To want dd to tell me where she is getting this money from

[Curato]

Dd is in her second year at university and for Christmas she bought ds a laptop. I thought this was a lot to have spent so I looked it up and it must’ve cost her around £600. I asked her about it and she said she could afford it and loves her brother etc so I accepted it.

It was ds 16th birthday on Friday and for that she bought him a new IPhone and Apple Watch.

I spoke to her and said I noticed she had spent a lot of money on ds for Christmas and his birthday as she is a student with a part time job in retail.

She then said she has a little extra thing on the side which is going really well. When I asked what this was she refused to tell me.

I spoke to DH who said she is an adult and doesn’t have to justify herself to me anymore and I should respect her decision. I am really worried though that she has become embroiled in something though.

AIBU to speak to her again and insist she tells me what she is doing to generate this money or do I need to cut the apron strings.

[quote Mummy1608]@zoeFromCity yes I agree it can't be onlyfans. If you look at my first comment many pages back, I was one of the only people to point out that it's very hard to make £100s on onlyfans. There's too much free stuff out there so you'd have to do some pretty dark, to-order stuff to make that kind of money.

I'm sorry OP this must be very upsetting and I only hope I'm wrong.

One other (albeit unlikely) possibility. When I was a teen, a guy I was dating had a lot of cash on him - it was all a bit suspicious and our relationship didn't last long - it turned out he'd stolen a family friend's bank card and found out the pin and was carefully stealing small amounts regularly. I think when it got found out, his parents just paid it back and it all worked out. OP I hope it's something like this.[/quote]
Incorrect

People are making thousands on OF and adultwork

It's actually really easy for people to make a load of money on onlyFans. I know girls making thousands a month on it.
People that want it pay for it despite the endless 'free' stuff out there.

@willithappen

It's actually really easy for people to make a load of money on onlyFans. I know girls making thousands a month on it. People that want it pay for it despite the endless 'free' stuff out there.

I know I don’t know why people are saying this.

Maybe sit down with her and speak to her heart to heart. Father to daughter and let her speak too make her feel she's safe to trust you and your not going to shout and go mad at what she tells you but lf she doesn't want to tell you respect her and tell her that your here for her and that she's able to tell you anything. X

Have you noticed any suspicious behaviour that would concur with some of the assumptions being made about your daughter? Staying out late, hiding in her room, unexplained whereabouts, secretive about her technology, expensive items for herself, new appearance, being overly made up or distancing herself?

@MichelledueMay
I think you need to examine the OP's posts for evidence that the DD lives at home.

@Curato

Thanks for all the replies.

I admit my first thought was that she was involved with drugs or something else illegal. I hadn’t considered sex work etc but maybe that’s my naivety.

She did spend a little more on mine and her dad’s Christmas presents but nothing near as stark as ds ( they do adore each other though).

I am going to talk to her and tell her that unless she tells me how she has funded them I will confiscate them from ds as I don’t feel comfortable with him having them unless I know where they have come from.

OP, the confiscation threat a very strange response. I'm thinking that you're projecting your anxiety onto other people because you feel like you don't have enough control over the situation. The thing is, you're not supposed to have "control" over other adults. Being their mum or paying for their education or housing doesn't change that. You can't buy people's obedience to soothe your own anxiousness.

Please don't get whipped up into a frenzy with everyone talking about sex work. Did is old enough to deal with the consequences of her actions. If something really does go wrong, or if she asks for your help, then I'm sure you'll be there for her.

Other posters - are we really going to bicker about the ins and outs of OF or are we going to engage with the OP who's at risk of seriously jeopardising her relationship with her kids?

I would be worried sick if this was my dd. Talk to your DH about what it could be, Sugar Babes, Only Fans, escorting, lap dancing, money muling and selling drugs. Make him see his dd could be putting herself and her future career in danger. Then I would insist on speaking to dd together. Tell her what your fears are, how future employers can run digital searches on her. She may admit to how she has so much money and that may alleviate your fears. At least you will know you warned her of the dangers around sex and drugs work. Either way I would be telling her unless she explains the money no more expensive gifts for any of you as you don't want to be embroiled in it.

