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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Rear facing car seat placed front facing in DPs mum's car

135 replies

bantuknots · 07/01/2022 13:01

DD is 8 months old and uses the car seat which is group 0+ (I think that's the one anyway). It's a rear facing one and one that comes with the buggy when buying the travel system.

I don't drive so this hardly get used unless I take a cab to go somewhere which is rare. DD only really uses the car seat when her grandma (on her dad's side) picks her up for the day. Today her grandma picked her up and DP took DD downstairs in the buggy and put the car seat in the back the usual rear facing way.

I'm nosy so I always look out my window to see what's going on and because the car seat is quite bulky so sometimes it's a struggle for DP to strap her in. Anyway! I saw a few words were exchanged and DP turned DD's car seat around so she was front facing and they got ready to drive off. I called him straight away and said she can't be that way in that type of car seat and they need to change her round. I said the seat belt goes around the back of the seat, you can't just have it across her lap and that he basically hadn't strapped her in properly. He said alright then changed it back the correct way. I could see his mum had a lot to say about it (surprise surprise).

I just texted him reminding him to make sure DD is always as safe as possible and to please not do that again. He said they did it because she cries when facing the seat which made me think maybe they've done this before(?) I'm planning to speak to him when he comes back (nothing serious, more of a 'you can't do that in this type of car seat' chat) but was starting to think if I've got it wrong or if I'm being unreasonable?

I don't have a car or drive so again I don't know the law regarding these things. I did have a look on Google and Gov and it seems that to be front facing you need a different type of seat and DC has to be above a certain weight but I'm starting to doubt myself especially as his mum had something to say. So tell me MN, AIBU here or just being 'precious?'

If I am, what's the correct way when it comes to car seats?

OP posts:

Muststopeating · 07/01/2022 13:23

Tell them to google internal decapitation for infants in car accidents. Then ask them again if they think her crying for a little while is a problem!

girlmom21 · 07/01/2022 13:24

@bantuknots sorry I'm having comprehension issues today 😂

Original poster

bantuknots · 07/01/2022 13:27

@rainbowplease

I'm assuming it's a maxi cosi with handle or similar? I'm struggling to see how that would be remotely secured to the seat forward facing. Incredibly dangerous. Worse than people who put 8 month olds in properly fitted forward facing seats. You definitely aren't being precious about this! The rule is 15 months RF now I believe.

@rainbowplease yeah it's something similar. DD is getting a bit big now so I was thinking to change the car seat so she's in something bigger but that's not the point!

I'm struggling to see how that would be remotely secured to the seat forward facing.

Exactly this! They would have only had the seatbelt across her lap and that's nowhere near secure. It looked as if they'd tipped her car seat awkwardly so they were able to strap her in. I really couldn't believe it

OP posts:

Original poster

bantuknots · 07/01/2022 13:29

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

I could see his mum had a lot to say about it (surprise surprise)

It's concerning that the little one goes on days out with a grandma who thinks this is OK. Has she had her in her car before?

DP and his mum have been taking her in the car since she was about 8 weeks. They'd always have her the correct way but today is the first time I've seen them do that. When DP comes back I'll be asking him how many times they've done that. I already see myself getting so annoyed because the fact that they planned to set off like that is more than enough for me

OP posts:

ZoBo123 · 07/01/2022 13:30

Absolutely should be rear facing in a baby car seat, but I think a PP is wrong in that they can be in the front as long as the airbags are disabled. It might be better to go rear facing in the front if it is hard to strap them in the back (more room to get the seat out). Some cars have isofix in the front seat as well as the back for this purpose.

MadeForThis · 07/01/2022 13:30

They could have killed her. Even a small crash with the belt across the babies stomach could be fatal.

It sounds like they have did this before. Do you trust them not to do it again?

Lou98 · 07/01/2022 13:31

It's RF to 15 months OR 9kg so not necessarily illegal, my little boy was 9kg at 6 months. Although definitely doesn't make it safe!

Aside from the issue that 8 months is so young (and it's recommended to RF until at least 4 as it's safer) - the seat isn't designed to go in the car FF. It's an infant carrier! It's going to provide absolutely no protection in an accident if it isn't secured correctly with the seatbelt RF.

Personally, I wouldn't be letting them watch the baby again. I get that's hard if you rely on them for child care etc but it really isn't worth the risk for me. From what you've said it sounds like they've done it before and even though your partner fixed it when they picked her up, there's nothing to stop them putting it in FF when they bring her home

Velvian · 07/01/2022 13:32

Tbh op, I would tell DP that you will report his mum's car reg to the police if this happens again. If they ignore you, I would have no qualms about calling 101 to report it. My DD used to scream rear facing in the car and it was very unpleasant, but there is no way this is at all acceptable.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 07/01/2022 13:33

What is it with some grandparents on here and the determination not to use car seats properly?

That said, my Ds (7, nearly 8) went to an 8th birthday party recently when the party parents were driving the kids. All the parents were saying “oh mine doesn’t need a booster cushion” - no way were all these kids tall enough not to need one! My Ds (who is technically just tall enough for it not to be illegal to go without one) was one of only two kids on a car seat

SingingWaffleDoggy · 07/01/2022 13:36

Giving him the benefit of the doubt that he was ignorant rather than knowingly putting his child in danger, there is a car seat section on here somewhere with some great advice. There’s a regular poster there by the name of Bertiebotts or similar that has extensive knowledge of this. Despite the minimum legal age I believe it’s safer to rear face until the age of 6 and there are some great resources that explain why better than I ever could. It may be worth you both watching some of the videos etc so you are better informed.

Original poster

bantuknots · 07/01/2022 13:37

@MadeForThis

They could have killed her. Even a small crash with the belt across the babies stomach could be fatal.

