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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this woman is ridiculous and aggressive?

594 replies

mothtoflutter · 08/01/2022 17:49

Been with my partner 2 months now, met his daughter a few weeks ago - daughter is 3 - it went well and she really took to me.

She stayed at her dads on Thursday night, and I got her ready for nursery in the morning and dropped her off. I received this message last night - I haven't responded as off yet as don't want to say something I might regret but I am fuming. It is such a nasty message and AIBU to think it is unnecessarily aggressive? WIBU to just reply 'fuck off' (only slightly joking Wink)

I heard you dressed my daughter this morning. You put her jeans on back to front and wellies on the wrong feet, had her looking like a right scruff. I don't care what goes on between you and D, I really don't and has nothing to do with that but I have told D, and maybe he's not passed it on, I do not want you or any girl that he's shagging around daughter until it's serious and I've met her. I certainly don't want a random girl dressing my daughter, especially if she can't manage it properly. The shit and stress that has been caused today because of D's behaviour, and I'm assuming that's because he was up the night with you drinking or taking God knows what. Have a bit of respect, go see D once daughter is in her bed and leave before she's up, it's not hard. I text his mum and her response was who is mothtoflutter!? So it can't be serious if you've not even been mentioned. So for now, please don't come around my daughter. Thank you.

Just an FYI I have no idea about the stress that my partner has caused that she speaks of and neither does he.

OP posts:
user1471442488 · 08/01/2022 20:04

Absolutely outrageous behaviour from the OP and her “partner”. It’s been 2 months ffs

manseymoo1987 · 08/01/2022 20:06

I agree with the mum. I'd be as pissed as her. I think the op is obviously young and inexperienced and probably trying to be helpful though. Ultimately the father is at fault. He is the parent and he should not have allowed this to happen. Too fast, too soon. Must be confusing for the child.

Pontypandytaxpayer · 08/01/2022 20:06

the OP who was just trying to do something nice for her dd.

No, she was trying to do something nice for the poor child's useless father. If she wanted to do something nice for his dd, she would keep her distance for a while.

GirlInACountrySong · 08/01/2022 20:07

re-think your relationship op

do you want all the hassle this will bring you? is he worth it?

errnerrcallnernnernnern · 08/01/2022 20:09

the OP who was just trying to do something nice for her dd.

I think it was dad’s job to dress his own dc but if OP did want to do something nice she should have told him that his dd has her jeans on back to front and wellies on wrong feet. Poor dd must have been in pain walking like that.

Baggingarea · 08/01/2022 20:10

OP I imagine nursery called the mum wondering who on earth you were causing "stress".

How old are you? It kind of sounds like you are playing grown ups but this is the kind of thing that gets messy. I'm guessing he is older than you? My advice is to walk away.

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 08/01/2022 20:10

His ex knows him better than you do so I wouldn’t argue with her about him drinking and doing drugs.
He might be lying about you being his first relationship since his ex.
It sounds like he introduced you very early so you can take care of his responsibilities.
He sounds a bit of shit

ItchySnoof · 08/01/2022 20:12

Jesus Christ!! 6 months minimum before even meeting the kids - over a year staying overnight with her there.

What the fuck are you and your "D"P thinking? Stay away from that woman's child. I'd be absolutely furious with Ex and any woman if my ex pulled this shit.

surreygirl1987 · 08/01/2022 20:13

Whoah. The ex is right. However, she should have probably addressed these issues with her ex partner rather than with you directly. However, I can totally understand why she feels the way she does. I have a 3 year old too.

winterchills · 08/01/2022 20:15

I actually agree with what she's saying but she said it in an unkind aggressive way. Why can't you go round when she's in bed and leave before she wakes? He's probably had different people around her child and it doesn't work out. 2 months is way too early to be meeting a child. I wouldn't be happy either

Tevion28 · 08/01/2022 20:16

Op was just trying to help I imagine and the 3x sounds like a right bitch

Tevion28 · 08/01/2022 20:17

Ex not 3x

Travis1 · 08/01/2022 20:18

2 months?!? 2 months?!? Fucking hell. YABU

Needdoughnuts · 08/01/2022 20:18

Gosh. I don't know where to start with this. I can imagine my own fury if this was my own dd being dressed and taken to nursery by a stranger, especially one who has only been known to her father for a couple of months and not met her grandmother etc.
I know you were coming from a good place op but this is far too early to be involved with his child. Maybe in a year's time. What was he thinking though? Letting you even meet her let alone dressing her and taking her to nursery? He should be a responsible father, say thank you for offering but it's his responsibility.

