Comments that have stayed with you into adulthood

[IcyBlonde15]

I am very conscious now that my words can have a long lasting impact and think very carefully about what I say to people. Two things that have stuck out to me from my teen years are when I was going out with a boy I really loved as a teenager and he told me his friend asked him “what are you DOING with her? She’s scum she’s not good enough for you” always made me very insecure and wondered what was so WRONG with me, and I still sometimes get paranoid that I’m somehow not as good as other people which is mad now I’m an adult! Also a friends mum told me to sit in the front as I was “the largest girl” which started an eating disorder that still rears it’s head now. The impact of words on young minds is so strong I want to teach my kids to be very mindful of things they say as they have no idea the amount of damage it can do. AIBU or maybe just need to get better at letting go of grudges!!

My family were (are abusive) neglectful, verbally, emotionally and physically abusive towards me. They are still emotionally abusive as well as gaslighting and have DARVO down to a tee.
For example parents used to beat me up when I was a child (3+) for crying at school, so learnt not to cry or have emotions, then they would say out loud that and wonder why I don't show affection.

Their poison is still in me and I am trying to cleanse myself of it.

Dad told me I would burn in hell. He also exclaimed his confusion at anyone loving me!!!

Some of you have such heartbreaking 💔 things to share.

I was very shy and quiet in secondary school. We were in groups doing a physics experiment. I didn't really understand and my friend was doing most of it. The teacher said to me in a nasty way that was meant to be a total put down "you being here is just absolutely pointless". My friend didn't quite catch what he said and asked me, I never told anyone as his words had stung so much. I remember it so vividly.

Primary school, final year, the teacher made me demonstrate climbing up the climbing frame and swinging on the ropes to the whole class. Even at that age I knew he chose me as I would be rubbish. I'm very loose jointed. He encouraged the class to laugh at me. I went for it anyway, but the inevitable happened.

The music teacher at secondary school made all the other kids in the class call me mouse, not by my real name - again the shyness thing. I dreaded his classes.

My dad's favourite phrase was that I was as useless as a chocolate fire guard. He only said this once, but when I was around 13 or 14 and raiding the snacks when my mum had been food shopping, he was working at the kitchen table. He said something really nasty about me being fat and having a big bottom. I was a size 4 at a push - but I believe him as my hips had grown at that point. I remember being so shocked and stung. He words really dripped with venom. I think they were under financial pressure and he had taken extra work on in the evening.I was then eating all the good food straight away!

I overly stand up for myself now, when maybe I should let things slide. But I found my voice in my late teens (not late 40s). I must have still held onto this stuff as I shed a few tears remembering and writing.

My college tutor told me I’d be “lucky to get into university.” I didn’t even do badly academically, she just didn’t like me.

Just to add…I did get into university, no thanks to her.

"Makes you look slimmer."

"Don't you wish sometimes you looked like other girls your age?"

"You're what we call pleasantly plump."

I was in year 3 and excitedly telling an adult who'd come into help our class (think it was a mum come in to hear readers) about a surprise parcel we'd received that morning from friends from America. I was telling her the different things that were in the parcel. The regular teaching assistant leant over to her and said 'don't worry about her dear, she does tend to go on a bit'. In my head she didn't bother to lower her voice but maybe she did. Regardless I heard her crystal clear.

I went all hot and stopped talking and stood there feeling really stupid before sneaking back to my desk when they were distracted. I was in year 3 so would have been 7 or 8. I'm 36 now. I was just talking about something exciting that had happened to me before I came to school.

This!!! Totally! When I was working a summer job at school as a lifeguard at a local pool the swimming club were in one night and a crowd of them and their coach were swimming over towards me. They were about a metre away from me, extremely obviously within earshot (no one else was there either) and one boy said very loudly to his friend don’t you think she looks like a man. The other boy questioned who he was talking about and he again gestured towards me. This was such a random, throwaway comment, probably just made for a laugh with his pals (and other than being quite tall I really don’t think I’m manly in the slightest) but it made me question myself every time I looked in the mirror for YEARS! He would have forgotten about that comment about 10 seconds later, none of his friends even laughed, agreed or responded at all because it was clearly extremely rude but the fact I still remember it now, 14 years on, shows how hurtful words can be

When I was 14 my mother, who was abusive (due to hormonal disorder, we are close now) called me a slut.

It was about 1986. Not a nice word now but worse then.

Stayed with me for years that she hated me that much and thought that of me. Then, after her treatment and she became human again, she told me a story about her aunt calling her a slut. This was back in the early 60's. Her mother, my grandmother then went to war against the Aunt. Mother cried and said how happy she was that Grandma had defended her like that.

I asked her why she called me a slut. And she did have the decency to look ashamed and said that she probably wanted to hurt me.

When I was 17/18 I had a male colleague that I was good friends with. He fancied me but I didn't fancy him, but we still used to go out occasionally as friends. Then he bought me a necklace & earring set for my birthday. My mum started to get a bit suspicious and even though she knew we were just friends said to me one day "I hope you and X aren't messing around", implying that we were shagging each other.

Ironic that she got pregnant with my brother at 17. I think she was just trying to prevent me being in the same predicament that she was, but that statement has always stuck with me and I've always thought that it was a bit like pot calling the kettle black.

