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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriend going speed dating

148 replies

EnviroLeg · 09/01/2022 08:49

My boyfriend has a good friend who is looking to meet someone to settle down with.

The friend thinks my bf is single as he hasn’t told him about our relationship yet.

The friend has asked my bf along to go speed dating with him at a local pub. I don’t think I am ok with this but my bf thinks I am being controlling.

AIBU?

OP posts:
JaniceBattersby · 09/01/2022 08:51

Your boyfriend wants to go speed dating and he thinks you’re the one in the wrong for objecting? I’d be running very quickly in the other direction if I were you.

Aquamarine1029 · 09/01/2022 08:52

Dump and run.

Palavah · 09/01/2022 08:53

If he's wanting to go speed dating and hasn't told his friend about you, he's not really your boyfriend, sorry.

UserBot989 · 09/01/2022 08:53

I feel for you. Flowers That's almost funny. Your boyfriend thinks you are unreasonable for objecting to his going speed dating

I wouldn't waste your energies fighting with him.

Just let him go dating and call him your x boyfriend.

M0rT · 09/01/2022 08:53

Take his suggestion and be controlling, of your own life and dump him!

Balanced12 · 09/01/2022 08:54

You don't have a boyfriend, sorry

Original poster
EnviroLeg · 09/01/2022 08:54

He says he is only going to support his friend but he is saying that it will be weird if he doesn’t take part in the actual ‘dating’ part of it.

I’ve told him that the obvious thing to do is tell the friend about our relationship and say that it wouldn’t be appropriate for him to take part. I really don’t think IABU but he’s got me doubting myself.

OP posts:
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 09/01/2022 08:54

Why hasn't he told his friends about you??
Obviously you aren't unreasonable. What a twat.

UserBot989 · 09/01/2022 08:54

Can you go to the speed dating evening yourself?

Obviously don't match with your x. But it might be fun.

Muthalucka · 09/01/2022 08:55

Wow he’s got some gall

SilverPeacock · 09/01/2022 08:55

Why hasn't he told the friend about you? That's a red flag right there.

Mrstamborineman · 09/01/2022 08:56

Of course he can go speed dating . With a foot up his arse out of your life.

dopple · 09/01/2022 08:57

A man that's really into you tell their mates about you. That's a big red flag to me.

He shouldn't want to go.. I'm sure his mate could find someone else or go alone.

I'd let him go after dumping him

UserBot989 · 09/01/2022 08:58

You're not being unreasonable.

If this is such a close friend that he feels obliged to support him going speed dating then he would have mentioned that he's in a relationship.

If he hasn't said he's in a relationship then what reason will he give to his friend for not properly joining in with the speed dating??

If he hasn't mentioned it, it's because he doesn't consider himself to be in a relationship.

Don't let him gaslight you in to thinking you're unreasonable.

He's trying to have a girlfriend while keeping his options open. He's literally still out there looking and he wants to gaslight you in to accepting that.

JustUseTheDoorSanta · 09/01/2022 08:59

Oh for goodness sake. He isn't a boyfriend, he's just a man you've dated who wants to date other people. Dump him and find someone who actually values you. While you'd or a at it, spend some time considering why you allowed him to be so disrespectful towards you as to suggest it was ok to keep your relationship secret, and worse to go speed dating!

MrsSkylerWhite · 09/01/2022 09:01

Why doesn’t he tell his friend about you?
Have you met his family/other friends?

RealBecca · 09/01/2022 09:01

Yanbu. Cut and run before you're more emotionally involved and doubting yourself further down the line when he tells you something unreasonable is controlling.

Shoxfordian · 09/01/2022 09:02

He can go because he should be single after all this op

spotcheck · 09/01/2022 09:03

How long have you been together?
Why hasn't he told his friends?

Luredbyapomegranate · 09/01/2022 09:03

Darling - get rid

Returnoftheowl · 09/01/2022 09:03

So he's not told his friends about you, he wants to go to a dating event while pretending to be a single man... And he's trying to convince you that you're the unreasonable one?!

He wants to act like a single man. He can't have his cake and eat it. I'd be throwing this one back in the dating pooling and looking for a better option who valued me.

DrManhattan · 09/01/2022 09:04

Next he will be telling you he can have as many girlfriends as he wants, and its you with the problem. Dump.

CornishTiger · 09/01/2022 09:05

Why doesn’t friend know?!

Covidtrap · 09/01/2022 09:07

How long have you been seeing each other? To me he doesnt act like use are in a relationship more like sleeping buddies. Thats like you saying im just going to join tinder for moral support for a friend obv it would be weird if i didnt do the talking part of it. All i can say is thank god hes shown you his true colours now and not before its too late. I cant believe he also had the cheek to call you controlling. Dont hang around to not regret leaving him sooner.

Cas112 · 09/01/2022 09:08

Put your foot down or this will just be the start of him taking the piss out of you.

It's pretty simple if your in a relationship you don't go dating elsewhere, he has nothing to argue against that