To be upset about security guard following me?

[Astressedmumoftwo]

Before Christmas I set off security alarms going INTO my local supermarket. Later found out it was makeup in my bag. On the way back out they went off again and security stopped me and searched my bag.

I go in to grab lunch from work every day and the security guard now follows me around quite obviously and watches me pay for things at self checkout. I find it off putting. I know he's only doing his job but as some one with social anxiety it makes me dread going in because I'm made to feel like I'm doing something wrong
.
There aren't any other shops I could grab lunch in.

I'm lucky it's never happened before, I know. I'm a young looking white 20 something, but even as a teenager I can't recall being followed. I wear nice ish work clothes. No pushchair with me but carry a handbag.

Am I being super unreasonable?

I would go to the management anc complain. One thing is doing his job but that is harrassment. I live in a big city, so if I am treated like that in a shop, that is a shop I will never return to.

This used to happen to me in a particular branch of Waitrose. I have multicoloured hair and I can only imagine that’s what made him think I was going to rob the place one day. After watching him ACTUALLY duck behind a display unit when I turned around in the “nice wine” area I decided enough was enough. Walked up to him and said “is there something about me that concerns you? Because all the time you’re spending trailing me around the shop and not doing a particularly good job of it you’re missing the people who are actually shoplifting”. Cue much mumbling and shuffling about. Stopped him doing it though (unless he went on a sneaky-beaky training course after to hone his skills and I no longer notice 😂)

He's not a very intelligent man. He thinks the make-up had been stolen from another store, therefor you are a thief in his little mind. It never occurred to him a real thief would have removed the security tags.

I would stop shopping there.

Slidinginto2022sDMs

He stopped following me and then about 15mins later a woman started tracking me instead!

@whynotwhatknot

theres a problem now though isnt there with tils not giving receipts alot of them ask if you want one and you have to select yet

contactless payment dont seem to activate them

I always pay with contactless and self checkout where possible. They do activate but sometimes you miss the window if you forget to select yes (only when it's an item or 2. For more items, the receipt just pops out afterwards.)

If no self checkout, I always say yes to the cashier to collect the receipt after payment even if I'd just got 1 item.

It's bizarre reading some of these posts. Why are people so offended by security guards doing their job?

You know what they're doing. They're not random weirdo stalkers who might cause you harm.

And why on earth would anyone purposely try to look more suspicious and make them follow them, as someone has said they do/did?

If the guards weren't there doing their jobs we'd all be paying even more for things because the shops would recoup the money from losses via increased pricing.

a particular branch of Waitrose
Harrogate?

YANBU. I genuinely stopped going to my local M&S for a year or so because they had a new overzealous security guard who would tail me constantly and made my shop really stressful. (I like to browse, have a look at what's on offer etc. I also used to spend quite a bit in there, so it was probably for the best for my bank balance that he started )

I do understand why they have security, and I genuinely was at the point where I was considering just offering to let them search me/ my bags before and after I visited the shop if they could just let me shop in peace.

I think it's performative, tbh. I know ours is a town centre location and they definitely have a problem with shrinkage/ theft, they've hired security to help, but tbh I wonder if they tail everyone in this way or just people who look middle aged/ boring and unlikely to start a fight with them.

(Also no I'd never set off any alarms and it's a small location so the other staff knew me really well)

My favourite experience of this type was at around 4am one Saturday morning just before we went on holiday at the local Asda. We were pretty much the only people in there (which was why we'd gone shopping at that time). The (very, very young) assistant who'd evidently been told to watch the self-checkouts as there were no actual staff on tills at that time watched us like a hawk.

I may or may not have pointed out in my very best teacher-loud voice that it's fairly unlikely that a middle aged NHS worker and a middle aged nurse are going to shoplift at that time in the morning, if ever. Quite apart from the fact that there was nobody else about and our hands, "bagging area" and bags were clearly visible at all times, plus our purses were very obviously out ready to pay. Her (rather older) supervisor swiftly replaced her and I believe a quiet word was had. (And yes, I know shoplifters come in all shapes and sizes, before anyone reminds me!)

I hated grocery (and most other) shopping in the real world even before COVID-19 and did a fair amount of shopping online. Now it's almost all of it. Snotty treatment by staff has been a major factor.

@SofiaSoFar

It's bizarre reading some of these posts. Why are people so offended by security guards doing their job?

You know what they're doing. They're not random weirdo stalkers who might cause you harm.

And why on earth would anyone purposely try to look more suspicious and make them follow them, as someone has said they do/did?

If the guards weren't there doing their jobs we'd all be paying even more for things because the shops would recoup the money from losses via increased pricing.

Because I like to stand and stare at fancy cheese for who knows how long and I don't need some guy hovering just at the corner of my eye while I do so.

It irritates me more in 'nicer' shops, mostly because I browse and consider my purchases more in those shops. Which those shops encourage, I might add. Tesco, I'd probably not even notice, because I'm not trying to be in there any longer than I need to be.

You know you are ok, so don’t worry.

YAB a bit U, for this alone: "I'm made to feel like I'm doing something wrong"

You're not made to feel anything by anyone else. That's incredibly passive. If you think you're made to feel something by someone else, then it's time you take some ownership of your emotions and choose to feel differently.

And if it's bothering you that much, make friends with him, that'll surprise him. Next time he comes up to you, perhaps time to employ a "you again?" or a "we really should stop meeting like this"

They're just doing their job. They're not forcing you to feel one way or another. You're responsible for your own emotions.