A man in his 30s telling a 16 year old me that there was enough fat on my backside to make several Big Macs! We were both members of an athletics club and I was very fit and slim at the time but I have never forgotten how bad he made me feel. He has daughters now and I would love to ask him how he would feel if someone spoke to them like that.

"you were really easy to manipulate"

My ex boyfriend told me that I only had ugly friends to make me look even prettier. I've had self confidence issues ever since.

@MollyBloomYes aww, I’m a teacher and this makes me so sad ☹️ I think adults forget sometimes that children’s understanding is far greater than it may seem from what they say. I still remember so many times as a child being around adults who were having a conversation about something they thought was going over my head but I was fully taking in every word!

@DimplesToadfoot

I was evil. I was scum of the earth. A burden on society. No one would love me. Even my own parents couldn't love me as I was that awful. Your mum tried to have you aborted but you're that nasty you crawled out of the bucket. Just a few delectable snippets thrown at me by the staff of the children's home I was raised in. I learned to believe them, its never left me.

Thats horrific 😢 I'm so sorry you went through that

Your face is so hairy you look like chewbacca at 15. It wasn't. But I wore scarves and roll neck tops trying to cover my face for 25 years until I realised it was bullshit.

Why are you wearing those jeans? (Flares) men hate seeing women in those sorts of clothes.

My dad always used to say I was pretty till I opened my mouth and started talking, it’s made me self conscious about my accent even to this day.

My 30 year old brother in law telling 11 year old me...

"don't cry you look ugly when you cry"

just after my dad's funeral

"I hate you and I never want to see you ever again."

"Spotty Muldoon" (her nickname for me in my teens - I had horrific acne and absolutely hated my skin).

"Look at all those rolls!"

"If I could go back in time I wouldn't have children" (heard this one many, many times).

All from the mouth of my (not so) loving mother.

when i had reached puberty and my booby woobies had started developing , my mum had bought me a bra that was a little big and i didnt fill it , back in the 80s the choice was a lot less then now ,

me coming downstairs with a loose tee shirt on over it and my dad fixing me with him gimmlet icey blue eyes and coming out with you will be alright once you have something to fill that bra with !

the shame, i went upstairs , realised he was right , i didnt really fill it so to speak ,, took it off and never wore one again intil i was late teens
i grew to be a 32 dd despite my small frame and the damage from not wearing it was done , i had stretchmarks on both of em by then

Oh gosh and my worst one. I attempted suicide in my late teens. I had no emotional support in my life. I was born with a hidden from view, but pretty major birth defect for a woman. I didn't think anyone (male) would ever be able to love me. I overdosed on paracetamol. The next day after I'd had my stomach pumped and was in hospital my head was exploding it was hurting so much. The nurses had been fairly off with me. Cold and a bit rude. I stupidly asked if she had anything to help - she told me to go take some paracetamols. She knew exactly what she was saying. I was treated like a brat who had been calling out for attention who deserved to be put in her place. They were all really unkind to me. The nurses told the other patients why I was there. I remember one girl trying to make friends with me and saying "do you know one girl is in here for overdosing" - she realised it was me and made a quick exit! I don't think that would happen now. It was 30 years ago.

My Mum took a picture of me early 20's, she immediately says "you won't like this one of you" I said why, and she pointed at her nose, in other words cos she thought my nose looked big in it. Since then I've been very self conscious of my nose, even though no one else has commented on it.

When I was younger, I had a thing about how clothes feel, I was sensitive to some types of material. So I would only wear certain clothes. My mum would shout and complain about it if i didn't like certain clothes, before she died I would purposely wear different clothes whenever I saw her. I now feel self conscious if say on a Monday I wear a top to work, wash it then wear it again to work on a Friday, if that makes sense.

When I was in secondary school my suposingly best friend at the time made a comment about my eyes, since then I've felt self conscious about them if I'm not wearing any mascara.

Ive had a boyfriend put me down about giving head. I was so worried about doing it to boyfriends after him and my confidence went down in the bedroom, I stopped doing it and made any excuse even though I enjoyed doing it. He's an idiot cos the men who I've given head to since him have really enjoyed it and finished because of it so my confidence has boosted thankfully.

My dad called me sad when I was early 20s because I still kept my childhood toys (they were figures), and I bought just one figure to put up in my room as an adult, I'm now self conscious what I have up in my house.

Theres loads of others, some worse than what I've mentioned and some just petty comments. But I'd be here all day.

@sarah13xx I'm an ex teacher. I worked in SEN schools and most of my pupils were non verbal. I was absolutely militant about anyone in my classroom not talking about pupils whilst they were there! Out of the room or not at all!

Showing my DM the positive pregnancy test after it had taken years to get pregnant. I’d had a molar pregnancy that I needed chemo for. Her response was “don’t get too excited, remember what happened last time.”

I'd also attempted suicide before I became a parent, my Mum was all "you're so stupid why would you do that you're pathetic" but when my sister tried it my mum was freaking out and crying and being all caring with her.

"You're telling me this why?" - after I shared that I'd been sexually assaulted.

"I've had worse" - a random bloke laughing with his friends when I walked by.

"She's an airhead, bimbo and a slut" - someone I met once and we literally only said hello that time.