Page 19 | To want dd to tell me where she is getting this money from

TheOccupier · 10/01/2022 18:28

It's got to be sex work. It's absolutely rife in universities, some of the university unions even support it

Doesn't your DS know where she's getting the money?

Cakeofdoom · 10/01/2022 18:30

Camming....just tell she needs to pay tax on her earnings, she'll soon rethink it :-)

Plumbuddle · 10/01/2022 18:30

@NiceShrubbery

Can't believe some of the replies you're getting on here OP.

She is a student. They're adults in law only, still learning about the real world and still need a lot of guidance. How old, 20? At the very least, those hundreds of pounds spent on presents should be going to pay off the student loan. If she's lucky enough not to have a student loan, then savings.

It's absolutely your business if your 16yo is getting shedloads of expensive tech from nowhere/immoral or criminal activity. I'd be furious and would make her take it out of my house.

If she was a film extra or had some other legit job she'd be telling you. If I thought my daughter was on OnlyFans or money muleing I would be heartbroken. Good luck, I hope she sees sense.

Are no young women following the Maxwell trial? The idea this Onlyfans stuff has no consequences is pie in the sky. Perhaps Victoria Giuffre would have felt oppressed if her mum had tried to reason with her about what she was getting herself and anyone she treated into, but I'm sure her case now is she wished it had happened.

JanLevinsonGould · 10/01/2022 18:31

Didn't read the full thread but is it possible she is either writing essays and completing coursework for fellow students and is worried you would rightly take a dim view, or, she has dropped out completely and is working full time for good money but again is worried you'll be concerned about the lack of degree? Because all I've seen so far is drug muleing, only fans and sugarbaby!

Plumbuddle · 10/01/2022 18:32

@PlanktonsComputerWife

You know that if it were a young lad, there wouldn't be such a resounding chorus of "he must be a rent boy."

It's the first thing I'd worry about with my sons.

BooneyBeautiful · 10/01/2022 18:34

@Cookerhood

If you are funding her university I think you have a right to know where her money is coming from. Apart from anything her income is part of household income for assessing what she is entitled to as a student loan. I would say that the expensive presents are actually a means to show you that she is earning money elsewhere. Most people would try to hide it.

Her income isn't counted as part of the household income when it comes to Student Finance.

Paganfreya1988 · 10/01/2022 18:34

I think it is jumping the gun a bit with only fans, although stated got a side line job, that could be anything. My daughter went to Uni, and we paid fees, however she earns fairly good money at a nightclub and saved as much as she could. At the time this was, we paid for food packages for her too.

Even though my daughter then twenty odd was doing three years at Uni, she came home in her third year and paid rent as she worked at a chippy. She worked at the chippy since at school, so 14/15 years old. Bless her saved up a lot to buy three Kylie tickets at Manchester, an iPod and three minis for us all for Christmas. So you see, don’t always think of the worst.

I would totally ask my daughter and have done when she lived at home. Even if she thought I would go mad, I trusted her judgement and taught her from young to make good choices. Some choices didn’t go to plan, but learnt from them. If you have a good relationship explain you are concerned. It maybe bought out of an online store, they may have an account to buy goods or a credit card etc.

Privacy is key and trust. However my daughter is 32 and I would still ask and she’s married. She can only say it’s not my business, then that’s fine. Usually my daughter does tell me eventually. Please don’t think of the worst, just have a chat, and try and support whatever has been discussed.

You will tie yourself up reading these comments, do what your gut tells you to do, good luck

Thisgroupneverceasestoamazeme · 10/01/2022 18:35

I also wondered about squaring. Students are often targeted through Instagram

www.westyorkshire.police.uk/advice/fraud-and-financial-crime/fraud-and-financial-crime/money-mules-also-known-squaring

ginforever · 10/01/2022 18:40

Well, although she is an adult, I would be worried as well. Maybe not with only fans or forex, but if she is being a mule I would.
I kind of had this problem with my son few years ago and solved it as I am almost sure he was using his bank account to laundry money but we ended up moving away and things moved on.
I will never know the truth. There as risks everywhere. If she is trying to hide things from you is because she doesn’t want you to know where the money comes from. Unfortunately all you can do is advise and walk away. Thank her for the gifts to your ds :( sorry !
I hope she is safe !

