Page 11 | Comments that have stayed with you into adulthood

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 09/01/2022 11:56

“I’ve never seen such a…busty…vampire before!”

Having a halloween party, and I was dressed as the aforementioned vampire. I was in Y6. I was 11. It really wasn’t my fault that I had big breasts as a child but boy was I made to feel bad about it!

That was a snooty mother that said that. I felt shameful. The comments from men and boys made me feel disgusting. Especially when they were made when I was with my mum - I always felt like she would be embarrassed by me.

TimBoothseyes · 09/01/2022 12:11

My P.E teacher, "you are a constant let down, I look forward to the day I don't have to coach you anymore".

Summerbaby2020 · 09/01/2022 12:23

When I was in primary 2 ( in Scotland so would have been 6 years old ) I was rushing to get out of class at the end of the day and had written my name on the front of a new work book.

Came in the next day and had missed out a letter in my first name and the teacher brought me up in front of the class and completely humiliated me. Her parting shot…. “ you stupid stupid little girl, just as stupid and slow as your brother! “ she had taught my brother 2 years before me….he has double deficit dyslexia. I still feel so sad for the 6 year old that stood there with my face burning red trying not to cry. She shouldn’t have been a teacher and the whole thing has still never left me 24 years later.

RandomLondoner · 09/01/2022 12:26

@Royalbloo

shakeitoffshakeacocktail yep.

My niece had been staying with him for a while and he moved to Spain when I was 4. Didn't see him again until I was 17, but this STUNG. It'll never ever leave me that my own father forgot I was his child. Crazy.

No wonder I have issues trusting men. I can't even believe it as I write it out, again...

It doesn't make sense that he seriously believed you were his granddaughter. If he thought about it for one second he'd would realise your mother and "grandmother" were the same person, in his mind.

I think he just misspoke. When I visited my father on the other side of the world, having not seen him for a few years, he frequently called me by my brother's name. My brother who he saw all the time. He just used the word he habitually used, it didn't mean anything. In your case, you say your niece had been there recently, presumably she's his granddaughter, and that's why the wrong word was stuck in his head.

TimBoothseyes · 09/01/2022 12:28

Actually that wasn't the worst thing ever said. When I was 15 I was told by my "grandmother", "The reason you're so fucking ugly is because my son is not your father, you are nothing to me and if you died tomorrow it would be a blessing". I have never told anyone what she said, not even my parents. I still don't know to this day if what she said was true and I am the result of an affair. All I know is the man I called dad was the kindest man ever. How that witch managed to create such a man I will never know. I actually cheered when I heard she had died.

Nowayoutonlydown · 09/01/2022 12:38

One teacher gave me a dressing down when I was talking in class once, pretty much that I as a child of parents that didn't work, I was getting an education subsidised by working parents and I wasn't worth educating because I'd go on to not work like them anyhow.

The shame still burns to this day. I was asking for a pen because I didn't have one.

I was already known as the smelly child in class that smelt like I lived in a pub and wasn't particularly cared about but it made bullying quite a lot worse.

Helped me feel even more worthless.

Purpleraspberry · 09/01/2022 12:43

@TimBoothseyes

Actually that wasn't the worst thing ever said. When I was 15 I was told by my "grandmother", "The reason you're so fucking ugly is because my son is not your father, you are nothing to me and if you died tomorrow it would be a blessing". I have never told anyone what she said, not even my parents. I still don't know to this day if what she said was true and I am the result of an affair. All I know is the man I called dad was the kindest man ever. How that witch managed to create such a man I will never know. I actually cheered when I heard she had died.

That is vile and unforgivable to say that to a child. Nasty woman. Poor you

Ameanstreakamilewide · 09/01/2022 12:47

I must have been about 8-9 and I remember my friend's uncle always putting me down in front of their whole family.

At the time I didn't actually realise what an arse he was being to a little kid. It was only as I got older that i cottoned on to it.

What point was he scoring by taking the piss out of a little girl in front of a room full of people.
I just don't understand the thought process.

XenoBitch · 09/01/2022 12:49

In school, I was told by a friend that girls need an ugly friend to make themselves feel better, and that was the only reason anyone was friends with me.