@Player20868

My favourite experience of this type was at around 4am one Saturday morning just before we went on holiday at the local Asda. We were pretty much the only people in there (which was why we'd gone shopping at that time). The (very, very young) assistant who'd evidently been told to watch the self-checkouts as there were no actual staff on tills at that time watched us like a hawk.

I may or may not have pointed out in my very best teacher-loud voice that it's fairly unlikely that a middle aged NHS worker and a middle aged nurse are going to shoplift at that time in the morning, if ever. Quite apart from the fact that there was nobody else about and our hands, "bagging area" and bags were clearly visible at all times, plus our purses were very obviously out ready to pay. Her (rather older) supervisor swiftly replaced her and I believe a quiet word was had. (And yes, I know shoplifters come in all shapes and sizes, before anyone reminds me!)

I hated grocery (and most other) shopping in the real world even before COVID-19 and did a fair amount of shopping online. Now it's almost all of it. Snotty treatment by staff has been a major factor.

sorry id say that was standard and what does a shopflifter look like exactly

I can totally understand why OP feels upset at being stalked. Security guard doing their jobs or not, no one is allowed in her personal space. Bumping into her because he got too close is not on.

A few options:

• shop somewhere else
• ignore, and hope he'll get bored eventually
• pretend to ignore, but engineer a few "accidents" because he's getting too close, e.g. go one way then change your mind and turn back suddenly. If he keeps bumping into you, escalate (see below)
• make a big show of making eye contact, smiling politely and saying hello, while pretending you have no idea why he's following you around ("yes, hello, can I help you?")
• talk to the manager

I'd suggest option two if you think the guy is just doing his job, but if you suspect he's being a bit of a stalker/bully, consider escalating... A guy just doing his job would normally get bored of following you around after a few weeks. A stalker/bully won't stop.

Shop security staff have a job to do but some can be over zealous and target their attention at the wrong people. This is sometimes down to cultural differences. If you feel you are being wrongly targeted then calmly bring it to the attention of a manager. This kind of thing helps no one and a reasonable complaint could assist the store in reducing theft and not pissing off honest customers.

Oh god, I can’t bear it when the kids follow me around so closely I bang into them when I turn around. So wouldn’t like it at all if an unknown man did this, security guard or otherwise. Can you have a quiet word with someone?

I am sorry that you are experiencing this - its not nice. I haven't had this in the UK but when I was in Australia I was regularly followed in shops I went into (regardless of whether they were high-end or supermarkets). I thought I must be imagining things but my best friend who lived there commented on it (oddly didn't happen so much when we shopped together). She thought it was because I was very tanned after visiting Thailand etc and as I'm mixed race they might think I was aboriginal. She was blond and fair. I'm not sure if that was the reason but whatever it was it wasn't a very nice experience - made me feel very self-conscious/unwelcome and definitely stopped me spending!

I hope your experience improves. If it persist maybe speak to or write to the manager explaining that you want to continue shopping in their store but this is making you feel uncomfortable.

@SofiaSoFar

It's bizarre reading some of these posts. Why are people so offended by security guards doing their job?

You know what they're doing. They're not random weirdo stalkers who might cause you harm.

And why on earth would anyone purposely try to look more suspicious and make them follow them, as someone has said they do/did?

If the guards weren't there doing their jobs we'd all be paying even more for things because the shops would recoup the money from losses via increased pricing.

They were literally following me because I have bright hair. That’s not doing their job, it’s being daft. There are lots of well-documented cues and patterns of behaviour you can spot in people who are out stealing - whether they’re into pickpocketing or shoplifting - and last time I checked being unusually colourful in a posh market town was not one of them.

The security guard followed me around the local tesco once like a hawk, very obviously until I gave up and just left the shop, I really didnt want to buy anything with him there, didnt go there again for literally years.

no idea why he did that I can only assume it was because I was wearing a very long skirt with a tshirt and trainers I think he thought I was a gypsy, there is a travalers site in the area but thats no excuse.

cant you take a packed lunch it'll save money anyway.

@StopStartStop

a particular branch of Waitrose Harrogate?

Hahaha no it wasn’t, but it was somewhere very similar 😂

I usually use the self service tills and always use the scanning devices, After a number of errors in their favour I always press the button for a receipt and check it. On Sunday I was overcharged by a couple of quid because some reductions failed to register. My record is being overcharged by over £12 - it was a big shop and I didn't notice until I got home. Luckily I live five minutes away so I went back next day.

The staff at my local supermarket are lovely and I am a regular customer and we all know each other. The person who gave me my £12 back apologised but didn't seem surprised. I can't imagine how much money that branch makes by people not checking their bills. I don't think they do it deliberately but I don't steal and would appreciate it if they tightened up their operation without me having to check.

@chineybumps

Hopefully it's just because you look like a known shoplifter. Mistakes happen.

Its wierd that your in a very diverse place and still have these issues. I'm in a 95% white town and non of our security team (all white) would ever follow anyone just because of their skin colour

@Agrudge it definitely isn't that😂
It's just location and probably in their experience a lot of shoplifters have been black so they're paranoid. I used to work in retail and sales assistants would always assume a black woman with a big bag/buggy would be stealing but wouldn't bat an eyelash at the white people who'd always be responsible for bulk thefts! It's just the way it is

@Comedycook

A security guard did this to me in a supermarket. I filled my basket up then got so fed up...I turned round, left it on the floor in front of him, told him he could put the stuff back on the shelves and walked out!

Yes I think if someone followed me to the extent they are the OP, I would do that too!