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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Rear facing car seat placed front facing in DPs mum's car

135 replies

bantuknots · 07/01/2022 13:01

DD is 8 months old and uses the car seat which is group 0+ (I think that's the one anyway). It's a rear facing one and one that comes with the buggy when buying the travel system.

I don't drive so this hardly get used unless I take a cab to go somewhere which is rare. DD only really uses the car seat when her grandma (on her dad's side) picks her up for the day. Today her grandma picked her up and DP took DD downstairs in the buggy and put the car seat in the back the usual rear facing way.

I'm nosy so I always look out my window to see what's going on and because the car seat is quite bulky so sometimes it's a struggle for DP to strap her in. Anyway! I saw a few words were exchanged and DP turned DD's car seat around so she was front facing and they got ready to drive off. I called him straight away and said she can't be that way in that type of car seat and they need to change her round. I said the seat belt goes around the back of the seat, you can't just have it across her lap and that he basically hadn't strapped her in properly. He said alright then changed it back the correct way. I could see his mum had a lot to say about it (surprise surprise).

I just texted him reminding him to make sure DD is always as safe as possible and to please not do that again. He said they did it because she cries when facing the seat which made me think maybe they've done this before(?) I'm planning to speak to him when he comes back (nothing serious, more of a 'you can't do that in this type of car seat' chat) but was starting to think if I've got it wrong or if I'm being unreasonable?

I don't have a car or drive so again I don't know the law regarding these things. I did have a look on Google and Gov and it seems that to be front facing you need a different type of seat and DC has to be above a certain weight but I'm starting to doubt myself especially as his mum had something to say. So tell me MN, AIBU here or just being 'precious?'

If I am, what's the correct way when it comes to car seats?

OP posts:

DuggeeHugPlease · 07/01/2022 13:04

8 month olds should never be forward facing in any kind of seat. It's incredibly dangerous to use a seat not designed to forward face in this way. I shudder to think what damage the seatbelt would do in a crash.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 07/01/2022 13:07

I started reading this thinking it could be a genuine mistake, not knowing how to put the seat in. But it sounds like they do know!

Isn't the recommendation 15 months now? And in a seat designed for FF?

SnugKnights · 07/01/2022 13:09

It was really stupid of him. I presume his Mum hasn’t read the instructions for the car seat, or the current safety advice and government regulations. So she should learn to keep her mouth shut!
Ideally children should be rear facing until they’re at least 4 years old, it’s 5 times safer. An 8 month old should definitely never be forward facing, especially in a seat that is specifically designed to be rear facing.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 07/01/2022 13:09

And I'll happily issue an ultimatum... no car seat used properly, no going in the car! It was the nearest I ever got to a disagreement with my in laws, they put my toddler in her cousins seat. They thought it was OK for a short journey, but fully admitted on reflection an accident could easy happen near the house.

MrsColon · 07/01/2022 13:10

Your DP is an idiot. So is his mum. You should NEVER forward face an 8 month old!

Rear facing is the safest way for DC to travel till age 3-4.

I believe you can legally forward-face from 15 months, but I don't know anyone who actually did forward-face until at least 2.

KatieKat88 · 07/01/2022 13:11

So dangerous, this would be a hill to die on for me. DD(2) is still rear facing and when we decide to forward face that will be a decision for both DH and I to make together. Pretty sure it's illegal to FF in any type of car sear at only 8 months?

girlmom21 · 07/01/2022 13:12

Yeah there are very clear reasons and risks why babies should be rear facing. Crying isn't a good enough reason to turn them around!
Baby shouldn't even be in the front. Did she turn the airbag off?

MiloAndEddie · 07/01/2022 13:12

Aside from anything else, they haven’t fitted the car seat correctly! In an accident it wouldn’t be properly secured. They can’t just make up their own way of doing it!

Hugasauras · 07/01/2022 13:12

I'd be furious. Even a small shunt could be very dangerous for such a young child forward facing because of their physiology. UK car seat laws are on the lax side anyway, so to not even follow those properly is pretty stupid. I would def make this a non-negotiable.

