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Original poster

Slow Faffing DH

510 replies

LibbyVonTrap · 05/01/2022 09:56

DH seems to do everything in slow motion. He’s always faffing!!
Example - we step off a plane in the USA - airport is surprisingly quiet - there are no queues at security …. I can’t believe our luck and start making my way to security only for DH to shout me back. I turn to find him stood with paperwork in hand glancing around saying “hold on a minute, we need to work it out” … at that point a huge crowd of people are rushing towards him heading for security. We ended up right at the back of the queue.

Another example - we went to a famous isolated beach in Thailand - was told we would only have 30 minutes on the beach before we would have to leave again. Everyone jumped off the boat and went swimming (swimming at this place is a once in a lifetime thing). We get off the boat, I start stripping off to go swimming and DH says “hold on a minute, we need to find a toilet first and then we should sort the bags out”. Already sick of his faffing by now I said “nope! Going swimming! Cya!” and left him stood there on the beach looking all concerned.

Another example - we were late for a dog training session. Started at 10am - 15 minute drive - it’s now 09:45. I’m shouting at him “hurry up!!! We’re going to be late!!!” He comes out saying “ok ok, I’m coming”. He gets out the house, locks the door and then looks at his shoes and starts brushing muck off them as if we have all the time in the world!!

Why does he do this?? He also likes to get to cinema after the film has started. Drives me insane.

OP posts:
Sundancerintherain · 06/01/2022 17:10

Patriarchy Chicken is also good fun to play if you happen to be walking a large breed dog Wink

billy1966 · 06/01/2022 17:28

I do this in the car.
I have to go down a narrow urban street that is both ways but only fits one car width.

I have lost count of the number of times I will be more than half way down and some twat starts driving against me, expecting me to back up.
Gives me inordinate pleasure to stop and indicate that I am going NOWHERE.

A few times I have tapped my wrist to indicate I am in no rush when they (men) go absolutely mad.

By this stage I am 3/4's way down the lane and they are a quarter way up, but still expect ME to back up.

Hilarious, I love it.😁

maryanne3 · 06/01/2022 17:39

I find it reassuring to find so many in the same boat as me. My DH favourite is deciding he needs to go to the loo just as we are about to leave a bar or restaurant. We will have called for the bill, paid it, got our coats and just be about to walk out the door when he will decide he needs the loo. Leaving me standing like a lemon at the entrance. After about 15 years of this I started asking him 20 mins or so before we leave if he is going to need the loo. At least that way I can sit and finish my drink as I wait. I do feel like his mum though for having to think of it.

Purpl · 06/01/2022 17:39

Sounds like an ADD trait my DD is just like that

MrsPetty · 06/01/2022 17:41

Oh wow. If my DH ever discussed a need to ‘have a poo’ with me I don’t know that we could come back from it. I can honestly say I have never known if he does or he doesn’t poo - he’s far too discrete, respectful and polite to ever allude to it 😂 I think he goes at work. I’m sorry - I just can’t pick the sexy out of ‘I need to try and do a quick poo’.

Terfydactyl · 06/01/2022 17:54

@murasaki

The space thing is so true. When crossing a concourse at a station, they just try to walk through you so you move aside.the first time i decided not to, while a bit painful, was massively satisfying just to see the look on the bloke's face as he realised I wasn't, as a woman, just going to defer.
Gotta love patriarchy chicken. Best game ever. It should have it's own website although how that would work I dont know.
Tomitma111 · 06/01/2022 18:00

My husband is the same, he has two speeds stop and slow. Even making a cup of tea takes him half an hour, before he starts the car, he spends 10 minutes checking his seat the seat belt, turning the key in the ignition takes forever, if I ask him to do anything he takes hours then I have to clean up after him, so now I do everything myself

Jojojojojowhat · 06/01/2022 18:00

OP are you me? I have ADHD too and my husband faffing around moving in slow motion (I call it bimbling) is excruciating when I need to do something right away. There is no cure.

