Comments that have stayed with you into adulthood

[IcyBlonde15]

I am very conscious now that my words can have a long lasting impact and think very carefully about what I say to people. Two things that have stuck out to me from my teen years are when I was going out with a boy I really loved as a teenager and he told me his friend asked him “what are you DOING with her? She’s scum she’s not good enough for you” always made me very insecure and wondered what was so WRONG with me, and I still sometimes get paranoid that I’m somehow not as good as other people which is mad now I’m an adult! Also a friends mum told me to sit in the front as I was “the largest girl” which started an eating disorder that still rears it’s head now. The impact of words on young minds is so strong I want to teach my kids to be very mindful of things they say as they have no idea the amount of damage it can do. AIBU or maybe just need to get better at letting go of grudges!!

“Maybe I should take that swimming trophy back and replace it with ‘The Bitch of the Year Award’”...My mother. I was ten and walking too slowly.

Just checking, did she definitely mean it in the modern sense? My DM also called me one many years later than that and she meant really messy/untidy (a bit like the word gay changed meaning).

Both my aunt and my mother said it in the "Dirty slapper who shags anything that moves" way. I was 14 and a virgin.

She has said that she doesnt remember saying it, she claims to remember very little of the verbal and physical abuse my sister and I went through....not sure how true that is. Sister and I both think that it is actually shame that makes her force it out of her mind, she doesnt want to remember it rather than cant.

Sorry....her aunt...my Great Aunt

Pregnant with my second. Trying to cope with a disabled toddler, recently found out now exdh was having an affair and diagnosed with hyperemesis. Went for my scan and tearfully told the sonographer that I thought my baby would be better off being terminated, and her response was to roll her eyes, sigh, and say "These scans are only for women who actually WANT their babies."

My mum told me I looked fat in my wedding dress.

I had a baby 6 weeks before trying it on and couldn't try it on before that because I still had a bump. It was a corset style.

So many heartbreaking memories on this thread.

A positive one, a teacher I admired looked me in the eye and told me ‘you are full of integrity’ at a time when I felt really lonely and lacking in confidence. It really made such a powerful difference to me , there was no particular reason for them to say it, and I still think today about that moment and work to make decisions with integrity.

Since then I have a personal rule that if I’m thinking about a lovely quality someone has, I tell them

Hoping those with painfully awful memories find a way to distance from them

Going to add a positive one. As a teenager I had low self esteem and didn’t believe I had anything going for me. My older sister (also a teenager) told me about a conversation she had with her friends who had described me as ‘having a heart of gold’. I realised that if I could be nothing else in life, I would be be nice, and caring and kind. This mattered more to me than all the good looks and intelligence in the world.

Constantly being told by family members to ‘pull my tummy in’ 35 year old woman now who can’t sit without a cushion on my lap.

Be careful what you say to kids!!

My dad (drunk) telling me that all men cheat - no mate, just because you did, doesn't mean they all do!

My (supposedly) best friend telling me that I should make more effort with my appearance all the time

Just a wee to everyone hurting on this thread. So sorry to read some of the awful comments

@DimplesToadfoot 💐. I'm so sorry you were treated with such hate . How can a person who was supposed to care be so awful .

My mum said to me “don’t tell your dad, he will kill me” when I caught her affair out. I was 10 years old. It had a terrible effect on me as I couldn’t tell anyone as I really thought he would kill her as he was a jealous man. I haven’t really liked her much since that day. This was 40 years ago.

@ChargingBuck- this is one of the most horrific things I’ve ever read. I hope that you know that none of that was your issue- it was hers.

“The thing is, we survived, despite the fucking idiot adults in our lives (my mother would tell me she wished she'd had an abortion, or cut me into little pieces & flushed me down the loo. While holding my head over the loo to see her monthly blood, not insane or disturbing at all, no?!)”

@Imissmoominmama

Thank you for your kindness.

It was decades ago, I have had a lot of therapy, am blessed with amazing friends, & doubly blessed in that somehow I managed to come out of it knowing how to love.

I genuinely feel sorry for my mother. Yeah ... sometimes angry & disturbed, but I'm one of the lucky ones & I hope my anecdote might serve to show younger women that this nonsense is survivable.

Absolutely heartbreaking. Virtual hugs and flowers 💐 for all who have bared their souls on here.

