Page 8 | To think this woman is ridiculous and aggressive?

Mammyloveswine · 08/01/2022 18:38

Were you up drinking and taking drugs whilst your boyfriend was in charge of the child?

How long did you have sole charge of her?

I have a 3 year old and id be FURIOUS if some random sent him to nursery dressed as you say! In fact its a safeguarding concern so would likely be logged by the nursery!

xprincessxjanetx · 08/01/2022 18:38

YABU. I don't think the message is that bad at all given the circumstances. I would have been absolutely furious in her position if another woman was involved with my toddler after only 2 months of dating. You should not have even met her yet - let alone get her ready and drop her at nursery!

Have some bloody boundaries

00100001 · 08/01/2022 18:38

@Teacupsandtoast

Did the nursery know you were dropping off? They probably informed the mum/ex that a stranger had dropped her off - certainly we had to inform nursery if there would be any changes to who routinely drops/picks up. That may have been the stress. And yes, you don't let a child go to nursery dressed back to front 🙄🙄

Well, tbf, you can let a child go to nursery dressed back to front. My DS used to occasionally get dropped off in wellies and PJ's, because it wasn't worth the tantrum at the time. Just explained to staff who said "no worries" and sent with a proper change of clothes. They wouldn't care tbh. Especially if it's just occasionally.

However, the OP should never have dressed or dropped off.

Faevern · 08/01/2022 18:38

@mothtoflutter Actually if you read the text in an even tone it’s not aggressive and apart from the shagging reference it’s not rude either. And although you may be his first relationship in two years he may have shagged a lot and by your own admission he’s done drugs.

I heard you dressed my daughter this morning. You put her jeans on back to front and wellies on the wrong feet, had her looking like a right scruff. I don't care what goes on between you and D, I really don't and has nothing to do with that but I have told D, and maybe he's not passed it on, I do not want you or any girl that he's shagging around daughter until it's serious and I've met her. I certainly don't want a random girl dressing my daughter, especially if she can't manage it properly. The shit and stress that has been caused today because of D's behaviour, and I'm assuming that's because he was up the night with you drinking or taking God knows what. Have a bit of respect, go see D once daughter is in her bed and leave before she's up, it's not hard. I text his mum and her response was who is mothtoflutter!? So it can't be serious if you've not even been mentioned. So for now, please don't come around my daughter. Thank you.

CustardySergeant · 08/01/2022 18:38

"Been with my partner 2 months now, met his daughter a few weeks ago"

So you'd only been going out with him for about a month when you met his daughter! That is so wrong. Also, how is he your partner? It's a two month relationship!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 08/01/2022 18:39

I agree with hunkypunk’s draft message too

disconnected101 · 08/01/2022 18:39

There's no way on this earth I would introduce a new partner - male or female- to my children after such a short time, let alone let them anywhere near them. And whatever time down the line I still wouldn't let them have such close contact with them. And frankly I wouldn't want to meet the kids of a new partner. It is absolutely not the place of the partner do to any sort of care or parenting duties.

Put the child first here OP. How confusing it must be for young children when a stranger is allowed such intimate access to them.

bananabuddy3 · 08/01/2022 18:41

The stress that you and your boyfriend caused which you are not aware of is that this poor mum was suddenly told that a woman she has never met has been taking personal care of her daughter, driving her in her car (a strangers car, no idea of car seat type or anything) and is making her face known at nursery. All your boyfriend needs to say to nursery is “this is my girlfriend, she has permission to collect my child”.
Sorry but that would cause me a ridiculous amount of stress and anxiety.
Maybe she was a bit aggressive and could have phrased it better, and I’m sure there’s some ignorance from you as well and you were only trying to be kind and whatever.....but for this mum you are a total stranger. You’ve moved in on the DD too fast.
I’m sorry but that’s just how it is. You need to apologise to this mum, tell her your intentions weren’t bad at all but then politely and calmly step back, and when the relationship is further in, meet the mum properly and go from there.

DrGoogleSaysSo · 08/01/2022 18:41

I think the ex is right and you've overstepped. Your boyfriend sounds useless and irresponsible if he can't even bother to take care of his own daughter and introducing her to a new girlfriend after only a few weeks of dating.

pinkyredrose · 08/01/2022 18:41

How does he usually get her to nursery?

Porcupineintherough · 08/01/2022 18:42

@Marmelace she is a bitch because she was incredibly rude to the OP who was just trying to do something nice for her dd. Yes the OP was naive but bitching on about her getting jeans the wrong way round is just pointless and the comments about shagging were just nasty.

Ultimately her issues are with her ex, alienating the OP from the get go isnt going to help her dd. Especially as, at the end of the day, she has no control over how her ex handles his dd and his love life.