Bebethany · 10/01/2022 18:40

KurtWilde Is sex work a problem for you?

ElizabethBoland · 10/01/2022 18:45

@Plumbuddle
Comparing grooming young women who were groomed to perform sexual acts and then threatened when attempting to escape, to a site people join and chose what they share on is a stretch

Sallylovesdaisy · 10/01/2022 18:46

@August1980

Just had to say I didn’t know what onlyFans was. Had to Google

Me too

ItchySnoof · 10/01/2022 18:47

I am going to talk to her and tell her that unless she tells me how she has funded them I will confiscate them from ds as I don’t feel comfortable with him having them unless I know where they have come from.

Only punish your son like this if you are going to follow through and actually do it. Don't threaten this just to blackmail your daughter into opening up because it's a really shitty thing to do.

Actually, it's quite shitty to punish your son just to force her to talk anyway, but you do you.

BooneyBeautiful · 10/01/2022 18:47

@Curato

We give her £100 per month and she funds the rest with her student loan and part time job.

In that case, you could say to her that she is obviously making quite a good living (from whatever she is doing), so she won't need the £100 a month any longer.

Plumbuddle · 10/01/2022 18:54

@CorneliusBeefington

If she's relatively fit (as in healthy, athletic, well put together physically) and pretty, then out of the options, sugar daddy, cam work etc, then hopefully it's lap dancing rather than onlyfans.

Lap dancing doesn't leave the digital footprint that Onlyfans does. It's also hugely more lucrative, which would explain the quick cash flow. Its entirely possible to make 2/3k in the week before Christmas.

I'm not endorsing it, but it's something you can walk away and leave behind without as much fear of it coming back to haunt you, and much harder to prove. No photos or videos are allowed inside. There's security there to keep the girls safe. And someone can't use your IP address to work out where you live.

It's not a great environment, in terms of the sexist, misogynistic attitudes. But if it is stripping, she will 100% believe that because she is "in charge" she's liberal and feminist and enlightened. Sadly.

I would be really conscious about demanding information from her. She's not going to tell you without being under duress. She'll likely lie to you anyway if pushed. And then disappear off to university leaving you to worry further.

Tell her you love her, are worried about her and just want her to be safe and well. The penny will drop for her at some point.

Rubbish. My son lived in a student house in a large city where one of the students was a lapdancer. A long queue of clients went through that house and all the other students had to listen. Anyone who thinks an 18YO can lapdance with no further consequences is missing the point about what it can lead to.

Gillygolightly · 10/01/2022 19:02

Could be just a secretive girl or else it could be selling something illegal, as people say there are other options like only fans, but could be something simple like recreational drugs, which is more common than people seem to think. Tho she is an adult she's still so young and vunerable to bad ideas. You need to approach this very carefully try and get her to confide in you, don't make her feel like she's doing something wrong, make her feel like she can tell you and you won't flip out, then don't flip out. Be very open minded then gradually over time convince her of the dangers and try to come up with alternative jobs that will pay more than her normal job but be safer than the secret

RocketAndAFuckingMelon · 10/01/2022 19:11

@PlanktonsComputerWife

You know that if it were a young lad, there wouldn't be such a resounding chorus of "he must be a rent boy."

There's less of a market for young men. If it were a young lad my first thought would be county lines or money muling.

Liekje · 10/01/2022 19:12

The housemate being a student could also bring a load of other “friends” through the house no matter where they work or do for work!

redbigbananafeet · 10/01/2022 19:13

@jeaux90

If I was you I would pop over to the FWR section and post on there about how to address it with your DD if she is doing only fans or escort work.

