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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this woman is ridiculous and aggressive?

594 replies

mothtoflutter · 08/01/2022 17:49

Been with my partner 2 months now, met his daughter a few weeks ago - daughter is 3 - it went well and she really took to me.

She stayed at her dads on Thursday night, and I got her ready for nursery in the morning and dropped her off. I received this message last night - I haven't responded as off yet as don't want to say something I might regret but I am fuming. It is such a nasty message and AIBU to think it is unnecessarily aggressive? WIBU to just reply 'fuck off' (only slightly joking Wink)

I heard you dressed my daughter this morning. You put her jeans on back to front and wellies on the wrong feet, had her looking like a right scruff. I don't care what goes on between you and D, I really don't and has nothing to do with that but I have told D, and maybe he's not passed it on, I do not want you or any girl that he's shagging around daughter until it's serious and I've met her. I certainly don't want a random girl dressing my daughter, especially if she can't manage it properly. The shit and stress that has been caused today because of D's behaviour, and I'm assuming that's because he was up the night with you drinking or taking God knows what. Have a bit of respect, go see D once daughter is in her bed and leave before she's up, it's not hard. I text his mum and her response was who is mothtoflutter!? So it can't be serious if you've not even been mentioned. So for now, please don't come around my daughter. Thank you.

Just an FYI I have no idea about the stress that my partner has caused that she speaks of and neither does he.

OP posts:
Topseyt · 08/01/2022 19:14

Her language was aggressive, but she does have a fair point.

You should not be involved with his child at this stage. This seems to be going far too fast.

AllKnowingGerbil · 08/01/2022 19:15

Try to see it from her point of view. She knows nothing about you and you are suddenly taking on parental role. If I was her I'd also be mortified that the nursery meets the dads random girlfriend.

I'm sure your intentions were good but I would step back a bit.

Mellowyellow222 · 08/01/2022 19:15

My friends ex did this all the time. New young girlfriends who got very quickly involved in their daughters life.

I remember one who collected the child from nursery and collected the school pictures. There were four - so obviously one for the girlfriend of three months, one for the girl friend of three month’s mother, one for the child’s mother and one for the child father😂.

My friend didn’t even need to blow up. Her ex MIL did that for her her.

The girlfriend is now long gone and the child doesn’t remember her. But she lasted about six months - long enough to introduced her self as Lucy’s other mummy at Lucy’s birthday party.

With hindsight this girl was only about 22, has swept up in a romance with a much other man and was playing happy families without really understanding how the child’s mother would feel, or the impact on the child of having this stranger suddenly pretending to be a third parent.

HoseMeDownWithHolyWater · 08/01/2022 19:15

"Partner" after two months 🤣

RussiasGreatestLoveMachine · 08/01/2022 19:17

How would your boyfriend have got his daughter to nursery if you weren’t there?

QuornSausagesAreTheDevilsPenis · 08/01/2022 19:18

She's not the ridiculous one, no.

Milliepossum · 08/01/2022 19:18

You are a stranger. You volunteered to be alone with a toddler while she was naked. If I was the mother I’d be talking to the police.

5128gap · 08/01/2022 19:18

I also think its unfair of those criticising OP when the blame for this lies squarely with her bf. Children that age often take to people and ask them to do things for them. Its up to the father to say no, or at least to check its been done correctly. Its also up to him to monitor who his child meets, and when. OP, I'd either not reply or say that I thought the issue was between the mother and yoir bf, then pass her message to him to deal with. If you stay with him, don't let them involve you in their parenting squabbles.

GremlinDolphin4 · 08/01/2022 19:18

YABU and your partner is the main problem.

Christinatherabbit · 08/01/2022 19:18

Re reading the message I feel he is keeping something from you. You say he has no idea of what she means by the shit and stress his behaviour today has caused. Something has clearly happened you don't know about?

BornOnTwelfthNight · 08/01/2022 19:18

Yes agree with others way too soon to be meeting dd and playing happy families.

ChiefStockingStuffer · 08/01/2022 19:18

Her message was out of line.

But ... you're two months in to a new dating relationship with a man who has a young child. It really is too soon for him to be introducing said child to anyone he's dating, let alone letting her take her to nursery, etc.

SleepingStandingUp · 08/01/2022 19:19

Think of it like this @mothtoflutter. Youre in love with this guy and see the relationship lasting, maybe you're even imagining your own kids with him. Why else would you be involved in child care for his kid?

Which means the Mom is going to be in your life forever. Even once Dsd Is grown there's graduations and big birthdays and weddings and grandkids. This is the woman who you might need to swap her access days when you're in labour with your own baby. Your respective kids will share a parent.

So you want to try and fix this whilst you.

You overstepped. He let you.

Apologise to her - trying to help out Jack, realise now it's not appropriate, sorry for any upset.

Tell him you're taking a step back when DD is concerned, you realise how important his time with her is and you're happy to fit around it for now.

When you have together to look forward to, there's less of a rush.

BrutusMcDogface · 08/01/2022 19:19

YABU

Lostmyway86 · 08/01/2022 19:19

@milliepossum get a grip.

frazzledasarock · 08/01/2022 19:20

OP guaranteed a man who is willing to plan his 3 year old off on to a woman he’s been seeing for two months. Will most certainly abdicate all parenting responsibility on to you and become the fun Disney dad and you’ll become the household drudge.

I’d run as far as I can away from the lazy arse who can’t be bothered to get his child to nursery.

The mum might have been aggressive or whatever, but she sounds shocked and upset her child was left in the care of a stranger.

BBCONEANDTWO · 08/01/2022 19:20

@5128gap

I also think its unfair of those criticising OP when the blame for this lies squarely with her bf. Children that age often take to people and ask them to do things for them. Its up to the father to say no, or at least to check its been done correctly. Its also up to him to monitor who his child meets, and when. OP, I'd either not reply or say that I thought the issue was between the mother and yoir bf, then pass her message to him to deal with. If you stay with him, don't let them involve you in their parenting squabbles.
I agree to a point. I think the OP should have told her 'partner' - 'do it yourself I'm not her mother.'
Toottooot · 08/01/2022 19:20

This ‘woman’ is the mother of your BOYFRIEND who you barely knows child. She’s absolutely right in my eyes.

Lolabray · 08/01/2022 19:22

Wow as a single parent I would have had the same response. My advice to you is to not reply and also maybe not see him when he has kids there until you are sure this relationship is what you want/going forward x

Notimeforaname · 08/01/2022 19:22

Yep. She's right.

Show up when child is in bed.
Leave before she gets up.

This is ridiculous. You know him weeks...the child too. Madness. Get out of his parenting business.

Sunset999 · 08/01/2022 19:22

If it was my daughter i wouldnt want you taking her to nursery and dressing her if you have only been together 2 months.................

Returnoftheowl · 08/01/2022 19:22

You've massively overstepped here.

Lolabray · 08/01/2022 19:23

To be fair on the poster. Perhaps she is trying to help. And I’ve been in those shoes and am a step mum so please don’t berate the lady it is clearly the guy that needs to deal with this !

RandomCatGenerator · 08/01/2022 19:23

MASSIVE safeguarding issue

Surgarblossom · 08/01/2022 19:24

Yes, she is right. I would be livid that some random woman has dressed my child and taken them to nursery. The child's father is massively at fault here, he should never have allowed you to do what you have done. Too close too soon, It's disgusting and wrong on so many levels.

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