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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Rear facing car seat placed front facing in DPs mum's car

135 replies

bantuknots · 07/01/2022 13:01

DD is 8 months old and uses the car seat which is group 0+ (I think that's the one anyway). It's a rear facing one and one that comes with the buggy when buying the travel system.

I don't drive so this hardly get used unless I take a cab to go somewhere which is rare. DD only really uses the car seat when her grandma (on her dad's side) picks her up for the day. Today her grandma picked her up and DP took DD downstairs in the buggy and put the car seat in the back the usual rear facing way.

I'm nosy so I always look out my window to see what's going on and because the car seat is quite bulky so sometimes it's a struggle for DP to strap her in. Anyway! I saw a few words were exchanged and DP turned DD's car seat around so she was front facing and they got ready to drive off. I called him straight away and said she can't be that way in that type of car seat and they need to change her round. I said the seat belt goes around the back of the seat, you can't just have it across her lap and that he basically hadn't strapped her in properly. He said alright then changed it back the correct way. I could see his mum had a lot to say about it (surprise surprise).

I just texted him reminding him to make sure DD is always as safe as possible and to please not do that again. He said they did it because she cries when facing the seat which made me think maybe they've done this before(?) I'm planning to speak to him when he comes back (nothing serious, more of a 'you can't do that in this type of car seat' chat) but was starting to think if I've got it wrong or if I'm being unreasonable?

I don't have a car or drive so again I don't know the law regarding these things. I did have a look on Google and Gov and it seems that to be front facing you need a different type of seat and DC has to be above a certain weight but I'm starting to doubt myself especially as his mum had something to say. So tell me MN, AIBU here or just being 'precious?'

If I am, what's the correct way when it comes to car seats?

OP posts:
Staryflight445 · 07/01/2022 16:47

Yes it is op. A seat that swivels 360 would be an i size seat, and they have to be used rear facing until 15M.
The other seats wouldn’t be appropriate until your baby is 9KG as a starter weight.

Staryflight445 · 07/01/2022 16:48

Nope @Luhou it’s actually more comfortable for them to have their legs up like that, many older children say this.

Staryflight445 · 07/01/2022 16:50

Dunno what you’re reading op but the gov website says this clear as day.

Isize must be rear facing until 15M.
Other seats minimum weight is 9KG.

FingersofFish · 07/01/2022 16:51

I'm really relaxed on the FF point and both of my kids were FF by 8m but in appropriate car seats. Totally with you on this OP, really irresponsible!

BlibBlabBlob · 07/01/2022 16:53

"The reason why I'll suggest a 360 one is so DD can still sit rear facing for now and as she gets older they can eventually turn it round to face forward. I'll still be asking them to keep it rear facing anyway"

Yes but you know full well that your MIL will just turn her forward facing and not keep her rear facing in a 360 seat. You cannot trust her on this! Or your DP, by the sounds of it.

Cardio101 · 07/01/2022 16:56

Your MIL won’t listen if you ask her to keep the baby rear facing, that’s very clear from your posts.
Your best bet would be getting a rear facing only seat - I’d recommend the axkid minikid! Rear facing up to approx 6 years.

BlibBlabBlob · 07/01/2022 16:57

@Luhou the rearfacing seats are nothing like baby buckets; they're designed for bigger babies/toddlers/preschoolers and are very comfortable. My DD rode rear facing until age 6 and her seat was more comfortable than the high back booster she moved into after that. Small children prefer to sit curled up anyway.

And there's no concern over safety either; a child is actually more likely to break their legs in a FF seat than in a RF one. But even if there was an increased risk of a broken leg, I'd take that any day over the risk of a broken neck.

Skeumorph · 07/01/2022 16:58

I think I'll look for a new car seat that DPs mum can buy for her car. Probably a 360 one and one DD can use for a few years and will say that until his mum has bought that, she won't be picking up DD. I don't like her as it is but to put her one and only grandchild in a position where she's unsafe, it's a joke

No. Because she will lie to you. Or rather, there's a good chance she MIGHT lie to you, and quite frankly that's one chance too many when child safety is concerned. Because she wants her to face forward so she can talk to her and not have her cry. She knows it's safer to rear face but she has chosen to prioritise her preferences over her safety. She already knows this.

The trust is gone.

Skeumorph · 07/01/2022 17:03

He's so quick to go along with anything his mum says. She says jump and he says how high.

'If you won't prioritise our baby's safety over your mum's wishes, then it's best that the two things - your mum and our child - don't mix.'

Luhou · 07/01/2022 17:04

Thanks @Staryflight445 and @BlibBlabBlob

She has an i-size 360 silvercross one, which is suitable until 5 plus, so I'll stick with rear facing for now. Think I'll remove her mirror though as she just kicks it so I can't see her anyway!

BlibBlabBlob · 07/01/2022 17:06

@bantuknots show your DP this video:

And that kid was properly strapped into a seat DESIGNED to be forward facing. And he was 10 months OLDER than your DD.

In a crash, even just a minor crash, your daughter would be dead if she is in an infant carrier that has been installed completely incorrectly. This is really, REALLY serious. If he thinks that risking his daughter's life is more important than disagreeing with his mother, you have a serious DP problem. I'm so sorry, I know this is a horrible situation and even if you were to go as far as LTB then you still couldn't guarantee your daughter's safety with this man and his mother. Sad

solbunny · 07/01/2022 17:08

@Skeumorph

He's so quick to go along with anything his mum says. She says jump and he says how high.