HesterAndPearlInBrightSunshine · 09/01/2022 12:58

When i was in preschool/ reception, the person in charge of my group was a sadistic fuck who basically tortured me. She was a nationalist who hated people who were not from her neck of the woods and kept repeating to me 'you'll never belong here, no one will ever like you etc'. As much as I hate to give evil people power over my life, I internalised it, emigrated as soon as I could and never went back. Some things sadly can't be fixed, even if I know she was only one person and that such people can be found anywhere... At least, I've fully embraced being a foreigner. Sod those who don't like it.

brokenkettle · 09/01/2022 13:08

From my mother:
"Your brother was born to make up for you two." (talking to me & my other brother, as we had been bickering)

"Everyone in this family hates you."

The second one was especially damaging as I then believed for years that all my family members were just pretending to like me out of pity, and I would automatically feel like any new people I met instantly disliked me.

HesterAndPearlInBrightSunshine · 09/01/2022 13:11

Looking at the comments on this thread, they mostly seem to have a form of othering and shaming in common. The people who said all that to us knew (at least instinctively) that shame and rejection in childhood are the most difficult feelings to overcome because as children we don't yet have a 'shell', a developed sense of self - so it goes straight to the core as in butter...

HesterAndPearlInBrightSunshine · 09/01/2022 13:12

Here's a bunch of for everyone.

RedHelenB · 09/01/2022 13:22

@IcyBlonde15

I am very conscious now that my words can have a long lasting impact and think very carefully about what I say to people. Two things that have stuck out to me from my teen years are when I was going out with a boy I really loved as a teenager and he told me his friend asked him “what are you DOING with her? She’s scum she’s not good enough for you” always made me very insecure and wondered what was so WRONG with me, and I still sometimes get paranoid that I’m somehow not as good as other people which is mad now I’m an adult! Also a friends mum told me to sit in the front as I was “the largest girl” which started an eating disorder that still rears it’s head now. The impact of words on young minds is so strong I want to teach my kids to be very mindful of things they say as they have no idea the amount of damage it can do. AIBU or maybe just need to get better at letting go of grudges!!

Yabu about the second, I always have the largest/ tallest/ fattest in the front of the car. Neither of them are worth dwelling on. Sometimes the old rhyme " sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never harm me" is true.

Dillidilly · 09/01/2022 13:26

Worrying about what I was wearing to a party when I was 15, and my mum saying: 'Fancy being so vain as to think anyone will be looking at you!'

When I told her I was pregnant with our fourth baby (following a miscarriage too): 'Oh no!'

At our wedding, my dad's speech (which my mum wrote) was basically thanking my husband for marrying me. Nothing about me as their daughter at all.

ChargingBuck · 09/01/2022 13:41

@Dinosauratemydaffodils & @DimplesToadfoot

The thing is, we survived, despite the fucking idiot adults in our lives (my mother would tell me she wished she'd had an abortion, or cut me into little pieces & flushed me down the loo. While holding my head over the loo to see her monthly blood, not insane or disturbing at all, no?!)

I am constructing a time machine, & when I have perfected it, you can join my gang. We'll go back en masse, & deliver a pasting to all those foul-mouthed idiots who felt it was ok to talk like that to vulnerable kids.

SituationCritical · 09/01/2022 13:44

I was already in adulthood, but this is about 11 years ago when DS was at preschool and just before he was diagnosed with ASD, SPD and dyspraxia. He had been going for a half day twice a week and I wanted to increase to four half days (less than he was entitled to) to prepare him for the transition to school as it was coming up. He has been doing very well at preschool with a few adjustments. We would arrive 10 minutes after start and ten minutes early for pick up for example to avoid the busy crowds. He wouldn't do sensory play. He has NEVER been a difficult child, never a bully, never a picky eater. He just had times where he would be overwhelmed or worried but we worked through. Preschool seemed very supportive and I fully appreciated their support. One day I asked for his hours to be increased and one of the ladies said "well you had better buy me a bottle of gin to get through each week then!". I don't know why it stung so much, but it really did and I've never forgotten it and it really hurt my feelings. I can't even say why! I think maybe the implication that DS was difficult and a burden while I was worried about him and waiting for diagnosis and in a bit of a bad state of mind. He is now in a lovely secondary in a unit for children similar to him, is doing wonderfully and is happy. Funny the things that stick with you, I'm sure I've had much worse said to me!

