Comments that have stayed with you into adulthood

[IcyBlonde15]

I am very conscious now that my words can have a long lasting impact and think very carefully about what I say to people. Two things that have stuck out to me from my teen years are when I was going out with a boy I really loved as a teenager and he told me his friend asked him “what are you DOING with her? She’s scum she’s not good enough for you” always made me very insecure and wondered what was so WRONG with me, and I still sometimes get paranoid that I’m somehow not as good as other people which is mad now I’m an adult! Also a friends mum told me to sit in the front as I was “the largest girl” which started an eating disorder that still rears it’s head now. The impact of words on young minds is so strong I want to teach my kids to be very mindful of things they say as they have no idea the amount of damage it can do. AIBU or maybe just need to get better at letting go of grudges!!

@DimplesToadfoot that’s appalling. I am so sorry you had to go through that from people who were supposed to be caring for you. Not up to them to judge how or why you were there.

@grapewine

"No one will believe you. Don't overreact."

That one sent chills down my spine. Was it a man who said that, by any chance?

I was bullied a lot at secondary school, and I felt like a fat heifer. One of my mum's friends saw me walking past her house and asked her if I'd considered modelling! Which made me feel a lot better about myself. I wasn't skinny even then, and I'm short, but I think it was more my style, which people seem to like.

Sitting on the bus quietly with my mum, not wearing anything too outlandish, and she clocked a middle aged man glaring at me, which we both thought was quite funny!

I remember the hurtful comments from my ex-H vividly though. He once kicked up a fuss because I was wearing a short-ish dress (with tights underneath) and insisted on going up the escalator behind me in case someone looked up my skirt. Then the time we nearly had sex, but didn't, and he said 'Did you really think I'd have sex with you?' That was the beginning of the end, it really hurt me. I've been letting men use me for sex since I left him, and I need to stop that because it's not making me feel any better!

@spidersenses similar happened to me, nurse humiliated me and made me feel a thousand times worse. I took a overdose at 15 due to being bullied to the point I’d been repeatedly physically attacked at school, online and even had threats to put a brick through my window by a group of kids in my year I felt I had no way out. the nurse on the ward I was on stormed over to my bed ripped back the curtain and said quite loudly so everyone could hear that I should be ashamed of myself for upsetting my parents so much and how ungrateful I was. I remember just sobbing and her giving me this awful look.
Probably why I hate hospitals so much now tbh.

Why can’t you be more like your sister???

My sister was compliant, never argued, did her chores without complaint, and was an average student and shy.

I was gregarious, argued with my mother, complained about homework and dragged my feet over chores. I was also an outstanding student and graduated university while my sister did not.

But my mother liked my sister’s attitude better because because she never talked back — she just kept her head down and did what was expected. I always complained but I was always a step ahead of what they expected.

My sister married money and I made my own, so maybe she was the smarter after all.

I loved my mum, but who says that to their kid?

Me and husband were getting married literally next week when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter.
I was 22 that time.
My mother never congratulated me and told her that she never told me she was pounds od me or anything and when I asked her why, she replied with " like what am I supposed to be proud of ?" It hurts and confuses me until today.
I was and doing always ok with my life - well looks like not good enough for her

Gosh , it should be- proud**

My elder brother calling out to me from the living room because there was a sex scene on tv, I was 14 and very curious about sex but didn't realise it was that obvious 😳 and my sister laughing too and saying 'she's awful isn't she' and them both laughing.

Sadly this coincided with me telling a friend I thought a certain boy was good looking and she telling me that she and our other friend though it hilarious that I could ever look at a boy in that way.

So I never let anybody knew I fancied them as this was something that I'd be laughed at for and someone like me being interested in sex was also laughable.

I remember when I was still a virgin aged 26 and my sister asked me what was wrong with me I thought 'where do I start' 🙄

Primary 6, my fave teacher to my mom, you know, she's not as bright as we thought she was. Thanks managed to be a police officer fir 24 years (only job I ever wanted to do and I'm retired now) have a diploma in police services and leadership management, now work as a trainer fir the Scottish government.. own two homes, have a hairdressing business (left to me by my beautiful, wonderful mom) and I'm doing pretty well thanks MRS Hoey!!

Many comments from my parents about amounting to nothing yada yada yada but the one that sticks with me and hurts me the most is when I was in High School.

High school - teaching assistant telling me I am not a good or nice person. I was like 12 years old or something? I cannot remember exactly what I had done to prompt that comment, I think it was a argument with a friend or something along those lines. I must have said something horrible, as children often do in situations like that. I'm a teacher now and children make choices which can sometimes be the wrong choice but that doesn't define them as a person. When something like this happens with my own class I try and explain how their comment could upset someone else and how they could express their feelings in a different way. Adults calling children names or labelling them often affects them deeper than we know.