For all of the ignorant people who strangely get upset and do not want to understand how some of us have gone NC with blood relatives - this is it. Blood doesn’t mean shit when you’re treated like shit.

It’s so sad that a lot of these comments are about weight and being called fat. Fat phobia unfortunately has made it the easiest insult to throw at someone whether it’s true or not. I am ashamed to admit, even though it was provoked by relentless teasing about my teeth i snapped at a girl and called her a fat ass. I feel awful about it but the truth is I said it because I couldn’t think of anything bad enough to say. After being teased a lot about the way I look I have become borderline obsessed about looking a certain way and spend a lot of money on it. It does boost my confidence but without it all my mood is so low and I can’t help but think that’s not healthy. I’ve had bonding on my teeth done because I was teased about a gap, always use sunbeds as I’ve been made fun of for being pale and always have my lashes, hair , nails the works done. Most women like these things but I have wondered how much really is for me and not because of things people have said to me

FilthyForFirth this is exactly why I always cringe inside when people talk about gender disappointment, thinking of how it must make the child feel if they make them aware. Of course it’s a thing and people should be able to talk about their feelings but I think it should be done very mindfully or not at all in front of the child. I tell my boy although I imagined having a girl from the moment I knew he was a boy I just pictured this little blonde boy and he just felt like mine and I loved having boys so much so he knows he was expected to be a girl but how much he is loved as a boy

Dogshark but what is “attractive” is largely subjective, most people I get attracted to aren’t stereotypically attractive but they just do it for me! So you will always be attractive to someone

A small selection of things my mother has said to me:

If you don’t shape up you’ll be left on the shelf
You’ve got footballer’s thighs and terrible posture

No man worth his salt will look twice at you
Why do you have such a low opinion of yourself?

I expected you’d be more successful
I hoped you'd marry a doctor
I put my life on hold for you and look how you’ve turned out
Why do you drink so much?

No wonder he has a roving eye
I’m not surprised he hit you
You need to learn to shut your trap
Why do you always think people are out to get you?

I don’t believe they raped you
I saw the way you looked at them
When two men invite you to play guitar in their caravan
do you really think they’re interested in your Dylan covers?

There’s a name for girls like you
If you keep that baby I’ll disown you
I’m taking you to get rid of it
Don't blame me for your poor life choices

Miscarriages are nature’s way of weeding out the weaklings
You wanted a girl anyway, so it’s no great loss
Stop crying, you’re upsetting me
Perhaps your loss will give you more empathy?

You were a vile teen, shameful in your twenties
What did I do to deserve you as a daughter?
Decades on it still feels like yesterday
I can never forgive you.

Alayalaya I am convinced the boyfriend I mentioned in OP broke up with me because of the comment that his friend made, because they looked down their noses at me. The boyfriend in question is friends with me on SM and he does watch my stuff so part of me secretly hopes he thinks I’ve done rather well and wasn’t the “scum” his friends deemed me. Pathetic that I still want validation but it really hurt that people obviously thought I was beneath them

My Mum was a vile human being and said many things that have stayed with me into adulthood. Though one of her favourite sayings was "sticks and stones will break your bones but words will never hurt you"

Catra - your mother is/was a disturbed individual, & you have grown into a clear-sighted woman with the wisdom of life experience.

Your writing style is powerful & even made me laugh - Why do you have such a low opinion of yourself? right!!!

Christ, I could write a book.

From my parents:
"There's only one person I love in this house...[my brother]"
"My children have been nothing but a disappointment to me" (this is still bandied about from time to time)
"You look like the whore of Babylon" (I was dressed for a night out)

Boy at school:
"Look at that big nose, isn't it ugly" "That's fucking huge"

Shouted on a packed bus by a drunk woman, I was 18:
"Concord...concord! We don't need to ride on this bus because we've got concord" (referring to my nose)

When I worked behind a bar at 19:
"Hey you, you ugly c*nt, come and pour me a beer. Move your hand up and down the pump whilst your doing it"

Many more! Some people really are arseholes. for all those who have been stung by awful people and their comments x

I had a teacher tell me that I was so bad at maths (this was maybe Y5/6) that I would be lucky if I ever even managed to finish secondary school.

I finished secondary school the top of my year and I went on to get a PhD in a STEM field, so he can f&*K himself (thankfully, he's dead now).

Not RTFT thread.

@Catra, that's shocking.