It sounds like they have did this before. Do you trust them not to do it again?

I'm asking myself the same thing. DP will understand when I speak to him but if he insinuates I'm overreacting or anything of the sort, I'll say his mum can only visit DD at our house. I think I'll have a chat with my mum and see what she says

OP posts:

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 07/01/2022 13:42

I am not sure if I'm getting the wrong end of the stick or everyone else is bit the way I'm reading it, this isnt a forward facing van rear facing seat debate...

My understanding is your seat is a rear facing seat only not an adaptable or swivel seat. And so they're effectively just using it backwards in a way that it's not designed to be used and therefore even if you believe forward facing seats are ok, in this case it's still not safe as it's not designed for this purpose.

I'd be absolutely fuming that your husband thought this was ok

Staryflight445 · 07/01/2022 13:42

It’s dangerous and illegal.
You cannot legally FF until 15months.

Nanny0gg · 07/01/2022 13:55

@DrinkFeckArseBrick

I am not sure if I'm getting the wrong end of the stick or everyone else is bit the way I'm reading it, this isnt a forward facing van rear facing seat debate...

I'd be absolutely fuming that your husband thought this was ok

I think you're reading it right.

Rear facing car seat being used incorrectly.

Therefore extremely dangerous in an accident.

girlmom21 · 07/01/2022 13:57

@ZoBo123 they can go in the front but it's nowhere near as safe

liveforsummer · 07/01/2022 14:00

Agree with @DrinkFeckArseBrick this is far beyond the ff rf thing. Those arguments are irrelevant when it's an infant carrier. That should ever be ff no matter the age or weight of the child. It's in no way designed to be. Had they put a sturdy 8 month old in a seat designed for 9kg ff it would have been bad but what they did is awful

DeepaBeesKit · 07/01/2022 14:01

Despite the minimum legal age I believe it’s safer to rear face until the age of 6

This kind of comment is annoying because the RF seats that will fit all but the shortest torso 6 year olds are huge and just don't fit in the compact cars we often drive in the UK unless you only have one child & no front passenger and can get the passenger seat very far forward.

Rear facing is technically safer than FF for everyone, not just up to age 6, but in reality its not practically possible and the rate of accidents in the UK is low so you are reducing a risk that is very very small to begin with.

liveforsummer · 07/01/2022 14:01

@Staryflight445

It’s dangerous and illegal. You cannot legally FF until 15months.

You can. In the old style car seats that ff at 9kg. Plenty 8 month olds are 9kg. Not best or safe practice but at least what the seats are designed for.

Staryflight445 · 07/01/2022 14:02

Is she in the front in an infant carrier op? Has she even turned the air bag off? Incredibly dangerous if she hasn’t.
An air bag blow can kill an under 16.
Plus not to mention the dangers of not using an infant carrier correctly.
Your mil is the driver and is legally obliged to be following the law. If she cannot do this she shouldn’t be driving your child around.

liveforsummer · 07/01/2022 14:03

I've always wondered why they don't just stick the back seats in the other way around these days. Surely that's an option

liveforsummer · 07/01/2022 14:04

@Staryflight445 not in the front in an infant carrier FACING the front in an infant carrier (on the back seat)

APineForestInWinter · 07/01/2022 14:04

This is very worrying. Most people are extra-cautious with other peoples babies. If she's being blasé about a clear safety issue like this, what else?
The main issue is that she thinks she knows better than the law, she doesn't seem to respect your role as parents, and your husband seems to prefer to keep her happy than keep his child safe.
Even if it's wasn't the law, or the seat was designed for both rear and forward facing, she should follow your preferences and decisions. But she has chosen to break the law and use the seat in a manner that it wasn't designed for. If a paid babysitter did this you'd sack them.

LakeShoreD · 07/01/2022 14:09

I am not sure if I'm getting the wrong end of the stick or everyone else is bit the way I'm reading it, this isnt a forward facing van rear facing seat debate...
Exactly this. We are not talking about a correctly installed convertible seat that OP’s baby was a bit too young to go forward facing in. This is her partner and MIL purposefully and knowing incorrectly installing a baby carrier in a way so dangerous that the slightest bump could have been lethal. What age you would turn a child forward, in a correctly installed seat, is totally irrelevant to what happened here.

Original poster

bantuknots · 07/01/2022 15:02

@DrinkFeckArseBrick

I am not sure if I'm getting the wrong end of the stick or everyone else is bit the way I'm reading it, this isnt a forward facing van rear facing seat debate...

I'd be absolutely fuming that your husband thought this was ok

@DrinkFeckArseBrick yes this is exactly it.

Tbf I didn't even know people had rear facing/front facing debates so that's definitely not what I wanted to start. It's the fact that this is a rear facing car seat ONLY and they've purposely used it incorrectly. It's so dangerous and so ridiculous that they'd do this

OP posts:

Original poster

bantuknots · 07/01/2022 15:05

@APineForestInWinter

This is very worrying. Most people are extra-cautious with other peoples babies. If she's being blasé about a clear safety issue like this, what else? The main issue is that she thinks she knows better than the law, she doesn't seem to respect your role as parents, and your husband seems to prefer to keep her happy than keep his child safe. Even if it's wasn't the law, or the seat was designed for both rear and forward facing, she should follow your preferences and decisions. But she has chosen to break the law and use the seat in a manner that it wasn't designed for. If a paid babysitter did this you'd sack them.

Yes this is it. I suspect DP has also done this just to shut his mum up and let her see DD whenever she turns around. However when doing this he's literally put his own child in danger. Everyone in the car will be strapped in properly yet my poor baby would only have a seatbelt over her legs and that's it? So unacceptable

OP posts:

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