Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this woman is ridiculous and aggressive?

594 replies

mothtoflutter · 08/01/2022 17:49

Been with my partner 2 months now, met his daughter a few weeks ago - daughter is 3 - it went well and she really took to me.

She stayed at her dads on Thursday night, and I got her ready for nursery in the morning and dropped her off. I received this message last night - I haven't responded as off yet as don't want to say something I might regret but I am fuming. It is such a nasty message and AIBU to think it is unnecessarily aggressive? WIBU to just reply 'fuck off' (only slightly joking Wink)

I heard you dressed my daughter this morning. You put her jeans on back to front and wellies on the wrong feet, had her looking like a right scruff. I don't care what goes on between you and D, I really don't and has nothing to do with that but I have told D, and maybe he's not passed it on, I do not want you or any girl that he's shagging around daughter until it's serious and I've met her. I certainly don't want a random girl dressing my daughter, especially if she can't manage it properly. The shit and stress that has been caused today because of D's behaviour, and I'm assuming that's because he was up the night with you drinking or taking God knows what. Have a bit of respect, go see D once daughter is in her bed and leave before she's up, it's not hard. I text his mum and her response was who is mothtoflutter!? So it can't be serious if you've not even been mentioned. So for now, please don't come around my daughter. Thank you.

Just an FYI I have no idea about the stress that my partner has caused that she speaks of and neither does he.

OP posts:
user1497787065 · 08/01/2022 18:47

The child's mother should have directed all of this at the child's father and not you.

I agree with others it is far too early to be involved in the care of your BF's DD but I am happy to believe all you did was for the good of
His daughter.

SlashBeef · 08/01/2022 18:48

I would be so, so angry if my ex introduced a new partner to my kids after just 2 months and they were dressing them and getting involved in child care. So inappropriate. I don't blame her for being angry.

OldTinHat · 08/01/2022 18:48

I'm 100% on the mum's side in this. What a ridiculous scenario, that poor little girl.

disconnected101 · 08/01/2022 18:48

*Doesn't matter if he didn't ask.

He had you staying when she was there. He accepted your offer. He decided to leave his child in the care of someone he barely knows.

Does that sound like a good parent to you?*

Good point from @AlDanvers, what does this say about him?
If you see this as something potentially serious & long-term, I'd be very wary. If it's a casual thing, you shouldn't be anywhere near his daughter.

Neverhot · 08/01/2022 18:48

I would be fuming if I was the mum too. What decent dad introduces his kids to someone they've been with for a matter of weeks, never mind letting them dress her and take her to nursery! You have completely overstepped here and the fact you think you should reply with a "fuck off" instead of an apology is shocking tbh.

5keletor · 08/01/2022 18:48

My partner and I (kids' father) are together, but if we had split up and a girlfriend of 2 months had met the kids properly, I'd be annoyed. Dressing and taking them to nursery, I'd be absolutely livid. Granted, I'd probably raise it with him and not her, but she has every right to be annoyed. I think her message was actually very measured (apart from the "shagging" reference), given the situation.

IsThePopeCatholic · 08/01/2022 18:48

Op, your bf is totally wrong to have allowed you even to be alone with his child. You need to tell him it’s too early, and you don’t want to be put in a difficult position like that again.

justustwoandmoo · 08/01/2022 18:50

The message is very aggressive but tbh her mother was quite rightly raging at what has happened. I would be exactly the same as her.

The person she really needs to send a message like that to is the Dad! What on EARTH were you both thinking! 🤦‍♀️

Porcupineintherough · 08/01/2022 18:50

I'd be polite and conciliatory because it would be more important to me that he took my message on board than getting my feelings off my chest.

Look at what we know about this guy: he's her ex and he's irresponsible when it comes to his dd . Do you really think raging at him will help?

Pearlpink · 08/01/2022 18:50

This can't be real. No one introduces a new partner to someone's child after a few weeks then allows them to take their child to nursery!

Aworldofmyown · 08/01/2022 18:50

If you are keen on this guy then acknowledge you overstepped the mark. Message back apologising, that it was genuinely meant to be helpful and you didn't think it through. Maybe explain the Jean situation then leave it at that.

huuskymam · 08/01/2022 18:50

I would be ré evaluating this relationship. He's looking for free childcare. 2 months in and he's had you sleeping over while his child is there, getting her dressed and bringing her to nursery. He's a crap parent to let a stranger do all this and I don't blame the mother being furious.

girlmom21 · 08/01/2022 18:51

It's absolutely not your fault at all that this is child's father thought it was a good idea to introduce you to his daughter after a mere two months.

