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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset about security guard following me?

182 replies

Astressedmumoftwo · 05/01/2022 13:55

Before Christmas I set off security alarms going INTO my local supermarket. Later found out it was makeup in my bag. On the way back out they went off again and security stopped me and searched my bag.

I go in to grab lunch from work every day and the security guard now follows me around quite obviously and watches me pay for things at self checkout. I find it off putting. I know he's only doing his job but as some one with social anxiety it makes me dread going in because I'm made to feel like I'm doing something wrong
.
There aren't any other shops I could grab lunch in.

I'm lucky it's never happened before, I know. I'm a young looking white 20 something, but even as a teenager I can't recall being followed. I wear nice ish work clothes. No pushchair with me but carry a handbag.

Am I being super unreasonable?

OP posts:
limitedperiodonly · 05/01/2022 18:23

@Agrudge I live in a predominantly white area but one which has a significant minority of people who are not white. It is an affluent place but as you say thieves come from many backgrounds and I understand that stopping them is a job involving vigilance. Also tact.

The security staff in the main supermarket come from a particular ethnic background and were not culturally aware or skilled at handling the subtleties of relations with customers who looked different to them but didn't want to nick things vs stopping people who did.

Happily that has now been resolved through polite interventions with managers.

Mistakes do happen but they used to happen quite a lot.

BellatricksStrange · 05/01/2022 18:27

Tell him to fuck off.

phoenixrosehere · 05/01/2022 18:32

If the guards weren't there doing their jobs we'd all be paying even more for things because the shops would recoup the money from losses via increased pricing.

How is this guy doing his job if he is focusing on one person? While he’s following OP around, he’s giving real shoplifters opportunity to steal because he’s focused completely on her.

GrandTheftWalrus · 05/01/2022 20:48

We have 2 regular guards in our supermarket and one follows us about which is hilarious as both me and dh are in the security industry ourselves. Our sia licences are actually higher than his.

And one who when I set off the alarm just waved me away lol.

GirlInACountrySong · 05/01/2022 21:35

@Ellowyn

He's not a very intelligent man. He thinks the make-up had been stolen from another store, therefor you are a thief in his little mind. It never occurred to him a real thief would have removed the security tags.

I would stop shopping there.

No you are wrong

People often try and return stolen goods

I had it 2 nights ago. Woman returning an item , set alarms off as she was too thick to realise there was a hidden alarm sticker. She had stolen it in another branch and was trying to return for her money back.... no receipt

Happens a few times a week I bout store and intelligence emails tell us there's whole groups in Our region using those tactics, going branch to branch

You only need to buy an item once to get a receipt, then go I store, pick another up then present at till to 'return'

GirlInACountrySong · 05/01/2022 21:37

@BellatricksStrange

Tell him to fuck off.

This is how we treat retail staff is it??

JuergenSchwarzwald · 05/01/2022 21:48

This is how we treat retail staff is it

they are not retail staff, they'll be employed by an agency. Not that that makes it ok to swear at them.

limitedperiodonly · 05/01/2022 22:18

Shoplifters come in all shapes and sizes. Most are doing it are their next fix, some are professionals, a lot are respectable chancers doing it for a thrill or because they can or think they are sticking one to the man.

Security staff know that. They have a job to do. But they should never confuse themselves with being a cross between Sherlock Holmes and Judge Dredd.

Agrudge · 05/01/2022 22:35

@GirlInACountrySong

Being told to "fuck off" would be more pleasant than some of the stuff I've had.

GirlInACountrySong · 05/01/2022 22:54

@Agrudge yes that's true. But it starts somewhere. Advocating on this thread as example

Vile

And ours ARE retail staff. Part of our team. Makes no difference

EllaVaNight · 06/01/2022 00:42

Lol this is literally what it's like being black I came on to say exactly this! Although I'm not in a massively diverse area. It's like they look at you and think "black/different to me, must be dodgy.

I may or may not have pointed out in my very best teacher-loud voice that it's fairly unlikely that a middle aged NHS worker and a middle aged nurse are going to shoplift at that time in the morning, if ever. You later mention their (older, as if that is pertinent), colleage took over. Probably because they felt second hand embarrassment to your comment which was highly stereotypical.

a particular branch of Waitrose
Harrogate?
Hahaha no it wasn’t, but it was somewhere very similar Was it York? I worked there for a while and we were constantly the store with the lowest staff morale because the manger would throw/kick full cages at us whenever her was angry (at least twice per day). I also remember a customer moaning about our Yorkshire accents...in YORK!! Apparently anything other than RP was completely unacceptable!!

