Comments that have stayed with you into adulthood

[IcyBlonde15]

I am very conscious now that my words can have a long lasting impact and think very carefully about what I say to people. Two things that have stuck out to me from my teen years are when I was going out with a boy I really loved as a teenager and he told me his friend asked him “what are you DOING with her? She’s scum she’s not good enough for you” always made me very insecure and wondered what was so WRONG with me, and I still sometimes get paranoid that I’m somehow not as good as other people which is mad now I’m an adult! Also a friends mum told me to sit in the front as I was “the largest girl” which started an eating disorder that still rears it’s head now. The impact of words on young minds is so strong I want to teach my kids to be very mindful of things they say as they have no idea the amount of damage it can do. AIBU or maybe just need to get better at letting go of grudges!!

Mild in comparison but I was told I looked “gumsy” (no teeth) when I smiled when I was 8. I am now very self conscious about smiling and I hate having my photo taken therefore there aren’t very many.

I seem to have a knack for remembering every unkind thing ever said to me. Between the ages of around 11 and 21, lots of males made it their business to tell me how ugly I was. My family would try to make me feel better by telling me looks dont matter. But the comments really pushed me into my shell and I'm not convinced my personality has made up for my lack of looks. Now in my 40s I'm not sure why I attracted that negative attention, I looked perfectly normal really but in my head I was ashamed of my appearance.

Dad told me he wished him and my mum had never had me.

My mum telling my auntie that I wasn't good looking.

My mum telling me she hated the only times we did anything together as mum and daughter when I was a child (basically she'd take me clothes shopping). It was very boring for her apparently.

When I got the top GCSEs at my run down comp school, my mum telling me that if I'd tried a little bit harder then all my grades could have been A* instead of most of them. She left school at 15, pregnant at 17 and didn't do anything academically or career-wise.

Plus the other usual crap you hear from school ground bullies, co-workers and the likes!

'It's very hard to love another woman's child, I hate you''

I was 11, and this was my stepmum, {who formally adopted me} my mum had died when I was 2 yrs old.

Can still see and sense everything when she said it, first day of summer holidays..Still makes me feel heavy hearted.

"No one will believe you. Don't overreact."

@DimplesToadfoot

Wth. Just out of curiosity when was this? Before the 80s?

I hope life has been kind to you

@DimplesToadfoot

I was evil. I was scum of the earth. A burden on society. No one would love me. Even my own parents couldn't love me as I was that awful. Your mum tried to have you aborted but you're that nasty you crawled out of the bucket. Just a few delectable snippets thrown at me by the staff of the children's home I was raised in. I learned to believe them, its never left me.

Oh, my god. This stopped me in my tracks. I'm so, so sorry. How absolutely vile of them.

Hearing my mother commiserating with another woman whose child had died by saying, "The best and most beautiful are taken, and we have to make do with what is left." My only sister died before I was born, and I was the "what is left" that she was "making do" with. I never, from that day on, felt like I could ever be good enough for her.

‘If you don’t go to sleep I’ll put my head in the gas oven’. I was six years old and this was said to me by my alcoholic mother. I worried for years thinking if I didn’t go to sleep without disturbing her she’d die.

‘Halloumi will never pass maths’ said to my parents at parents night when I was in 2nd year at high school. I not only passed maths but became a physics teacher . After leaving school I went on to college to retake every o’level that I’d failed. I go into Uni and later in my career lectured in both maths and physics. ☺️

My stepfather said 'You're the kind of girl men will want to marry rather than date..'

Essentially I wasn't attractive or desirable (I was 15!) but good for doing the housework and laundry. Thx!!

"You'd be prettier than your sister if you just lost weight" charming father.
Uncle "there's a nose on you, it's huge" whilst staring. It isn't particularly but it made me very self conscious.
Many more from when father was drunk and abusive about how awful I am / look.
My 'd'm - "what do you want? Can't you see we are having a family meal?" (Her, my siblings and their partners) Apparently I'm not family

16yo I was taken aside by a boy who knew me vaguely through an activity we participated in once a month.