Oh did her tongue fall out when she tried to say "no it's too soon"?

downbythewoods · 08/01/2022 18:52

While I agree it is too soon to play mummy, to everyone up in arms about the child being in a state of undress/ left with a stranger etc, I've known people use teenage baby sitters their children have never met often. In fact, this seems to be accepted practice among most people. (Not me). So I think that part is an over reaction.
And while it's not ideal, I don't think it's that surprising. Relationships move fast sometimes. Two months can feel like a lifetime when you're in love. Maybe the OP was just swept along with her deep feelings. Maybe they've known each other ages before getting together?
That said, I wouldn't be best pleased.

Faevern · 08/01/2022 18:52

In the message the ex says she has already addressed it with him and he hasn’t passed it on, she also texted his DM first and his DM didn’t know who OP was. So perhaps this is why she has addressed it with OP cos useless ex has already had this conversation with his ex and ignored it.

I don’t think she’s a bitch in the message, more likely annoyed and exasperated. She has a right to be pissed off.

Nietzschethehiker · 08/01/2022 18:52

I assure you that if I found out my exdh had handed care including dressing for my child to a 24 year old he had known for 2 months who didn't have children (although either way I wouldn't be happy but at least if they had children it would be slightly mitigating as presumably they would have experience) and my child was 3 I would be a damn sight more pointed than that , incandescently angry at his crap safeguarding decisions ...but granted I would give him both barrels not you.

Just no. She shouldn't have message dyou at all as you should not be relevant in this at all for a very long time.

Bloody hell I'm usually quite measured as I am the resident parent divorced with a new partner. But sodding hell would you see my reaction from the sky (and we co parent and get on really well).

It's not about the clothes at all and I'm going to hazard a guess he was causing problems that she referred to because clearly his judgement is bloody awful as a parent.

Jessie75 · 08/01/2022 18:53

@Marmelace

Though to be fair, maybe ex should have been a bit clever and approached the op in a more chatty matter and explained her ex was a useless idiot.
These women never listen to the exes, she’ll have fallen for the whole DD‘s mother’s a loon crap that these men tend to spiel to any idiot stupid enough to get involved with them. Cant wait for the next installment £10 says the OP is pregnant by Easter and cant understand why the 3 year old isn’t thrilled!
IcedCoffeeMilkshake · 08/01/2022 18:53

@Emerald5hamrock

The wording was OTT her feelings aren't. The father is a dickhead allowing this happen.
This.
SunshineCake1 · 08/01/2022 18:53

Well it's pretty shit you can't dress a toddler correctly but you shouldn't have even met her yet never mind anything else. And she took to you? Grin ridiculous to think that. You clearly know nothing about three year olds.

Marmelace · 08/01/2022 18:53

How old is this man?

Hesma · 08/01/2022 18:53

Poorly phrased but I totally agree with what she is saying… I wouldn’t want my ex let a new (possibly short term) gf touch my child and take her to nursery. I’d be bloody fuming!

MsRinky · 08/01/2022 18:54

You sound staggeringly immature and naive. First relationship since they split two years ago? Pull the other one, I'd bet my house he's been using his casual shags as childcare since day one.

Apologise to his ex, dump his sorry arse and do some work on yourself pronto to work out why you've jumped in far too fast with such an obvious loser.

Rainartist · 08/01/2022 18:55

Yabu - whilst I wouldn't use the aggressive tone/language she has done I wouldn't be happy about a girlfriend of two months dressing my child and being responsible for taking her to nursery.

Best to leave it for awhile. I would text her and apologise for overstepping and reassure her you will meet with her at a later date if serious.

PheasantsNest · 08/01/2022 18:56

Totally inappropriate for you to have even met her never mind getting her dressed. High 5 to the mum for standing up for her child.

HoneyBlahBlah · 08/01/2022 18:56

I think her tone was OTT, and the fact that she's messaging you is ridiculous and comes across bitter. She should have spoken to him about it.

End of the day, I don't think you should have been introduced to his DD this early, but that's his responsibility and I think people are being harsh with you on here. You should like you've been very kind to offer a helping hand IMHO Smile