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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to knock her lights out?

416 replies

AngryMumOfTwo · 07/01/2022 07:52

Hi,

I've nc'ed to be anon with this.

I'm quite upset because this note was stuck to our door overnight.

A bit of background. We've moved into this privately rented flat about 4 years ago, when our daughter was only 1. She is now 5. We have just had our second (and last) over Christmas. Like all newborns, she cries at night sometimes. She isn't too bad to be honest, at least we didn't think she was. Our oldest did cry a lot.

We get along with most people who live here. We're generally quiet and private as is all the other residents. Over 50% of them are elderly, though this isn't a retirement block of flats. We're the youngest, but there are others not much older then us.

We don't know who left the note. It is obviously unsigned. We have our suspicions but that's all. If they had knocked on the door and spoken to us, that wouldn't be a problem.

For their own sake, they better hope I don't find out who it is. I'm furious. It's horrid. The residents we've spoken to over the last few days have said how lovely she is but no noise complaints. Our immediate neighbours and the lady directly below are nice people so I don't think it's them.

I'm not sure what else I can really do about this. I had to vent my anger somewhere, sorry. My partner is angry but also found it amusing.

To want to knock her lights out?
OP posts:
tennisproiamnot · 07/01/2022 09:46

It is an awful note. We were in a flat with our first and after a few weeks found out that the tenant next to us was being driven bananas by the crying, but they didn't say anything and when I said to them I am sorry they smiled (a genuine but ashen smile, on a pale sleep-deprived face) and said not to worry at all, it will settle down.

Whoever it was who wrote your note wanted a reaction (why use the word "breed"?!) and was not a nice reasonable person so I'd say grey rock is the way forward. Don't give them a reaction. Also you don't know how a person like that would respond to you telling them to get lost, they may ramp it up, last thing you want is WWIII with a little one.

Ohisitreally · 07/01/2022 09:47

@bcc89

I would genuinely photocopy that note and post it back through every single person's door and write with it:

As you forgot to leave your name, I'm not sure who left us this note. Please get in touch! :)

So everyone can see what a nasty person their neighbour is and hopefully they will feel shamed! Someone will recognise their handwriting too. Shame on them :)

These are exactly my thoughts...it will flush out the culprit!Hmm
LeQuern · 07/01/2022 09:48

@Staryflight445

Why have you let it anger you so much op?

Being elderly and living in a private rented flat- I wouldn’t judge normally but they are in no position to question your life choices.

Unnecessary.

You’ve no idea why people might be living in a home they don’t own. I rent AND own.

LeQuern · 07/01/2022 09:49

Posted too soon… to add, people who rent have as much right as any other to a quiet living space (I do not agree with this letter - but the status of the sender is irrelevant)

JabNotInArm · 07/01/2022 09:49

@Mouseonmychair

To be fair not everyone wants to hear ops little angel all night. Noise is noise wherever it comes from. Personally I wouldn't breed (which is the correct technical term for what is happening) in an area unsuitable and this sounds like the flat largely inhabited by older people might not be the best area. So can certainly see their point perhaps they could put their TV on loud whilst the baby is trying to sleep.
And where should "breeders" live? In communes?
MarieIVanArkleStinks · 07/01/2022 09:50

If this is for real, those words are calculated to be as offensive as possible. Anonymity is essential if you know most decent people would be disgusted by your behaviour.

The writer wants a reaction. What they don't want is to have to bear the brunt of that reaction personally. That's what's called having your cake and eating it. It also epitomises craven cowardice.

On no account should OP give this spineless neighbour what they want. As for some of the suggested 'replies' upthread, these are hilarious. Insulting the whole building because one neighbour is a spineless, offensive twunt would be taking things to silly extremes. Way to alienate everyone, because what they will see is TWO aggressive sets of neighbours having a spat whilst trying to involve unwilling bystanders.

Also, the one thing bullies cannot stand is being ignored. The better part of valour is discretion.

Queenoftheashes · 07/01/2022 09:50

I would reply with a second note suggesting they let you know who they are so you can discuss it further if it’s a valid issue they’d like to resolve.

Or just leave it up there I like that idea too

MrsSkylerWhite · 07/01/2022 09:51

Why do you assume it’s a woman?

muchprefersummer · 07/01/2022 09:53

Another vote for a young person writing this. Looks just like my DS's writing at 12/13 years. It's missing any individual writing style that we all get as we get older.

3scape · 07/01/2022 09:53

Buy some cheap ass ear plugs and do. "please help yourself if you're struggling with the sounds of daily life" note.

SeeminglyOblivious · 07/01/2022 09:54

I like the idea of framing it.

I'd buy a double frame. One side for the note. Another side for an article on the psychology behind people who leave anonymous notes - there are hundreds that have been done to choose from online.

Then I'd leave it framed next to my doorway.