Lostmyway86 · 08/01/2022 20:19

@bottim189 and I'm eye rolling at the ridiculouslness of MN. Especially the 'you must be seeing each other a year before being introduced to the kids' bullshit!!!

Isthatthebestyoucando · 08/01/2022 20:19

He is an awful parent to let someone he's known just a couple of months have his child alone, why doesn't he care about her more? You sound like you are kidding yourself calling him your partner already. Slow down. I really wouldn't respond to that message unless it's to apologise.

lollipoprainbow · 08/01/2022 20:20

Was there any need to be so bloody rude and aggressive to OP. If she's angry she needs to take it up with her ex.

honeyytoast · 08/01/2022 20:20

Have my first “is this a reverse”

Pontypandytaxpayer · 08/01/2022 20:21

@Tevion28

Op was just trying to help I imagine and the 3x sounds like a right bitch
Trying to help who?
colourfulpuddles · 08/01/2022 20:21

YABVU. The mother is right.

You are clueless and shouldn’t be around her child.

Bananarama21 · 08/01/2022 20:22

Shes completely right I be fuming if a random.woman my dd had just met dressed her and dropped her off at nursery. It's bad parenting and judgment on your dp part.

misssunshine4040 · 08/01/2022 20:22

@mothtoflutter

Been with my partner 2 months now, met his daughter a few weeks ago - daughter is 3 - it went well and she really took to me.

She stayed at her dads on Thursday night, and I got her ready for nursery in the morning and dropped her off. I received this message last night - I haven't responded as off yet as don't want to say something I might regret but I am fuming. It is such a nasty message and AIBU to think it is unnecessarily aggressive? WIBU to just reply 'fuck off' (only slightly joking Wink)

I heard you dressed my daughter this morning. You put her jeans on back to front and wellies on the wrong feet, had her looking like a right scruff. I don't care what goes on between you and D, I really don't and has nothing to do with that but I have told D, and maybe he's not passed it on, I do not want you or any girl that he's shagging around daughter until it's serious and I've met her. I certainly don't want a random girl dressing my daughter, especially if she can't manage it properly. The shit and stress that has been caused today because of D's behaviour, and I'm assuming that's because he was up the night with you drinking or taking God knows what. Have a bit of respect, go see D once daughter is in her bed and leave before she's up, it's not hard. I text his mum and her response was who is mothtoflutter!? So it can't be serious if you've not even been mentioned. So for now, please don't come around my daughter. Thank you.

Just an FYI I have no idea about the stress that my partner has caused that she speaks of and neither does he.

I'm with mum on this one, and what's your partner playing at having you around his daughter after 8 weeks
NickCarters90sCurtains · 08/01/2022 20:23

As PP have said it's too early for you to be so involved in the childs life.

I agree the mum sounds like a bitch. She could have worded it nicer, but if some random woman who barely knows my child was dressing her and taking her to school, I'd be pissed off too. It's not your responsibility it's his.

I get you're trying to be helpful but shes not your responsibility. You seem like a sweet person, a little naive maybe. You are 24 and still have so much time left to enjoy your life, you don't need to get yourself tied down to this.

Tevion28 · 08/01/2022 20:24

Jesus its like those threads where every guy at the swimming pool is a paedophile.

TheChild · 08/01/2022 20:25

I agree with her mum, you have known this man or been with him just 2 months and already met her a few weeks ago? Far too soon.
If I was her mum I'd be furious at the dad for introducing someone to a 3 year old so quickly.