If she doesn't want to tell you then I'm afraid it is probably something like only fans, you must remember it is her body and her choice so there is nothing you can do about it.

I bet she has an Only Fans follower base and/or a sugar daddy. Try not to be too confrontational because she’ll clam up. She needs to know that you’re always there for support and will never be upset with her or be judgemental. That you hope she isn’t putting herself in a vulnerable position.

@LondonQueen

If she doesn't want to tell you then I'm afraid it is probably something like only fans, you must remember it is her body and her choice so there is nothing you can do about it.

That's true, it's good to know though so you can stop financially supporting someone getting money from desperate blokes, and be ashamed that they're potentially ruining their future career prospects (dependent on the content of their photos).

I would guess only fans or a sugar daddy arrangement

It’ll be onlyfans.

lap dancer or escort

or sugar daddy

I am going to talk to her and tell her that unless she tells me how she has funded them I will confiscate them from ds as I don’t feel comfortable with him having them unless I know where they have come from.

This is emotional blackmail and not likely to make her more open. An honest conversation that not knowing makes you worry and you realise she doesn't have to tell you but you would appreciate it if she did. That you are not judgemental and not too bothered what the job is as long as legal and she is safe.

Sugar Daddy? A lot if female students do it. My DD has several friends who do.

@Bouledeneige

Sugar Daddy? A lot if female students do it. My DD has several friends who do.

What is it? Surely you're not breezily saying a lot of students sleep with old men for cash?

It's going to look great if the police turn up at the OP's house to confiscate stolen goods/proceeds of crime and they ask her where the hell her late teens daughter got the money for over a grand's worth of presents and she tells them she didn't want to question her because MN told her not to be judgemental.

@Clymene

It's going to look great if the police turn up at the OP's house to confiscate stolen goods/proceeds of crime and they ask her where the hell her late teens daughter got the money for over a grand's worth of presents and she tells them she didn't want to question her because MN told her not to be judgemental.

Well there's been a few overreactions on this thread and some massive assumptions, but this one takes the

Pretty sure this thread only exists to get posters clutching their pearls. By the look of the responses, job done.

@Clymene

It's going to look great if the police turn up at the OP's house to confiscate stolen goods/proceeds of crime and they ask her where the hell her late teens daughter got the money for over a grand's worth of presents and she tells them she didn't want to question her because MN told her not to be judgemental.

This is sensationalist nonsense.

Not just silly, but horribly exploitative. Some people see an anxious OP and their first instinct is to milk the situation for drama so they can enjoy watching the fallout from a safe distance. Despicable.

All this because an adult woman has a bit more money than someone else expected her to.

@Clymene

It's going to look great if the police turn up at the OP's house to confiscate stolen goods/proceeds of crime and they ask her where the hell her late teens daughter got the money for over a grand's worth of presents and she tells them she didn't want to question her because MN told her not to be judgemental.

It's not a crime to not ask where someone's money came from.

What a generous sister! Even if she is doing onlyfans etc, how kind of her to spend her money on her brother. Maybe have a chat with her about saving and investing options if she has access to large amounts of money. Sounds like she could be saving towards a house deposit instead of spending on gadgets for her little bro and she is in a really fortunate position if so!

This thread!

Poor lassie could be selling crocheted tea cosies on Etsy or something and half the thread have her pinned as a hooker!

I don't really understand people who say it's not OPs business because DD is over 18. If my mum found out I was doing sex work she'd kick my butt and I'm 42! If it is something like only fans, strip club etc, I'd at least want to know even if I couldn't stop her. You don't stop being a parent when your child turns 18 and close families do stick their noses into each others business like it or not.

Equally - if DD is buying the family stuff with the proceeds of course they have the right to know the source. I don’t want a DC buying another DC expensive gifts with drug or sex work money.