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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset about security guard following me?

182 replies

Astressedmumoftwo · 05/01/2022 13:55

Before Christmas I set off security alarms going INTO my local supermarket. Later found out it was makeup in my bag. On the way back out they went off again and security stopped me and searched my bag.

I go in to grab lunch from work every day and the security guard now follows me around quite obviously and watches me pay for things at self checkout. I find it off putting. I know he's only doing his job but as some one with social anxiety it makes me dread going in because I'm made to feel like I'm doing something wrong
.
There aren't any other shops I could grab lunch in.

I'm lucky it's never happened before, I know. I'm a young looking white 20 something, but even as a teenager I can't recall being followed. I wear nice ish work clothes. No pushchair with me but carry a handbag.

Am I being super unreasonable?

OP posts:
IncompleteSenten · 05/01/2022 15:10

If you can gather the courage you could actually turn this around to something you feel in control of and that makes you smile.

"Oh hello. Are you going to be following me again? Would you mind carrying my basket for me? Thanks so much"

Onehotmessiah · 05/01/2022 15:11

@SoupDragon

Just ignore them. Or smile at them.

I'm curious as to what the relevance of your skin colour was though.

She’s saying she’s aware of her white privilege. Nothing wrong with that in fact it’s commendable.
Onehotmessiah · 05/01/2022 15:11

@IncompleteSenten

If you can gather the courage you could actually turn this around to something you feel in control of and that makes you smile.

"Oh hello. Are you going to be following me again? Would you mind carrying my basket for me? Thanks so much"

Please please get up the courage to do this! 🤣
Original poster
Astressedmumoftwo · 05/01/2022 15:11

I think tomorrow I'll say Hi can I help and see how it goes. He seemed a bit sheepish/embarrassed when I bumped into him, not confrontational.

OP posts:
Agrudge · 05/01/2022 15:11

@WorraLiberty

If if only it was that easy. Security tags get left on by accident all the time. You cant go around accusing people of theft just because they set a alarm off. And I dont keep every receipt I get when I buy something. So not having one doesnt mean something has been stolen.

I appreciate that someone who doesnt do the job it's clear cut . Mistakes lead to unhappy customers who potentially take their money elsewhere. The Company's reputation gets put on the the line . A complaint on facebook/mumsnet travels far.

Topseyt · 05/01/2022 15:12

@IncompleteSenten

If you can gather the courage you could actually turn this around to something you feel in control of and that makes you smile.

"Oh hello. Are you going to be following me again? Would you mind carrying my basket for me? Thanks so much"

I would be very tempted to do that. I bet he would back off.
Original poster
Astressedmumoftwo · 05/01/2022 15:13

Yup, I'm not being racially profiled basically I'd what I meant. The only thing appearance wise I can think of is that I could pass as a teenager (as I hear teens are suspected more often.)

OP posts:
LizBennet · 05/01/2022 15:13

Ugh a security guard used to do it to me years ago. I complained to head office and they asked me to look for his name on his badge to tell them.
I didn't actually get his name, but they must have said something to him because he stopped doing it after that.
Now, I'd stop in my tracks and then start following him around, making it obvious I was doing so 🤷🏼‍♀️

daimbarsatemydogsbone · 05/01/2022 15:15

I have set off the security alarms quite a few times when leaving a shop with 100% legitimate paid for shopping.

Sometimes I've been challenged, mostly not.

Since I know I have paid for everything, I just keep walking unless/until approached.

It's been a while since we had one of these threads.

gamerchick · 05/01/2022 15:15

@Astressedmumoftwo

I basically collided with him he got to close and came out of nowhere while I was looking at cat food. Kind of hard to ignore
Ask him for his opinion on what you're looking at. Do it each time you clock him he might start avoiding you.
Original poster
Astressedmumoftwo · 05/01/2022 15:16

I kept the receipt as I predicted the alarm would go off when I left, so when he checked the bag he had the full receipt to go against. Now I know I'm seen as dodgy I keep every receipt, usually I wouldn't. I'm prepared.

Should point out I'm not setting them off any longer.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 05/01/2022 15:21

Is it a full sized supermarket or an express store?