mariominder · 06/01/2022 18:01

@maryanne3

I find it reassuring to find so many in the same boat as me. My DH favourite is deciding he needs to go to the loo just as we are about to leave a bar or restaurant. We will have called for the bill, paid it, got our coats and just be about to walk out the door when he will decide he needs the loo. Leaving me standing like a lemon at the entrance. After about 15 years of this I started asking him 20 mins or so before we leave if he is going to need the loo. At least that way I can sit and finish my drink as I wait. I do feel like his mum though for having to think of it.
In the olden days when we used to go to restaurants my DH did this as soon as we had arrived. Drove me mad.
liveforsummer · 06/01/2022 18:01

Ooh even the word bimbling puts me on edge 😆

Werk · 06/01/2022 18:03

My DH does this for control.
If it is his family, his job and so on, he is on time. Mine? No.
At Christmas we went to my sister's house for a meal. I was bringing the starter.
Had to leave by 12.
I usually tell him half an hour earlier but in this case he was on the family WhatsApp chat and knew.
He just couldn't, couldn't allow us to leave on time. I got me and the DC into the car and at 12.15 I messaged him to say we were leaving.

However, it was me with the problem - wasn't it? Angry

lisaandalan · 06/01/2022 18:06

Tell him a different time, I have a friend like this, if we need to be at a restaurant for 7:30 I tell her 7:00. X

Lndnmummy · 06/01/2022 18:07

Google strategic incompetence...

Teatotal2 · 06/01/2022 18:14

I know this is a huge generalisation but feel women are used to multi tasking and having lots on the go at once, hence why we hate faffing, that's definitely why it annoys me. We're always one or two steps ahead in planning and action.

OnaBegonia · 06/01/2022 18:16

@Werk
Why tolerate this?
➡️🗑

OMG12 · 06/01/2022 18:17

Really sorry to add to your woes but I suspect your DH is a bigamist as we appear to be married to the same person😂.

2DogsOnMySofa · 06/01/2022 18:19

This winds me up just reading your post. I'd have buried him under the patio by now

Chickychickydodah · 06/01/2022 18:23

Is he old ? He could have a form of dementia

CharityDingle · 06/01/2022 18:28

@Tomitma111

My husband is the same, he has two speeds stop and slow. Even making a cup of tea takes him half an hour, before he starts the car, he spends 10 minutes checking his seat the seat belt, turning the key in the ignition takes forever, if I ask him to do anything he takes hours then I have to clean up after him, so now I do everything myself
Strategic incompetence is working perfectly for him.
Harleyband · 06/01/2022 18:29

Once, 30 years ago, my DH was caught out with no close toilet and had to duck behind a tree. Ever since, right as we are about to leave he goes for a pee. Every single time. No matter when he last went and no matter how much of a hurry we are in. Drives me batty.

CharityDingle · 06/01/2022 18:30

@maryanne3

I find it reassuring to find so many in the same boat as me. My DH favourite is deciding he needs to go to the loo just as we are about to leave a bar or restaurant. We will have called for the bill, paid it, got our coats and just be about to walk out the door when he will decide he needs the loo. Leaving me standing like a lemon at the entrance. After about 15 years of this I started asking him 20 mins or so before we leave if he is going to need the loo. At least that way I can sit and finish my drink as I wait. I do feel like his mum though for having to think of it.
That was what I thought of, reading quite a lot of the posts. It must really make someone feel like the parent to the faffer, rather than the partner.

What a turn off. Hmm

Somersetlady · 06/01/2022 18:36

@Sonex

The one that really winds me up is deciding needs a poo at the exact time.we have to leave to be on time for something. I also lie and bring times forward by half an hour so that we aren't late.
You have made me smile @Sonex I thought only children under the age of 5 did this!?
Triphazards · 06/01/2022 18:37

@billy1966

I do this in the car. I have to go down a narrow urban street that is both ways but only fits one car width.

I have lost count of the number of times I will be more than half way down and some twat starts driving against me, expecting me to back up.
Gives me inordinate pleasure to stop and indicate that I am going NOWHERE.

A few times I have tapped my wrist to indicate I am in no rush when they (men) go absolutely mad.

By this stage I am 3/4's way down the lane and they are a quarter way up, but still expect ME to back up.

Hilarious, I love it.😁

Stop and get your sandwiches out!
GettingStuffed · 06/01/2022 18:38

My husband is similar ,gets side tracked from what he's supposed to be doing and ends up having to rush.

CountryMouse22 · 06/01/2022 18:43

Try this suggestion: