Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset about security guard following me?

182 replies

Astressedmumoftwo · 05/01/2022 13:55

Before Christmas I set off security alarms going INTO my local supermarket. Later found out it was makeup in my bag. On the way back out they went off again and security stopped me and searched my bag.

I go in to grab lunch from work every day and the security guard now follows me around quite obviously and watches me pay for things at self checkout. I find it off putting. I know he's only doing his job but as some one with social anxiety it makes me dread going in because I'm made to feel like I'm doing something wrong
.
There aren't any other shops I could grab lunch in.

I'm lucky it's never happened before, I know. I'm a young looking white 20 something, but even as a teenager I can't recall being followed. I wear nice ish work clothes. No pushchair with me but carry a handbag.

Am I being super unreasonable?

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 05/01/2022 16:04

@IncompleteSenten

If you can gather the courage you could actually turn this around to something you feel in control of and that makes you smile.

"Oh hello. Are you going to be following me again? Would you mind carrying my basket for me? Thanks so much"

This is the approach I'd go for if you can. I'm always Stuffing stuff around my pushchair, if anyone was blatantly following I'd ask them if they'd like to carry a basket for me instead. Don't be arsey, he's doing his job but it might just break the tension for you and get him to be a bit more subtle
Olderkids · 05/01/2022 16:09

Make a sandwich/salad, some fruit, a yoghurt???

peachgreen · 05/01/2022 16:10

@Pollingbadly

I would explain the situation to the manager. At the very least security should be discreet. What a rubbish way to catch a thief.
They don't want to catch thieves though, they want to deter them. Far cheaper and less paperwork. Being visible is a deterrent.
Gonnagetgoing · 05/01/2022 16:14

To be fair to him, he's only doing his job, and as you were under suspicion last time, he'd still argue he's just doing his job.

A few years ago when working in a local small town I had the choice of a few supermarkets I could use to buy milk for the office and also for my lunchtime. You do get very used to seeing the same staff, and in some cases it would be quite easy to shoplift, if you wanted to do so. Of course, I never did, but what I'm saying is, you of course become very visible if you go to the same place a lot.

I'd just try to give him even more proof that you're not shoplifting by not acting suspiciously and being civil/friendly to him.

Arethechildreninbedyet · 05/01/2022 16:15

I would ask to speak to a manager.

You now can't enter the store without the security guard stalking you around the shop and watching you shop. You've never stolen anything, you've once set off a security alarm and are now targeted around the store by a member of security for no apparent reason, ask them why. If they can't give a reason beyond 'you set an alarm off' ask to review the CCTV footage where it's found to be your make up.

It's off putting, it's intimidating and as a regular patron of the store it's quite insulting. If it continues you will be taking your money elsewhere. Pack a lunch OP, don't put up with being followed around the shop like a criminal.

Agrudge · 05/01/2022 16:16

@peachgreen

Exactly. Most of the time the police never turn up or they take a few hrs to arrive. Deterring people is the easiest option . Taking items off them and kicking them is also an easy option

Gwenhwyfar · 05/01/2022 16:17

"WorraLiberty

Why don't you stop grabbing lunch if it's a problem?"

Why should she be intimidated out of the shop? She might like getting out of the office at lunchtime.

Suzanne999 · 05/01/2022 16:18

Email or phone the store manager.

elelel · 05/01/2022 16:20

You haven't done anything wrong, that was checked and proven definitively, and yet you are now being followed avidly every time you enter the store. For their mistake, essentially. You want it stopped.

It wasn't a mistake. Just to be absolutely clear, if the thing beeps and the security guard does a check and finds nothing it is not a mistake. It is that person doing their job.

chineybumps · 05/01/2022 16:20

Lol this is literally what it's like being black instead he's just following you around because of your one unfortunate experience instead of basing it on your skin colour.

I know you said you have social anxiety so don't want you to be uncomfortable but can't you say something like, 'is there a reason you're following me?' or 'can I help as you always seem to be following me?'
Whenever I say that guards always get defensive and then leave me alone

GirlInACountrySong · 05/01/2022 16:31

They will be following you closely in your entire trip via cctv... zoom in and out, down every aisle

And it's all recorded to watch back. Stores also share bulletins with details and photos of theft, attempted and suspicious behaviour

Thieves come in all forms and it's a big problem. If they are bold enough to steal, many are bold enough to threaten or have weapons on them. Puts everyone at risk.

So I'm thankful there's an attempt to keep me safe in stores

HunterGatherer · 05/01/2022 16:33

I reported a security guard who was following me in a posh department store once. I went to a cashier and said excuse me, that gentleman is following me and he is giving me the creeps.

Agrudge · 05/01/2022 16:36

@chineybumps

Just out of interest do you live in a diverse town/city or a predominantly white town/city?

SlidingInto2022sDMs · 05/01/2022 16:38

@HunterGatherer

I reported a security guard who was following me in a posh department store once. I went to a cashier and said excuse me, that gentleman is following me and he is giving me the creeps.
Then what happened?
GirlInACountrySong · 05/01/2022 16:39

@HunterGatherer

I reported a security guard who was following me in a posh department store once. I went to a cashier and said excuse me, that gentleman is following me and he is giving me the creeps.
Yes it happens a lot

That's part of the job unfortunately. Managers are aware some people notice they are being watched

Doesn't change the fact they will continue to watch.... in person or via cctv

Original poster
Astressedmumoftwo · 05/01/2022 16:40

Then why also get a man to follow me around?

OP posts:
Charliesgotachocolatefactory · 05/01/2022 16:42

@eagerlywaitingfor

How can makeup set an alarm off?
I kept my ski season ticket in my purse and it had an RFID (?) contactless chip in it for swiping at the ski lift - I used to occasionally set off the alarms going into Tesco with that.
GirlInACountrySong · 05/01/2022 16:48

@Astressedmumoftwo

Then why also get a man to follow me around?

Other posters have already explained why you are creating interest.

WithANameLikeDaniCalifornia · 05/01/2022 16:48

Take a packed lunch

CatkinToadflax · 05/01/2022 16:50

20 or so years ago a security guard from a well known chain store in Oxford Street followed me out of the shop and took me to one side on the pavement 50m further up the road and made me empty my bags right there on the pavement to prove that I hadn't stolen anything. It was both bizarre and humiliating in front of crowds of shoppers. I hadn't bought anything in there and neither had I nicked anything! When I asked him why he'd targeted me, he said the alarm had gone off and another shopper had pointed at me and said I'd set it off. Hmm Confused I didn't get any apology from him, just a lecture that I must have something in my bag with a tag on it and I would therefore set off the alarm in every other shop I went into. I didn't, because I hadn't. I actually contacted their head office about it and they sent me a lovely bunch of flowers as an apology, which I really didn't expect. Funnily enough though, all of the security guards working that afternoon apparently denied any knowledge. Hmm

Original poster
Astressedmumoftwo · 05/01/2022 16:51

Already explained why I still need to go in there

OP posts:
whynotwhatknot · 05/01/2022 17:02

theres a problem now though isnt there with tils not giving receipts alot of them ask if you want one and you have to select yet

contactless payment dont seem to activate them

GlittercheeksOakleaf · 05/01/2022 17:03

I recently reported a security guard who followed me literally every time I went into my local supermarket. At first I thought I was just imagining it but he'd been following me for months on end and I was fed up of it. He tried to tell the store manager that he'd seen me about to steal and conceal a bottle of wine then kicked off when my best friend who works there pointed out that I don't drink wine. He hasn't been back so I'm assuming his company were told his services weren't required.

I totally get that security guards have a job to do (DH is one, used to work retail and that's how we met, he's a corporate guard now) and that anyone could be a shoplifter but equally following someone every time they enter the store is actually quite intimidating so I understand the OP being upset by the guard's actions and I'd be making a complaint in her shoes.

chineybumps · 05/01/2022 17:04

[quote Agrudge]@chineybumps

Just out of interest do you live in a diverse town/city or a predominantly white town/city?[/quote]
@Agrudge I live in South West London, couldn't get anymore diverse if we tried tbh. I get followed by the black security guards WAY more than the white ones anyway. It's a joke

whynotwhatknot · 05/01/2022 17:04

just to say not alot you can do my dh used to work in retail and said it could be a scam send someone in that sets the alarm off so someone else can nick something