Security guards are weird in smaller stores IME

Motherhippo · 05/01/2022 15:21

My mum used to get followed around our local co op every time a certain security guard was working. As it's such a small shop it was painfully obvious what he was doing. She was a 30 something year old (white) woman who was often in with her teenage children.
She found it funny. Said that the rates of shoplifting must increase when she's in the store as the security guard was busy following her around leaving it a free for all for the local wrong'uns.
I'm sorry it's caused you upset! Maybe try and see it in a different light. I can't imagine direct confrontation would help with your anxiety

RedCandyApple · 05/01/2022 15:22

I had this in my local coop I now don’t go in there at all, it started when my kids were looking at what sandwiches they wanted but the security guard marched over and told my kids they were only allowed to touch things they were going to buy 🙄 this was before Covid so no that wasn’t the excuse, I told him how do we know we want to buy it if we don’t look (dietary requirements so we check the ingredients) I’ve never heard that as a rule in any shop anyway but after that he would make a point of following me all round the shop, I even contacted them by phone to complain about him and I was told he was wrong and we can look at what we like but I still don’t go in there anymore, I now shop elsewhere, it’s not nice being followed around.

Original poster
Astressedmumoftwo · 05/01/2022 15:22

Full size! He was even watching as I came out the toilets 😳

OP posts:
Topseyt · 05/01/2022 15:22

Security tags get left on by accident all the time. You cant go around accusing people of theft just because they set a alarm off.

I know they get left on. A few months ago I bought a pair of pyjamas for myself in Tesco and I found when I got them home that the security tag (one of the big ones with a little ink cartridge on it) had been left on them. I had definitely paid for them and had the receipt to prove it. Surely it must have sounded the alarm as I left the store, but nobody approached me at all. Nor did they pay me any attention when I went back the next day to get it removed (I had the receipt with me just in case too) and I presume that this time I may have the alarm as I actually entered the store.

I think this security guard may be in danger of crossing the line into harassment. As the store manager to deal with it.

sunnyhoneybumblebee · 05/01/2022 15:23

This would do my head in....

Next time I would turn around to him and politely but directly say " I'm sorry but could you please tell me why you follow me every time I come to this shop??" I'm probably too direct though.

Or if you don't like confrontation you could email the store manager and tell him/her that it's becoming ridiculous

RedCandyApple · 05/01/2022 15:23

Same as above it was such a small shop so it was clear he was doing it, when I went to the self checkout he would stand right next to me the whole time (not with anyone else)

Agrudge · 05/01/2022 15:25

@JuergenSchwarzwald

Good to see theres someone with common sense on here lol

Cantfindausernamethatsnottaken · 05/01/2022 15:25

If you have anxiety and dont want to confront him,go to customer service desk and get an email address for either the store manager or their head office.Advise them that he is intimidating uou and you will have to start shopping elsewhere unless they speak to him.Securitu may be outsourced to another company,but they will deal with it for you without you getting embarrassed or stressed out.

Original poster
Astressedmumoftwo · 05/01/2022 15:28

@WorraLiberty

Why don't you stop grabbing lunch if it's a problem?

Get enough food for your lunches when doing the weekly shop maybe.

I'm going to start bringing lunch in when I can but I frequently have to pick bits up from there. I don't drive and we only get online shop once a week and sometimes we need top ups. There aren't any other shops I go past so it'd be a real inconvenience to go elsewhere on the way back from work with buses
OP posts:
StopStartStop · 05/01/2022 15:31

My local supermarket does this to me all the time, and has for years, so I just take it as part of the shopping experience. Sometimes I talk to them about it, 'Hello, do you want to stand next to me while I use the checkout?' or 'I'm going to the dairy aisle next.'

In Waitrose recently, the security officer was following me about very determinedly, so I ducked ahead and waited behind a column, stepping out as he came by. I didn't exactly say 'Boo!' but I could have done. His face was such a picture, I laughed aloud.

I always get and keep receipts for my shopping. It's the only way to fight back.

girlmom21 · 05/01/2022 15:31

@Astressedmumoftwo

Full size! He was even watching as I came out the toilets 😳
Oh come on - you pop in for lunch and make full use of the facilities? Are you intentionally doing things to make him more suspicious? 😂
Backtomyoldname · 05/01/2022 15:32

Make contact/ embarrass him.

‘I’m going to snacks next, you coming along too? ‘ sort of thing.

But as others have written - lunch from homeis an option - and often a deal cheaper. Win win

9toenails · 05/01/2022 15:33

I do not think you are being unreasonable, OP. I would be put out by this.

But what to do? The security man, as pp point out, is only doing his job.

Certainly you should not do anything that might be construed as wrong, much less illegal. But suppose you were to, say, pick an item or two off a shelf, raise your head and see this man again. Seeing him following you like this might conceivably lead you to (nervously) drop the items on the floor or replace them on a different shelf by mistake.

Who could blame you? Or, even, if the sight of the security man looking at you again startled you so the jar of marmalade you were checking the price of fell from your nerveless grasp and smashed on the floor. ...

Such things happen. It would not be your fault anyone might react so. And it would not be the security man's fault he is only doing his job.

It might make you feel better, though, such an accident. I suspect it would me, in your place.