Mellowyellow222 · 08/01/2022 18:43

This all feels a bit chaotic and I would be concerned about the child.

This man doesn’t know you very well yet he left you alone with his child - responsible for dressing her and taking her to nursery. Did the nursery ask who you were?

I think your boyfriends judgement is very poor and the child’s mother was quite right to be upset. She should have addressed it with the child father and not you though.

As others have said he isn’t your partner he is a very new relationship. It all seems very immature.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 08/01/2022 18:43

She's quite right to be angry, step back OP. You shouldn't have met the child yet let alone dress her (and not even properly) and take her to nursery.

Jessie75 · 08/01/2022 18:43

You owe this child‘s mum an apology.

CoronaKidd · 08/01/2022 18:43

Whoah! Two months is way too soon for you to be looking after your boyfriend’s daughter. How can you even call him a “DP”? It’s only been TWO months!

That said, this is his doing, not yours. He should have moved more slowly and if I were you I’d be extremely wary about why he’s rushed in so quickly. I speak from bitter experience here. You need to find out if he has any history of being abusive.

Dartsplayer · 08/01/2022 18:43

@Hapoydayz

Why couldn't your boyfriend take his daughter to nursery? Is he looking for a gf just so he can have someone make parenting easier for him as he can get a woman to do it?

Absolutely this. It's way too early to be meeting his daughter let alone taking her to nursery. Seems like he just wants any woman to do his parenting - I'd be livid if I was the mum

amylou8 · 08/01/2022 18:44

On Mumsnet you do not meet a partners child until you have been together at least a decade, are married, own a house together, and have at least 6 joint offspring and a puppy...please keep up!
To be fair though her dad (not you) has overstepped the mark. Mum has a completely valid point, but should have addressed it to dad not you. You're gonna have fun with this one op.

pastypirate · 08/01/2022 18:45

The mum is in the right of course but she should be cross with the father - it's his actions.

Arepeoplereallycoolaboutthis · 08/01/2022 18:45

She should be directing this at him but maybe she feels he's obviously not putting his daughter first as he clearly sees no wrong in introducing you less than 2 months in, hence has spoken directly to you instead.

Marmelace · 08/01/2022 18:45

[quote Porcupineintherough]**@Marmelace* she is a bitch because she was incredibly rude to the OP who was just trying to do something nice for her dd. Yes the OP* was naive but bitching on about her getting jeans the wrong way round is just pointless and the comments about shagging were just nasty.

Ultimately her issues are with her ex, alienating the OP from the get go isnt going to help her dd. Especially as, at the end of the day, she has no control over how her ex handles his dd and his love life.[/quote]
I'd be more than rude, I'd be a fucking can't. I bet he's done this thing more than once. What would you do, approach the ex all meek and mild. And what's with the misogynistic crap ffs?

SleepingStandingUp · 08/01/2022 18:46

[quote Porcupineintherough]**@Marmelace* she is a bitch because she was incredibly rude to the OP who was just trying to do something nice for her dd. Yes the OP* was naive but bitching on about her getting jeans the wrong way round is just pointless and the comments about shagging were just nasty.

Ultimately her issues are with her ex, alienating the OP from the get go isnt going to help her dd. Especially as, at the end of the day, she has no control over how her ex handles his dd and his love life.[/quote]
She's understandably angry. Her young child was left partly undressed with a stranger and then allowed to go off alone with a stranger. You expect her to be all "hey hun, can you keep your sweet and tender love making to when DC isn't there oh and oopsie, try not to be alone with her cos you're still a stranger and that's like, not very safe. Tootles, slightly perplexed Mommy"

eagerlywaitingfor · 08/01/2022 18:46

No good deed goes unpunished, eh?

bg21 · 08/01/2022 18:46

agree with the mum you need to back the fuck off ! I would have sent a much stronger message tbh

Marmelace · 08/01/2022 18:46

Though to be fair, maybe ex should have been a bit clever and approached the op in a more chatty matter and explained her ex was a useless idiot.

JanuaryBluehoo · 08/01/2022 18:47

@mothtoflutter

You've had someone really sharp responses here when it seems you've simply tried to do your best by this child who is suddenly in your life.

It's absolutely not your fault at all that this is child's father thought it was a good idea to introduce you to his daughter after a mere two months.

Her anger is mis directed at you. And don't send anything back but if she ever caught you on the street etc make sure you push back.. Look.. I'm just fhr gf... It's not my decision to meet your daughter etc.

What's also odd is the mum saying her daughter looked scruffy rather than focusing on the safety aspect??

Absolutely no offence to you op but the latest spate of child death has been at the hands of partners the parent has only known a short time!! I'd be far more concerned about that aspect rather than looking scruffy??