, wreath, “vast amounts of money” doesn’t mean the same to everyone. The daughter may be earning a few hundred quid but it seems like a fortune to someone on student loan and it is still emerging her into a world that she may well find it extremely hard to leave.

You can’t force her to tell you where the money is from. Hopefully she isn’t using loans to pay for stuff, just make sure she is aware that you are there to help her if she needs and she can talk to you about anything. Hopefully you have helped her understand about debt and repayment if it is that. Otherwise it may be Only Fans or stripping or something like that. If it’s anything illegal, all you can do is be there if anything goes wrong. I hope you get some peace of mind soon

I would check that she’s doing her taxes correctly (they’re just enough time to get the return in!) or she might get a fine.

Whatever she is doing, I just wanted to say that no-one should have their future career harmed because of "pictures of them online". Especially when these can be created with photoshop photos can be shared of women and girls who have never been near any sex work.

Hopefully it's video cam sexy stuff rather than being a prostitute. She might have been given gifts and then passed them on to her brother. In any case she is certainly a kind and generous person.

I must admit, I'd want to know, just from a safety point of view.

You dont get much money on videocam stuff unless you are an Instagram star, already a known face in porn or doing pretty extreme sexual stuff.

It is a lie that women can make decent money posing in lingerie and doing some very soft porn. Unless you already have a name for yourself, you will make nothing or virtually nothing if that is all you do.
Although many claim otherwise, most onlyfan accounts make zero money or tiny amounts.

"All I can say is have a look into camming, it’s extremely empowering for women. It changes lives on a daily basis. Good On her if that’s what it is!"

Such bullshit. I imagine you have a vested interest for a reason with your username OTRModels1.

What she does as an adult is here decision. Punishing your son because you can’t exert control over her is ridiculous at best and a sure way to make both of them angry at you and not want to tell you things.

IF and it’s a pretty sized if she’s involved in the adult entertainment industry she could be a multiple of things, camming, pay to text, domming, pay to view platforms etc it’s not even an “easy job” like people claim and it’s far from sticking up a few photos here and there and making thousands. 🙄

@OTRmodels1

I’ve got to be honest with you here, I think your DD is probably working on Webcam.

It’s a highly lucrative way to earn an honest income. She would work on a laptop to a live chat room - mostly talking.

I do feel she doesn’t want to tell you out of fear of disapproval or privacy. Lots & lots of models do this in secret as they feel their family’s may not understand but it’s legal & a safe way to make extremely good incomes quickly.

I would say please approach with caution, as your DH suggested, she is an adult and if she feels she wants to be open about it then amazing, but pushing her into telling you could end badly.

All I can say is have a look into camming, it’s extremely empowering for women. It changes lives on a daily basis. Good On her if that’s what it is!

In what ways is it "extremely empowering for women" and in what ways does it "change lives on a daily basis"?

@OTRmodels1 is probably making money from signing women up to camming. Ignore it. Her comment is the equivalent of those adverts that say you can earn £1000 a week working from home.

And the only way you make good money camming as an unknown is if you are prepared to do extreme and disgusting sexual stuff. Sex, masturbation and similar on camera does not cut it.

I think you're totally reasonable to enquire. That is a lot of money. She's still so young and is unlikely to fully comprehend the long term impact of whatever she's up to. Teenage brains are attracted to risky endeavours. I don't think you should be heavy handed with her, but you do need to have a really honest conversation.

Good luck when you talk to her next , be calm and don't demand that she tells you that could push her away. My dd is at Uni and a friend's boyfriend always had a lot of money - £800 coats , £600 trainers etc . It was presumed he was involved with drugs until one day he was sat in their kitchen he took his trainers off and took a picture of his feet! When he was asked what he was doing he admitted he had quite a following on gay websites and had got a request for some feet pics , my dd didn't believe him so he showed her his online banking , he had just got paid £250 just like that .

@ElftonWednesday

Whatever she is doing, I just wanted to say that no-one should have their future career harmed because of "pictures of them online". Especially when these can be created with photoshop photos can be shared of women and girls who have never been near any sex work.

Agree 100%. It's another way anti-sex-work campaigners tend to miss the point: employers should not be allowed to discriminate against people because they have done sex work in the past. TBH I think it should be illegal for employers to look at staff's social media as well - employers do not own you and what you do outside work time is none of their business. (The only time it would be acceptable would be if a staff member was using the employer's name or identifying details to post stuff on social media that could genuinely harm the business, but that's a different issue).

@AllThePogs what constitutes ‘disgusting’? To play devils advocate you could argue that that’s the kind of attitude/language that makes the idea of any sex work shameful and perpetuates the secretive nature of it…hence if OPs daughter is doing sex work she’s unlikely to want to tell her mum?

She doesn't want to tell you what exactly she's doing (let's face it, if I was selling pictures of my body, my parents would be the last people I'd tell). Trying to get the information out of her isn't going to help; even she tells you what it is, what exactly are you going to with the information? Other suggestions on here (such as cutting off the £100 allowance) are unhelpful because it takes away the safety net if she did want to get out.

I think that we can assume that she isn't doing anything illegal, so your son won't be implicated in anything as a result of the gifts. So the main concern has to be (if Only Fans or Webcam shows are what she is doing) that she may inadvertently put something out there that she could be blackmailed with later, and/or something which affects her future employment.

So I would approach things along the lines of "I know that you aren't willing to tell me what you are doing, and I can't force you to, but please just keep yourself safe, use false names and avoid showing your face or anything which could identify you. Remember that the Internet never forgets, don't share anything you don't want someone else to see in 20 years time".

@Thisgroupneverceasestoamazeme this is secretive for a reason. Being penetrated in every hole, or penetrating yourself in every hole with objects for example. And that is at the milder end.
Yes I know people who promote this pretend it is all a bit of lingerie and pretend masturbation. They are lying. It is why most onlyfans accounts make zero money or tiny amounts. Those that make the money do extreme stuff or are already well-known Instagrammers or known in porn. But those promoting onlyfans are just after their commission sow ill say any bullshit.
I am not some naive housewife, I know how this industry works. So I know when people on here are lying.