Hugasauras · 07/01/2022 13:13

Oh and also if it's a RF seat then it hasn't been designed and tested to forward face so that's even worse than just using a FF seat at that age.

rainbowplease · 07/01/2022 13:16

I'm assuming it's a maxi cosi with handle or similar? I'm struggling to see how that would be remotely secured to the seat forward facing. Incredibly dangerous. Worse than people who put 8 month olds in properly fitted forward facing seats. You definitely aren't being precious about this! The rule is 15 months RF now I believe.

MotherOfCrocodiles · 07/01/2022 13:16

Yikes

That's incredibly dangerous- not just the forward facing bit but also the seatbelt across the baby, bloody hell

I'm pretty chilled about these things but I'd be showing DH you tube videos of baby crash test dummies in forward facing seats (let alone wrongly installed rear facing seats!) I think it's called "internal decapitation" 😳

MsSquishy · 07/01/2022 13:16

100% rear facing. Putting up one of the specially designed mirrors on the headrest your DC is facing so they can see the driver/see out might help with crying in the car

LifeIsBusy · 07/01/2022 13:17

Just to comment on some of these. If the seat is weight based then baby can forward face assuming they meet the weight requirement of the seat and the seat is designed to face that way.

Getyourjinglebellsinarow · 07/01/2022 13:17

8 month is far too young for front facing. Might aswell just sit her on his lap. Get a mirror that attaches to the headrest so she can see behind her. It settled my DS.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 07/01/2022 13:19

Is he not embarrassed that he has been a parent for 8 months and doesn't even know this fundamental info?

Original poster

bantuknots · 07/01/2022 13:20

Wow guys thank you for the comments!

After it happened I kept on thinking, 'imagine I didn't look outside the window and they drove off like that.' I was also thinking if they were ever in an incident and DD was so much worse off because they purposely used the car seat incorrectly I don't think I would ever forgive DP and his mum.

I haven't even told my mum because she'd be absolutely livid! I also didn't know that people keep their kids rear facing until their toddlers. I was reading that rear facing seems to be much safer and the fact that they used a rear facing car seat to turn it round has really upset me. Sounds like they've done it before so I'll definitely be talking to DP about it. Not on at all and it's not enough to say 'we didn't know we couldn't do that.' Use your common sense!

OP posts:

stingofthebutterfly · 07/01/2022 13:21

You're not being precious to want your baby to be safely secured in the car! If people can't strap her in correctly then they shouldn't be driving your child around.

TeddyTonks · 07/01/2022 13:21

YANBU- your DP and his DM are either incredibly uneducated or really fucking stupid. It is absolutely not safe for an eight month old to be forward facing. If the DM has a problem with legal minimum safety rules she shouldn't be looking after baby.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 07/01/2022 13:21

I could see his mum had a lot to say about it (surprise surprise)

It's concerning that the little one goes on days out with a grandma who thinks this is OK. Has she had her in her car before?

MerryMarigold · 07/01/2022 13:21

Was she in front or the back of car? Definitely needs to be in the back. At 8 months she may be a bit big for the travel system type of seats. My son hated it till I got him a bigger seat as it was really designed for small babies.

Hugasauras · 07/01/2022 13:22

DD is nearly 3 and happily rear-facing still! And she's quite high tall. No plans to change it any time soon and she's never bothered about it. She knows it's her special safe seat and that's that.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 07/01/2022 13:22

@MerryMarigold

Doesn't mean they can just turn the infant seat around.

Original poster

bantuknots · 07/01/2022 13:22

@girlmom21

Yeah there are very clear reasons and risks why babies should be rear facing. Crying isn't a good enough reason to turn them around! Baby shouldn't even be in the front. Did she turn the airbag off?

@girlmom21 sorry to be clear, DD was still in the backseat and not placed in the front. They had turned the rear facing car seat to face the front instead

OP posts:

welshladywhois40 · 07/01/2022 13:23

Go find some videos of what happens when a baby seat isn't fit properly. Show him and he won't do it again

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