JabNotInArm · 07/01/2022 09:57

@58bpm

I don't think the unpleasantness of the note detracts from the point that your household is impacting on the peace and enjoyment of others.

You may not be able to stop your baby crying at night but of humility and compassion and less talk of violence might be something to consider.

Your personal decisions shouldn't be impacting on your neighbours.

We don't all live in soundproofed bubbles. Unless you live in an isolated, rural area you will impact on others. My neighbour's electric car bings when they reverse to leave the house in the morning. That's life. A new baby crying is just a fact of life. When did people become so miserable and cold?
Kaibashira · 07/01/2022 10:00

@LeQuern

Awful. How spineless.

But I would kill with politeness:

‘Dear Anonymous Note Leaving Neighbour,

We’re sorry you didn’t feel able to let us know who you are.

We would be more than happy to discuss the unsigned note you left on our door and hear any solutions you may have in regards to stopping babies crying but only if you come forward in person.

Anonymous letters are deeply unkind and as such, will be completely disregarded.

Please don’t hesitate to let us know who you are.

Best. Fred and Ginger, No16’

And I’d leave it where the entire building could see it (with their letter attached for context).

Do this one.
Goldenbear · 07/01/2022 10:01

58bpm, well it is good job some people are making those 'personal decisions' as there needs to be future tax payers and people that will actually be keeping the country going that you inhabit when you are old!

My200lbLife · 07/01/2022 10:03

Both my babies were born in flats, it’s a nightmare, i never felt able to sleep train them as I was so aware we were disturbing little kids above and below us. I do regret that now tbh.

Ignore the note and carry on

TheGoogleMum · 07/01/2022 10:04

How ridiculous babies cry thay can't be forced to be quiet. What a miserable person must have sent that

chipsinonehandpieinother · 07/01/2022 10:05

Babies cry when their needs are not being met. Newborns crying is distressing for those who have to listen to it. That's nature's way presumably to ensure that newborns are not ignored?

You are ignorant. There are plenty of other reasons babies cry. My first had severe reflux and screamed continually from 9pm to 2am. Then woke about every hour and started screaming again after that. I did not ignore my child but held him through all this screaming. We did go to GPs, had to work through all of their useless medicine before they would refer us to a paediatrician. It took seven months before the treatment started to work. And the paediatrician said our son was in the mid-range of severity of reflux, so some kids are worse.

skellingtonboot · 07/01/2022 10:08

Meanwhile, back in the real world...

...just throw the note in the bin.

CanofCant · 07/01/2022 10:10

@bcc89

I would genuinely photocopy that note and post it back through every single person's door and write with it:

As you forgot to leave your name, I'm not sure who left us this note. Please get in touch! :)

So everyone can see what a nasty person their neighbour is and hopefully they will feel shamed! Someone will recognise their handwriting too. Shame on them :)

Only on page two but I think this is what I would do. YANBU OP, I hope you feel a bit better now. Fuck them. Flowers
LampLighter414 · 07/01/2022 10:11

Elderly can be just as entitled as the snowflakes they often complain about

beautifullymad · 07/01/2022 10:12

@Notonthestairs

I'd leave the note up (so all can see just how unpleasant it is) and not respond further.

I understand why you'd be upset but a) whoever sent the note is too cowardly to talk direct to you so screw them and b) there is nothing you can do.

Please do put it to the back of your mind. Life is tough enough with a newborn and a young child Thanks

I'd do this too.

I'd also add in red pen 'how rude and unsupportive, of course babies cry!'

EvilPea · 07/01/2022 10:12

@Goldenbear

58bpm, well it is good job some people are making those 'personal decisions' as there needs to be future tax payers and people that will actually be keeping the country going that you inhabit when you are old!
Quite!!!

Move in just to breed!!! What a statement.

Easier said than done, try and ignore.
I’m not sure a passive aggressive reply will help deescalate this at all. As fun as it would be. Having said that
If you have a notice board you could move it there, and ask for
A) suggestions as to keeping tax coming in for their pensions without breeders
B) resolving the housing crisis so you could buy a big detached home
C) finding a way for a baby to communicate without crying
D) suggesting they may be living in the wrong place and should move to a retirement home if they don’t like families.

None of that will help deescalate it though.

tennisproiamnot · 07/01/2022 10:13

Babies cry when their needs are not being met. Newborns crying is distressing for those who have to listen to it. That's nature's way presumably to ensure that newborns are not ignored?

Newborns will cry even when parents are doing all they can ime, it takes a bit of time to work out what the crying is about, feeding can be tricky in the early days. it gets easier as they get more robust.

PAFMO · 07/01/2022 10:15

@LampLighter414

Elderly can be just as entitled as the snowflakes they often complain about
Why have you assumed the writer is elderly?
LampLighter414 · 07/01/2022 10:22

@PAFMO I have assumed the note writer is elderly

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