CatNameChange101 · 06/01/2022 00:51

@WorraLiberty

Why don't you stop grabbing lunch if it's a problem?

Get enough food for your lunches when doing the weekly shop maybe.

Ah yes. Change your habits because he’s behaving like a twat Hmm

Just speak to management and explain the situation. It’s amazing how very occasionally the simplest option is actually the easiest option. Smile

WiddlinDiddlin · 06/01/2022 04:19

Sounds like he is just doing his job.. but not all that well..

My top tip is to use a wheelchair, never been stopped or searched, trundle round shops shoving things under me arse and in my bag as I go round as I can't push a trolley or hold a basket (and no i wont use those clip on jobbies, i can't reach in them and they bugger the paintwork on my chair so sod that!)...

Maybe it is the brazen way I shove stuff down the sides of my chair, and then go to the till and unload it all, or maybe no one wants to challenge the cripple!

Not a practical solution, granted...

LaBellina · 06/01/2022 04:48

It’s not on to follow an innocent female around as a male, doesn’t matter if it’s his job or not. I would complain to the shop about this behavior, in writing, and never give them my business again. Vote with your feet.

Superhanz · 06/01/2022 05:21

@elelel

Yes he checked me out, except now he's trailing me around so he clearly thinks I'm stealing or look dodgy

No he is doing his job. You ticked a box by setting off the alarm, it's his job to ensure you don't steal. It is not personal.

Yes she set the alarms off because there was something in her makeup bag that set them off, that was established, he found that she wasn't stealing so now he's following her around like she was, its unacceptable.

Raise it with the store OP, I'd be uncomfortable with this too.

StopStartStop · 06/01/2022 06:09

Was it York?
Bet it was Otley. They have no shame there, and by goodness, they bear a grudge.

elelel · 06/01/2022 10:03

Yes she set the alarms off because there was something in her makeup bag that set them off, that was established, he found that she wasn't stealing so now he's following her around like she was, its unacceptable.

It's a common theif tactic, that's why she aroused suspicion; coupled with the frequent trips to the toilet straight after self scan - of course she is on his radar.

Agrudge · 06/01/2022 10:46

Seems to be a few people on here that appear to "know" the tactics of shoplifting.

Makes you wonder

elelel · 06/01/2022 11:04

@Agrudge

Seems to be a few people on here that appear to "know" the tactics of shoplifting.

Makes you wonder

I shall save you 'wondering' about my knowledge. It was in job training that taught me everything I know.

HappyDays40 · 06/01/2022 11:11

I used to get this in my local Boots as I popped in for a butty at lunch. I handed him a basket and told him that u less he wants to help with my shopping he better back off. 😏

montysma1 · 06/01/2022 11:57

Because it suits her not to?

limitedperiodonly · 06/01/2022 12:05

@Agrudge

Seems to be a few people on here that appear to "know" the tactics of shoplifting.

Makes you wonder

It's no wonder. I know them because my husband has worked in retail all his life. He knows things about my job too.

There are also TV programmes on it. There was a fascinating episode in a series about Oxford Street in London, which explained techniques. There was a police van that picked up alleged shoplifters who'd been detained in the manager's offices of various shops. When the van was full up they'd take them to the nearest police station for processing. Most of them were professional thieves and many of them were known to store detectives and the police.

We were in a shop once and my husband pointed at a man and said in a raised voice: "That man is a professional shoplifter!" It was like the final scene in the Donald Sutherland version of Invasion Of The Bodysnatchers.

The man shouted: "You're fucking mental mate! I'll have the law on you!" as he made a swift exit. Apparently that's a tactic of professional shoplifters when challenged. My husband didn't even work there but retailers have a bond and they never sleep.

MorningStarling · 06/01/2022 12:13

@ancientgran

I was pregnant at 17, they followed me all the time. I think they thought I had most of the shop in my bump. I started to wander round to annoy them, picking things up and putting them down and wandering off again. Childish but I was a child so that was OK.

I feel your pain but you haven't even got the prospect of losing a bump.

I like to play the game of trying to "lose" them in the store, trying to see how long I can get them to tail me back and forth across the shop.
GrannytoaUnicorn · 06/01/2022 13:05

@StopStartStop

a particular branch of Waitrose Harrogate?
What makes you say Harrogate?!?!
phishy · 06/01/2022 13:09

Speak to him. Tell him that you appreciate he's doing his job and that there was that unfortunate make-up misunderstanding incident, but as he knows, you're there every day and are unlikely to steal from somewhere that you rely on heavily. That you understand he needs to do his job but can he do a bit more inconspicuously as it's making you a feel a bit besieged.