Gazelda · 09/01/2022 14:12

My SM telling me I was the most selfish person she knew. I was a young teen at the time, so it was possibly true. But it stung.

And made me determined to prove her wrong, which I have done. I've built a career working in the charity sector, volunteer in 2 long term roles, have never asked her to babysit or help me financially.

One of the other comments she made which stayed with me was that if she'd been by BM, she'd have picked a different name for me. That hurt because a) my BM died when I was a baby and b) my name is a big part of who I am and by implication it felt as though she wished I was different. Illogical, but said after a time when I was trying to work out who I was in the world.

NannyOggsWhiskyStash · 09/01/2022 14:45

@DimplesToadfoot

I was evil. I was scum of the earth. A burden on society. No one would love me. Even my own parents couldn't love me as I was that awful. Your mum tried to have you aborted but you're that nasty you crawled out of the bucket. Just a few delectable snippets thrown at me by the staff of the children's home I was raised in. I learned to believe them, its never left me.

Sorry to hear that, what vile staff. I hope you are doing well.

spidersenses · 09/01/2022 15:58

[quote Rubyyyy]@spidersenses similar happened to me, nurse humiliated me and made me feel a thousand times worse. I took a overdose at 15 due to being bullied to the point I’d been repeatedly physically attacked at school, online and even had threats to put a brick through my window by a group of kids in my year I felt I had no way out. the nurse on the ward I was on stormed over to my bed ripped back the curtain and said quite loudly so everyone could hear that I should be ashamed of myself for upsetting my parents so much and how ungrateful I was. I remember just sobbing and her giving me this awful look.
Probably why I hate hospitals so much now tbh.[/quote]
I'm so sorry. That's horrific. I take comfort in the fact I really don't think it would happen to struggling teens today ❤️

mumandbambinos · 09/01/2022 16:27

My GCSE.

My GCSE maths teacher compared to my younger brother who he also taught (my brother was top set A*) and once made a disparaging comment to me 'you're nothing like your brother'. Okay, I was in the bottom set for the intermediate tier but was capable of getting a Grade C but I just lacked confidence and just needed some extra help. Got a Grade D.

Decided to retake GCSE Maths at adult college a couple of years ago and passed with a Grade 5. Amazing tutor at college and I will always feel gratitude to my college tutor.

I still remember the comment from my school teacher but it no longer draws the same emotions that it did for all those years.

Russelhobskettle · 09/01/2022 16:31

A lighthearted one. I passed O Level French, I got a C. A totally unexpected achievement.
Next time I saw by French teacher I rushed up to her and said "I passed my O Level French! I'm amazed!"
She said "Oh, so am I!"

user14943608381 · 09/01/2022 16:49

God there are some vile parents, grandparents and teachers out there!

for everyone unfortunate enough to have known them

NannyOggsWhiskyStash · 09/01/2022 16:54

So many. First day at new school, aged 6, from another girl " ooh the other Nanny was much better than you, she had short hair", started off lifetime of not feeling good enough. Aged 14, wearing shorts on hot, summer day, Dad saying " put your legs away, you disgust me"- ongoing food issues, I was a size 10 at most then. " What happened to you, you look like a beast" from total stranger in Israel, I was 18. "Not my type, I like skinny girls" from multiple 'boyfriends', I was a size 10 at most then. " I always thought you were dumb because of your blonde hair and big tits" from more than one male acquaintance. Bloody hell, after reading everyone's posts, I am seething, why are people so fucking cruel, and what is this obsession with girls weight? Wtaf

Alayalaya · 09/01/2022 17:10

At 17 I had a boyfriend who wasn’t good looking but I liked his personality. He was from a well off family whereas I was poor. I still recall one of his friends remarking “it must be nice to be able to afford a bit of council estate tart like her”. Obviously assuming because I was pretty I was only with him for money. Made me feel absolutely worthless and it stayed with me because I felt like that was obviously how wealthy people saw me. He broke up with me a few weeks later and I still think it was at least partly because he’d become convinced that I was too pretty to genuinely like him and therefore must be a gold digger.