He told me he was worried I was getting a reputation because I'd had a new boyfriend every time he saw me (3 over the course of a year) and that I was "coming across like a bit of a slut".

I was so upset and angry I couldn't say anything let alone tell him that these guys kept breaking up with me because I wasn't in any way sexually active at that point and I wouldn't do anything but kiss them. I went away and had a cry in the bathrooms instead which added to my anger about it all.

The injustice and hurt stayed with me for a very very long time.

I started my own mobile business beauty therapy and massage, doing really well
My husband said he thinks my success is down to me not being very attractive and the way I look I am no threat to anyone. makes my eyes fill up when I think about it

Years ago we went to my real dads (real spasmodic relationship he used to vanish out of my life for a while then pop up over) parents anniversary party - he took me to one side and asked if I could call him by his first name as his wife’s family think I am his neice and he doesn’t want them upsetting

Why do you hide your pretty eyes behind those glasses? My nan, think I was about 9, I'd finally got the glasses I desperately needed after weeks (months?) Of saying I couldn't see the board at school.
Added to many comments made by my mother about how I didnt need glasses and I shouldn't wear them all the time, I felt they made me ugly. As a result, I couldn't see a thing until I was about 19 and could pay for contact lenses. I still don't wear my glasses outside the house.

I failed the 11 plus. I was badly bullied at primary school which may be partly why I failed. I remember two girls coming up to me arm in arm and saying ‘you will find it hard at secondary school and we will make sure you do’. (I did).

I still struggle with low self esteem.

It’s interesting to see these, and I can relate to many. Not unexpected to see that many related to weight, and many to sex. While most horrible comments are from men, it’s distressing to see them from women too. You’d think we know better.

'I don't mean you, I mean a real person.'
'I wish I'd never had children, you ruined my life.'
'Other people's legs have a shape, but yours just go straight down.'

A guy I dated for 3 months in my teens.
Mad about him. He dumped me.

We bumped into each other again in our 20's, started meeting up,rekindling..had dates, drinks got closer, I was delighted.

One day he was snippy with me over txt, I asked him why he was even entertaining me if I annoyed him so much, his answer was "Because you're easy"

I almost died. The mix of shame and embarrassment I felt... I cant tell you.

It physically burned, one of the most humiliating and self loathing moments I'd ever felt.

A friend's mother sneering at me about how spoilt I was in comparison to her own children. I was 8 or 9. Cowed, physically abused by one family member and sexually by another from the age of 7, all my clothes/toys were second-hand or hand me downs (which, I have two much older brothers, so think corduroy trousers (shite brown, nonetheless) when everyone else was wearing denim jeans...

She meant because I had two parents. One of whom was never around and the other who literally beat me and whittled away at my self-esteem. In comparison, her children saw their dad every other day, and knew they were adored by both parents; and everything was brand spanking new/designer labeled. Somehow, I know which scenario I would rather have grown up in...

I'll add that now in my mid 30s, I understand I had nothing to be ashamed of. But jesus, it still hurts.

'I don't mean you, I mean a real person.

Unfortunately, this resonates.

When I asked my mum why she left us, when I was 12, her reply was "you're such a bother, you ask too many questions". Spent the last 40 years trying not to be a bother.

@NickCarters90sCurtains

Yes I was in care 1968 - 1985

Thanks for the nice comments peeps, I think I had it better than some of you, at least i was hated by people that weren't supposed to love me like a parent, I can't begin to imagine the pain of a loved one being so horrible to me and I'm sorry you've had to go through it.

If only it was easy as writing it down and burning it, that would make everything go away, it doesn't work like that, at least not in my case, thankfully I have a good shrink who is working wonders on my warped brain, sadly its 30 years too late.

A Foster placement during the 6 week school holidays at 9 years old back in the seventies. The Foster parent said to 'I'm sorry my dear but whilst your here we have

Lock the doors and you'll spend your day's in the kitchen, you could be a thief and we've worked very hard for what we have" I tried really hard to be good there as they had a big TV and the food was good but by the end of the week I emptied her purse and done a runner.
So many things people have said stuck in my mind but as an adult you have to understand most of them are their failings and not yours.