Comments that have stayed with you into adulthood

[IcyBlonde15]

I am very conscious now that my words can have a long lasting impact and think very carefully about what I say to people. Two things that have stuck out to me from my teen years are when I was going out with a boy I really loved as a teenager and he told me his friend asked him “what are you DOING with her? She’s scum she’s not good enough for you” always made me very insecure and wondered what was so WRONG with me, and I still sometimes get paranoid that I’m somehow not as good as other people which is mad now I’m an adult! Also a friends mum told me to sit in the front as I was “the largest girl” which started an eating disorder that still rears it’s head now. The impact of words on young minds is so strong I want to teach my kids to be very mindful of things they say as they have no idea the amount of damage it can do. AIBU or maybe just need to get better at letting go of grudges!!

The first boy who ever fingered me telling his friends that his fingers smelt fishy weirdly still stays with me to this day. Every time my husband goes down on me I feel compelled to touch myself and smell my own fingers, just to make sure. Even though I know that it was likely just a teenage boy way to boast about having been able to get his hands in my knickers.

That I am selfish and pathetic. My dsis who was older and like a mum to me always used to say this and I believe it even now.

My teacher told my mum I was thick and would never understand the English language when I was 5. My mum was in tears. I have huge imposter syndrome in everything I do as an adult and always feel stupid around people who I know are intelligent. Despite getting an A* in my English GCSE years ago. These things stick with you sometimes even when rationally you have proven otherwise.

Teachers always compared me to my older sister, not favourably. Stuck with me ever since - I've never felt I've matched up to her

@DimplesToadfoot OMG I am so shocked that you experienced this awful tirade of abuse. I hope those bastards can reflect on their words and feel remorse, but I doubt it. I really, really hope that you’ve been able to find peace and happiness in your life. 💐

Teacher said to me in compulsory dance class: “you look like a cart horse”. She didn’t mean I was fat—I was skinny and tall, but evidently I was very ungainly. I have avoided dancing ever since.

Dad told me that no one would ever marry me because I had crooked teeth and was too opinionated.

Well guess what, dad, the teeth never put off my boyfriends and I eventually had teeth straightening that worked. I am still opinionated but thankfully so is my DH and he likes to hear my opinions!

Fat pig, ignorant pig. Having children ruins your life (from one of my parents to me). Men just don't find you attractive. You weigh a ton. You're not as interesting as you think you are. You look disgusting when you eat.

My aunt on my wedding day: “Of course, you’d never have had all this [gesturing at reception marquee] if your Dad was still alive - he’d have put you in your place.”
She had a real problem with me having anything “nice”.

Age 10 teacher laughing at me as I struggled reading out loud said 'you are supposed to be clever... you sound like an idiot' i have dyspraxia and can't scan. Also 6th form teacher telling me I couldn't be a doctor as I was emotionally unstable.. actually i had been in a toxic home environment with DV and emotional abuse for years, so was struggling. Also I have very successfully been a doctor for 25 years despite '' ''sounding like an idiot and being unstable'

My mother told me I was going to die and she didn’t care if I did, I was 11 and in bed with tonsillitis and a high temperature she left me in bed on my own for 2 days and didn’t come to see how I was, I was frightened to go to sleep in case I died, she never acknowledged it or apologised it was the end of my love for her and has sat in my head for 40 years so yes you have to be very careful what you say

@DreamTheMoors

Why can’t you be more like your sister???

My sister was compliant, never argued, did her chores without complaint, and was an average student and shy.

I was gregarious, argued with my mother, complained about homework and dragged my feet over chores. I was also an outstanding student and graduated university while my sister did not.

But my mother liked my sister’s attitude better because because she never talked back — she just kept her head down and did what was expected. I always complained but I was always a step ahead of what they expected.

My sister married money and I made my own, so maybe she was the smarter after all.

I loved my mum, but who says that to their kid?

It sounds like your mother did damage to your relationship with your sister. That’s the real shame. You seem scornful of her when comparing her with yourself.

You live in Tilly Toy Town. From my 50+ chemistry teacher who didn’t like the new houses at the end of the village. Otherwise, he barely spoke to me. What a tool he was.

“You’ll never amount to much academically” from my A level maths teacher.

