Slow Faffing DH

[LibbyVonTrap]

DH seems to do everything in slow motion. He’s always faffing!!
Example - we step off a plane in the USA - airport is surprisingly quiet - there are no queues at security …. I can’t believe our luck and start making my way to security only for DH to shout me back. I turn to find him stood with paperwork in hand glancing around saying “hold on a minute, we need to work it out” … at that point a huge crowd of people are rushing towards him heading for security. We ended up right at the back of the queue.

Another example - we went to a famous isolated beach in Thailand - was told we would only have 30 minutes on the beach before we would have to leave again. Everyone jumped off the boat and went swimming (swimming at this place is a once in a lifetime thing). We get off the boat, I start stripping off to go swimming and DH says “hold on a minute, we need to find a toilet first and then we should sort the bags out”. Already sick of his faffing by now I said “nope! Going swimming! Cya!” and left him stood there on the beach looking all concerned.

Another example - we were late for a dog training session. Started at 10am - 15 minute drive - it’s now 09:45. I’m shouting at him “hurry up!!! We’re going to be late!!!” He comes out saying “ok ok, I’m coming”. He gets out the house, locks the door and then looks at his shoes and starts brushing muck off them as if we have all the time in the world!!

Why does he do this?? He also likes to get to cinema after the film has started. Drives me insane.

@Glowtastic

On the 2 UK based holidays we went on last year we took separate cars, him and DD in his, mine and DS in mine. Ridiculous that it's had to come to that but the relief of just being able to pack and leave at both ends of the holiday without the interminable faff was immense. Also meant I could just get up and go out in the mornings on said holidays as the rest of the family seem to struggle with the concept of being "ready" before at least 12 noon...

It is ridiculous but is exactly the kind of thing I would have done with my ex-husband. Would still be doing if I had stayed with him. My sympathies, I just couldn't do it forever. Not the only reason we split but right up there.

@FangsForTheMemory

I'm retired and I notice that I now have to specifically plan what time to get up, get ready and leave where i used to give it little thought. I've had friends who were incapable of doing that much, though, unless it suited them. One friend was coming for lunch and I told her 1pm, everyone else 2pm. She was still last to arrive, by half an hour. When I told her I'd given her a time an hour earlier than everyone else, she was angry. It was at that point I realised it was arrogance that motivated her to always be the last to turn up.

I noted that one friend was always late- except for things that mattered to her. The last time she was late, leaving me standing around in a conspicuous place, for over half an hour, I let rip when she turned up. Unfortunately it was the one time it hadn't really been her fault. But she was never late meting me again, so it wasn't all bad.....

I never tolerated lateness in students. When I nailed one for being late the second week (fist week is excusable, it was a large college) he said 'the bus is always late' . Right, I said, get an earlier bus. 'But then I'd be early'. Excellent, I said, I'm always here by 8am, come to the staff room when you get here and as a favour I will give you some extra coaching'.
He never came. But he was never late again. Result.

If elderly then early signs of dementia.

@wentworthinmate

If elderly then early signs of dementia.

Not when it's been going on since they were 25, it isn't.

And the elderly can just slow down, it doesn't mean they have dementia.

Someone who dithers at 40 will not magically become a non-ditherer at 80.

I never tolerated lateness in students

One thing that annoyed me, and it still annoys me as you can tell was when I was doing a post-graduate course. On the first day we had a break and a few people were late back. But instead of calling the people who were late to one side at the end of the session and having a word, the teachers/lecturers decided to tell us all off.

Now, I'd say "erm I was back on time, why are you lecturing me" but back then I wasn't bolshy enough. Nothing worse than being lumped in with the ditherers!

I had an ex that does this - we'd arrive somewhere in the car, I'd get out, and he'd be in there faffing around with the satnav or something for ten minutes while I stood outside the car looking like an idiot.

He was somewhat disconcerted the first time we arrived somewhere and I just ....sat. I never got out of that car again before he did, if I had to wait for the faff then I was done with doing it in the cold and rain!

The first time I met his new girlfriend, I asked where he was - she said he was probably still faffing in the car and we both did the IDENTICAL little "faffing" hand waving, certainly was an ice-breaker of solidarity

I noted that one friend was always late- except for things that mattered to her. The last time she was late, leaving me standing around in a conspicuous place, for over half an hour, I let rip when she turned up. Unfortunately it was the one time it hadn't really been her fault. But she was never late meting me again, so it wasn't all bad.

I had a friend who would always suggest meeting somewhere that meant I would be standing around on a cold or rainy street, because she was always late. I got wise to that very quickly and would say no, I will be in a bookshop, meet me there and we can then go for coffee or whatever.
One famous time we were meeting up for a city break, a three hour or more drive for me, probably two hours for her. Guess who suggested we aim to be there for 9 a.m.
Nope, not a chance. I said meet you there at 1 p.m. She was still late. We stopped meeting up soon after that.

My old boss was a faffer it drove me up the wall. Especially when it meant I couldn't get on with my job as a result

Years ago I nearly fell out with a friend who was like this, I remember being 90 minutes late for a planned Sunday lunch due to the faffing. I knew the faffing didn't happen at work so I explained how disrespectful it felt that our years of friendship meant less than work, and that it wasn't ok to waste my time which had the same value as anyone else's.

About that time I read a book that put a definition on what I discovered I do anyway: work out the SWEET. It's the Stop Working on Everything Else Time which is the point at which chores etc have to stop if I'm to have enough time to get ready for any given deadline.

@AgentPeggyCarterRocks

Years ago I nearly fell out with a friend who was like this, I remember being 90 minutes late for a planned Sunday lunch due to the faffing. I knew the faffing didn't happen at work so I explained how disrespectful it felt that our years of friendship meant less than work, and that it wasn't ok to waste my time which had the same value as anyone else's.

About that time I read a book that put a definition on what I discovered I do anyway: work out the SWEET. It's the Stop Working on Everything Else Time which is the point at which chores etc have to stop if I'm to have enough time to get ready for any given deadline.

Excellent point. I see on these threads that chronically late people post things like

“ well it’s harder for me to be on time because I see other things that need done and stop to do them “.

As if they have special eyesight that sees things that ordinary people don’t see. WE ALL SEE THEM. We just chose not to do them because if we do so it will make us late.

And no we don’t have a magic ability to work out how long a journey will be - we use Google maps / a bus timetable. We write things down / use an app. [😡😡😡