That comment has always stuck with me and now if something bad happens I sometimes think that it's punishment for 'not being a good person'.

Hearing 'I wish you'd never been born' many times from my mother did nothing good for my self esteem.

SapphireSeptember Yes, it was. There have been others like him, but I'm older and no longer staying silent. I do keep men at arm's length now though, as a rule.

Some of these are so heartbreaking.

A primary teacher calling me shy and quiet on school report when I was old enough to read. Like wtf I thought there was something wrong with me all throughout my teens.

‘You’ve got the brains of a rocking horse’ (my father)
‘Sometimes I see men looking at you… and then I see their guide dog’ (my mother)
‘You’re all meat and no gravy in those jeans, aren’t you’ (and my mum wonders why I think my step dad is a dick)

At work experience ages 14 in an old school high street lawyers in the early 90's. Of course I wasn't allowed to be with the male lawyers I was only allowed to speak to and sit with with the secretaries in a separate room.
One of the lawyers popped in to ask for something and was introduced to me by a kind secretary. He said "oh hello, fancy a cup of tea?" I said yes please! He said "hahaha! Get the kettle on then, as if I'd make the work experience girl a tea!l" and everyone laughed. I was absolutely crushed and hugely embarrassed to the extent I didn't go back for the remainder of the week and got a telling off by my teachers.

I'm now a very senior lawyer and to this day I still have to analyse everything clients or senior people say to me (and sometime with new friends) in case there's a subtext or I've got some social rule wrong and I'm being mocked. It's actually been debilitating and i still have to have mentors to help me deal with it.

The loveliest teacher I've ever had, on seeing me a bit tearful in class and learning my boyfriend had just broken up with me: "I hope you either get back together soon, or that you find you can be happy without him." She didn't minimise my feelings, but she did put the breakup into perspective. I might be feeling heartbroken in that moment, but I would move past it.

So desperately sad reading this thread. As a 45 year old I still remember my 18 year old uni "mates" laughing at my outfit choices. And then going home for the holidays and my mum saying "been eating too many jacket potatoes then love". So many moments like this - seem small and trivial but destroy any sense of value. And always linked to weight

I’ve thought of another one. I was at the first antenatal class for DC2. When I walked in I saw the woman who had been a year or two above me at school and had made my life hell for years and my heart sank. We went around the group and introduced ourselves and I didn’t think she’d recognised me so I started to relax a bit. However a bit later I was up getting a cup of tea and she was stood next to me and said “I was amazed you’ve managed to get someone to knock you up once, let alone twice but then I looked at your husband and understood” then off she went. So a double swipe there, both at myself and my husband.

My mum telling me I’d never be attractive but at least I had a good brain. First person to tell me I’m handsome (who I care about) and it’s 50+ years later.

@ManchesterTartwithCustard I had an almost identical experience. Medical at 18, male doctor in his 50s told me I was 'well covered'. Never ever forgot it....

My mother told me I was "difficult to love". I felt like saying, try a bit harder then, Marjorie. You adopted me!

I was adopted, but it didn’t worry me. Mum was 90% great. But she over fed me and years later I needed a gastric bypass to lose 100 lbs and it saved my life.

Random people (male and female) who I didn’t know names of etc at high school telling me I was ugly. It wasn’t something I felt I could parents or teachers as I didn’t even know who they were half the time. Also, I had a loving family but no one ever said I was pretty or nice looking etc in the way you maybe would to a daughter/sister (regardless of looks). My brother once said I was a ‘minger’ and I felt like he really meant it, like he was trying to make me aware of something he thought I didn’t know. I’m sure if I brought it up now he’d say he was joking and apologise. Basically all of this reinforced to me that I was hideous in my teens and I still feel anxious about my looks despite now being somewhat conventionally attractive having had a ‘glow up’ in my 20s.

'im not surprised you got divorced' As if I wasn't humiliated enough already.

A much later one. I was diagnosed with Mild (?) prostate cancer a year ago,
Then a letter arrived saying it was all mild but they slipped in
“Locally advanced” omg.
Had operation and think I’m ok.

@ginswinger

So many of these are horrific, why are you holding on to them? Write them down and burn them; you shouldn't be dwelling on the dreadful things that people say when they are looking to lash out.

My favourite comment was from an ex who told me I would be something special one day and he was right. I am special. I'm a great mum, run a business and look hard to try and share any good fortune we have. I am also a cancer survivor. And if you're thinking, she's a bit over confident, she needs to come down a peg, don't. We should lift one another up not bring each other down.

I wholeheartedly agree with this. People said awful things to me as a child (and adult)!

Fuck. Them. Forget them. Cut them off.

They don't matter. You matter.

I'm bloody amazing! It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or doesn't think.