It is extremely dangerous at worst, but also the evidence will be there for any potential employer to find.

I'm a feminist so I don't agree with any of it but as a mother the concern would immediately be about her safety and further well being.

Out of interest, as a feminist you don't agree with any of what?

Hawkins001 · 10/01/2022 19:15

@Curato

Dd is in her second year at university and for Christmas she bought ds a laptop. I thought this was a lot to have spent so I looked it up and it must’ve cost her around £600. I asked her about it and she said she could afford it and loves her brother etc so I accepted it.

It was ds 16th birthday on Friday and for that she bought him a new IPhone and Apple Watch.

I spoke to her and said I noticed she had spent a lot of money on ds for Christmas and his birthday as she is a student with a part time job in retail.

She then said she has a little extra thing on the side which is going really well. When I asked what this was she refused to tell me.

I spoke to DH who said she is an adult and doesn’t have to justify herself to me anymore and I should respect her decision. I am really worried though that she has become embroiled in something though.

AIBU to speak to her again and insist she tells me what she is doing to generate this money or do I need to cut the apron strings.

At a guess, it's credit cards, or it's an onlyfans account

Plumbuddle · 10/01/2022 19:15

[quote ElizabethBoland]@Plumbuddle
Comparing grooming young women who were groomed to perform sexual acts and then threatened when attempting to escape, to a site people join and chose what they share on is a stretch[/quote]
Most prostitution is a pyramid scheme. Giuffre did not attempt to escape and was not threatened. The fact that she recruited others is really part of her abuse but her point now would be that no-one helped her to get out of it early enough, until she met her boyfriend in Thailand and married out of it.

VikSoph · 10/01/2022 19:16

I understand being concerned, but I think quite literally the very worst thing you could do is “insist”. That’s a very forceful approach and if I were a betting person, I would say the only thing that’ll do is get her back up and drive a wedge in your relationship.

I have an eight year old son, so I can’t relate to your personal circumstances or situation.
I CAN, however, speak from the point of view of what I remember being a teenage girl was like.
I now have a brilliant relationship with my mother and she is my go to for advice and venting. That wasn’t always the case though. When I was 18/19, we had a very strained relationship and we went almost two whole years without talking.
In hindsight, there is zero doubt I was being a massive brat and my behaviour was totally uncalled for.
That being said, my hot-headed sulk mainly stemmed from how she spoke to me.
A lot of demands and “as I say goes”.

So, considering all of that, I would suggest that if you really feel you need to pry into it, that’s fair. You’re her mum and you’ll never stop worrying about her. HOWEVER, it’s the “insisting” she tell you anything I don’t think you’ll get very far with.

Best of luck though! And though it’s easier said than done, try not to worry too much.
So long as you just remind her you’ll always be there for her if anything goes wrong or if she does need to talk. But this is all part of growing up (and definitely part of university!)- she has to have her own experiences and make her own mistakes, just like the rest of us did!

Hawkins001 · 10/01/2022 19:18

@JanLevinsonGould

Didn't read the full thread but is it possible she is either writing essays and completing coursework for fellow students and is worried you would rightly take a dim view, or, she has dropped out completely and is working full time for good money but again is worried you'll be concerned about the lack of degree? Because all I've seen so far is drug muleing, only fans and sugarbaby!

Id guess it's not the essay writing based on the fact that more professional services for essay writing exist and I'd of presumed that it would be small change for the essays provided.

SortMyHouse · 10/01/2022 19:25

Escort
Prostitute
Probably too ashamed to tell you

Money mule - maybe doesn't realise and / or too ashamed to tell you

Whatever it is, it's probably illegal or shameful so, you need to be worried.

ZenNudist · 10/01/2022 19:29

I've just read that guardian article and it's so disturbing. I don't know how we convince our young women and girls to stop sharing these images. And as for the men and boys sharing them it's depraved.

I hope your dd isn't doing only fans. Presumably more secure than nudes sent to ex boyfriends but not water tight.