'If you won't prioritise our baby's safety over your mum's wishes, then it's best that the two things - your mum and our child - don't mix.'

This!
CaveMum · 07/01/2022 17:09

Depending on which 360 seat you get it’s not as simple as “she’ll just turn it forward facing.” We had the Cybex Sirona and the seat would not face forward unless you stowed away the harness (forward facing used the car seat belt to secure the child) and pressed a release catch underneath the seat itself - it was a huge faff so not something she’d be able to every journey and convert back again so you don’t know she’s done it.

BoredZelda · 07/01/2022 17:10

Regardless of the choice of RF or FF, the seat should be installed as per the instructions.

HardbackWriter · 07/01/2022 17:13

Obviously the safety of your baby is paramount and should be more than enough motivation for anyone, but it might also be worth pointing out that what they did was dangerous for everyone in the car. A car seat fitted this incorrectly (not really fitted at all) could easily come loose in a crash and then what you've done is put a heavy, unsecured projectile in the car. It could easily kill someone in the seat in front. It would actually be very dangerous to drive around with the seat 'strapped in' like even without the baby in it.

CornishTiger · 07/01/2022 17:43

He’s treating your daughter as a potential crash test dummy. I can find you a video that’s shocking.

What I can tell you as someone who was a car seat expert is that when you have someone who has zero care like these two do them if you get a 360 seat they’ll just use it forward facing and turn it back to rear facing when you are in view. It’ll be there little secret from what you’ve said about them.

CornishTiger · 07/01/2022 17:48
CornishTiger · 07/01/2022 17:52

Can’t find a infant car seat installed incorrectly crash test but I can tell you they wouldn’t come off very well if they survived.

SingingWaffleDoggy · 07/01/2022 18:10

Apologies if you thought I was weighing in on the RF vs FF debate. I didn’t make myself clear that I wondered if it was him being influenced into making that decision and that if he were more clued up he may be more assertive regarding the safety of your child. He should of course know better seeing as you’ve used that car seat for 8 months but if someone he perceived as more knowledgeable told him it was fine I could see why he may give in if not realising the dangers. Although, the fact that the seatbelt didn’t secure the seat adequately should have been a giveaway!

Original poster
bantuknots · 07/01/2022 18:32

Thanks for the video links and as I said previously, this isn't a rear facing vs front facing debate but thanks for everyone's input. My DD is already 9kg to the poster that mentioned the weight, so even if I wanted her to have a front facing one I'd buy her an appropriate one (I just said 360 as I've previously seen that one but not obviously looked at the requirements for it).

Also, as much as my DP listens to his mum. If I recommend his mum a car seat and I said she can still only face the seat, he'd listen to that. If his mum wanted to switch it round to face the front, he wouldn't do it based on the fact that I've asked him not too. He was still so stupid in this situation but he clearly thought his mum knew best for whatever reason

OP posts:
Original poster
bantuknots · 07/01/2022 18:36

@SingingWaffleDoggy

Apologies if you thought I was weighing in on the RF vs FF debate. I didn’t make myself clear that I wondered if it was him being influenced into making that decision and that if he were more clued up he may be more assertive regarding the safety of your child. He should of course know better seeing as you’ve used that car seat for 8 months but if someone he perceived as more knowledgeable told him it was fine I could see why he may give in if not realising the dangers. Although, the fact that the seatbelt didn’t secure the seat adequately should have been a giveaway!
@SingingWaffleDoggy no problem! I appreciated your previous comment even though I didn't @ you.

that I wondered if it was him being influenced into making that decision and that if he were more clued up he may be more assertive regarding the safety of your child.

This is exactly it. If he knew just how dangerous it is, he wouldn't of done it. He probably would have thought, 'I didn't know it could go this way' and that's about it. He wouldn't have done it if he knew what he was doing but at the same time that's just not a valid enough excuse for me. Once I speak to him he'll hopefully realise how serious it is. If he doesn't, there's clearly no helping him

OP posts:
G5000 · 07/01/2022 18:38

I'm really relaxed on the FF point and both of my kids were FF by 8m but in appropriate car seats.

There are car seats appropriate for an 8m old baby to FF? Which ones?

Footnote · 07/01/2022 18:43

@Luhou my tall 4.5 has never complained about rear facing and has plenty of room for her legs.

ffscovid · 07/01/2022 18:44

@G5000

I'm really relaxed on the FF point and both of my kids were FF by 8m but in appropriate car seats.

There are car seats appropriate for an 8m old baby to FF? Which ones?

I'm assuming this poster probably had their DC many years ago. In the 90s, Britax seats were approved for ages 6 months plus that were not only FF, but didn't even have a harness (used adult seat belt like a HB booster!). See attached Argos catalogue image Confused
Rear facing car seat placed front facing in DPs mum's car
DoTheyKnowItsLemonJuice · 07/01/2022 18:47

God, I just wouldn’t let his mum take the baby out.

I’m not even that much of a stickler with most things but this seems enormously, life-or-death negligent and neglectful of your DD’s safety, enough that I would consider it worth a massive family disagreement.

Thank goodness you were at the window OP!