I’d love to show her my PhD thesis in numerical modelling…

When I received a promotion in my previous job, one of the other (horrid) staff members said “Wow, they must have been really desperate to fill the role if they asked you.”

I felt like saying “Clearly not desperate enough as they didn’t ask you!” But I kept the moral (and professional 🙄) high ground.

My O level Physics teacher did not like having female students. At parents evening he told my Dad I had a snowballs chance in hell of passing my Physics O level. I was mortified. I was determined to prove him wrong. I was not good at physics, partly because I had a crap teacher, but I worked on my own with textbook. I passed with a C grade and on results day saw him across the room and rushed across to tell him I got a C. He said standards were plummeting if I had passed and I must have got a sympathetic marker. I was so bloody angry with him. I became a teacher and made bloody sure to praise and encourage the kids I taught.

I was very self conscious about my mixed race hair and called brillo pad in school by some of the boys and felt so ugly and self conscious. I wasn't a pretty girl and was late to the boyfriend party.
One day I got my hair straightened and was really nervous about going to school that day. On the walk in one of the really popular boys that I liked stopped me and said how nice my hair looked. Confidence through the roof! He made my year. I bumped into him at a party when I was thirty and thanked him. He had no idea what he had done for me and my self esteem.

So so sorry to hear these stories. I, thankfully, don't have any but you all seem so strong and successful now. Which is wonderful. I hope you all found happiness and realise that the evil words, say more about them, than you. 💐

Nothing compared to the heartbreaking stories here.
My exH aunt telling me, aged 19 that I was too small to have children. Worried me for years. I was and am 5ft, 7stone and had two children naturally - touché!

Older girl at school 'You look dead' I'm still so conscious of my dark circles.

'It's unlikely NotMeekNotObedient will pass her SATs as her handwriting is terrible' at parents evening year 6.

Another child correcting my spelling mistake and feeling so stupid.

I've done well academically and I got great marks in those SATs. I suspect I'm dyslexic though as spelling is still hard for me. By the time I got to university my handwriting was getting complimented but I still feel conscious about it.

Pregnant with my first child at 19 (now pregnant with my 2nd at 30 and it still haunts me).. I was so excited for my first scan which went great the lady was lovely until I went into the follow up room after and was told me due date which of course is known to change as its your dating scan and more accurate. I made a comment such as "aww I'd worked it out to be a week earlier" nothing more in it. And the awful midwife responded "why does it change who the dad is? We have alot in like you" I cried all the way home and it led me to pre natal and post natal depression. I felt so judged because I was 19. I felt judge by everyone for a good few years after and probably put more pressure on myself and wouldn't let anyone ever help me. I'm now 30 and in my 2nd pregnancy and walking into that hospital for my first scan was awful.

@Dinosauratemydaffodils

My mum repeatedly telling me she wished I'd been a cot death statistic. This was a repeated theme from being very young. Being told I was a manipulative slut by the wife of one of my father's colleagues. My dad was in the military, I was around 10 and struggling with puberty. Her husband been wrestling with me on my bedroom floor, not through my choice I hasten to add but it was apparently my fault.

That is awful

On a message from a colleague aimed at the previous holder of the job I was in, left on a printer tray:
"It's a shame she's not you, must be down to her being from 'X place', not 'Y place'. She's very dependent and gives up so easily."

I've written it, burned it, buried it - if only it were so easy. I despise workplace belittlers. I suppose that's a backhanded good thing to come out of it.

Boy at school: "it is a good job you are an only child as any brothers or sisters of you would have probably killed themselves in disgust being related to you".

A teacher to my parents" "she will never go to University, I honestly don't know what the future holds for her" (I have a University degree with merit, have written & published a children's book and currently starting my own business... So sod you Mr Reid!)

My mum after my 4th miscarriage referring to my son's developmental delays: "maybe you should have been taking your folic acid (I had been taking it), look at

Oh, and...

My mum (about an achievement at work): "yeah, you are all 'look at me', 'look at me' because you are doing well at work. Do your work see this side of you? Miss Goody Goody Two Shoes to them eh, they don't see this side of you".

Me about 14 in Boarding School. I had acne. The nurse told me it was evil coming out.
My parents whenever I didn't get top marks 'we do everything for you, this is how you repay us'.

My father "all that food in a bad skin" at the time it didn't really register, I'm afraid now I think about it - it could have led to a eating disorder or worse.